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PODCAST

Your Secret Is Safe With Me

Dr. Marie Murphy

Dr. Marie Murphy talks about infidelity and other challenging relationship situations from a non-judgmental perspective. She shares practical tools and advice from her own coaching practice to help you make changes in your love life, and interviews professionals with complementary expertise, such as family law attorneys, mediators, non-violent communication specialists, and more. In addition, Marie discusses the social and historical context of romantic relationships to provide perspective on our

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

31:24

142. Trying to Get Back to the Way a Relationship...

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/05/25

Some individuals who engage in infidelity express a desire to recommit to their spouse or primary partner, longing for a return to the way things were in their relationship. They may feel tormented by their infidelity while yearning for the past, even though they have been dissatisfied with the relationship for some time. Understand why it is normal to struggle with leaving a relationship in which you have invested heavily. If you are staying in the relationship solely hoping for a return to the

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39:18

141. Contentment That Isn’t Dependent Upon a...

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/05/18

As a society, we have decided that if you aren’t in a romantic relationship, you are alone. It’s fine to prefer having a partner (or partners) over not having one. However, it’s time to start creating that feeling of contentment for yourself without relying on a relationship in order to feel positive. Discover how to generate contentment without relying on a romantic partner to help you create it. Learn how to spot the thoughts that lead to unhelpful beliefs about the necessity of having a

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30:38

140. Loneliness

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/05/11

When it comes to infidelity and loneliness, there are two distinct-but-related problems. One is that as humans, we don’t like feeling lonely. The other is that people will go to pretty extreme lengths to avoid loneliness, like getting into or staying in relationships that they don’t actually enjoy. Discover the role that loneliness might be playing in your infidelity situation. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing how to see whether you’re engaging in or continuing a relationship you aren’t actually

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23:58

139. Comparing Your Spouse to Your Affair Partner

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/05/04

Comparison is a normal human behavior, especially if you’re romantically involved with multiple people. There is a time and place to make comparisons, but are the comparisons you’re making between your spouse and your affair partner (or between any two people in your life) helping you in any discernable way? Discover the problem with comparing your spouse to your affair partner. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing why making comparisons doesn’t make decisions easier, how to see where you’re stuck in an

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44:57

138. Telling a New Partner About Your History with...

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/04/27

You get to decide what you share about yourself with other people. If you’re considering telling a new partner about your history with infidelity, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing the work you need to do with yourself before you start disclosing your past infidelity to someone you’re dating, and how to see the end of a past relationship as something other than an indication that you’re horribly flawed as a human. Get full show notes and more

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34:21

137. If You Don’t Feel Guilty About Cheating

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/04/20

Discover how to deal with the idea that there’s something wrong with you because you don’t feel guilty about cheating. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing why you always have the option of changing what you think a particular behavior means, and why guilt isn’t an effective motivator for doing something about your infidelity situation. She’s sharing an exercise to start clarifying your thoughts and feelings about your cheating so you can decide how you want to deal with your situation. Get full show

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32:27

136. If You’ve Been Stuck in Your Infidelity...

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/04/13

When you’re feeling stuck in your infidelity situation, it’s easy to think that the situation is out of your hands and change is becoming increasingly more difficult. What you need is a little tough love so you can see that no matter how long it’s been going on, you are not stuck and you do have the ability to resolve your infidelity situation. Discover what to do if you’ve been stuck in your infidelity situation for a long time and you feel like you’ve already tried everything to resolve it.

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40:23

135. When Your Infidelity Situation is Brand New

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/04/06

No matter how your infidelity situation began, when you decide that whatever you’ve been doing counts as infidelity or cheating, that moment feels like a pretty big deal. You may be totally freaked out, and you may even consider yourself an objectively bad person. The topic of what to do right away when you realize that you are most definitely engaging in infidelity is of the utmost importance. Dr. Marie Murphy is sharing how to stop yourself from freaking out at this moment so you can handle

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27:18

134. Cheating in Open Relationships

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/03/30

Discover the options available to you if your partner has decided you’ve cheated in your open relationship. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing both sides of the argument, sharing how to empathize with your partner if their view of your open-relationship agreement is different to yours, and she’s laying out how you can move forward together if you decide you want to. Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/134

