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PODCAST

The Otis Advisory

Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis

HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>

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All Episodes

00:01:29

One Good Ear

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/07/24

All you really need is one good ear to do most of the important stuff. You can have your other ear shot off in public and still get the big jobs done - like getting bad guys or closing the border or drilling for oil - you can do it all with just one good ear. It’s OK - nobody’s paying attention to the one that’s not there. Looked like a jumbo shrimp anyway! Remember to use your Uncle Otis secret decoder ring to get all the hidden messages in this stupid bit. Hear Podcast - Wash Hands

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00:01:30

Parcheesi

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/07/19

Hunter likes to play parcheesi with he papa. It relaxes them both before a big speech where everything’s on the line. Joe looks at the Parcheesi board getting ready for his next move. “Humm, this is harder than it looks,” thought Joey. “Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead and get ready for my sponge bath.” Back when Joey’s “Hate America First Train” had just left Bankruptcy Station things were a lot more fun for the crime family. Hunter’s laptop was still just a cheap fake, the Orange man

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00:01:29

Named Storm

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/07/15

Kamala is a lot like a Named Storm. When the outer bands of VP Giggles make landfall, everything gets tossed around and jumbled up beyond recognition. When Kamala blows in you know things are about to go sideways and your power is going out. You’re about to get flooded in word salad surgery, which usually makes the sewer back up! What a mess. All storms have a dirty side where most of the nasty business happens, but it’s hard to tell with Super Storm Giggles since every snoot full brings out

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00:01:29

Pom Poms on Socks

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/06/23

Maybe it's time to bring back Pom Poms on gym socks. Those little fuzzy balls on the back of a girl’s socks told you she was fun, and probably drove a Charger. What else do you need to know? So where are the pom poms now? Well they’re hard to find. Gone the way of the buffalo. That’s just not right! With over 100 different genders now to pick from in the New America, Pom Poms on socks can be be for everybody – guys too. That's double the market! Even the Army will buy them to show how waked

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00:01:29

Husky Jeans for Hunter

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/06/17

When Hunter was little his mama used to take him to the store for the Husky-size jeans, since everything young Hunter could get his hands on went in his mouth. “You’re overwhelming your outfit again – we’ll have to go up another size,” said mama. Little Hunter was in Husky Jeans all the way through high school until one day he discovered the weight loss benefits of speed. That's when he traded in those Huskey jeans for a new bag man uniform and started to market he papa to the highest bidder

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00:01:29

Boy Scout Smackdown

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/05/18

No more Boy Scouts for you. The campfire and whittling business is over. Time now to climb into a nice chiffon outfit and drive your edible electric car to the mall for some more Botox. But Boy Scouts was fun while it lasted. Passing around that can of shoestring potatoes with Worchester sauce was how boys learned to wipe their hands on their pants. What are we supposed to do now? With over a hundred different genders to pick from, what’s the point anymore! It's another way to get boneless and

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00:01:28

Numb and Dumb

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/05/12

You’re a lot easier to control when you’re numb and dumb. So enjoy some more morphine drip before sending 'Lil Whiskers out in the back yard to pick off another tank-full of watts from that electricity tree. Yes, now you're powered by rainbows! It's like when you're dead, you don't know you're dead. Same thing happens when you're stupid. So bring your arrest warrant to early voting and the little man will fill all that in for you. Wait, is that the desert cart? More Universal Foolishness

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00:01:29

Child Riots 2024

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/05/05

The roving bands of marauding youth now rioting outside the window have a long list of DEMANDS for you - a shopping list of what they need delivered up to Angry Village. Remember, these are special children who don’t eat olive loaf or burnt weenie sandwich. Hell no! You need to think vegeterrible and gluten free, you pig. So get a move on, rioting is hard work. Why do you think Mexico now has a “Remain in America” program – probably until they can stand to look at us again. The denutification

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00:01:29

Cannibals Ate My Uncle

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/04/29

Who would have thought that winding up in a pot of boiling water somewhere in New Guinea would turn into a campaign line eighty years later? VOTE FOR JOE - CANNIBALS ATE HIS UNCLE! It’s damn creative, I’ll give ‘em that. Just falls right off the bone. You’ve even got a little primitive culture going on there to help satisfy the lunatic fringe at Columbia. But Mono-Clonal just means 1 clown! And this one’s about to roll back in and hand the keys over to Gang Green. That’s when this cannibal

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00:01:33

Diet Shampoo

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/04/18

Here at the Discount Think Tank we’re always on hot standby for the next big thing. And in America that would be losing weight. It's all they can talk about at the Waffle House. No exercise, just take the shot and get skinny. It’s a sweet deal. But have you heard about the move to Diet Shampoo! Regular shampoo just adds calories, so if you switch to diet shampoo you could have more cheesecake! It's so easy. Stop overwhelming your outfit and buy up all the shares you can get for diet shampoo

