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PODCAST

The Cult I Left Behind

Amanda & Kyle Briggs

Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.

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All Episodes

45:13

99 - What Kyle Knows Now

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2026/03/02

We've been crying for days, and we're not done yet. In this penultimate episode, Amanda and Kyle reflect on 2.5 years and nearly 100 episodes of The Cult I Left Behind — what it cost, what it gave back, and what they know now that they didn't when they hit record for the first time. Amanda shares what this show taught her about her own healing, her foundational wounds around family and belonging, and a moment at the dining room table that gave her something she'd waited almost 40 years for. T...

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41:37

98 - Good Girls Don’t Scream

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2026/02/23

Many of us who were raised to be good little girls are facing some hard realizations these days. This episode is a stark look at the links between cults, high-control religion, and sex trafficking rings, and their impact on girls and women. Amanda grew up inside the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) cult, a high-control religious system where girls were trained to be compliant, deferential, and self-policing. Being “good” meant protecting the system. It meant absorbing harm quietly. I...

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0:21

One-Week Delay

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2026/02/15

We're focusing on our little family this week, but will release back-to-back episodes to make up for the delay. See you in a week! Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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25:49

97 - Fear: The Foundation of Cults

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2026/02/02

Fear lives in the stories we tell ourselves, the categories we cling to, and the way we decide who is safe and who is “other.” In this episode, Amanda and Kyle examine how fear quietly shapes worldviews in cults, families, belief systems, politics, and everyday thinking. Amanda reflects on a question listeners have asked for years: How did your parents end up in a cult? Her answer is simple, but unsettling: fear. Together, Amanda and Kyle explore how fear and high-control systems operate in s...

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1:22

Emergency Statement: January 25, 2026

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2026/01/25

Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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44:59

96 - Exposure Isn't Change

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2026/01/19

We’re often told that exposure leads to change. That once harm is named, brought into the light, or made public, something will finally shift. But that hasn’t been Amanda's experience. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle talk through why exposure alone rarely produces real change and why, in many systems, it actually becomes a substitute for it. They look at how harm can be acknowledged over and over without anything structural changing, how public reaction creates the feeling of accountability ...

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40:27

95 - Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Gothard, and the...

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2026/01/05

In 2024, as public conversations about abuse, grooming, and accountability unfolded again and again, Amanda found herself watching familiar patterns repeat. These patterns felt uncomfortably close to the high-control religious world she thought she had left behind. For Amanda, this was not just cultural commentary. It was personal. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle step away from sensationalism to offer something different: structure. Using the cases of Jeffrey Epstein and Bill Gothard, Amanda...

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30:54

94 - Creating Joy When Life Has Been Heavy

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/12/22

The holidays come with an expectation of joy. For many people, that expectation can feel impossible. In this quiet, honest conversation, Amanda shares a truth she’s been sitting with for a long time: healing doesn’t automatically make you receptive to happiness or joy. When your nervous system formed in trauma, joy doesn’t arrive on command, and it often can’t depend on other people or outcomes you can’t control. Together, Amanda and Kyle talk about trauma and the weight of holding other pe...

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38:21

93 – Am I a Bad Person? (Moral Scrupulosity OCD)

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/12/08

In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into moral scrupulosity OCD and how it has shaped Amanda’s life. She shares openly about the intense anxiety and compulsive behaviors she developed growing up in a high-control religious environment under Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult. These patterns looked like “perfectionism” on the surface but were actually rooted in fear, uncertainty, and shame. Amanda discusses the research connecting high-control religion to obsessive-compulsive symptoms and explai...

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1:54

First Family Sickness & Thanksgiving Wishes

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/11/24

We’ll see you next week, when we’re feeling better, for an episode Amanda is so excited to share with you all! We’re grateful for you and we love you guys! Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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35:15

92 - A Day in the Life of a Deconstructing Parent

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/11/10

Sit in on the first conversation Amanda and Kyle have had together about what they’re learning on their journey as new parents. Amanda opens up about lifelong fears around the kind of mother she might become, and Kyle reflects on what he actually sees in her. Together, they laugh (and yawn) their way through the learning curves of parenting and share some of the moments when Amanda’s past collides with the present, such as raising public school kids after growing up in a cult that...

