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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

33:02

I Really Want to Change but My Empathy is Broken

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/10/10

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a listener who is struggling to be a more empathetic person to their partner. Despite his best efforts, he can’t seem to be present and emotionally available for her. Is this because he has ADHD? Is he just broken? How can he fix this? Dr. Rob and Tami offer a more detailed insight into what might actually be going on. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] How do I build trust with myself again to pick better after dating a sex addict? [2:35] Date them long enough to see if they

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27:49

He Is Super Jealous Despite Being the One Who Cheated...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/09/28

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about what to do when your addict is incredibly jealous when you have friends of the opposite sex. It seems very hypocritical when they’re the ones who caused harm and cheated in the first place. Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how to set healthy boundaries with someone who is out-of-their-mind jealous. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] How do I believe my addict is being honest without a polygraph? [6:25] My boyfriend is obsessed with his niece. Very touchy with her. This seems very strange

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31:45

The 12-Steps Just Don’t Work For Me. I Just Don’t Fit In

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/09/22

Dr. Rob and Tami discuss what an addict can do if the 12-step program just isn’t for them. Should they stop going? Should they keep white-knuckling it? Tami offers resources for those who feel very out of place at these particular meetings. When it comes to recovery, getting the help you need and doing so correctly is the most important step in the process. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] I noticed my SA and other SA men do not have healthy male friendships. Is this normal? [4:15] If these unhealthy female

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29:24

What Are the Triggers of a Midlife Addiction?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/09/14

Dr. Rob and Tami discuss why someone would “suddenly” become an addict in their mid-40s. Sometimes, there were no inklings that this person was even an addict in the first place, but how true is that? Dr. Rob breaks down why someone might become an addict out of the blue in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] My husband has nocturnal emissions. Is this normal or is he just lying? [8:05] My husband left some things out in formal disclosure. His therapist doesn’t think these details were

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29:13

Am I Ready to Date Again as a Sex Addict?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/09/07

Dr. Rob and Tami dive into when it makes sense for someone to date again after being sober and in recovery from sex, love, or porn addiction. This can be tricky for some professionals to determine, but Dr. Rob and Tami walk through some of the questions you need to ask yourself before you take that next step in the relationship. Remember, the goal isn’t to have sex in the dating process, it’s to get to know that person. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] How do I know if someone in recovery is ready to date again

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29:27

He Blames Me for All of His Affairs. What?!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/08/31

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse whose sex addict husband isn’t doing the work. He says that he won’t act out anymore because she’s “fixed” after all the therapy she’s doing. What kind of logic is this? Dr. Rob calls out this deflection behavior and wants every betrayed spouse to remember three important and critical things about themselves. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] My husband says he’ll kill himself before he’ll act out again. Not sure what to make out of this? Should I be

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25:38

My 9-Year-Old Daughter Found Out About His Affairs...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/08/28

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a distraught mother who has no idea how to work through her daughter’s feelings and emotions about her father’s sexual betrayal. Despite the young daughter going to a therapist, the mother is receiving news from him that she should be 100% honest with her daughter about what’s happening in the household. Dr. Rob weighs in on how this isn’t healthy or good advice, and how to best approach this instead. TAKEAWAYS: [:45] My 9-year-old daughter found out about

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32:15

No! You Ruined My Life and I Hate You!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/08/10

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how a betrayed spouse can work towards forgiving their partner who is suffering from sex addiction or other related issues. Many addicts fail to understand why it takes their spouse so long to recover from their betrayal. Dr. Rob explains from a betrayed spouse’s point of view how, and when, to move forward. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] What’s the difference between chronic cheating vs. being a sex addict? [3:55] It’s easy for SA to justify their poor behaviors. [4:45] If you can’t

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34:46

I’m Sober But I Still Get Turned On by My Own Body

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/08/03

Dr. Rob and Tami discuss whether a listener is truly living a sober life. The listener asked if it’s okay to masturbate to pictures of their own body now that they’re sober from porn. Dr. Rob weighs in on his interesting thoughts on the matter. Dr. Rob also answers questions about when is a good time to initiate intimacy with a SA, and much more. TAKEAWAYS: [:45] My addict is doing “borderline” sketchy behavior but hasn’t actually done anything or crossed a line. Should I be mad? [7:10] I’m a

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30:56

She Hates My Past. How Can I Support Her?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/07/28

Dr. Rob and Tami offer advice from a husband who has betrayed his spouse. Although he’s been sober for 22 months now, his wife still feels so hurt by his past actions. He automatically wants to be on the defensive when she’s upset, but can’t. What are some of the best ways he can comfort his wife? Dr. Rob and Tami share different approaches to help this couple move forward and toward healing. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My spouse and I each have our own therapists. Does it ever make sense for us to meet with

