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PODCAST

The Nuance Diaries

Alexa Juanita Jordan

What sensitive, deeply feeling people are thinking but don’t say. AKA the stuff you usually save for the group chat. Consider my vulnerability a permission slip for yours. thenuancediaries.substack.com

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

9:27

The horrors persist, and so do the emails.

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/03/23

A week or so ago, a new subscriber told me that the following piece really resonated with them.The sentiment behind that piece has never felt truer, and these reflections came from the same chamber of my heart as that piece did.I saw the Wild Party on Sunday night. It was indeed a wild, wild party. It was so good and so intense. Earlier that day, I watched another intense performance — Hippolytus (in the arms of Aphrodite), an immersive augmented reality theatre experience. I’ve seen countless

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6:56

How I Found My Broken Hallelujah pt. 3 of 4

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/03/22

Have you listened to Part 1 and Part 2 yet? If not, start there!Broken things have long been romanticized in humanity’s search for renewal and redemption. The Japanese art of kintsugi is probably my favorite example.""KINSUGI" literary means gold (金 KIN) stitching (つぎ TSUGI) in Japanese. It is a Japanese art form of mending broken porcelain with lacquer (URUSHI), dusted with gold, or silver. The broken object gets revived with gold patches.The broken part is truly accepted and cherished as a history

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8:55

How I Found My Broken Hallelujah pt. 2 of 4

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/03/18

If you haven’t listened Part 1 yet, go ahead and do that first, HERE. ______________________________While my memories from the night of the panic attack are sparse, the ones from the following morning are vividly clear.I woke up thinking I had Covid. I felt like I had been hit by a truck ten times over in my sleep.I tried to shake it off and get ready for work, but my body made it very clear that that wasn’t going to happen. Calling in sick felt humiliating and unprofessional (although it is neither

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9:50

How I Found My Broken Hallelujah pt. 1 of 4

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/03/15

On the eve of the lunar new year, three days before my birthday, I finally threw out the jagged glass pieces of a mug that I had broken six months ago.I never thought it would take me six months to throw out a reminder of one of the worst nights of my life, but here I was.I held it in my hands one last time.I took a few pictures (even though I already had plenty.)I outlined the pink handle and some of the remaining pieces that were still intact with a charcoal pencil on my tracing pad, in case I

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5:42

What in God's (Wild "Wicked" Wanting) Name

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/02/18

Happy Pisces Season. Happy New Year. Happy Ramadan. Happy Lent. Happy Lunar Eclipse.And happy “my birthday is in two days!”I wrote this song (which can also be read as a poem) almost exactly a year ago 2/26/25, around 2 AM. I had just turned 30. Here I am, about to be 31.I could ramble on quite a bit about how much I like this song, and how surprised I was to revisit it after a full year of, quite honestly, forgetting about it. I could talk about how, even though it’s Pisces season, I think my

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13:51

Life is rarely one thing and neither am I

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/02/13

“Cause not everything means something honey/ so say the unsayable/ say the most human of things.”Transcript at https://thenuancediaries.substack.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thenuancediaries.substack.com/subscribe

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6:39

How Light Emerges Even from the Darkest of the Darkness

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/02/07

**Part 2 available at https://thenuancediaries.substack.com - embedded in this post.Hi.I did something I’ve only done twice before.I hit record and start talking.And then I hit publish.You can listen to Part 1 above, and Part 2 below (embedded.)And then you can go listen to this song from a few months back.It’s such a cheesy saying — love and light.But I am genuinely sending you as much love and light as I can humanely muster.Talk soon,AlexaPS If you believe in any kind of higher power, please send

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23:26

If ICE takes me

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/01/30

I want to tell you a story. It is 2018, and I am a recent college graduate.I’m 23 years old. My high school best friend and I decide to take a little trip to Montreal. We’ve never been. It seems like a really fun idea. She knows French. It felt like a cool thing to do. And we’re in New York City, so it’s a short flight.We get on the plane early in the morning. It’s a very full flight. Boarding was hectic. I remember it being really hard to get our overhead storage and throw things in. Whatever, it

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5:47

I have something completely new to share

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/01/22

I’m so ‘scited*. I’m ‘scited to share this new thing I made.*Scared and excited, as Glennon Doyle would say.More excited than scared, though.When I thought about posting on Instagram, threads, and even TikTok, I felt more scared than excited.And so, I’ve decided to share this with you, and only you, first.What is this? What’s she sharing?Cards. Custom, handcrafted cards. Created by me, with new oil pastels, and an old Emily Brontë quote (Head to substack to see them!) At first, I thought that this

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3:36

what if the wind was a knife?

