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PODCAST

The Hyper Theticals Podcast

Adriano Howlett & Andrew Massey

Speculating (wildly), entertaining (mildly). Two chaps of purported culture and wit pose each other hypothetical questions, and take you on a tour of the more peculiar corners of the imagination. There are no stupid questions, but there are some very silly answers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

comedy improv

All Episodes

1:38:30

S3E11 - Three-Legged Wrestling

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2022/01/18

As we discuss this episode, there are really only about a dozen possible conversation topics, once you really get to think about it. Once you've exhausted the possibilities of bees, vehicles, bees in vehicles... well, it's time to finally finish what we started way back in our first ever episode, and lay to rest once and for all the contentious matter of how to fix sport! Join us as we cook up a tasty melange of Squid Game and the Triwizard Tournament, then finish up with everybody's favourite

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1:16:28

S3E10 - Love Triangle with a Weregoose

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/07/31

Ever since that first time an audience got freaked out by a train, we've been fascinated by the ol' moving pictures. But have we done all we can with this inspiring medium? As ever, the answer is a resounding no. Sure, we could keep just re-releasing superhero sequels and live-action remakes of animated classics, but the modern audience demands so much more. Join us as we explore genre-busting twists on classic tales, play with the paper-thin distinction between horror and romance, and discover

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1:02:05

S3E9 - Shotput Xylophone

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/07/22

If music be the food of love, then it's time to put love on a diet. Honestly, this stuff'll clog your arteries. We've heard your chart pops, your synth beats and your hard rocks, and honestly none of them are quite cutting the mustard. As is reliably the case, the status quo needs shaking up, and we've got the ol' Disrupt-o-matic all revved up and ready to go. We're talking Non-Fungible-Tracks, concerts so intimate they barely exist, and unwieldly cylinders of rich, malleable wax. Music used:

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59:17

S3E8 - Toy Story True

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/07/02

Plastic pals that come alive. Every kid's dream, right? Sneaking around your bedroom at night, getting into mischief. What could possibly go wrong. Join us as we take a deep dive into what the world might actually look like if a) the Toy Story films were 100% true and b) the cat was out of the bag (or toy was out of the box, or whatever). If you haven't seen any of the films then... spoilers I guess. But the point is, the toys come alive when nobody's looking. You get it. Music used: "Ethernight

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1:48:57

S3E7 - Call an Ambulance, I'm Wrapped in Felt!

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/06/05

You may not like it, but this is what peak human performance looks like. Squat, scaly forms heaving their metallic bulk over the scorched landscape. Gradually slowing, slowing, slowing down as the precious heat leaves their blood. As they grind to a stately halt, a majestic crest extends! Up, up it reaches, a salute to the heavens, a mute appeal to a nameless god, a conduit for the light, the life, the precious power.At least, that'd probably be the case if the Earth was covered in constant

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56:52

S3E6 - Batman's Delusion Goggles

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/05/10

According to The Matrix, they had to trap everyone in a simulation that mirrored real life - as opposed to a perfect digital utopia - because when they tried the latter for Matrix 1.0, the collective minds of humanity rejected it. That does seem like an appropriate punchline to the cosmic joke that is consciousness, and if you look around at the simulations we build for ourselves to get lost in, you can kind of see their point. Our digital playgrounds tend to feature more threat, drudgery and

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1:03:50

S3E5 - Nazi Zombie Army: Sniper Elite (in Space)...

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/04/20

There are two types of people: 1) those who will one day be zombies, and 2) those who will one day be their food. Pretty sure we read that on an inspirational bumper sticker or something. Then I guess you've got the oh-so-badass survivors (let's call them 3), many of whom end up as number 2) by the end of the movie anyway, so the few who don't are really a negligible statistical anomaly. So you know what forget 3, they don't deserve their own category. And now that we think about it, most of the

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53:48

S3E4 - Shovelling Gravel into an Ostrich

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/04/11

Don't get us wrong, we love dogs. And horses, horses are great. Actually, since they basically occupy the middle of that Venn diagram, it's possible we love greyhounds most of all. But that's not the point - the point is, what if humans hadn't been able to base their early civilisation around the domestication of such familiar species, and had to branch (and trunk, and root, and tunnel and river) out instead?Picture a bucolic farmyard scene. Under a blue sky, amid rolling hills, sheep graze

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1:00:01

S3E3 - Beef Lightning

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/04/02

Heaven forbid we ever engage in anything approaching continuity on this programme, but looking at this and last episode it's possible to start noticing a theme. And it's 'misinformation', which is probably bang on the mark for our brand! This time, rather than confirming conspiracy theories for fun and profit, we set about justifying that other mainstay of fake news: spurious correlations. You know when the graph they flash up looks so clear, so neat and obviously true that you can't possibly

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1:13:30

S3E2 - Lucy in the Sky with Dinosaurs

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/03/21

We all know you have to check your facts in this age of misinformation. You've gotta do your due diligence, be appropriately sceptical. You don't just lap up the fake news that the mainstream media is trying to feed you. No no, you open a new tab, run a quick search, open up to two (2) of the results from the first page, skim the headline and scroll down to the last sentence and see if they look like they agree with the first thing you saw. Or at least if the stock photo gives you a positive vibe

