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Oz 9

It"s Spring 2142 (a Tuesday), and Gated Galaxies has launched its 400 Oz-8000 ships, each carrying 50,000 "resting guests" to, hopefully, a new home on a shiny, brand-new planet. Except this whole "terraform and take over" idea isn"t actually the plan; the real plan is far more nefarious and involves a great deal of cackling. But those aboard the ships don"t know that, so off they toodle (those that make it out of Earth"s atmosphere, at least), all shiny and optimistic. This is the story of one of

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All Episodes

73:47

Bonus Oz 9 "the hiatus ate us" chat

Oz 9 ·

2021/08/20

"The hiatus ate us!" That line, courtesy of the brilliant Bonnie Brantley, is all too true. We started our hiatus with great plans to do all kinds of fun Oz 9-y things in all that copious free time, only to have our ideas evaporate in the harsh light of real life. Sorry. But here's some of us talking about stuff. Does that help? Our theme and other music is composed and performed by John Faley. Our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable & Folly network! Please support our

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57:12

episode sixty: Your breath smells of caramel and...

Oz 9 ·

2021/07/11

This one is a beast. Go to the bathroom, get some water, maybe load up on some snacks. Is your listening device charged? Get comfy. We have a lot to tell. This season, you've been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin, Buck, and Emily Richard Cowen as Leet and Percival/Tiberius Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Eric Perry as Dr von Haber Zetzer, Howard, Joe, and Mr Southers Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise and Ben June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros and

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30:32

episode fifty-nine: Quality control. Also, nibbles.

Oz 9 ·

2021/06/16

You've been awesome! No, really. I'd love to be able to reward your patience, but instead I just have an episode. I know it's not much, but I made it myself. One more episode to close out the season: are you ready? No. You're not. Sorry, but you are SO not ready. You're listening to: Lee Shackleford as Pluto Kevin Hall as Felonius and Greg Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Iri Alexander as Julie Aaron Clark as Ben Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Mrs Sheffield as Mrs Arris Eric Perry as

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27:26

episode fifty-eight: Spucked into sace

Oz 9 ·

2021/05/17

With just three episodes left in the season, is that a cliff I see ahead? With a small branch protruding from its face, just right for hanging? Things are moving along at a rapid pace, much like the Oz 9 isn't, and there are surprises, tears, laughter, warming of hearts, girding of loins, rending of garments, and possibly smoochies ahead. Oh, and you're gonna want to stick through the credits this time. YES, WE DID THAT THING WHERE WE PUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT AFTER THE CREDITS, WOULD IT KILL YOU TO

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28:01

episode fifty-seven: But then I also say higgledy...

Oz 9 ·

2021/05/03

This episode begins with a funeral, so you might want to have tissues handy. The production assistant was supposed to get hypo-allergenic flowers for the ceremony but managed to find hyper-allergenic ones, which not only make you sneeze, they cram themselves up your nose until you beg for mercy. The PA has been fwipped, so if you have even remotely appropriate experience, we're hiring. You've been listening to... Tim Sherburn as Colin Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna Richard Cowen as

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27:34

episode fifty-six: Our future together is suddenly in...

Oz 9 ·

2021/04/19

We did a comic book! You'll hear us talking about the Kickstarter here, which is well and truly over, thanks for asking. Now just buy one and get them out of my garage? (https://oz9podcast.etsy.com) Here's a surprise: Jessie doesn't like comics. She says they're too colourful and she's never read one. I would have recommended she read them when she's not in a bad mood, but maybe that's what she's already doing? Anyway, you know the drill. You've been listening to these people. Gourd knows

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39:08

Bonus Mission: *FWIP!* (Part 2)

Oz 9 ·

2021/03/28

A rift in time and space causes 4 members of the Oz 9 crew to get pulled off the space ship (bringing the median IQ up significantly) and swapped with 4 members of the EMF (aaaaaaaaaaand we're back to where we were, IQ-wise). This is part two of a special two-part crossover with the hilarious secret agent comedy, Mission: Rejected. If you haven't heard part one yet, stop, put us on pause, go out, listen to part 1 on the Mission: Rejected feed (https://missionrejected.simplecast.com/), come back,

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31:39

episode fifty-five: Monkey Man, gather the sweets

Oz 9 ·

2021/03/22

OK, OK, yes, it's late AGAIN. We know. We've been having a really rough time lately, the kids are sick, the roof caved in when we had that thunderstorm last week, and then there was that other thing.... No, you're right. None of that is true. Our alarm is a bored dude just saying "alarm alarm alarm" over and over, so clearly this is not a well-financed, slick-and-professional thing we've got going here. Throw some money at our Patreon or Kofi (optimistically posting the links below), and maybe we

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29:31

episode fifty-four: Remove the bejesus with fear

Oz 9 ·

2021/03/03

All the backstory you never wanted and then some. We find out some stuff about Le Bichon Frise, some other stuff about Donna, blah blah blah. Greg falls over at one point, so that's pretty funny. I'd say "sorry it's so late," but I feel like I ought to be sorry before I say sorry. So.... It's late. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer and Joe Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline Aaron Clark as Le Bichon Frise David S. Dear as Dr

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30:32

episode fifty-three: Where's Grammar Girl when you...

