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PODCAST

Keeping Records

In 1977, NASA sent the Voyager into space with two records known as the “Golden Records.” On them were recordings of notable historic music, evocative nature sounds, and murmurs from contemporary life, all used to paint a picture of humanity and the world at large. Things have changed a lot since 1977, so Caleb Hearon and Shelby Wolstein are trying their hand at an update. They"re talking with comedians, musicians, and the like about what they would include on their own “golden record” if a new one

comedy comedy interviews

All Episodes

66:44

I Take Being Silly Seriously (with Geoffrey James)

Keeping Records ·

2021/07/16

I...don't know what to say about this one. Actor, writer, and fellow Headgum podcaster Geoffrey James is on the show and just...wow. What even happened here? Mayhem, tattoos, heavily reused bits from last episode, our hosts and guest are absolutely depraved this episode. Geoff's Artifacts When someone with acrylic nails scratches your back during a personal low (multisensory experience) Pretty. Odd. by Panic! At the Disco (audio) Feeling pride when buying something specific at a hardware store

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64:53

The Importance of Being Earnest (with Mitra Jouhari)

Keeping Records ·

2021/07/09

Shelby is ill and will NOT stop giving sex eyes. Caleb is in Portland and surviving the heatwave. It’s up to comedian, writer, and actress Mitra Jouhari (Three Busy Debras, Big Mouth, High Maintenance) to educate the aliens, and she’s created a Golden Record designed to showcase the pinnacle of entertainment on Earth. Mitra’s Artifacts Pretty Little Liars (audio-visual) Lost & Found Music Studios (audio-visual) Countess Luann and other Real Housewives music careers (audio-visual) Galaxy Quest

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62:17

Through Hate Breeds Art (with Raina Morris)

Keeping Records ·

2021/07/02

Caleb has fled to Portland. Shelby is sleeping in and doesn't miss Caleb...yet. Comedian and writer Raina Morris visits with them to prep her Golden Record and it's just...so much stuff! There's software to instruct the aliens on how to take care of humans; details on how to properly care for our skin and hair; how to satisfy oral fixations and stay hydrated at the same time. Raina swears up and down that she's not prepping the aliens for zoo-keeping an exhibit of humans, but truly you will have to

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61:15

We All Like to Get Choked Nowadays (with Liza Treyger)

Keeping Records ·

2021/06/25

Shelby talks about her shaving injury. Caleb is displeased, but also preoccupied with speculative workplace drama. Comedian Liza Treyger almost leaves the podcast early due to the graphic description of Shelby's injury, but sticks it out to ensure her Golden Record is delivered to the aliens. Liza's Artifacts Britney Spears's catalog of MTV Making the Video episodes (audio-visual) Miley Cyrus defending Kennedy Davenport and drag to Joe Rogan (audio-visual) Ludacris, "What's Your Fantasy"

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65:49

MRIs Are Expensive (with Nori Reed)

Keeping Records ·

2021/06/18

Caleb has fallen and hit his head. Like a true king he got back up, but now Shelby has the difficult task of convincing him that he doesn't have a brain bleed. Luckily, she has comedian, writer, and actress Nori Reed to assist in assuring Caleb that he doesn't need to seek immediate medical attention. And while Nori's here, why not find out what she'd put on her Golden Record? Absurd reality television, home decor superstores, Italian vistas and Diane Lane, and Normani's magic basketball bum bounce

en-US

62:09

Snakes Are a Problem For Me (with A.J. Marroquin)

Keeping Records ·

2021/06/11

Last week's episode...it really devastated Shelby and Caleb. So much so that they're taking some precautionary steps for the sanctity of the pod. Comedian, friend, and breakfast enthusiast A.J. Marroquin mediates our hosts' ongoing negotiations, occasionally sharing his own Golden Record when allowed to. Jennifer Lopez makes yet another guest appearance on the pod, and so do a hell of a lot of snakes. Theme park souvenir photos, cars spiraling down from the heavens, The Golden Corral, all of it is a

en-US

71:30

I See Two Holes Right Now (with E.R. Fightmaster)

