PODCAST

Coffee, Cults, and Empires

An "actual" play comedic narrative RPG podcast where the players are themselves characters living in a world built in a lab.

fiction comedy fiction

All Episodes

Episode 032 - Take That, Thistleroot!

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2026/02/08

Take That, Thistleroot! Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 032 The Intern complains about how long it takes the crew to do anything at all. The crew demonstrates this, by taking forever to do a thing, but it's about the friends you made along the way, right? Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on

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Episode 031 - Ill Gotten Gongs

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2026/01/25

Ill Gotten Gongs Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 031 The Boss doesn't think that Ikky's should be talked about any longer. The crew visits one of Urekas's cult hideouts. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account

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Episode 030 - They Don't Teach Klaoil History in...

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2026/01/11

They Don't Teach Klaoil History in Jersioil Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 030 The Intern wants to travel by catapult. Don accidentally reveals some things about himself. Urekas leads the party through Klaoil. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich

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Episode 029 - I Want My Bell Back

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/12/28

I Want My Bell Back Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 029 Has Rosie finally decided to leave the world alone? Hopefully! In the game, the crew gets a vision from the ritual they did and they are... a little displeased. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 028 - Chanting Changed My Life

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/12/14

Chanting Changed My Life Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 038 In the lab, the Intern has noticed that... nothing has changed? The crew is hanging out in the hotel after finding out all of the Second’s secrets, getting ready to do the ritual. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 027 - Dropped Beans and Mind Control Truthers

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/11/30

Dropped Beans and Mind Control Truthers Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 027 The Intern maybe broke something. Rozafeen has a lemon drop. In the game, it's time to spy on Beeb. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account

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Episode 026 - Of Mirrors and Cuddle Brigades

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/11/16

Of Mirrors and Cuddle Brigades Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 026 The Intern thinks that whoever designed the chronoscope is probably kinda like Don. In the game, we switch over to Hellena and Georg's investigation into the hidden cellar near the Second's second house, and we check back in on Urekas's date with the Mindlord. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon:

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Episode 025 - A Handful of Chocolate

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/11/02

A Handful of Chocolate Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 025 The Intern's Boss tells us about the crimes of Hannah Smith-Jones-Miller. Don is sick, but still here. Urekas is going on a date with the Mindlord and Calumn decides it will be a great idea to tag along. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him

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Episode 024 - Finally Something Useful

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/10/19

Finally Something Useful Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 024 The Intern has learned that some previous scientist incarnated a bunch to rate various coffees in the world. Urekas hits the Second with her headboard hat... hilarity ensues. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 023 - Sus and Bothered

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/10/05

Sus and Bothered Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 023 The Intern reasonably thinks that the Second is sus. Rozafeen is sick with Olhana's Touch, but hopefully learning what Hellena found with her very good roll will help her feel better. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 022 - Breaking and Eventually Entering

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/09/21

Breaking and Eventually Entering Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 022 The Intern is rushed but helpfully lets us know that Vafrus's “imaginary” girlfriend isn't. The crew decides what to do with the time before Urekas's date. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 021 - With Birds As My Witness

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/09/07

With Birds As My Witness Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 021 The Intern has learned about Intern-focused cults, but it couldn't have been him who inspired them. In the game, Hellena and Urekas are helping Tagak and Teep get out of town. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 020 - Helping

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/08/24

Helping Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 020 No news is certainly good news when it comes to Rosie from accounting. Georg and Ruffort head over to help Beeb and Urekas and Hellena head over to help Tagak and Teep. Who will be more successful in their task? Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on

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Episode 019 - Something Something Coming Home to Roost

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/08/10

Something Something Coming Home to Roost Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 019 The Intern is back on his chronoscope... grind? The crew is still trying to figure out what they're going to do about the knock on the door. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 018 - Surprises

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/07/27

Surprises Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 018 Harmony has a surprise for everyone that the Intern is excited about, and then Urekas has a surprise, too! Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his drag king account

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Episode 017 - Somebody Should Check on That

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/07/13

Somebody Should Check on That Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 017 The Intern mostly just wants to talk about Harmony and Don. The crew tries to figure out what to do now that the Sorceress is probably coming for them. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram

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Episode 016 - Pancakes at Night

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/06/29

Pancakes at Night Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 016 The Boss is concerned about how the party treats Beeb. Despite Beeb not even being in the episode, the party still manages to treat Beeb poorly. A well-kept secret from Harmony and Don's past is revealed. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on

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Episode 015 - Rocks, Camels, and Levels

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/06/15

Rocks, Camels, and Levels Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 015 The Intern explains how they're not quite playing the D&D we know. While traveling back to the Great Hall through the desert, the crew levels up. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or

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Episode 014 - Leaving the Frame

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/06/01

Leaving the Frame Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 014 The group got together at Don's in Klaoil and the Intern is feeling a bit of FOMO about it. In the game, the crew makes a turn to full robbery. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatdamlich or check out his

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Episode 013 - In the Sorceress's Boudoir

Coffee, Cults, and Empires ·

2025/05/18

In the Sorceress's Boudoir Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 013 The Intern gets to use the chronoscope and uses it to investigate hot rocks. Harmony and Don invite everyone to Klaoil. The crew investigates the Sorceress's bedroom, starting with the weird door. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on

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Coffee, Cults, and Empires

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