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PODCAST

Childproof

Gwenna Laithland and Tori Phantom

Parenting is hard, but it"s even harder when you feel alone and have only the sounds of Cocomelon to keep you company. Childproof is a parenting chat show for when you’re craving adult conversation. As parents to three kids each, co-hosts Gwenna Laithland and Tori Phantom have been there. They know that sometimes our kids are the ones on the verge of a tantrum, and that sometimes it’s us. Childproof attempts to figure out the dos, don’ts, and f*ck its of modern parenthood. From yelling at your kids

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

36:12

Road Rage

Childproof ·

2026/04/08

Yet another episode sponsored in part by MacMillan Audio because they produced Gwenna’s latest book, Thinky Thoughts All Grown Up & Still Just as Confused. You can listen to the full version come April 14th but for now, please enjoy just one more essay. This one is road rage and involves bricks, land boats, cloud-haired women in sensible shoes, and the root of a good chunk of Gwenna’s car-based anxiety.We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us

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39:43

Creamed Corn

Childproof ·

2026/04/01

This episode of Childproof is sponsored in part by MacMillan Audio. Gwenna’s new book Thinky Thoughts hits shelves April 14th and MacMillan Audio produced her audiobook. Gwenna will read her own book to you. And you get a sample here on Childproof. Enjoy this complete essay Creamed Corn from Thinky Thoughts: All Grown Up & Still Just as Confused. Is creamed corn a thinly veiled reference to grown up times? No, it’s a blatant reference to that time Gwenna though she could make creamed corn with cream

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51:40

Yeehaw! Email Roundup

Childproof ·

2026/03/25

It’s time for another round of enjoying our mutual parasocial relationships with our listeners! We’ve asked you questions. You’ve answered them. We’re reading some of them. And then using your answers to explore tangents that may or may not have anything to do with anything. At the end of every episode we invite you to email us with questions, suggestions, or things we should know. We shamelessly turn that into episodes. Want to be a part. Email us. We might shamelessly turn it into an episode.We

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47:48

What Happened?

Childproof ·

2026/03/11

After a pause. And a break. And a distinct lack of explaining ourselves. And another break. We’re back. This time with an explanation of exactly what happened. The winds of change are blowing and we’re excited to see where they take us all!We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com ⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠ Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠ Be sure to check out

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51:31

Childproof Untold

Childproof ·

2026/02/25

On this episode of Childproof Gwenna and Tori discuss things. Okay, full disclosure for the seventeen people that read notes and descriptions, we recorded this and then Oklahoma and Kentucky both exploded with influenza. Everyone was sick. Stuff got paused while we all healed. It was rough. No one had any fun. Show notes didn’t get written and by the time they got back to it Gwenna, who writes the descriptions forgot what we talked about and Tori, who edits the episodes cannot be trusted to write

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54:23

So Now It's A Problem

Childproof ·

2026/02/11

Tori only thought they were losing it. Their snow continues and we decided to scour the internet for what they are saying about parents in the media. Did you know Warren Buffett was a gentle parent? Who knew? And then we spend most of the rest of the episode being very millennial and complaining about a Buzzfeed article. It’s not so much complaining as pointing out how it’s wrong a bunch. So like I said, being very millennial about it.We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments,

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48:59

Snow Problem

Childproof ·

2026/02/04

White people talking about the weather, weird Barbies, transmogrifying spoons, fork licking, crutches, clutter, hoarding, and lying. Somehow that’s all in this episode. Tori and Gwenna have gone stir crazy I. The ale of the winter storm that swept the nation and this episode is the proof of that. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com ⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠ Video version of

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55:44

The Never-Ending January

Childproof ·

2026/01/28

January is still here. Because it won’t leave. Why won’t it leave? Why does every January seem to last five years? On this episode of childproof Gwenna and Tori discuss snow days and library perks. Art contests and alarm clocks. But mostly we just keeping waiting for January to be done. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content Video version of Childproof

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52:47

We Have A Confession

Childproof ·

2026/01/21

Okay yes fine. We admit it. Sometimes we make meals our whole families enjoy and sometimes we make five different dishes, one for each human in the house. We do it because we can. Because it’s not that hard. Because not every moment needs to be a teachable one. And sometimes just getting dinner down their gullet is worth not fighting an entire war over a dang pea. We also admit a whole bunch of other stuff. Like how much more therapy we need and how we can’t take complements on this episode of