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33:10

I’m Not Ready to Tell My Spouse I’m an Addict

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/07/21

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is “white knuckling” their recovery. They’re not leveraging their resources to the fullest because their recovery and journey to sobriety are still in secret. Dr. Rob and Tami explain why this isn’t considered a healthy path to long-term recovery, despite being sober. TAKEAWAYS: [:50] I really feel like his recovery journey is too good to be true. Is he really progressing, or is it all still a lie? [9:45] I am 100 days sober, but my wife doesn’t

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29:57

My Husband Publicly Exposes Himself for Fun

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/07/13

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about sex offenders in this week’s episode and how to work with someone who exposes themselves to people non-consensually. The listener admits that her husband has been exposing himself in public parks for a number of years and is concerned that there is no hope for this person in recovery. Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how you begin to work a recovery program as a sex offender. TAKEAWAYS: [:50] Will my spouse unlearn his toxic masculinity while in recovery? [4:00] Can you

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27:10

Why Is My Addict Such a Liar?!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/07/06

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about compulsive liars in this week’s episode and the reasoning behind someone who can’t seem to tell the truth. If you are a betrayed spouse to someone who regularly lies and deceives, it can be hard to understand why lying can be the go-to safety mechanism for protection. Dr. Rob explains further in this episode why some addicts just can’t stop lying. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Why is sex addiction not about sex? [3:35] I had a relapse and my partner is fed up. I want to build trust

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29:14

He Just Doesn’t Care About Sobriety. Can An Addict...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/06/29

Dr. Rob and Tami discuss if it’s possible for an addict to get better when he/she shows all the signs of not putting in the work. Will this person ever wake up to the reality of the pain that they’re causing friends and family? And if not, what can the partner do to protect themself from this situation? Dr. Rob and Tami answer all of this and more. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] I’m on my last hope with my partner. Will he ever get sober? [5:35] The path to recovery is bumpy, but so worth it. [8:20] If your

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29:26

Can My Children Inherit This Addiction Disease?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/06/22

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about whether your children can become addicts if there’s been generational evidence that addiction and disorders run in the family lineage. The listener also asks if it makes sense to Dr. Rob and Tami to disclose their spouse’s addiction to their grown children to warn them about this disease being hereditary. This can be a bit of a complicated question to answer, but Dr. Rob and Tami do a deep dive into ways to approach this subject. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] I want to help him

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34:01

If They Really Knew Who I Am, They Would Leave Me

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/06/15

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question on whether you can become “cured” of narcissism. Narcissism is very common among addicts, especially early in recovery. It’s important to note that there is a path forward to becoming a more empathic person, but there is a specific process to work through to achieve it. In this week’s episode, Dr. Rob and Tami explain that narcissism is often born from deep insecurity and offer important reasons why you should stay sober. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] I think I’m working with

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29:29

How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Your Addict

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/06/08

Dr. Rob and Tami answer questions from listeners about setting healthy boundaries and what that might look like. You should never feel compelled to do something just to appease the other person, especially if they’re on a path to recovery. When you set a boundary, it’s not for them, it’s a way to take care and protect yourself. Dr. Rob and Tmai explain more in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [1:00] I want to help my addict hear, but I don’t know how. What can I do to support him? [3:35] Tami

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34:13

Can You Cure Narcissism?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/06/01

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from an addict that is struggling with their own narcissism. Can this condition truly be cured? In this episode, Dr. Rob and Tami explain what a narcissist is and why so many people in recovery have narcissistic traits and qualities. TAKEAWAYS: [:45] How do you work with narcissists? [3:35] Dr. Rob explains how you can work on breaking out of your narcissistic mold. [5:30] Part of recovery is being 100% honest. If you’re honest, your narcissism will get better

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30:05

Why Can’t I Get Past the 9th Step?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/05/25

Dr. Rob and Tami help someone going through the 9th step process and are currently struggling to reconcile with their wife during this process. His partner still feels incredibly hurt and he is wondering how he can make amends while also soothing her. Dr. Rob and Tami give insight on what living amends really means. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] Do addicts also suffer from fertility issues? [6:00] Whatever you’re ashamed of, tell your doctor. You won’t get the help you need unless you’re honest with them

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30:49

When Do I Know It’s Time to Completely Separate from...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/05/19

Dr. Rob and Tami walk through someone who is struggling to figure out whether they should pour more energy into their loved one or if they should finally make the tough decision to separate. Dr. Rob understands that the listener wants to make sure they’ve exhausted all their options so that they can leave the relationship ‘with no regret’, but he explains why that’s not always the best approach. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Should I stay or should I go? [2:45] I want to make sure I’ve exhausted all possible

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