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PODCAST

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at

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All Episodes

25:42

My Addict’s Family Blames Me for His Addiction

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/05/15

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about why a family might put all the focus and blame on the betrayed spouse and not look at the actual family member (their son or daughter who is the one struggling with the addiction) to put their anger and disappointment on. Dr. Rob shares a bit of a reminder that you’re working with a broken family unit and they will lash out in unhealthy ways to cope. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] How do I concentrate and retain information better? [7:15] It might be beneficial to see if you’re

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33:34

Can I Learn How to Be Intimate Again?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/05/05

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is struggling to be intimate with their life-long partner. As an addict, it is so much easier to act out and live in a fantasy than live in reality. The reality is, we often do not know how to connect and build real relationships when we’re in active addiction. Dr. Rob and Tami share how you can break this toxic cycle and build true and meaningful relationships now that you’re sober. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How do I get over cravings as a chemsex

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29:41

I’m an Addict and I’m Attracted to My Female Coworker

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/04/27

Dr. Rob and Tami dive into what should an addict do if they’re working around the opposite sex. Obviously, quitting is not always an option nor does it solve the core problem. Dr. Rob offers advice on how to set healthy boundaries with female coworkers and how to ensure you’re still respecting your spouse in this entire process. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] Should my husband remain abstinent for 90 days? [6:00] What is a love addict? [8:55] It can take two years to really have a good and intimate connection

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27:43

I’m in Recovery, but My Partner Is in Active Addiction

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/04/19

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is in recovery, but their partner is not. Is there hope for this relationship? Dr. Rob breaks down why you have to focus on your own journey if you want to get the most out of your sobriety. Maybe your partner will come around, maybe not. Dr. Rob and Tami explain what this means for you. TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] How can I get over the betrayal and his relapse? [7:00] One session once a week is just not going to cut it. [10:30] Most addicts will say

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28:55

I’m in Recovery and I Still Have No Empathy

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/04/18

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a man who is struggling to find honesty and empathy during his journey through recovery. His therapist believes he should dive into his childhood traumas, but he’s unsure of the reasoning behind it. Dr. Rob explains that the way we feel as a child is how we treat our spouses when we grow up. So, if we felt unworthy of love, unseen, or completely ignored, we will do the same to those that are closest to us. TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] I’m trying to meet a long-term

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35:35

I’m So Hurt. How Do I Even Begin to Process the...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/04/18

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed partner on how to process through everything that has happened to her. She has found out about her addict’s affairs and isn’t sure how to process or begin the journey of healing. Dr. Rob and Tami share some tips to get the process jumpstarted. TAKEAWAYS: [1:05] I’ve been betrayed and my therapist tells me I need to process through the betrayal. What does that even mean? [7:00] Dr. Rob was getting a massage and he started crying. Sometimes

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27:53

My Brother-In-Law Intentionally Triggered My PTSD. Do...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/03/31

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse that experienced sexual assault when she was younger. Her SA partner’s brother was being very disrespectful and chose not to listen to her wishes/boundaries and intentionally triggered her PTSD. When you’re in a situation where you’re with mean or rude family members, what should you do or focus on? Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts and advice. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] I have performance anxiety and ED issues due to chemsex. How should I

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34:56

He Watches Incest Porn. Are My Children Safe?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/03/27

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a heavy question from a listener about whether she should be concerned that her husband is around their children after he revealed some of his porn preferences. Dr. Rob weighs in on his thoughts and what you should do when you find out your addict has been watching very disturbing and “not normal” porn. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My husband suffers from depression and it’s starting to drag me down. How can I better support myself and him? [3:30] Dr. Rob shares a self-assessment to

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30:36

His Sexual Fantasies are Out of Control and It’s...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/03/15

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a listener's question who feels very stuck and hopeless. She feels trapped because it seems the aggression in sex with her addict is getting worse and worse. He has intense sexual fantasies throughout the day and wants to keep acting out with them. Is there hope for someone like this? TAKEAWAYS: [:35] I have performance anxiety. I can’t seem to perform now that I’m sober. [2:20] Intimacy is scary. How do you talk about your performance anxiety? [4:45] My SA husband has

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31:43

My Addict Doesn’t Trust Me! The Audacity. He Thinks...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/03/15

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a very upset listener. Her partner is accusing her of being unfaithful after the discovery because he feels she will just want to cheat back after finding out about everything this man has done. She is furious that this man is projecting his insecurities onto her. Dr. Rob and Tami share how this woman can protect herself, heal herself, and move forward from this projection. TAKEAWAYS: [:50] Should my SA husband be treated for OCD? [4:45] I keep thinking I

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33:55

She Had a Ring On, and He Respected It. Yet He Still...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/03/07