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59:16

Holy Disruptor: Breaking the Silence and the Rules

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/10/27

Amy Duggar King joins us to talk about her new book Holy Disruptor, and she does not hold back. From growing up around the Duggar family and IBLP to setting boundaries and breaking cycles of silence, Amy brings her whole heart to shining a light on the darkness that shaped her childhood and family. We talk about the gap between reality TV and real life, what it means to be labeled the “black sheep,” and how choosing truth and boundaries can lead to real peace. Amy opens up about the pro...

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116:05

90 - From Resilience to Resourcefulness: Elizabeth...

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/10/13

Author, veteran, and advocate Elizabeth Estabrooks joins Amanda and Kyle to explore the realities of trauma, institutional betrayal, and what it truly means to heal. Drawing from her decades in sexual assault and domestic violence advocacy, Liz shares the inspiration behind her book Broken in the Stronger Places—and why healing is less about perfection and more about resourcefulness. Connect with Elizabeth: www.awomansvoicepress.com Buy Elizabeth's book here: Signed Copy Barnes & Noble Am...

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33:01

89 - Dear Diary, Everything Has Changed

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/09/29

In this episode of The Cult I Left Behind, Amanda once more opens up her old diaries from her time in the IBLP cult and the early days of leaving. She reads while Kyle reacts in real time. Together, they talk through what those pages reveal about life inside IBLP, the challenges of leaving, and the moments of growth and hope along the way. Amanda and Kyle also share some important life updates. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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57:52

88 - The Time Kyle Acquired the Fire: Shiny Happy...

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/09/15

We’re diving into Shiny Happy People Season 2 — and this time, Kyle’s the one with the inside scoop. While Amanda expected to lead the conversation, it turned out Kyle’s past experience at an Acquire the Fire event made this season his wheelhouse. In this episode, we share our live reactions, unpack the big themes of Season 2, and talk through why this follow-up series hits differently than the first. Whether you’ve already binged it or are still working up the courage to press play, join us ...

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102:57

87 - Chantelle’s Story: From Shame and Control to...

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/09/01

When Chantelle was sent to the cult Headquarters as an “encouragement case,” she encountered Bill Gothard’s inappropriate and abusive behavior toward teenage girls firsthand. She shares what it was like to grow up in IBLP and ATI, survive both Headquarters and the cult’s finishing school for young ladies, and ultimately marry young to escape her father’s “umbrella of authority.” Today, Chantelle uses her story and training in hypnotherapy to educate others and bring healing to those manipulat...

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80:20

86 - Mother Wounds with Jessica Jocelyn (Part 2)

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/08/18

In the second half of our conversation with poet Jessica Jocelyn, we pick up where the shocking story of her mom left off. Jessica shares how poetry became a way to make sense of loss, love, and the wounds only a mother can leave behind. Together, Amanda and Jessica talk about healing mother wounds, the fear of becoming like the women who hurt them, and the complicated feelings that surface as we begin to look more and more like our mothers with age. Connect with Jessica: linktr.ee/jess...

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84:53

85 - Mother Wounds with Jessica Jocelyn (Part 1)

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/08/04

In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, we’re honored to welcome poet Jessica Jocelyn—whose writing has been a healing touchstone for Amanda and may already be familiar to listeners of the podcast. Jessica is a best-selling poet whose work explores love, loss, motherhood, and the complexities of family with raw emotional power. She’s the author of five volumes of poetry, all widely praised for their vulnerability, resonance, and reach. In this episode, we discuss: Jessica’s childhood with a ...

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29:23

84 - Sometimes, You Get What You Want

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/07/21

Amanda has gotten a lot of questions about whether she would ever let anyone from her biological family back into her life. For a long time, the answer was no. But then something changed. It’s been a year and a half, and we've waited a long time to talk about it. This is the first time we're sharing the story. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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45:59

83 - Dear Diary

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/07/07

Amanda reads from her childhood diaries—yes, actual entries from her cult years—and then melts through the floor in embarrassment. It’s awkward, vulnerable, and a surprisingly raw window into growing up homeschooled under fundamentalism. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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105 results

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