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PODCAST

Thot Topics

Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.

society & culture music commentary

All Episodes

02:34:58

Oops! All Thots!

Thot Topics ·

2023/03/20

OOF! We take our big, feathery female investigative journalist hats off and place them FIRMLY on the rack this week in the name of hot, wet FUN! This week, we forgo all reporting and take-making duties to play an intense game of TRUTH OR DRINK, revealing more personal details than we ever have in our podcasting careers. I don't want to spoil anything but we get literally so wasted on this episode and I don't remember anything we said so I can't be held responsible. Maybe you guys can tell

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11:44

Gomorrahning America! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/03/10

**PATRONS ONLY. SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL LENGTH EP!** We just got HIV!!! WOOOOOO! Ayyy! The boy's a liarrrr! Oooh! The boy's a liarrrr! HEYYY!!! This week is all about sin: who's got it? Who wants it? Who's taking it out on consenting unconscious adults? Only one podcast has the answers. Following a brief State of the Podcast address, we get down to business. First, we psychoanalyze the HIV Twink. Is it cool to have a yassified response to a diagnosis? Should HIV be treated like gonorrhea? Are certain

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01:26:47

Now That’s What I Call Mother!

Thot Topics ·

2023/03/02

We've come together for an emergency session to address the end of the word "mother" and the woman who delivered the death blow: Meghan Freakin Trainor, Queen of PAWGs. Naturally that's not all: we discuss the pathetic state of everyday mens' fashion, the Chicago mayoral race (including a heartfelt tribute to our muppet queen Lori Lightfoot), and how to say various cuss words in sign language. We give Kali Uchis and rightwing bodybuilder Twitter a piece of our mind too. Is it evil to drink liquor

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01:03:11

Ass Wednesday Pt. 1: Asses to Asses!

Thot Topics ·

2023/02/23

We're back with a vengenace! (We're=Onika,Vengeance=Burger) We know we left you ladies hanging last week so this week we're unleashing a double-wide super-soaked hot-and-horny God-fearing two part special. We've accepted a truly prime list of topic suggestions from our listeners and get to the emotional heart of whatever mentally ill behavior went down online the last few weeks. The first chapter is free for all, but if you want the FULL tea, you'll have to join the Thot Topics sisterhood officially

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01:29:02

The Thot 100 AKA Balls Deep In Love!

Thot Topics ·

2023/02/02

It was a slow news week so we decide to take the cultural temperature-- by performing an in-depth review of the current Top 15 on the Billboard Hot 100. What does the presence of Bebe Rexha mean for America? Is Miley Cyrus "Flowers" astroturfed or do people really like this shit? Does mummy know that daddy's getting hot at the bodyshop? ALL is revealed. But that's not all: we christen Cris's new apartment and talk gnocchi, firemen, sniffing snuff, specialty donuts and OF COURSE... MAGIC MIND! For

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17:48

Statutory Grape! (Preview)

Thot Topics ·

2023/01/27

PATRONS ONLY! You wouldn't get it. Subscribe on Patreon for the rest of the episode. In our iciest and spiciest episode yet, we hold a bookkeeping powwow ahead of tax season: why didn't anyone tell us we were supposed to set aside money from the Patreon to give to the government? It's not like JOE BIDEN stuck out his fucking NECK to tell the truth about Tinashe... With the chips stacked and the coins counted, we turn to the news in Gay Guy World. First, we review the new Kim Petras single "Brrr,"

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01:52:26

The Director’s Cunt!

Thot Topics ·

2023/01/19

We're back-- and this time, it's pussonal... In this double-wide spectacular, we let out a lot of extremely complicated, unique, and sexy emotions: RAGE: We talk about the unjust cancellation of Betsey Brown's Actors screening at the Music Box Theatre, and psychoanalyze our haters. ENNUI: If your parents raised you to love fast food is it ever possible to learn portion control? REGRESSION: Are children's movies like PUSS IN BOOTS and its "highly realistic cat panic attack" actually designed for

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07:29

Harajewku Girls! (Trailer)

Thot Topics ·

2023/01/12

**PATRONS ONLY. TRAILER FOR THE POOR!** In our inaugural episode of the Year of the Rabbit, we get little crazy and Asian up in here! It's RICH! First, we have a little bit of much-needed girl time: Nick tells the story of his engaygement, and Cris recounts his trip to the Camein Guylands. Plus, we discuss Apple's behavioral issues, and not caring about the environment. But that's not all: we give our first impressions of the "lovely ladies" of Season 15 of Drag Race (it takes longer than we intend

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02:10:12

Thotline 4: Call of Judy AKA Hello Floperator!

Thot Topics ·

2022/12/30

Dear Thot Topics, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'! I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone and I'm a bottom! In our final episode of 2022 we take the crisis calls of our beloved, deeply troubled listeners. Talk about a therapy sesh! Let us in those ears mama! We talk about getting over your fear of gay men, how to date when it seems like all gay guys are libtards, giving up on monogamy, dropping the R word in the workplace, and SO much more. Cheers to the new yearz baby! Follow the girls

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01:44:56

Rock Paper SZA!

