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PODCAST

Oz 9

It"s Spring 2142 (a Tuesday), and Gated Galaxies has launched its 400 Oz-8000 ships, each carrying 50,000 "resting guests" to, hopefully, a new home on a shiny, brand-new planet. Except this whole "terraform and take over" idea isn"t actually the plan; the real plan is far more nefarious and involves a great deal of cackling. But those aboard the ships don"t know that, so off they toodle (those that make it out of Earth"s atmosphere, at least), all shiny and optimistic. This is the story of one of

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All Episodes

29:34

episode one hundred & nineteen: Chain-smoking nut-bag...

Oz 9 ·

2025/10/28

NOTE: follow us on Bluesky (@oz9podcast.bsky.social) or join our Discord channel (https://discord.gg/4zXBRxH) for updates on our End of Season Six Live Listen!Right, don't tell your parents we suggested this, but we kinda think the title of this episode would make a hell of a Halloween costume.... Ahem. The away ship is basically nestled in the Oz 9's armpit, the ship's assassin is expiring faster than yesterday's dairy-based leftovers on the back seat of a hot car, the crew have to figure out

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28:22

episode one hundred & eighteen: Easy, M Night...

Oz 9 ·

2025/10/09

Hello? Anybody out there? Oh, yeah, hey. It's been a minute. Soooooooo... where were we? Right. When last we left our crew, they had managed to make it on the Maggies II and III and blast off from Planet Bob. Just barely before Planet Bob sort of ... blasted. Now that word feels funny. Blasted. Question is, did the ships and their contents survive the explosion? Well, considering this episode is, what, 26 minutes long, I'm gonna go with "probably," or this is gonna be a hella awkward

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26:03

episode one hundred & seventeen: New respect for gerbils

Oz 9 ·

2025/08/26

Yes, you read that title correctly. We have a profound respect for gerbils up here and won't hear a word against them. If you take issue with that, or indeed with Rodentia in general, well, we would remind you that the characteristic that defines Rodentia is a "single pair of continuously growing incisors in each of the upper and lower jaws,"* so let THAT keep you awake at night.And that podcast you heard at the top of the show? Mission: Rejected. Make sure you check it out and give it five stars

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23:42

episode one hundred & sixteen: No narration after...

Oz 9 ·

2025/08/10

Look, when your life is in the hands of someone who only recently gave up huffing glue, you keep your will updated and hope for the best. Such is the situation our four guests find themselves in, but hey, they agreed to be part of this season of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Off This Toxic Planet, so on their own heads be it, really. Dr Theo (swoon) has sabotaged their escape "plan" for purposes that are hazy at best and really f*&king stupid at worst, and now the crew are stuck on a planet that's

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30:22

Oz 9 recommends: Who the F**k Killed My Sister

Oz 9 ·

2025/08/03

Y'all. Y'ALL. Ok, we've given you no reason to respect our judgment, but we're not wrong on this one. Sure, OK, we were wrong about the forniculator — yeah, that's not a thing — but we're right about this. You are going to LOVE this show. WTFKMS is super-smart, funny, and moves faster than Olivia making fun of Madeline's math skills. Give the episode here a listen, then trot on over to your podcatcher of choice to binge all eight eps. Do remember, please, to subscribe, rate, review, and share

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25:34

episode one hundred & fifteen: Are you...twerking?

Oz 9 ·

2025/07/27

Stuck on Planet Bob where pretty much everything is awful all the time, the crew is freezing and desperate for a safe place to ... well, to screw up, if their past is any indication. Huddled for warmth, buffeted by high winds, they suddenly hear the faint sounds of laughter and applause. Because of course they do.You've been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Introducing Caden Dowgin as the Director Introducing Emmet Dowgin as the Assistant Director Bonnie Brantley as

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31:39

episode one hundred & fourteen: Cigars, piles of...