Keeping Records ·

2021/06/04

Actor, producer, and writer E.R. Fightmaster takes great issue with the premise of Keeping Records. And the issue is that the show shouldn't be about educating the aliens on humanity—it's about making the aliens feel how we feel. And that means the aliens need to feel perplexed by CrossFit, electrified by Temptation Island, inspired by the WNBA, and...I actually am not sure what they'll think about the oyster thing. But they're gonna feel something. E.R.'s Artifacts CrossFit (human

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62:08

The Grand Game of the Goose (with Chris Gethard)

Keeping Records ·

2021/05/28

Comedian and writer Chris Gethard has a vision for how he wants the world to be, and that vision is one where you never know what's going to happen next. For that reason, his record is a collection of truly bizarre audio-visual television moments that he's encountered over the course of his life. Wrestling, bizarre Spanish-language gameshows, and a whole lot of Mr. T, like probably to the point where the aliens will believe he is a deity—which he, of course, is. Chris's Artifacts Drunk Ewoks on

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69:58

The Doctor Is In (with Taylor Ortega)

Keeping Records ·

2021/05/21

Comedian and actor Taylor Ortega (Kim Possible, Love Life, Welcome to Flatch) is crashing on Caleb and Dr. Wolstein's pull-out couch, so why not build a Golden Record? Along the way everyone recounts the trauma of having to go to the bathroom in the woods, and also the trauma of wearing Nike Shocks. Taylor's Artifacts Wet wipes (human ephemera) The Real L-Word (audio-visual) Cute, trendy plants that are easy to take care of (biological sample) Taylor’s group chats (literature) A good nonstick

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62:49

Flirting With Friends (with Meg Stalter)

Keeping Records ·

2021/05/14

What begins as a meeting with beloved friend and comedian Meg Stalter immediately devolves into an episode of depravity and psychosis. Shelby leaves the recording, seemingly out of rage. Caleb exposes himself repeatedly. Meg says the c-word. Producer Mike becomes Producer Michael. Quite simply, it's insanity. But, aside from all that madness, Meg's Golden Record is angelic in its innocence. Meg's Golden Record: Girls, Season 3, Episode 7 "Beach House" (audio-visual) Knowledge of Dolly Parton's

en-US

62:30

Who Is This For? (with Jon Lomberg)

Keeping Records ·

2021/05/07

You guys...wait...This is huge. Space artist and science journalist Jon Lomberg, co-creator of the original Voyager Golden Record (!!!), joins Caleb and Shelby to talk about his experience putting together humanity's epitaph, which left Earth in 1977. Jon offers his take on aliens, behind the scene stories, and how to comprehend yourself at the scale of the universe. Jon's own personal Golden Record is expansive and comprises as many genres of world music as possible, including (but not limited

en-US

60:50

Chapstick Lesbian (with Grace Kuhlenschmidt)

Keeping Records ·

2021/04/30

Comedian Grace Kuhlenschmidt realizes that her Golden Record is only for her—and that's ok. The aliens will take what they can and leave the rest. But truly, how could they leave the cookies? And she made that cocktail for them, would the aliens dare refuse? They will love quirky, early 2000s pop music. And hopefully the documentary teaches them to not put humans in tiny cages when they conquer us. Grace's Golden Record Hoku and Mandy Moore (audio) Blackfish (audio-visual) Quadratinis

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55:04

You're So Embryonic (with Negin Farsad)

Keeping Records ·

2021/04/23

Negin Farsad—comedian, writer, director, host of the podcast Fake the Nation—needs the aliens to experience humanity in a very specific way. And that way is...perfect. Swan dresses, elevated train tracks extending across the Manhattan skyline, trying not to cry when you see something beautiful in public, nouvelle cuisine...it's all there. Except for Plumber's Crack. That's gone, she got rid of that. Negin's Golden Record Artifacts: Anything Bjork related (audio-visual) The Highline in NYC and the

en-US

52:47

Giving the Gift of Gab (with Tanerélle)

