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PODCAST

The Cult I Left Behind

Amanda & Kyle Briggs

Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.

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All Episodes

30:54

94 - Creating Joy When Life Has Been Heavy

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/12/22

The holidays come with an expectation of joy. For many people, that expectation can feel impossible. In this quiet, honest conversation, Amanda shares a truth she’s been sitting with for a long time: healing doesn’t automatically make you receptive to happiness or joy. When your nervous system formed in trauma, joy doesn’t arrive on command, and it often can’t depend on other people or outcomes you can’t control. Together, Amanda and Kyle talk about trauma and the weight of holding other pe...

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38:21

93 – Am I a Bad Person? (Moral Scrupulosity OCD)

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/12/08

In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into moral scrupulosity OCD and how it has shaped Amanda’s life. She shares openly about the intense anxiety and compulsive behaviors she developed growing up in a high-control religious environment under Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult. These patterns looked like “perfectionism” on the surface but were actually rooted in fear, uncertainty, and shame. Amanda discusses the research connecting high-control religion to obsessive-compulsive symptoms and explai...

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1:54

First Family Sickness & Thanksgiving Wishes

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/11/24

We’ll see you next week, when we’re feeling better, for an episode Amanda is so excited to share with you all! We’re grateful for you and we love you guys! Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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35:15

92 - A Day in the Life of a Deconstructing Parent

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/11/10

Sit in on the first conversation Amanda and Kyle have had together about what they’re learning on their journey as new parents. Amanda opens up about lifelong fears around the kind of mother she might become, and Kyle reflects on what he actually sees in her. Together, they laugh (and yawn) their way through the learning curves of parenting and share some of the moments when Amanda’s past collides with the present, such as raising public school kids after growing up in a cult that...

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59:16

Holy Disruptor: Breaking the Silence and the Rules

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/10/27

Amy Duggar King joins us to talk about her new book Holy Disruptor, and she does not hold back. From growing up around the Duggar family and IBLP to setting boundaries and breaking cycles of silence, Amy brings her whole heart to shining a light on the darkness that shaped her childhood and family. We talk about the gap between reality TV and real life, what it means to be labeled the “black sheep,” and how choosing truth and boundaries can lead to real peace. Amy opens up about the pro...

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116:05

90 - From Resilience to Resourcefulness: Elizabeth...

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/10/13

Author, veteran, and advocate Elizabeth Estabrooks joins Amanda and Kyle to explore the realities of trauma, institutional betrayal, and what it truly means to heal. Drawing from her decades in sexual assault and domestic violence advocacy, Liz shares the inspiration behind her book Broken in the Stronger Places—and why healing is less about perfection and more about resourcefulness. Connect with Elizabeth: www.awomansvoicepress.com Buy Elizabeth's book here: Signed Copy Barnes & Noble Am...

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33:01

89 - Dear Diary, Everything Has Changed

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/09/29

In this episode of The Cult I Left Behind, Amanda once more opens up her old diaries from her time in the IBLP cult and the early days of leaving. She reads while Kyle reacts in real time. Together, they talk through what those pages reveal about life inside IBLP, the challenges of leaving, and the moments of growth and hope along the way. Amanda and Kyle also share some important life updates. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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57:52

88 - The Time Kyle Acquired the Fire: Shiny Happy...

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/09/15

We’re diving into Shiny Happy People Season 2 — and this time, Kyle’s the one with the inside scoop. While Amanda expected to lead the conversation, it turned out Kyle’s past experience at an Acquire the Fire event made this season his wheelhouse. In this episode, we share our live reactions, unpack the big themes of Season 2, and talk through why this follow-up series hits differently than the first. Whether you’ve already binged it or are still working up the courage to press play, join us ...

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102:57

87 - Chantelle’s Story: From Shame and Control to...

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/09/01

When Chantelle was sent to the cult Headquarters as an “encouragement case,” she encountered Bill Gothard’s inappropriate and abusive behavior toward teenage girls firsthand. She shares what it was like to grow up in IBLP and ATI, survive both Headquarters and the cult’s finishing school for young ladies, and ultimately marry young to escape her father’s “umbrella of authority.” Today, Chantelle uses her story and training in hypnotherapy to educate others and bring healing to those manipulat...