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25:57

133. Don’t Make Your Partner Break Up with You

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/03/23

When someone in a committed relationship has been cheating on their partner and they feel stuck in deciding what they want to do, they sometimes get the idea that they should tell their committed partner, even though they don’t know how they want to move forward. Feeling like you can’t make a decision is excruciating. If you’ve been thinking about disclosing your cheating in the hopes that your partner will break up with you and the expectation that you’ll feel better, tune in this week because

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31:15

132. Stop Minimizing the Importance of Sex

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/03/16

Is sex important to you in a relationship? If you can honestly acknowledge the extent to which good sex (however you define that) is important to you, making relationship-related decisions you actually feel good about becomes simpler and easier. Dr. Marie Murphy is showing you why you’re not doing yourself any favors when you attempt to deny, minimize, or devalue the significance of a great sexual connection, and telling yourself sex shouldn’t be important to you only makes matters worse.

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34:18

131. Breaking Up with Someone You’ve Been Cheating On

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/03/09

When you decide that it’s time to break up with someone you’ve been cheating on, you’ll likely have a lot of questions about how to ensure the person you’re breaking up with does not find out about the infidelity. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing the benefit of properly preparing for your breakup, why breaking up itself might arouse suspicion of cheating, and some practical strategies for a good breakup so you can deal with anything that comes up in the process. Get full show notes and

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25:23

130. Implicit Permission to Cheat

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/03/02

Say you and your partner started off as a monogamous couple, but then you started discussing “alternate arrangements” and it turned out that although you were very enthusiastic about the idea of opening your relationship up, your partner really wasn’t. It's not uncommon in these kinds of scenarios for your partner to offer you implicit permission to cheat, or at least pursue sexual connections outside of your relationship. Discover what implicit permission to cheat can look like in your

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30:06

129. Cultivating Clarity and Certainty (Part 2)

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/02/23

If you’re in the midst of an infidelity situation and you’re confused about what to do next, it’s generally the case that you may be using your mind in ways that are not actually helpful in cultivating the clarity and certainty you crave. Dr. Marie Murphy is showing you how to start intentionally creating clarity and certainty, even if it feels impossible right now, so you can make intentional decisions instead of sitting in the anguish of uncertainty. Get full show notes and more information

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40:45

128. Cultivating Clarity and Certainty

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/02/16

Discover the value of cultivating clarity and certainty for yourself. You’ll hear a story that illustrates this point, and why changing your thoughts based on other people’s opinions or societal norms around your infidelity situation will never produce the certainty and clarity you’re seeking. Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/128

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28:08

127. The Limits of Other People’s Advice

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/02/09

Discover why you want to seek out advice from others, and why this might not be the best idea when it comes to your infidelity situation. Dr. Marie Murphy is giving you some useful insights into why it’s not the advice that matters, but what you decide to do with it, and how you think about the results. Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/127

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33:24

126. Regret is Optional

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/02/02

Tune in this week to discover why regret is optional, and how you can start preventing or minimizing it when it comes up for you. Dr. Marie Murphy is sharing why getting a handle on your relationship with regret is invaluable in dealing with your infidelity situation, and showing you how to take your preferences and priorities seriously, reducing or even eliminating the possibility of regret. Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/126

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38:04

125: Privately Grieving the End of an Affair

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/01/26

If you truly believe you must hide your grief at the end of your affair relationship and not share the reality of what you’re going through with anyone, this episode is for you. Dr. Marie Murphy is sharing how to deal with this situation in a more empowering way than believing you have to operate a certain way, and offering you some practices you can use when you’re in this kind of pain. Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/125

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36:07

124: Dealing with Other People’s Discomfort (Part 2)

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/01/19

If you’re doing everything you can to make choices you think will make other people happy, this episode is for you. Discomfort and unpleasant emotions are naturally occurring things, and they don’t need to be considered problematic. So, tune in this week to discover how to understand your own discomfort, and begin trusting that other people can handle their uncomfortable emotions so you can make decisions about your affair situation based on what you want instead of trying to keep everybody happy

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27:44

123: Abundance vs. Scarcity of Love

Your Secret Is Safe With Me ·

2023/01/12

If you’re scared of making a decision about leaving your marriage, ending your affair, or dealing with any circumstances related to your infidelity because you’re afraid it will all end horribly, this episode is for you. People often get hung up in comparing the stability and comfort of their long-term relationship versus the excitement and passion of their affair, but have you considered that you could have all of it with just one person? Tune in this week to discover how to start thinking more

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