Oz 9 ·

2025/06/26

The crew are tramping aimlessly across the blistering and occasionally freezing surface of Planet KTAALNS (Kill Them All And Leave No Survivors, otherwise known as "Bob") and things are pretty grim. Like, not even Brothers Grimm, more Quintuplets Grimm, plus a few singles and a couple sets of Twins Grimm. Just very very grim.I mean, they might survive, but even if they do, they're going to smell really bad, and does anyone need that right now? You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as

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31:31

episode one hundred & thirteen: Into the clown car,...

Oz 9 ·

2025/06/01

Have you ever been invited to a party you really REALLY didn't want to go to? Like, you won't know very many people, you're not sure how to dress for it, and the atmosphere is toxic? But you're being frog-marched by an army of ants onto an away ship, so you don't really have a choice, and you're sure the chances of getting anything decent to eat are hovering at slightly below zero?Yeah, well, welcome to our world. Planet KTAALNS (Kill Them All And Leave No Survivors, or, affectionately, "Bob")

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3:12

Check Out Hit Singles

Oz 9 ·

2025/05/11

Brought to you by the team that brought you Wolf 359, you know it's going to be good. Faith Adler has crossed the country to spend the summer in NYC. There she meets David, and the two of them quickly get mired in ... something. It's complicated. Together with friends Tori, Matt, and Ginah, Faith and David navigate situationships, friendships, found family, and all the messiness of being young. Faith is a DJ, and that pretty much describes how she approaches life — willing to scratch, skip,

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25:19

episode one hundred & twelve: Don't piss off your...

Oz 9 ·

2025/04/27

I'M SORRY, WHAT? HANG ON, LET ME GET TO A QUIETER PLACE, JUST A SECOND....Phew. That's better. Things have gone bananarama aboard the Oz 9, and the crew has spent the last few hours trying not to get dysentery or squashed crossing a digital freeway. A few folks are hanging out in Meanwhile, which is basically a Narrators' Neverland with a few extra lost boys, and someone keeps trying to stick a fish in my ear. You're welcome to join the fracas, if you really want to, but wear a helmet and avoid

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26:36

episode one hundred & eleven: There's a bulldozer...

Oz 9 ·

2025/04/06

To everyone who responded to our blurb writer last time, they've been sacked. I mean ... does this look like message-in-a-bottle time? Using our show notes to get attention and complain about your job.... Seriously, we've no time for whingers 'round here- HA! April fool. Still me. It was lovely seeing some of you on the socials. I'd print out your comments, only I don't have a printer and the walls are too damp to post things on. Anyway, just wanted to let you know it's "spring" on the Oz 9,

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28:47

How I Died - It's to die for!

Oz 9 ·

2025/03/31

If you haven't yet discovered the podcast How I Died, you are in for a treat! A ghoulish, scary, maybe-listen-with-a-friend "treat," but yeah, a treat nonetheless!How I Died follows the story of forensic pathologist (NOT coroner) Jon Spacer. New to the oddly fatal place to live, Springfield, Dr. Spacer has an interesting super power: he can talk with the dead. Actually, that's not that impressive, hell, I can talk to the dead, but his super power is that when they talk back, he can hear them. So

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33:17

episode one hundred & ten: Hell bent for leisure

Oz 9 ·

2025/03/23

Once upon a time, there was a blurb writer who dreamed of the back of book jackets or maybe even the inside front flap, or the little bit of copy under the picture in a catalog, or a word or two like "stunning!" or "ribald!" on a film poster, oooo ooooo, maybe even on the inside first few pages of a novel, somewhere just under Kirkus Reviews.... But no. Instead that blurb writer does...this. Gives hints on a podcast episode you're planning to listen to anyway so you probably don't even read it

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31:58

episode one hundred & nine: That whole *spoiler...