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80:20

86 - Mother Wounds with Jessica Jocelyn (Part 2)

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/08/18

In the second half of our conversation with poet Jessica Jocelyn, we pick up where the shocking story of her mom left off. Jessica shares how poetry became a way to make sense of loss, love, and the wounds only a mother can leave behind. Together, Amanda and Jessica talk about healing mother wounds, the fear of becoming like the women who hurt them, and the complicated feelings that surface as we begin to look more and more like our mothers with age. Connect with Jessica: linktr.ee/jess...

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84:53

85 - Mother Wounds with Jessica Jocelyn (Part 1)

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/08/04

In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, we’re honored to welcome poet Jessica Jocelyn—whose writing has been a healing touchstone for Amanda and may already be familiar to listeners of the podcast. Jessica is a best-selling poet whose work explores love, loss, motherhood, and the complexities of family with raw emotional power. She’s the author of five volumes of poetry, all widely praised for their vulnerability, resonance, and reach. In this episode, we discuss: Jessica’s childhood with a ...

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29:23

84 - Sometimes, You Get What You Want

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/07/21

Amanda has gotten a lot of questions about whether she would ever let anyone from her biological family back into her life. For a long time, the answer was no. But then something changed. It’s been a year and a half, and we've waited a long time to talk about it. This is the first time we're sharing the story. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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45:59

83 - Dear Diary

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/07/07

Amanda reads from her childhood diaries—yes, actual entries from her cult years—and then melts through the floor in embarrassment. It’s awkward, vulnerable, and a surprisingly raw window into growing up homeschooled under fundamentalism. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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41:51

82 - One Story, Two Journeys

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/06/23

Amanda opens this episode with some never-before-shared stories from her early experiences in therapy—including one that caught even Kyle off guard. From there, the mic turns, and Kyle shares what it was like to hear Amanda’s story for the first time and slowly step into the world of advocacy and trauma-informed care. What begins as reflection becomes something quietly transformative—revealing just how much learning and love can grow side by side. Send us text! Please note this platform...

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45:08

81 - Losing Parents the Second Time

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/06/09

In a deeply personal episode, Amanda opens up about the circumstances that led to the end of her relationship with her adoptive parents. What started as a long-building tension came to a head when Amanda asked to be treated like a real daughter—and was told no. She and Kyle walk through the factors that shaped the outcome, what was said, how it unfolded, and what it means to grieve the loss of a family you thought chose you. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way commun...

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74:07

80 - Family Ended With Boundaries

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/05/26

Content warning: This episode includes discussion of sexual violence, including against children. When Amanda set boundaries with her bio family—and the brother who abused her—she expected it to be hard. But not like this. In this highly personal episode, she shares a glimpse into the painful correspondence with her three younger brothers and their disturbing responses: manipulation, gaslighting, and spiritual abuse. They questioned her story, weaponized religion, and even tried to enli...

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45:40

79 - Mother’s Day, Mother Wounds

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/05/12

As The Cult I Left Behind listeners know, Mother’s Day isn’t a sappy Hallmark holiday for Amanda. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle talk about what the day brings up—not just for Amanda, but for anyone who experienced harm from their mothers. Amanda shares a letter she wrote to the mother figures in her life and reflects on how watching motherhood play out in the cult shaped her earliest beliefs—and deepest fears—about what it means to be a mom. She also reads a personal list of fears she’s ha...

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0:29

A Quick Update

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/04/28

Unfortunately there was a death in the family and we do not have an episode for this week. However, we have a short update about some interviews and an upcoming livestream. Stay tuned for more information. Send us text! Please note this platform only supports one-way communication. Support the show

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46:24

78 - Discipline Outside the Cult

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/04/14

In this companion to the earlier episode on discipline inside the cult, Amanda and Kyle shift their focus to what healthy, respectful discipline actually looks like. They reflect on what they’re learning in their adoption training classes and how sharply it contrasts with the abusive tactics Amanda experienced growing up in the IBLP cult. They also discuss the lasting impact of corporal punishment, including research showing it affects the brain in ways similar to sexual abuse and other forms...

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33:56

77 - Unpacking the Past: Cults, Faith, and Family Truths

The Cult I Left Behind ·

2025/03/31

In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into listener questions about what made Amanda’s parents susceptible to joining the cult, how they became involved, how the cult accumulated massive assets, and whether Amanda’s rapist brother ever received any mental health diagnoses. They also discuss how Amanda’s college viewed the cult's ideology and its current reputation within the evangelical community. Amanda and Kyle also tackle a thought-provoking question about faith: how does Amanda respond to...

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