Oz 9 ·

2021/02/15

The universe may be crashing around your ears, but as long as you know the difference between who and whom and how to scoop up a dangling participle, you'll be all right. It's kind of like knowing where your towel is. In this very special episode, a guest pops onto the ship and into Leet's arms, and for a few moments at least, all seems right with the world. A very few moments. And not really "right" so much as "slightly less wrong." Many thanks to our very special guest, Mignon Fogarty, educator,

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33:22

episode fifty-two: Everyone knows about böckling

Oz 9 ·

2021/02/01

Do you know how to disable an invisible alarm? Yeah, well, listen close; someone on our crew is about to tell you. Well, maybe... we're not entirely sure it works, so I don't know that I'd test it at the Louvre. Maybe Paddy MacDougal's Museum O'Naughty Limericks and Saucy Sea Shanties first. Just steer clear of the green milkshakes. Actually, that's a really good lesson for the Oz 9 as well. Anyway, here's the episode, it's late, and there are probably half a dozen limericks at Paddy's that could

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30:12

episode fifty-one: I look damn good in jodhpurs

Oz 9 ·

2021/01/17

The crew aboard the Oz 9 are stalactites, holding tight to the ceiling in unexpected zero Gs, and the crew on the ground are stalagmites, who might survive if a crabby, oddly dressed ancient god decides to let them go. You know, same old same old. Oz 9 is back from holiday break, though why a crew that typically works a solid seven-minute day needs a break is yet to be determined. We hope you missed us as much as we very nearly missed that very important satellite. Hey, who needs news in this day

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88:32

Bonus: Oz 9 It doesn't get much more trivial than this

Oz 9 ·

2021/01/04

To punish Kevin Hall for having the gall to ... something, I can't remember what it was he did, but for sure he did something really bad to merit this kind of response.... Anyway, maybe just to be mean, we made him relisten to Oz 9, write a bunch of trivia questions, then ask them to four people who among them could barely scrape up an answer to the question of what they had for breakfast on that particular day. It's nearly 90 minutes of "uhhhhhh....." and "hang on, I know I know this one," and

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4:38

Bonus: The Oz 9 Night Before Christmas

Oz 9 ·

2020/12/25

Our beloved OG Narrator Richard Nadolny wrote and reads the Oz 9 version of "The Night Before Christmas." Merry Christmas, ya bums. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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22:53

Bonus Diary of a Oz9ivist: Is this a cheese dream?

Oz 9 ·

2020/12/06

EARLIER SOUND ISSUES HAVE BEEN CORRECTED, AND OUR PRODUCTION PERSON HAS BEEN FWIIIIIIIIIIII...... What happens when the alien aboard your ship gets hungry? Usually really gross things involving lots of blood and gore and that, but fortunately for us, the grossest thing in this episode is a small critter popping out of an orifice. Which is actually less gross than it sounds. Wait for it. The ships of Samantha Lyons and the Oz 9 have stumbled into one another in space, and Leet's had lots of

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31:34

episode fifty: M'Lady of Little Chadwick upon Bad Patter

Oz 9 ·

2020/11/22

Humans on the receiving end of divine affections don't do so well, mythologically speaking. However, after having seen Donna in action, the smart money is on the homo sapien. Pluto better watch his gold lamé onesie, if he knows what's good for him. With this episode, we are officially halfway through Season 3 of Oz 9, so let's all take a moment to realize this crew of idiots has managed to survive this long. Well, apart from Matt, that guard in the tunnel, Lady Nibble-Biscuit, the mime, several

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32:48

episode forty-nine: I'm soft, squishy, and covered in...

Oz 9 ·

2020/11/09

I'd apologize for this being so late, but if you think about it, I gave you an extra 16-and-a-half Oz-free hours, which is, like, a decade in idiot years. It's been a long day aboard the Oz 9. You think bad decision making is easy — Doritos for dinner? Yes, please. Easy! Go for a run or drink chocolate milk with vodka? Vodka. Definitely. Easy! —and yet, it's exhausting. So, you'll get no apology from me, unless I come across one on my way to the couch. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as

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31:16

episode forty-eight: We only have three minutes

Oz 9 ·

2020/10/25

Remember how there was that one week you were sick or maybe just on vacation but too poor to go anywhere? And you watched daytime TV, and even though you knew it was ridiculous and cheesy, by Friday you were desperate to know if little Suzy really was Armoire's daughter and if Aristato would find Nectarina in time to stop her from marrying ... I don't know, Ponderosa Jutjaw or whatever? Just stay with me, this is relevant. What I'm saying is, it's totally possible to get swept up in a story, even if

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27:32

episode forty-seven: Chasing Lord Lunchable

Oz 9 ·

2020/10/11

What would you do if everything in your garden suddenly attacked you? Carrots shooting themselves at your eyes, radishes nibbling tiny, spicy holes in your ankles, kohlrabi shouting at you, probably in German, given how "kohlrabi" is spelled — does it seem German to you? just me? — and let's not even talk about what the watermelon is trying to do. Would you ever be able to eat a salad again? This is vaguely relevant to episode 47, but only sort of. Meanwhile, I'm going to have nightmares about

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29:49

episode forty-six: It's invasion of the body snackers

Oz 9 ·

2020/09/27

Probably the most remarkable thing that happens in this entire episode is that Le Bichon Frise pronounces "assassinate" correctly. I know. We were pretty shocked too. It happens at the bottom of page 3, so if you just want to hear that and skip the rest, I don't suppose anyone would blame you. Oh, and there's a bit about a butterfly that's funny. You might want to stick around for that. Up to you. You've been listening to: Iri Alexander as Julie Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield David S Dear as Dr

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