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PODCAST

Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Ready for practical and positive perspectives on conflict? Join host Jane Beddall, M.A., J.D., to explore ways to preserve and restore harmony by preventing or limiting conflicts that may damage valued relationships and to effectively resolve those that may occur. We will talk about elephants in the room, expanding pies, the problem with cookie cutters, and much more. If you don’t know what those things mean, you will enjoy learning about them. If you do know them, you will be able to expand your

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

00:04:35

Noticing conflict patterns – timing

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/10/10

When we are in ongoing relationships in an extended family or family enterprise, we should be on the lookout for patterns. Is there a pattern to when we frequently end up in a bad conflict? Which is probably easier to notice than when we don’t end up there.One easy-to-detect factor is timing. Are meetings scheduled at a time of day that is primed for frustration? Are participants in decision-making given ample time to prepare for making them? Noticing patterns and taking helpful steps from what we

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00:05:18

Marking – and even celebrating – progress in disputes...

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/10/03

In the context of a dispute or conflict, we may easily overlook progress. We might miss markers all together. We may see them but dismiss them as no big deal. Baby steps matter. How? First, though they may be only slight improvements, they are improvements. Second, they usually indicate some success in those who are in conflict working together in some small way.Third, marking that progress – and celebrating it in some even minor way, helps to cementthe progress. To support momentum. And

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00:05:50

Episode 300 of Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/09/26

Most podcasts don’t last as long as mine. Some recent statistics are available here: Podcastpage.io https://bit.ly/3THcApJ. Why have I been publishing every week for five and a half years?! I think it breaks down to three things.First, understanding conflict and helping people deal with it better is my passion -- and has been for decades. Second, the podcast gives me the opportunity to talk with amazing guests. Third, less modestly, I have been working as a conflict specialist, continually

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00:30:46

Kristin Keffeler on The Myth of the Silver Spoon

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/09/19

Kristin Keffler joins me for this episode. Kristin is the author of The Myth of the Silver Spoon: Navigating Family Wealth & Creating an Impactful Life. We talk about Kristin’s personal, educational, and professional journeys – and how those threads come together to inform her writing and her work today, especially for Rising Gens in financially significant families.Kristin gives us a brief introduction to the discipline of positive psychology. And she shares a few words about the book she

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00:03:22

The dangers of shorthand

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/09/12

Last time, I talked about the alure of a common language. On the plus side, this shorthandsaves time. A common phrase conveys meaning quickly.When I use it, I demonstrate that I know the lingo of this group. We feel a sense of connection when we use our own group language. What could go wrong? A few things. What if some people are brand new to a group and don’t know the lingo? Will they feel unwelcome? Not sure about speaking up and saying, “I don’t understand”? What if the obvious meaning was

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00:03:11

The allure of a common language

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/09/05

Similar ideas expressed differently across groups/identities/fields of interest. Words that are familiar and well-understood within a group. That common language. Shorthand. Lingo. Jargon, even. Why do we do it? It saves time, that precious commodity. It can be a signifier: I understand the language of this group. And it reinforces our connection to each other within the group: this is the way that we talk.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about

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00:29:00

Douglas Squirrel on Agile Conversations

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/08/29

Douglas Squirrel joins me to talk about the book he co-authored with Jeffrey Frederick, Agile Conversations: Transform Your Conversations, Transform Your Culture. And we discuss an atypical definition of trust, five types of conversations, and what he means by this phrase: “bust your coherence”. You can learn more about the work that Squirrel (as he likes to be known) does and find resources here: https://douglassquirrel.com/. You can learn more about the online community where tech and non-tech

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00:04:47

Using the LARA method to navigate conflict

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/08/22

LARA is a communication and conflict resolution method.Listen: First listen with the intention of truly understanding what the person is saying. Affirm: Find something in what the person has said or implied that you share and affirm that. Respond: Directly address the concern that was voiced or the feeling behind it. Ask open-ended questions and then add new information, new perspective or personal experience.These links have some concise information about LARA.

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00:04:15

Not enough of a good thing

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/08/15

Usually, we hear about too much of a good thing. Of course, we might not all agree on whether something even is a good thing. Three separate ideas have cropped up recently about our needing more of something that I, at least, believe is a good thing.More of what we don’t prefer, more polite disagreement, and more benefit of the doubt.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know

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00:29:53

Karen Valencic on Akido and conflict, plus her Spiral...