Keeping Records ·

2021/04/16

Musician and interstellar voyager Tanerélle blesses Caleb and Shelby with her Golden Record, a visual and aural amalgamation so beautiful and powerful that the aliens will have no choice but to understand, and thus be inspired by, the overwhelming genius of planet Earth. Tanerélle's Golden Record Sugar Shack by Ernie Barnes (image) Sade’s Greatest Hits (audio) All Marvel films (audio-visual) Girlfriends and Moesha (audio-visual) Follow Tanerélle! Instagram Twitter Listen to Tanerélle on

en-US

67:14

A Woman With Whimsy (with Blair Socci)

Keeping Records ·

2021/04/09

Blair Socci. Comedian. Actress. Writer. Scientist. Totally spur of the moment, out of nowhere, random as all hell, Caleb and Shelby ask Blair what she'd put on her Golden Record. And what Blair creates is a work of art. It's a record that will teach the aliens of how adorable humanity can be, and also of an unparalleled, Grammy Award-winning alternative rock record from 1995. Blair also rebukes those who abandoned Anne Hathaway in her time of need, in the process absolving one of our hosts (ok it's

en-US

73:56

Ball Saves Lives (with Katie Kershaw)

Keeping Records ·

2021/04/02

Katie Kershaw (Mrs. Fletcher, Fargo, Pathetic Woman) thought hard about what to include on her Golden Record. And —truly? honestly?—it shows in its perfection. The aliens need to understand that humans are a species that should not be messed with, and they will learn that through our insane eating habits, eagerness to engage in awkward social interactions, and folk songs about fire. Katie's Artifacts Martina McBride, "Independence Day" (audio-visual) The coffee cup of a keynote speaker at a hotel

en-US

72:01

I Love Murder (with Amy Miller)

Keeping Records ·

2021/03/26

Comedian Amy Miller comes to the pod to settle an age-old feud with Caleb (started like a month ago?) and to ignite a brand-new feud with Shelby (over burritos). And there's also her Golden Record, which is loaded like a Bay Area super-burrito with artifacts to communicate to the aliens what they need to know about human life. Caleb and Shelby and Amy also discuss the scariest sound collage of all time, which, incidentally, is what NASA sent to the aliens. Amy's Artifacts Watching a grown man try

en-US

66:39

Hard and Wet (with Jacquis Neal)

Keeping Records ·

2021/03/19

Actor, podcaster, and producer Jacquis Neal (Culture Kings, The Cast, UCB) puts together one of the most well-rounded records we here at not-NASA have ever seen. Film, television, music, food, and human experience—it's all on there. We fully endorse Jacquis for President of the United States of America. Jacquis's Artifacts Jay-Z, "Meet The Parents" (audio) Martin (audio-visual) The Truman Show (audio-visual) Skinny Dipping in Provincetown, MA (human experience) Crispy Onion Chicken Recipe

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68:23

Shitting Your Pants for Perspective (with Molly Kearney)

Keeping Records ·

2021/03/12

Comedian Molly Kearney builds a Golden Record full of the things the aliens could never dream of. What will they think of an animated film in which all of the characters are humanoid dogs, some of which are insanely hot? Sure, they could imagine a car, but what about a minivan with the door falling off and all the back benches removed, blaring the best piano rock tunes of the last fifty years? Do they have geode caverns on their planet? Probably not. A hug from Molly's mom? Not in their

en-US

77:00

Manic Pixie Dream Cop (with Lauren Lapkus)

Keeping Records ·

2021/03/05

Actress, comedian, writer, and podcaster Lauren Lapkus (The Wrong Missy, Jurassic World, Crashing) creates a Golden Record full of experiences, emotions, and tastes. She will not, however, taste anything called "salad" that isn't an actual salad, because honestly that is a repulsive concept. Lauren's Artifacts Watching the opening credits of Who's the Boss (multisensory experience) The feeling of lost cat being found (multisensory experience) About Time (audio-visual) The sensation of peeing in

en-US

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