Oz 9 ·

2025/03/09

Oooof, who cranked up the gravity? Feels heavy in here....It's spring in the bioswamp, as much as it can ever be "spring" in space. Things are flowering, other things are ... I dunno, fauna-ing? Whatever the case, it's a bit rude round there, so maybe don't take the kids in for another month or so. And NO, I am not tearing up, I'm in the bioswamp in spring, these are allergies, for crying out loud. Or NOT crying out loud, more crying inwardly, little hiccups of despair- Oh, forget it. You've been

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29:21

episode one hundred & eight: Playing Pluto's advocate

Oz 9 ·

2025/02/23

It's a Wednesday eve as I write this, and as I look out the porthole into the infinite recesses of space, I'm reminded how very small each of us is against the backdrop of eternity. Given how very very minute we are and how eternal space is, I have to wonder, how the actual f^&* is a crew member from the Oz 14 floating past my porthole just as I look out? I mean... what are the chances?! Nearly spilled my vodka tonic. Rude.You’ve been listening to... Pete Barry as Bob Tim Sherburn as

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25:50

Presenting Hannapocalypse

Oz 9 ·

2025/02/20

Hey, Space Monkeys. Have you ever wondered what happened to the earth Oz 9 left behind? I mean, I’m not saying we CAUSED the zombie apocalypse, but the math works out. (Sorry, Sweden) 150 years ago, the zombie apocalypse apocalypted all over the globe, and now there’s robots and zombies trying to wipe out what’s left of humanity. Cali, a settlement scout, has big dreams but scarce resources who’s just trying to stay alive, and Hannah, well, she’s trapped in her zombie body, hoping not to eat anyone

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26:40

episode one hundred & seven: Two went for the...

Oz 9 ·

2025/02/09

-s the 1983 winner of the -nnu-l Dip your mittens contest, i -pplaud the l-rson brothers for their -m--ng skill -nd dedic-tion to the g-me.you've been listening to; pete B-rry as Bob Tim Sherburn -s Colin -nd Emily Bonnie Br-ntley -s Donn- -nd jessie D-vid S De-r -s Dr Theo Brom-e -nd Tiberius Eric perry -s joe, Dr von h-ber -et-er, mr Southers, -nd how-rd kevin h-ll -s Greg -nd Felonius Chrisi T-lyn S-je -s julie Sh-nnon perry -s m-deline S-r-h Golding -s mrs Sheffield S-r-h Rhe- W-rner

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28:52

episode one hundred & six: Is that a haddock?

Oz 9 ·

2025/01/29

So.... please take a close look at the episode art and tell me if you see anything funny? Mmmmm hmmmmmm. Apparently it took us a YEAR to notice. I blame all of you, frankly. You know what you did.You’ve been listening to: Pete Barry as Bob Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Bonnie Brantley as Donna David S Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae and Tiberius Eric Perry as Howard, Joe, and Mr Southers Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Shannon Perry as Olivia Sarah Rhea Warner as

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32:34

BONUS: What's this I hear about an Oz 9 game?

Oz 9 ·

2025/01/19

It may not sound like it in the podcast, but life aboard the Oz 9 can be pretty boring at times. In the hiatuses (hiatusi?) between hair-on-fire moments, there's a lot of just puttering about in the inky void without much to do.So, we've been creating a game to while away the hours between crises. In this conversation, you'll hear us wittering on about this game and what it might eventually look like if we can scrape together the finances and the brain cells to get it out in the world. Keep an eye

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31:33

episode one hundred & five: Clara? Mein little...

Oz 9 ·

2024/12/24

NOTE: Stay tuned after the credits and all, for a trailer of a great new show: A Paladin's Bargain. You can listen to it in the usual places. You'll want to.Thanks as ever to Lucas Elliott for the new Narrators (or, Narrator and Tour Guide) artwork! It's Christmas eve as we publish this, and all of us monkeys wish all of you monkeys a very happy holiday season. We're hanging stockings over here (and about passing out from the fumes; just FYI space booties do NOT breathe) and hallucinating dancing

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