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/08/08

Karen Valencic joins me to talk about Akido and conflict, power and force, and the new black belt edition of her book Spiral Impact: The Power to Get It Done with Grace. You can learn more about Karen and her work here: https://www.karenvalencic.com/. Conflictmastery.com will take you to: https://www.karenvalencic.com/membership-site-optin. Find Karen’s profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenvalencic/ . Contact Karen directly here: karen@spiralimpact.comDo you have comments or suggestions

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00:04:33

Resisting and embracing polarities

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/08/01

Polarities represent an ongoing situation. They come in pairs. They are interdependent: you need them both, over time. Easy example: inhale and exhale. Harder: when two people see things differently and each one strongly prefers the pole opposite to the one the other person prefers. We can have a natural – initial – tendency to resist seeing polarities where they exist. When we embrace polarities – even if grudgingly at first – we can make real progress. Recognizing that both poles have benefits

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00:04:07

The right questions as well as the right answers

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/07/25

Paraphrasing my most recent guest, Cathy Carroll: coaches work to have all the right questions, not all the right answers. But when this particular challenge is part of an ongoing relationship, it’s wise to focus on questions before jumping to answers. Asking yourself,what really matters here? What are my interests? My priorities? Is this issue deeply important to me? We often hear about the value of curiosity. Ask the other person. What are their ideas about this situation and how best to deal

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00:26:07

Cathy Carroll on the Hug of War of effectively...

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/07/18

Cathy Carroll is a leadership coach specializing in family businesses. We talk about her brand-new book – the title says it all. Hug of War: How to Lead a Family Business With Both Love and Logic. You can learn more about Cathy’s work and her book here: https://www.legacyonward.com/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as

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00:04:41

Flexibility requires structure

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/07/11

Structure – of some kind – is an essential element of a model or framework. How would flexibility work without structure? I doubt that you would call it flexibility – the very word suggests a change from something. If there weren’t something solid to start, how could you change from it? It wouldn’t be flexibility then – just confusion, chaos, indecision, meandering, fog. But models, frameworks, processes provide the structure that flexibility requires. Structure without flexibility? That’s also too

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00:28:52

Paul Edelman on his COImpAct decision-making model

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/07/04

Paul Edelman talks with me about how he works with clients to make more informed decisions, generating better results. We discuss his proprietary COImpact model, a process for better decision-making. Paul used his experience in a variety of settings to create the Context, Outcomes, Implications, and Action model – considering what he had seen to work well … and not so well. You can learn more about Paul’s work here: https://www.edelmancoaching.com/ You can email him here: paul@edelmancoaching.com

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00:03:54

I'm calmer, you're calmer

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/06/27

Our emotions affect the emotions of the person we are talking to in times of stress or conflict. It’s a two-way street. Wildly oversimplifying the neuroscience of it: when we are physically near each other, we are picking up on the hormones that the other person is experiencing.If only one of us steps aside from the negative emotions, it can have a positive effect on the other person. When I’m calmer, you are calmer. When you are calmer, I am calmer. You can think of it as breaking the negative

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00:05:15

It’s not the stimuli, it’s …

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/06/20

My most recent guest, Natalie McVeigh, talked with me about the neuroscience of stress and conflict. Here’s one excellent idea to highlight from our conversation. To paraphrase:There’s a lot of research on stress, and this one conclusion is key --It’s not the stimuli, it’s our response to those stimuli.First step, be aware. What am I feeling? Is my body telling me that I am stressed? Second step, try to understand what about that stimulus is stressing you. What is the perceived threat? Figuring that

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00:29:03

Natalie McVeigh on the neuroscience of stress and...

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/06/13

Natalie McVeigh joins me to talk about her interest in the study of neuroscience of stress and conflict and how she uses what she continues to learn about human brains, emotions, and stimuli in her work with families as a coach, consultant, and mediator. And she helps to bust a few brain myths. Here are some key points Natalie made: perception is everything. When we think about conflict we should focus not on the stimuli (which can very rarely control), but on our response to stimuli. We are 100%

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00:04:46

The problem with perceptions

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/06/06

My perceptions are mine and yours are yours. Nothing will change that fundamental fact. Our perceptions are – logically and inevitably – deeply affected by our experiences, assumptions, and expectations. When we see important things in deeply different ways, we have options. We can take a more positive approach.First, we can recognize and accept that we have different perceptions. Second, we can work to avoid the risk of damage to the relationship that comes with immediately assuming that our

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00:05:51

Free resources to learn about conflict

Crafting Solutions to Conflict ·

2024/05/30

Here are some free resources to learn about conflict: Association for Conflict Resolution is here: https://acrnet.org/Its Greater New York Chapter (ACR-GNY) can be found here: https://www.acrgny.org/ You can sign up for their monthly roundtable and find recordings of past roundtables there. The NYC-DR listserv has a wide range of posts. To join this listserv, or to sign up for the digest [i.e. one email daily], go to: http://listserver.jjay.cuny.edu/. To access listserv archives, go to:

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