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PODCAST

Playing With Fire

Welcome to Playing With Fire, the podcast for people who are ready to custom-build their love. We’re talking about non-monogamy–however you design it–as an individuation opportunity. Want to leave the default and make your life spectacularly you? You’re in the right place.

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

00:25:05

166 Q&A Quickie: How do I deal with my anxiety when...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/08/24

Scenario: your anchor partner is on a date with someone else. You know they have a super hot connection, and sex is definitely on the table. You’re excited for them… but once they leave, and the time starts ticking by, all sorts of feelings are coming up. Your anxiety is building… and you don’t know how to deal with it.We get asked about this scenario a lot, because it can be SO challenging. Good news—we’ve been there, we’ve learned a lot about our own do’s and don’ts, and we know how to help you

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00:47:57

165 Monogamy, In This Economy? with Laura Boyle

Playing With Fire ·

2024/08/17

Money, parenting, sharing space, schedules, rental agreements… these may not be the sexiest and most exciting aspects of non-monogamy, but they are important. In fact, they’re common stumbling blocks, and can cause big relationship issues when left unaddressed for long periods of time.Here’s the problem: we rarely get to hear about how other polyamorous people are handling the practical details of their lives. That’s exactly what our guest today, author and coach Laura Boyle, is out to solve. Her

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00:54:59

164 I HATE THIS: Get Unstuck with Existential Kink (A...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/08/10

A lot of personal growth work is about recognizing and focusing on what we can change in our lives. Take responsibility and make the changes needed. But sometimes you’re stuck. Stuck and bewildered by how this shit keeps happening. There are those same old cyclical situations… a heated argument with a romantic partner, a recurring issue at work, a really challenging family dynamic… where we feel like we have no control. All those tools and practices go out the window and it feels like the situation

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00:53:58

163 Playfulness, vulnerability, and parenting with...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/08/03

Abbey and Liam approach building conscious relationships in a way that’s refreshing, pragmatic, playful, and authentic, all at once. Their work focuses on creating space for open, real conversations about non-monogamy, and they’re really good at it!!In this episode, Abbey and Liam share a lot about their journeys, including their gradual, relaxed approach to coming out as non-monogamous, how they prioritize parenting, and how they navigate challenges like jealousy, boundaries, commitment, and

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01:34:49

162 Non-monogamy & Community: Real Stories from YOO

Playing With Fire ·

2024/07/27

Opening up isn’t just about f*cking around and finding out.Done thoughtfully, it’s an experience of opening up yourself. It winds up being a journey of learning what you truly need and want and how to collaborate to create relationships that truly fit. The Year of Opening is POWERFUL. I’ve seen people transform themselves and their lives in this program, over and over. In this special PWF episode, we sit down with five past participants to hear about what brought them to The Year of Opening, the

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00:53:58

161 Adopting a polyamorous lens with Alex Alberto,...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/07/20

When we read Entwined, Alex Alberto’s genre-blending memoir, we felt seen, understood, and represented on a whole new level. We knew right away that we wanted Alex to join us on Playing With Fire—and this week’s episode is even better than we could have imagined!!Alex’s ground-breaking collection of essays covers beautiful and difficult parts of polyamory that are rarely discussed in story-telling formats. They show us how intense and transformative metamour relationships can be, and they bring us

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00:52:13

160 Getting your needs met

Playing With Fire ·

2024/07/13

Opening up your relationship does not automatically lead to you getting more of your needs met. Monogamy or not, identifying and communicating your needs, wants, and likes can be really challenging!! It’s also crucial to building fulfilling relationships, which is exactly why we created this episode.Like most aspects of relating, individuating, differentiating, and all the wonderful things we like to talk about on Playing With Fire, identifying and communicating your needs is a skill that you can

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00:23:25

159 Q&A quickie: How can I handle my resentment that...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/07/06

Resentment is one of those emotions that can be truly destructive in relationships. It can turn into contempt, and even acrimony… which is why we want to help you address these feelings early and thoroughly. Whether you're in the middle of a big, longstanding resentment issue, or if you’re just starting to feel a little bit bubble up in your relationship, this mini-episode is a must-listen.This week, we’re breaking down: — The difference between incompatible wants vs. incompatible relationship

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00:49:41

158 Desire discrepancy: What to do when your wants...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/06/29

Ever been in a relationship where one of you wanted a lot more sex than the other? Us too! It can be challenging to navigate, especially when you throw in stigma, trauma, sexual shame, and all the other obstacles that can make conversations about sex and desire tricky and painful.We have good news: There’s a lot you can do to address these issues! In fact, we find that when we do a little digging with our clients, many of those who struggle with desire discrepancy have barely talked about the

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00:55:12

157 What is compersion? with author Marie Thouin

Playing With Fire ·

2024/06/22

We talk about compersion a lot (duh, it’s awesome!!). But compersion is more than an emotion, and it’s more than the opposite of jealousy. Luckily, Marie Thouin (one of our podcast BFFs) returns to PWF to discuss her new book, What Is Compersion?, which dives into the complexities of compersion as a value system that does not have to be restricted to romantic relationships. In fact, we all have benefitted greatly from expanding the way that we understand and practice compersion to our platonic and