Thot Topics ·

2022/12/17

There should be an option for me to tag whether or not we got drunk for the episode because it's honestly way more offensive than "strong language" We're back to run a 2 hour long Meghan train on your earholes with the week's most riveting topix. (It was slim pickings honestly but I think we did okay.) First, we review the nefarious homosexual finale of THE WHITE LOTUS and decide what secret homophobic messages Mike White is trying to whisper through the ether. THEN, we talk about the tidal

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01:57:13

The Chelsea Boot Handshake!

Thot Topics ·

2022/12/01

The girls are girlinggggg! Welcome back to the newly expanded Thot Topics lounge! Unbuckle your girdle and take your panties off because it's about to get extremely raw up in here. Sorry to have kept you waiting so long but we promise we won't leave you again for the next set of holidays... This week, we allow the Patreon sisters to be our memory for the last two weeks and we chime in on everything that's happened: the Grindr IPO, the nonbinary luggage thief, Spotify Wrapped, our potential

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01:59:31

*UNLOCKED* I Know Why The Caged Barb Sings! (feat....

Thot Topics ·

2022/11/27

Sowwy (〃＞＿＜;〃) We're on a little unexpected turkeylicious holiday hiatus but we'll be back in your little ears ASAP! In the meantime, we're cracking open the vault to tide you over: this is our Patreon-exclusive episode with Zach from I'm So Popular in which we rank Nicki Minaj's discography

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01:35:03

Full-Cunt Press!

Thot Topics ·

2022/11/10

{Batting a home run} It's giving... giving... GAAAAVEEEE! Things get a little spicy this week and the spice in question is Sporty! From deep within the pussy part of the Venn Diagram between straight men and gay men, we talk about what separates us and what unites us. Sports! Sleep patterns! Being goofy and silly! And so much more. In light of the midterm elections in Illinois, we also talk about which women we would show up to the polls for if they were running for President. What say the

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01:10:29

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Mind!

Thot Topics ·

2022/11/03

When Adele turned 25 all she could come up with was "Hello". We made this episode, so CATCH US IF YOU CAN BITCH! We're back! It's been a minute since we've had some private girls time so we take a moment to catch up on our personal lives as we both gear up to enter our dreaded mid-twenties. We reveal a hair care SHOCKER, report our own fashion crimes, and think about what makes you a grownup. We attempt to cover some actual topics, and we do sort of touch on two: we review Rihanna's new

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38:53

Hoes on the Beach! (feat. Morgan)

Thot Topics ·

2022/10/24

She jack my ant til it off... she jacks on my antonoff til i... uhhh Alright, it's another patrons-only one this week-- not because we don't value ALL our sisters equally but we get pretty drunk during this one and name drop a lot of people we went to high school with so we've gotta put this one in jail. We're joined in the stu' by friend of the pod MORGAN for our scathing assessment of Taylor Swift's new steaming slop pile. We reach inside and pull out the TRUTH! But baby you know that's not all--

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39:42

Happiness is a Butterface!

Thot Topics ·

2022/10/15

This week, we attempt what is likely the most difficult challenge in the history of the program: we comb through a bracket of Lana Del Rey's discography and attempt to crown ONE SONG as the supreme. All factors are considered, all truths are weighed, and we think you'll love how the dust settles. Or maybe you won't. Sue us! But naturally that's not all. During the 40 minute long preshow (lol) we discuss Nick's vaccination tweet and FOLLOW YOUR GUT NO MATTER WHAT 2023. Not only that: we do a state of

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01:49:42

Ballad of the Bussgina!

Thot Topics ·

2022/10/04

What if Trump's platform in 2024 was bringing back tops that suck and slurp on bussy lips... We've just completed negotiations to be Lena Dunham's pallbearers when the horrible day inevitably comes, but in the meantime we've convened for a high-intensity GIRLS CHAT! This week, we pull a Jeffrey Dahmer and gobble up the news! Yum yum yum! First, we talk about the obsession with true crime and why "real" violence just isn't cutting it anymore-- IS it healthy to spend all your free time listening to

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11:05

Total Vageniuses!

Thot Topics ·

2022/09/23

**PATRONS ONLY EPISODE** To give, or not to give: THAT is the question. Wanna know our answer bitch? We're back to cracktion and ready for the first episode following the fall shequinox. And you know what that means: no more hearing my loud A/C unit in the back of every episode! LOL. YAY!!! This week, we catch up as sisters for a good while, mostly to psychoanalyze Cris and his recurring The Biggest Loser dream. But that's not all: we kind of review Bjork's new single ATOPOS and talk about how music

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01:30:36

Hold the Girls!

Thot Topics ·

2022/09/17

We heard that the big titty woodshop teacher is actually the headmaster... wanna know she got THAT name? We're back! Finally there was some good fucking FOOD on the timeline this week, so we really dig deep. First, we review Rina Sawayama's new album HOLD THE GIRL and really get carried away with our... strong feelings on the matter. Then, we go back to black: mermaids that is. We talk about the Little Mermaid remake and get to the bottom of whether Halle Bailey is an instrument of the

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01:40:27

Fergalicious Debt!

Thot Topics ·

2022/09/02

Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt... debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt Fergalicious debtfinition make Joe Biden pay me This week, we put on our lab coats to explore the dark side of Bro-tox: injecting toxins into your asshole; the final frontier for gay monstrosity. Is it worth risking incontinence to put more PP in your butt? We get to the BOTTOM of it. Teehee! Then, we talk about MAGA Barbie Sydney Sweeney and make her pay for the sick and twisted crime of

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