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56:21

Books, babies, and Befores & Afters

Childproof ·

2026/01/14

The new year is always ripe with promise of change. But these changes were inevitable. On this episode of Childproof we’re talking books, baby fever (no neither of us are having more babies, relax) and how to handle body acceptance and changes to our bodies without making a negative change. Framing self improvement as just that. Improvement.We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com Join our Patreon

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52:43

The Return to Routine

Childproof ·

2026/01/07

It’s been a wonderful holiday break. We are spirited out though and looking forward to our spawn going and hanging out with other folks for a hot second. From grinning and bearing our kids’ tastes in media to when you’re forced to take your own parenting advice FOR yourself, returning to routine is important and this episode of Childproof really hammers that down. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us:

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49:43

Montage

Childproof ·

2025/12/31

This is the episode that isn’t an episode but is made of parts of all the other episodes that were episodes even if they were weird episodes. A full episode of minisodes? Anyway Gwenna and Tori are spending their holiday with their family and will have plenty to talk about after the break. Please enjoy this montage of our favorite clips and moments. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com Join our

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47:11

Basically Facetime

Childproof ·

2025/12/24

It’s another preshow preview. And a montage. Who doesn’t love a montage? Yes we did one of these but we aren’t very good at planning and this one isn’t the same as the one a few months ago. Our Patrons and paid subscribers get these little treats served to them every week. It’s basically a FaceTime between Tori and I. We typically have to explain that folks should lower there expectation for what their getting in exchange for their support. But we don’t have to disclaimer that this time. You can see

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52:18

Winter Break Survival Tips

Childproof ·

2025/12/17

Winter break is upon us in the northern hemisphere. (Happy summer to our Southern Hemisphere listeners) We’ve got holidays and school breaks and kids everywhere. With so much to do there’s still somehow room for boredom. This podcast episode is full of boredom busters of all variety to not just survive the break but to thrive, enjoy your time, and keep everyone happily busy. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us:

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50:10

Holiday Email Round Up

Childproof ·

2025/12/10

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. The time when we read your emails and chat. Gwenna and Tori have been asking listeners to share their favorite Christmas, holiday, and winter memories with us. For this email round up we share a selection of the hundreds of stories we received. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content Preorder Gwenna's new

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51:08

Becoming An Artist With Scott Sava

Childproof ·

2025/12/03

What does it take to become an artist? How much are you standing in your own way? This week Tori and Gwenna welcome artist (and now author) Scott Christian Sava. Scott Sava is an artist, illustrator, and creator from Yonkers New York. His animated film Animal Crackers is on Netflix starring John Krasinski and an all-star cast. He’s worked on Spider Man Comics, Star Trek art, and The Dreamland Chronicles comics, written for his sons. He lives in a Hobbit Hole and has just released his new book:

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45:44

Holiday Movie Review

Childproof ·

2025/11/26

It’s the holiday season and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Your friendly neighborhood podcasts hosts little bit forgot they’d be insanely busy in the lead up to Thanksgiving in the US. So you get a preshow run long. If you’re a former subscriber you’ll recognize this chaos for what it is. Tori and Gwenna being odd and barely having their ish together. From behind the scenes info to an in depth discussion of parenting in Christmas movies this episode is a lot of something and nothing and everything. Happy

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50:08

The Ghost of Holiday Spirit

Childproof ·

2025/11/19

The holidays can be hard. From schedules to budgets, magic to mayhem, there’s a lot. All the time. It feels like we kick a ball down the hill October first and then spend a full 120 days chasing it back down. How do you maintain that holiday spirit for the long haul? Should you or is that a more unrealistic expectation of perfection? And when everything feels heavy, how do you keep it light for the kids? We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us

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54:30

Yep Still Mad About It

Childproof ·

2025/11/12

It turns out one episode of being mad wasn’t enough. We’re still mad but we are working through it. Anger isn’t taboo but it is hard to work with. Tori and Gwenna discuss the language they use to normalize all the big, heavy, negative emotions. It’s alright to feel frustrated but we don’t have to stay there. You’re right to be mad but is the mad helping or is it keeping you stuck. We want to hear from you! Email us: childproofmail@gmail.com Vote for our new

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51:16

Stay Mad About It

Childproof ·

2025/11/05

Does getting mad make you bad? Absolutely not. A lot of folks grew up being told to bottle up their feelings and that carries long term consequences. The cycle breakers are trying to uncork their own bottles while helping their kids avoid the bottling thing altogether. We’re like really messed up genies. Only we can’t grant wishes. On this episode of childproof we talk about when we can feel all those big, hard, heavy feelings and when we can suppress them (and how to safely do that without becoming

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