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PODCAST

The Crooked Wheel

The Crooked Wheel

The Crooked Wheel is a comedy site in the style of The Onion. It features fake news, fake ads, fake interviews, and fake reviews. It is not intended to be taken seriously. “The Crooked Wheel” was founded in 2022 by a group of degenerates. The site was originally intended as a general satire site, but soon became known for its fake news articles.

comedy

All Episodes

00:00:27

Gimme Dat ‘nother One, Pops

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/15

NEW ORLEANS, LA—Stretching out on his couch with a cold beer and the remote control, local man Dan O'Brien is reportedly gimme dat'nother one, pops."Ah, come on, one more," the man said to his television Monday before settling in for another hour of television. "I'm feelin' it." O'Brien then reportedly called out to his wife to bring him another one of those things he was feeling. This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/14/gimme-dat-nother-one-pops/

en

00:00:31

Local Cheerleader Hopes To Become First Person To Get...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/14

WESTFIELD, NJ—Cheerleader for Westfield High School's varsity football team, 16-year-old Lauren Cavanaugh, hopes to become the first person ever to escape from the town of Westfield. "I'm going to get out of this dump someday," said Cavanaugh, who has already begun saving up for a one-way bus ticket out of state. "I don't know where I'm going yet, but I'll know it when I see it." Cavanaugh added that she hopes to become the first person ever to leave her family behind as well. This episode is also

en

00:00:59

Local Gingerbread Man Accused Of Being A Bad Neighbor

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/13

AUSTIN, TX—Claiming that the baked confection had been a “bad neighbor” for years, a local woman held a press conference Tuesday to accuse her local gingerbread man of harassing her and her family. “I’ve lived in this neighborhood for more than 50 years, and I can tell you that this gingerbread man has always been a troublemaker,” said local resident Linda Smith, adding that the gingerbread man had been throwing loud parties every night and disturbing the peace of the entire block. “This is a quiet

en

00:01:11

Personalized Haunted House Lets Visitors Choose Their...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/13

CHICAGO, IL—Explaining that the experience was far more terrifying when visitors were able to tailor their own scares, officials at Chicago’s Terror House announced Friday that their new personalized haunted house would let guests choose their own frights. “We’ve created a unique and terrifying experience for every guest by allowing them to select the exact things that will frighten them the most,” said lead designer Adam Pasternak, adding that visitors would be given a questionnaire at the entrance

en

00:00:34

Broken Furniture Is Now Available In New, More Broken...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/13

STERLING, VA—Touted as the most broken-down, dysfunctional pieces of furniture ever produced, Brok-R-Door Furniture unveiled its new line of broken furniture Monday. "Our new line of broken sofas, chairs and tables is available in a variety of distressed finishes," said Brok-R-Door spokesperson Gary Sutterfield. "Whether you're looking for a slightly used or heavily abused piece of furniture, we've got it." Sutterfield said the company is also developing a line of broken lamps and floor

en

00:00:31

Local Fruit Dealer Offers Free Advice To Customers

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/12

BOSTON, MA—The owner of local produce stand The Fruit Stand has offered free advice to all his customers, no matter what they buy. "When I see someone buying apples, I tell them to eat the apple with the skin on," said owner and fruit dealer Jim O'Hara. "And when I see someone buying bananas, I tell them to eat the banana with the peel on." O'Hara also offers free advice to customers who do not buy anything at all, telling them not to buy apples or bananas. This episode is also available as a

en

00:00:37

Pudding is Not a Vegetable

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/12

WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark decision Monday, the US Supreme Court ruled that pudding is not a vegetable under federal law. "Pudding is a dessert, and as such cannot be classified as a vegetable," said Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who wrote the majority opinion. "Vegetables are grown in soil and are consumed as part of a balanced diet. Pudding, on the other hand, is eaten with a spoon." O'Connor added that if pudding were classified as a vegetable, it would open the door to other foods being

en

00:00:58

Pawn Stars’ Chumlee Reveals He’s Been Living In A Box...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/12

LAS VEGAS, NV—In a shocking revelation that sent shockwaves through the Las Vegas community, Pawn Stars cast member Chumlee revealed Monday that he’s been living in a box for the past decade to avoid child support payments. “I’ve been in this cardboard box since 2008, when I was forced to move out of my old house after my wife took me to court for not paying child support,” said the reality TV star and pawn shop employee, who explained that he had been sleeping in a cardboard box ever since he was

en

00:00:58

Video Games May Be Good For Kids’ Eyes

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/11

BOSTON, MA—A new study published Monday in the New England Journal Of Medicine found that playing video games may actually be beneficial to children’s eyesight. “While we have long been concerned about the effects of violent media on young people, our research suggests that there may be a positive side to gaming,” said lead author Dr. Roberta Friedman, adding that children who play video games for at least two hours a day were found to have 20/15 vision and better peripheral vision than their

en

00:01:08

League of Legends is Not a Sport, Says League of...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/11

