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PODCAST

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One"s Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

Allies in Recovery

This podcast is comprised of three series addressing topics relevant to families dealing with a loved one"s addiction: - FAMILIES SPEAK: parents share wisdom, tools & experience using CRAFT (a proven method) with their loved one - Partner CRAFT: co-hosts explore the specificity of using CRAFT with a romantic partner (or ex) - VOICES from the FRONT LINES: Guests share expertise and stories Allies in Recovery provides online learning modules, expert hand-tailored guidance, CRAFT support groups,

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

00:30:48

How Do You Deal with Unknowns and Limited Contact?

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/05/03

If you're forced to have limited contact, it can be hard to handle the unknown. It's important to learn how to be in contact in simple ways, and to calm your system down to respond well and strengthen the connection. Use humor; find ways to connect with who they are and what they like -- reminding them of who they are becomes a bridge and connection. If you’re worried, learn how to communicate simply, without accusation or judgement.

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00:34:01

CRAFT Basics: What Does "Agency" Mean?

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/04/26

In a sort of CRAFT primer, our hosts define and discuss "agency" -- the sense of control you have -- and how it works for your loved one and for you. The goal is to feed positivity so they feel agency and can make better decisions. You foster agency in someone else by calming down and gaining more agency of your own.

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00:32:44

Holding Contradictions

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/04/19

It’s important to CRAFT that you become a complex thinker – not just black/white or good/bad, but looking at a bigger picture to see a range of possibilities and hold more than one truth. To, as Kayla says, “heal into wholeness,” it’s important to become more yourself by experiencing all the feelings and thoughts you may have, to hold them and see your perspective and the other person’s. The bigger picture you get, the more you can see possibilities that make you more whole and lead to healing.

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00:19:03

What are "Natural Consequences?"

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/04/12

You hear it a lot -- "allow for natural consequences." But what does that really mean? Natural consequences are the things you sometimes shield your loved one from -- whether it's a small conversation with someone who's upset with them, or something much larger. If something endangers life or well-being, different rules apply. But allowing the consequences of your loved one's actions to play out for them can be a force for change over time. Start with awareness; don't spend

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00:29:07

A Closer Look at Two Situations

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/04/05

Our hosts discuss and offer advice on two stories and questions covered in the Allies in Recovery blog. First is a look at a woman who took a stand with her older sister -- who then dropped out of sight. Second is a family whose loved one experienced seizures during withdrawal, but wanted to stay alone while detoxing.

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00:25:27

How Do You Slow Things Down if it Feels Like Your...

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/03/29

You can become an agent of change by changing yourself. How do you step back, take space, change the dance from the usual interactions? You can't do that if you're moving too fast to assess things. Remember that change starts slowly; make small changes, and let them accumulate over time. Crisis that happens all the time is actually chronic behavior, and no longer crisis in the same sense. You can't lift a car off someone every day -- you have to change the underlying dynamic.

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00:26:23

Interview with Isabel Cooney, Pt. 2

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/03/22

In part 1, Isabel discussed intimacy and its role in applying CRAFT in a romantic relationship. In part 2, she discusses how she's handled issues related to kids, CRAFT, and talking to them about substance use disorder.

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00:33:31

Interview with Isabel Cooney, Pt. 1 of 2

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/03/15

In the first of two episodes with Isabel Cooney, our hosts discuss Isabel's experience with her former husband, and issues of intimacy -- how does it function as part of the CRAFT framework? Is it, should it be a reward?

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00:23:06

Intention vs. Perception

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/03/09

We intend to be supportive and helpful, and keep our loved ones safe. But our words aren’t always perceived that way. It’s important to become more aware of how we’re coming across, and to gain the tools to soften the message, hear when they feel upset, and shift things so that we can go back into connection. The result is building the relationship so things can come out more clearly, and the person can more readily receive our words if they choose to.

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00:47:19

What's a Functional Analysis?