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/01/15

What if the wind was a knife?Swooshing aroundSlicing invisible cutsInside you, right through youEverydayWhat appears to bea breeze to everyone elseis lethal for you Thousands of invisible cutsCountless invisible cuts No one can understandThey ask, “What’s the matter?”Because they can’t see you bleeding That same wind that circles you like a hitmanTransforms into a calming breeze in others’ presence It’s like waking up to the barrel of a gunWith heavy invisible bullets that never leave a

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15:00

An Excursion of Truth

The Nuance Diaries ·

2026/01/07

Click to Subscribe + Read The Full Post Here Hi everybody. Happy New Year.I can tell 2026 is going to be the best year ever because nothing objectively horrible and unimaginably awful has happened yet. It’s all been sunshine and rainbows everywhere.I, for one, am bringing a squeaky clean slate into the new year. New year, new me. 2025 Alexa? Never heard of her. I want to be unrecognizable.The sky is also green. And I’ve decided I don’t like Wicked anymore. And I actually don’t think Jonathan Bailey

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3:28

An Ode to Autumn on The Winter Solstice

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/12/22

Check out this post inside the https://thenuancediaries.substack.com for further reading and listening! The days are getting shorterThe nights are growing long.The birds will be migratingTaking with them all their songsThe air is crisp and chillyWe’re trading shorts for scarves‘Tis autumn, ‘tis autumn, ‘tis autumn.The leaves are changing colorLook at their vibrant huesThe tree branches will be bareBut they’ll bloom again, tooGrab a jacket, dear, it’s chillyThe wind is blowing through‘Tis autumn,

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16:12

The “Wise Beyond Her Years” to “You’re Amazing” Pipeline

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/12/17

“I’m tired of being amazing. I don’t want to be amazing anymore.”The single sentence becomes the crux of the show and of modern motherhood. Jenny Kaminski (Dakota Fanning), a hardworking publishing executive, meets Marissa when they’re hiding out in the bathroom at a school event. The two forge a friendship over twinning in the same dress and dealing with the same dilemma. They are tired of the platitudes their husbands serve them, of doing it all at home and at work, and being told they can have it

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7:42

Kind Eyes on the Lower East Side

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/12/08

I saw a stranger with really kind eyes a few months ago on the Lower East Side.This man with kind eyes looked like he was in love with this girl.I thought to myself, Will anyone like that ever fall in love with me? Would they love me if they knew who I was? What I’d been through? The dark shit clogged inside me? I realized a year or so ago that whenever I pictured my future self, she looked different from how I do now. She had straight long hair, and always looked more together than me. I’ve been

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11:55

Why I'm Not Putting Up My Gigantic Christmas Tree

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/12/04

The basic answer? I don’t want to.If someone wheeled a beautifully decorated tree into my house, I wouldn’t turn them away.If I woke up to a perfectly decorated Hallmark movie-style house in Vermont, I’d be delighted (and also a little terrified that I’d been robbed/kidnapped.) But because life is not a holiday movie, the job of decorator/mover/organizer falls to me. And this year, I’m putting in my notice.I really do historically love the holidays. I love cheesy Christmas movies, gorgeous,

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9:51

My Inner Critic is An Angry Sports Fan

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/12/01

Important housekeeping update over here about paid vs. free subscriptions! I sometimes look in the mirror and think, “Weren’t you supposed to make something of your life by now?”It might sound mean — but it’s one of my tamer negative thoughts.I try to think of all the things I’ve accomplished and the friends I love, who I know love me back.It’s not that I’m not grateful — there’s just this boulder in my path that I keep coming up against again and again and again. And I can’t quite figure out what

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7:59

Why do I love this place that’s never loved me?

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/11/21

I thought I was going to wrap up the “The Best Showgirls are a Wicked Kind of Wonderful” series this week, but after seeing Wicked For Good last night —- that’s not where I am mentally; I want to reflect on this iconic film in a different way. (I will finish that series soon though, don’t worry!)Below is a thread that I posted (on threads, where I’m posting more commentary) before passing out on my couch last night. I woke up to thousands of likes and reposts and shares and replies. I’m so grateful

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11:00

How Did We Forget That Famous People Are Human?

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/11/14

I hate this part of internet culture where something happens and we all immediately want to comment on it and give our hot takes. And I especially hate how quick society is to make light of something very scary and serious just because it happened to a celebrity.I also hate how righteous people can be - as if having a keyboard gives us the right to say what kind of behavior is okay and not okay.I will say, though (at the risk of sounding righteous), that it’s deeply unsettling to be seeing memes

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17:48

What Mamdani's Victory Means to This Native New Yorker

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/11/05

Welcome back to The Nuance Diaries! I write what sensitive, deeply feeling people are thinking but don’t say. AKA the stuff you usually save for the group chat.Free subscribers receive occasional free posts, and paid subscribers ($7/month) receive at least 1-2 essays a week + access to The Authenticity Library + my full archive of 150+ posts.I spent yesterday, November 4th 2025, desperately trying to keep my anxiety at bay.I turned the oven on and forgot to put my dinner in. On the subway, I very

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1:05

The Waves are Calling

The Nuance Diaries ·

2025/10/30

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit thenuancediaries.substack.comI wrote this song before and after one of the worst anxiety attacks of my life. The first verse or so came to me on the F train, coming home from Gowanus, Brooklyn. And then the rest came to me very quickly, almost 24 hours later, when I was back in my body.It was the first time that I had really, really intense physical anxiety that wasn’t accompanied by depression. They are the best of friends, depression

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