League of Legends player and avid fan Marcus Gorman, 23, told reporters at a press conference Tuesday that the multiplayer online battle arena game is not a sport. “I don’t know what the hell you guys are talking about,” said Gorman, who has been playing League of Legends for over three years and has reached the Diamond rank in the game’s competitive online play This episode is also available as a blog post:

en

00:00:43

Broadway Is Revealed To Be A Series Of Dreams

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/10

NEW YORK, NY—In a stunning discovery that has sent shockwaves through the theater community, researchers at New York University's Department of Psychology announced Monday that Broadway is actually a series of dreams. "Our research shows that the entire fabric of Broadway—the plays, the actors, the audiences—is actually just an elaborate dream," said Dr. Richard Ziegler, adding that the first Broadway dream was probably generated by someone who saw a show on Broadway and then had a dream about

en

00:00:32

Alien Technology Finally Arrives To Destroy Earth

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/10

NEW YORK, NY—After billions of years of traveling through space, alien technology finally arrived Monday to destroy the Earth. "We have been waiting for this moment for a long time," said U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres, who was informed of the impending alien attack by an aide who received a message from an orbiting satellite. "It is almost here." The alien technology is expected to obliterate all life on Earth within minutes. This episode is also available as a blog post:

en

00:00:42

I’ve Lost the Ability to Differentiate Between Milk...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/09

BALTIMORE, MD—According to sources, local man Paul Larkin has lost the ability to differentiate between milk and not milk. “I’m pretty sure I poured milk into this glass, but now it looks like water,” said Larkin of the beverage he was holding, which he had apparently mistaken for a glass of water at some point after pouring it. “Wait, no, I definitely put milk in this. I can taste it. Oh, wait, maybe that’s just my imagination.” At press time, Larkin was reportedly relieved to have discovered that

en

00:00:54

Nathan Fielder Was Just Trying To Be Funny When He...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/09

LOS ANGELES, CA—Saying he was just trying to be funny, Nathan Fielder confirmed Wednesday that he was not actually threatening anyone when he said he would kill anyone who tried to take his food. “I want to make it clear that I was just joking around when I said I would kill anyone who tried to take my food,” said Fielder, adding that while his comments were meant in jest, the Canadian comedian and star of Nathan For You wasn't opposed to making a few extra enemies. “I know there are a lot of people

en

00:00:46

Local Traveler Warned To Be Careful After Getting...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/08

CHICAGO, IL—Noting that the incident could have been avoided entirely if he had left the house earlier, friends of local traveler Brian Denton warned him Wednesday to be careful after getting stuck in traffic on his way to the airport. “You’ve got to be more careful than that, Brian, or you’re going to miss your flight,” said friend and fellow passenger Emily Hines, who expressed concern that Denton might not make it to his flight on time after noticing that he was only a few minutes behind

en

00:00:51

Cats Are Just As Annoying As You Think They Are

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/08

WASHINGTON, DC—A new study published Monday by the American Association for the Advancement of Science has concluded that cats are, in fact, just as annoying as you think they are. “After a comprehensive analysis of all available data, our research team found that cats are indeed as aggravating and insufferable as you have always believed them to be,” said lead researcher Dr. Peter Hirschmann, adding that the study confirmed that cats are “completely fucking inscrutable” and “make this awful mewing

en

00:01:07

Global Warming Revealed to Be Caused By Giant,...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/07

NEW YORK, NY—A new study published Monday by researchers at the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change revealed that global warming is caused by a giant, invisible ham sandwich. “Our data indicate that the reason the earth’s temperature has risen over the past century is because of a massive, 4-mile-wide ham sandwich that hovers in the stratosphere above the North Pole,” said lead author Dr. Paul Nesbitt, adding that while scientists have long suspected a link between ham

en

00:00:31

Soup is Not a Meal

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/07

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A study released Monday by the Center for Health and the Environment found that soup is not a meal. "Soup is a delicious, nutritious, and filling first course," said Dr. Richard Averill, director of the center's Food Policy Institute. "But soup is not a meal." The study comes on the heels of a similar report issued last month by the American Dietetic Association, which found that salad is not a meal. This episode is also available as a blog post:

en

00:00:59

Buses and Trains are Good for People Who Don’t Have Cars

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/06

NEW YORK, NY—Explaining that the transit system is a fine way to get around if you’re not able to afford a vehicle, sources confirmed Friday that buses and trains are good for people who don’t have cars. “Sure, riding the bus or train is a perfectly fine way to get from place to place if you don’t have your own car, but it’s still not as good as driving yourself,” said local man Kevin Denton, echoing the sentiments of millions of Americans who stated that public transportation was a perfectly

en

00:00:55

Local Teenagers Make First Step Toward Becoming...

The Crooked Wheel ·

2022/10/06

MUNCIE, IN—Saying the experience would help them prepare for the real world, local teenagers Marcus Carver and Tyler Gifford told reporters Friday that they were making their first step toward becoming adults by getting jobs at a fast food restaurant. “It’s important to learn how to balance a checkbook and manage your time before you go out into the world and have to support yourself,” said Gifford, 16, who added that he and his friend were taking the first step toward becoming independent by waking

en

61 results

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