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1:37:59

S3E1 - Long-Range Dentistry

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2021/03/15

What would happen if the mechanical contrivances upon which we rely ever more heavily were to betray us - their hapless, trusting creators - with no warning or mercy, and indulge in a twisted mockery of their intended purpose? What if, in fact, all machines did the exact opposite of what they were built for, 1% of the time? Picture a world where the 1% isn't just the hated pinnacle of the socio-economic pyramid, but also the very real possibility that your flight back home won't be taking off today

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1:14:30

S2E12 - Black Friday Battle Droids

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/11/28

How do we save the High Street? On occasion, gentle listeners, even the highly trained hogwashers at Hyper Theticals Inc. cannot avoid being a little topical. We stand, ever vigilant, as your stalwart defenders against the vile incursions of "current events" and "useful information". We think you will agree there is far, far too much of that around already. Nevertheless, we cannot turn a blind eye when there is a chance our invigorating insights, delivered at such a crucial juncture in the manner

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1:22:08

S2E11 - The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/11/08

What if growing larger wasn't a tradition your bones gave up on in your twenties? Bellies and ears and stuff keep it going, sure, but we can probably all agree it isn't the same. Well, what if we told you you could just keep getting taller, your whole life? Well guess what! With our revolutionary new Hyper Theticals Gene Tonic (TM) , y- wait. No. That's not a real thing.Sorry, forgot what it was we do here for a moment. Not a bad idea though, must run it by the chaps in the lab. In the meantime, why

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58:02

S2E10 - Hufflepuffs Are Full of Phlegm

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/10/18

Pfft, scientists. Do they ever get anything right? We don't know and frankly, we don't trust them enough to ask. What we do know is that history is littered with their whopping boners (that's an archaic term for blunder, so get your minds out of the gutter).That's right, these know-it-alls have been telling us what's what for time immemorial, including that some types of geese are born from shellfish rather than being, as we all know, ugly ducklings that finally got tired of all the bullying and

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1:02:13

S2E9 - Heat Map of a Jim

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/07/18

We like to think we're on the pulse of what's new and fresh here at Hyper Theticals. And we bring that sexy innovation to you, the listener! Well there's this hot new thing called Climate Change, maybe you've heard of it. Now call us crazy, but we think maybe, just maybe, it might be bad. So: how fix? It'll come as no surprise to you, dear listeners, that we have some great ideas. Consider a space dumb-waiter, or the simple reverse-chimney. We can look forward to making our own Saturn-style rings of

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1:21:07

S2E8 - The Dog Turbine

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/07/04

What old products or recipes can we re-brand to make them attractive for a modern audience? This week, we take a stroll through the orchard of history, and pluck up some weird old fruit in hopes that contemporary appetites are ready for a little exotic flavour. And some of it really is quite plucked up, believe me. Put aside your squeamishness however - weevil larvae are nothing if not good, honest protein, and there's very little you can't (slightly) improve by putting it in a jelly. Tune in to

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1:13:09

S2E7 - Blimp My Ride

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/06/28

What single invention, if edited out of the timeline of our history, would have the most interesting effect on our modern world? I know I know, but forget about the obvious ones - we won't be talking about essentials like fidget spinners and pet rocks. They say necessity is the mother of invention, but what we've learned is that you don't actually *need* flushing toilets or the printing press. In fact, the absence of such crutches would probably enrich our moral fibre. Also, somewhere out there is a

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1:07:29

S2E6 - You're Not the Real Gandhi!

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/06/21

Are alien invaders best scared away by angry moon faces or giant space mirrors? Friends, we'd better figure it out before they run out of commonplace Earth pathogens and substances to be fatally vulnerable to. In the meantime, best to keep all your food in airtight containers and, when in doubt, hide behind the sofa and pretend not to be home.More pressingly, what if our memories weren't erased as we were serially reincarnated? Would you ever recover from the trauma of birth after death after birth

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1:02:11

S2E5 - Appenstance

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/06/05

There's almost nothing you can't do on your phone these days. Each app is a handheld miracle!Receive troubling news alerts for things you didn't know you should care about? Absolutely.Obsessively stalk your ex, developing encyclopedic knowledge of all their new friends and interests? Check.Convert legitimately valuable currency into barrels of berries, with the ability to make otherwise unplayable games merely mediocre? You'd better believe it.Get stalked by a creepy owl for not eating your

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1:27:48

S2E4 - Flim Flam Film

The Hyper Theticals Podcast ·

2020/05/30

Ah, television. Like a sprawling oak, its foliage almost blocking out the sky. Even the single branch of "reality TV" is so long-established as to be massive, really a tree in its own right. Surely there can be no further room for growth? Well, we'll see. We're pretty sure we can find a bit more low-hanging fruit. Or acorns, or whatever. Consider such guaranteed instant hits as "Hate Island", "Come Dine with Me: Last Meal on Death Row" and "Criminal Eye for the Undercover Spy". You'll be wishing

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35 results

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