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/03/02

"Functional analysis" means figuring out what's happening -- to your loved one or to you -- in the moments before, during, and after a particular behavior. It might be a challenging or a positive behavior. It's a tool to help you understand the thoughts, emotions, and external factors that go into these moments, and to go from being unconscious and reactive, to conscious, to having choices. It's about trying new things, assessing whether they work and seeing what you

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00:27:09

Rupture and Repair

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/02/24

Presume you’ll have moments in a relationship that feel like gigantic rifts, or like uncomfortable separation and disconnect. That’s not a problem, but an opportunity to show that you’re changing and working on your part. Take full responsibility for your part, whether they do or not. Keep doing it over and over, so you become a safe person -- the person who’s there when they decide they’re ready for more help.

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00:20:53

Well-Worn Sayings

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/02/17

Some things get said a lot. Do they hold truth? Two get examined in this episode: "There's nothing to be done until they hit bottom," and, "To get day two abstinence, you need day one." Both bring our hosts back to the same emphasis: being present in the moment. You're not waiting for a "rock bottom" moment, because it's hard to define and may not be the moment change happens anyway. Your job is to be present, to not make extreme changes or expect extreme

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00:21:51

Consistent Practice vs. "One-Offs"

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/02/10

Don't just use CRAFT now and then, or come and go from the practice. Learn the tools; let them get under your skin. Learn one thing at a time, and take it one day at a time. You don't have control over the big picture, but you do have control over what you're learning, practicing, and taking in. It's okay if it doesn't work immediately. Practice the skills consistently, and change can happen.

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00:30:56

Victim Stance: The "Why Me?" Episode

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/02/03

Does your loved one see things in terms of victimhood, in terms of what's done to them? Do you see your loved one's actions that way? Feeling victimized means you're being passive, having things happen to you. It can feel like things are not fair, like you've been dealt a lousy hand of cards. It's important to shift your perception, focus, and behavior to remember that you have agency and control, that you're responsible for yourself, your actions, and your self-care.

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00:22:35

Do They "Have to Want It?"

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/01/27

Sometimes, people say the person with substance use disorder "has to want" recovery before it will happen. Others even say they must want it more than their family members or allies. In truth, people are often ambivalent; the process is often subtle. It's up to us to provide options, be open to their process, and discover our part, changing our own behavior rather than trying to change theirs.

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00:21:35

What Does It Mean to Be an Ally?

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/01/20

Being an ally for a person with substance use disorder means stepping up beside them. Work with yourself so you can better see the opportunities to be a change agent -- for slow, methodical change. If your role is too large, you need to be just another player, waiting for your chance. Be a good "dance partner."

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00:24:14

You Don't Have to Be Perfect

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/01/13

How do we move away from expecting perfection from ourselves? Through patience, compassion, and practice. Change is an incremental process. Embrace "beginner's mind," and don't be afraid to fail. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them; practice until the tools become automatic.

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00:26:43

Building Your CRAFT Muscle

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2024/01/06

To build new muscle, identify what you need to change. Begin with self-awareness, gained through pausing to consider what you want to do differently. Practice in small ways frequently, until it becomes habit. This self-awareness leads to self-care – accidentally/on purpose. Taking care of yourself changes who and how you are, but also changes your relationship with your loved one. In true CRAFT style, the hope is that by changing yourself, you positively change the relationship, allowing your loved

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00:23:08

What Do You Do When You've Hit the Wall?

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2023/12/30

When you're beyond the fatigue of burnout, you're hitting the wall. Stressors have accumulated, and your emotions feel unmanageable. Step back. Claim your emotions, but state them briefly, making it clear you're going to go take care of yourself. Ask yourself how bad things are, and how much help you need. Allow yourself the compassion and patience to take a break.

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00:27:11

When a Relationship Feels One-Directional

Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved... ·

2023/12/23

Do things feel one-way in your relationship to your loved one? Reframe it. You're taking your power back -- not to change them, but to change yourself, to grow and learn. If you're bringing your best self to the relationship, you'll inevitably change the dynamic, helping the other person heal.

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299 results

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