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a very hurt spouse. Her husband has found himself sexually attracted to amarried woman, and although he was honest with her, she can’t understand why he’ll respect the marriage of a stranger but not his own marriage. What’s going on with this person? Does he have so little care about their own marriage? Dr. Rob and Tami share some insights. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My SA has no empathy. Is this fixable? [4:40] How do I know if my addict truly wants to change

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28:41

He Cheated. Was My Entire Marriage a Lie?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/03/07

Dr. Rob and Tami share some light into why an addict might betray their spouse’s trust. Was the last 40-plus years of marriage all a lie? The answer is no. Addicts are deeply broken people and, although this is not an excuse, they show love in very puzzling and misguided ways. Dr. Rob and Tami offer some understanding and insight into why an addict might think, and do, the things that they do. TAKEAWAYS: [:25] How do I respond to my addict when he says I don’t appreciate him enough? [9:00] My SA

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30:14

My Betrayed Spouse Thinks I’m Disgusting. Can We...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/02/16

Dr. Rob and Tami get a question from a SA who is experiencing a lot of shame and distress in his current relationship. After disclosing to his wife all the betrayals and hurts he has caused her, she is having a hard time adjusting to this new-found information. She has expressed that she thinks he’s disgusting for having certain sexual preferences. Is there any hope for him to reconcile and have a loving relationship again with his wife? Dr. Rob and Tami offer some insight into what’s really going

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36:17

The Opposite of Addiction Is Healthy Attachment

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/02/15

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is struggling with their ambivalent emotions against their addict. Dr. Rob senses this betrayed spouse has too much investment in the addict and not enough care or compassion for themselves. It’s important as a betrayed partner to practice self-care and to get a support group for your journey also! TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My SA has had a couple of slips since his recovery. Is this normal? [6:25] You don’t have to be nice when he is hurting you! [9:25]

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30:00

Help! I Want to Relapse!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/02/02

Dr. Rob and Tami understand that when you’re going through recovery and begin hitting milestones, you start to question why you’re really doing all of this. The journey to recovery is often hard and challenging, but it is worth it. If you’re starting to get that itch to relapse, you need to connect with your community. There is so much healing in your community! TAKEAWAYS: [:35] I’m relapsing on porn due to work stress and anxiety. How do I fight back? [5:50] What are you currently doing to enjoy

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31:21

One Month Sober and I Want to Flip Tables and End It All

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/01/31

Dr. Rob and Tami understand that when you're going through recovery and begin hitting milestones, you start to question why you’re really doing all of this for. The journey to recovery is often hard and challenging, but it is worth it. If you’re starting to get that itch to relapse, you need to connect with your community. There is so much healing in your community! TAKEAWAYS: [:35] I’m relapsing on porn due to work stress and anxiety. How do I fight back? [5:50] What are you currently doing to

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32:21

My Boundaries Keep Getting Violated. Do I Need to...

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/01/26

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a listener who seems to have their boundaries constantly pushed and violated. If you feel like you have to accept something unacceptable, take a step back and remind yourself that you don’t! Dr. Rob and Tami offer some perspective on this situation. TAKEAWAYS: [:40] What’s the difference between a trauma therapist vs. a trauma coach? [4:35] You should always get the most qualified person to help you through your issue or problem. [6:20] My partner keeps

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28:00

He Emotionally Abuses Me, Is He a Sociopath?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/01/19

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about whether someone can be a sociopath as well as a sex addict. This betrayed partner is being verbally abused and is wondering if the addict is suffering from some sort of disorder. Dr. Rob and Tami get real and share why someone might just be plain abusive and not have sociopathic tendencies. TAKEAWAYS: [:40] My partner gets triggered and I never know what to do. How can I help her? [4:30] Can I get my betrayed partner to also help him/her manage my triggers? [7:40] I

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23:47

My Addict Keeps Accusing Me of Cheating. I'm Not! What?!

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/01/09

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a troubling question from a listener. Her husband is accusing her of cheating and he even called her a nasty name because he found out someone had a high school crush on her over 40 years ago. What is going on with this person? He’s the one with the addiction, not her, so why is she getting so much heat? Dr. Rob and Tami dive into what might be causing such a phenomenon. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] I need to get organized. I need some sort of structure. How can I do this? [5:20] They

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24:08

How Does Addiction Affect The Family Unit?

Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction ·

2023/01/09

Dr. Rob and Tami explain to the listeners how addiction has ripple effects on family dynamics. Many addicts think they’re great parents to their children, but that could not be further from the truth. If you’re not a great partner to your spouse, you are causing ripples of trauma not only in the way they show up but in the way your children are parented. Dr. Rob and Tami explain how addiction affects more than just the addict in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] How does sex addiction affect

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