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00:43:53

156 Betrayal trauma & non-monogamy

Playing With Fire ·

2024/06/15

This episode is about betrayal. I know, super fun subject, but don’t click away!!Betrayal can touch on some of our deepest insecurities. But in my experience, the fear of betrayal can be more painful and damaging than betrayal itself. That’s one of the reasons why it’s important to face betrayal head-on, and to be honest with yourself about how your history with betrayal may be impacting your current relationships with your partner(s) and yourself. This can be a confusing subject, especially for

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00:18:34

155 Q&A Quickie: How do we rebuild from lost trust?

Playing With Fire ·

2024/06/08

People hurt each other all the time. Even in the strongest relationships and with the best intentions, it happens!Ruptures in trust are not fun to think about, but we’ve found that addressing the subject proactively is crucial. So whether you’ve just experienced a break in trust, or you’re looking to prepare for those inevitable relationship challenges, this mini-episode is a must-listen. In this episode, we talk about: — The nature of trust and how it is built and broken in relationships — Our

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00:51:17

154 Research-backed therapy for non-monogamous people...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/06/01

This one’s for you, fellow relationship nerds! Listen in on this fabulous conversation with Dr. River Farrell, a clinical psychologist, independent non-monogamy researcher, and member of the polyamory and queer communities. They’re joining us to talk about research, therapy, jealousy, and how we can actually apply findings from the research to improve mental health care for people in the non-monogamy community.Dr. Farrell uncovers the reasons why traditional therapy modalities might not be working

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00:47:41

153 Limerence vs. New Relationship Energy

Playing With Fire ·

2024/05/25

Have you ever had really strong feelings for someone— so strong that they took over your brain (and maybe even your life)? That kind of obsession can be super exciting, but it can also have big consequences.Limerence and New Relationship Energy are two kinds of intense romantic fixation that have some key differences, and we’re diving deep into both of them. We’ve been there—and that’s why we want to help you navigate these (exciting, scary, complicated… the list goes on!!) states of being. In this

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00:37:21

152 How to take intentional relationship breaks

Playing With Fire ·

2024/05/18

When you hear the phrase "taking a break," do you think of fear, uncertainty, or sadness? We’ve been there, and we made this episode to help you forge a new path. More often than not, unintentional breaks—whether from a relationship or a conversation—can simply delay the same outcomes and patterns. But breaks don't have to be evidence of a fundamental breakdown or incompatibility within a relationship. In fact, they can be a chance to hit refresh, realign, and come back stronger than

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00:52:45

151 Justice Jealousy

Playing With Fire ·

2024/05/11

Some kinds of jealousy can just feel totally overwhelming. They may even make you feel rage. Justice jealousy is definitely one of them. Justice jealousy—a term that was coined by Jessica Fern (one of our favorite authors and recurring PWF guest)—can happen when your partner wasn’t able to provide something for you in the past, and then you witness them providing that same thing to one of their other partners. Ouch! The feelings that come up in these situations can be strong. So we’re here to give

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00:41:33

150 Asymmetric Agreements: How much balance should we...

Playing With Fire ·

2024/05/04

So, you want to create relationship agreements with your partner. Great! You probably want those agreements to be fair, balanced, and symmetrical. Great… right?Here’s the thing: everyone is different. We all have our own needs, wants, limits, trauma histories… the list goes on! So is trying to make symmetrical relationship agreements a worthwhile task? (Spoiler alert: not really!) In this episode, we discuss how you can use the concept of asymmetry on purpose, and we break down why it can be a

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00:41:52

149 Relationship Agreements 101

Playing With Fire ·

2024/04/27

There are a lot of bad ways to make relationship agreements. (Trust us, we’ve been there!) But creating supportive agreements can open up a world of experimentation for you and your partner(s), while also providing safe, solid structures to fall back on. This isn’t our first episode on relationship agreements, and it won’t be the last (we LOVE this topic), but this one’s a must listen–we’re breaking down all the basics. —Learn the difference between relationship agreements and relationship

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00:42:48

148 Can my attachment style do non-monogamy?

Playing With Fire ·

2024/04/20

Attachment theory has been all the rage recently, and hey, we get it - it’s a super helpful tool that comes up a lot in our work! But we’ve also been noticing some common pitfalls that are easy to stumble into while exploring the world of attachment styles. Labels like anxious, avoidant, or disorganized can feel quite restrictive, especially when people start to assume them as an identity.Here’s the thing: you are a whole, complex, multifaceted person, and every relationship you have is going to be

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00:41:08

147 How to build healthy differentiation

Playing With Fire ·

2024/04/13

Differentiation is one of the pillars of conscious relationships—but it doesn’t just happen, we have to actively practice differentiation over time. When we don’t, there will be symptoms:If you’ve been feeling some resentment building up inside of you, if you’ve been feeling smothered, if you think you might be over- or under-functioning in your relationship(s), or if you’ve been having the same fights over and over with your partner(s), it might be time for you to get serious about

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104 results

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