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00:01:28

Crown Vic

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/04/05

Their you are, coming back from somewhere you’re not supposed to be, when suddenly your Crown Vic slows to a crawl all by itself. You got gas, what's going on? Welcome to the New America Jerry Wayne, where the correct people can turn off your ride right there from Kamala’s desk! Could be worse - you could be coming back from an Orange Man rally or just picking up a new crab net at Bass Pro Shop! You’d be sitting there all night then to think about what a bad boy you’ve been, you filthy pig.Hear

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00:01:29

AI For Pets

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/03/18

If the insult of turkey bacon wasn’t enough for you, say hello to AI for Pets. Let’s say your pup is outside waiting for the snow cone truck when suddenly he gets a terrible itch. He can’t let that itch to win and miss the snow cone truck (even though it does come back tomorrow) so AI for Pets kicks in to find where that itch is coming from and get to it quicker. Way better than Memory Foam, A.I. for pets means a tail-wagging good time for little Bingo. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

THE WEASEL

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/03/16

Now you can get the same IV drip the President gets before he has to talk. It's called The Weasel, and it helps you yell out in short, sassy bursts for at least an hour if you need to impress the media. And nobody has to know! If The Weasel doesn’t kill you first, it’ll damn sure get you up on your hind legs and ready for your next tractor pull. That little man in your ear telling you what to say still takes care of everything – so you’re good. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Humanized Mice

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/02/20

Those cats at the Wuhan Lab are all excited about their new 100% lethal brew they've been cooking up for the west. “No more fooling around,” said the Veloso-raptor of the wet market, “Our newest Chinese virus is 100% deadly to humanized mice.” That’s cute and all but how can you tell if your mice are humanized or not? What exactly do you look for? What gives it away? Otis and the salty scholars at the Bait Camp/Think Tank want to know. Hear Podcast - Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Spare Bedroom - Chicago Style

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/02/16

Thanks to a new government program, your spare bedroom can help welcome the rest of the world to your house, right here in the New America! TicTok knows if you have a spare room and is ready to tell on you - it's so international. Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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00:01:29

Flying Blind

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/02/04

Everybody deserves a shot, even Blind Pilots. So what if they can’t see. Overcoming diversity and stuff is way more important. Enter Activist Airlines who quietly announced a brave new equity and inclusion program that is set to hand the keys to world’s first Blind Pilot. The subject proudly earned his pilot's license after two years of theoretical aviation. And of course the usual 1,500 hours of flight time was waived just to make it fair. So keep an eye out for news of flight 2034 from

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00:01:29

AI Elvis

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/01/20

Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you can’t still sell tickets. Say hello to AI Elvis, in case you missed it the first time while he was still warm. Relive it all with AI Elvis - pretend entertainment from the time before filtered water when Poxy Lady was playing on the radio and ThighMaster was all over TV. Think of it like a tour of Lake Flaccid, with nurses standing by in case you need to let the dough rise twice. AI Elvis is just the first to pop out of God’s waiting room. Who’ll be

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00:01:29

Big Cheese

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/01/11

Sleepy Joey really likes being the Big Cheese, and now he wants you to make him big cheese again. Four more years Joey, that’s a lot of cheese! Remember, after Bernie you were just the other white meat. When you’re the big cheese you can say whatever crazy stuff you want, like, “that border is closed, economy is good, crime is down” and no body yells at you because, well, you’re the big cheese! But let’s say that cheese is orange, then everything is different! Maybe orange cheese is just too

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00:01:29

California Toilet Water

The Otis Advisory ·

2024/01/04

In California, drinking toilet water is the next step in the transformation to full crazy. “People are naturally moisture wicking,” said Governor Tapeworm, and we’re going to squeeze it out of ‘em to keep the pipes full.” What a pant load! Squeezing water out of the California sewer system can tell you a lot about the last guy - if you really want to know. You can tell if he smoked menthols or liked jalapenos - probably not something you need to think about but there it is anyway! Humm, single

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00:01:29

Voting at 16

The Otis Advisory ·

2023/12/28

If you’re at least 16, the Donkey tribe says you’re ready to vote. They're sure you’ll vote for them, so why not. Whispering Joe and his dark passenger Giggles are getting desperate, so this might be the only move left. But here’s the thing, voting at 16 is like playing mumbly peg with the ballot. You never really know where the sharp end is going to land. Remember, there’s a reason why glass blowers don’t inhale. Just picture yourself voting at 16, scary isn’t it. Hear Podcast ~ Wash

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279 results

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