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PODCAST

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t

Why do some plants grow where they do? How can geology cause new plant species to evolve? Why are some plants pollinated by flies, some by bats, some by birds, and others by bees? How does a plant evolve to look like a rock? How can destroying lawns soothe the soul? This is a show about plants and plant habitat through the lens of natural selection and ecology, with a side of neurotic ranting, light humor, occasional profanity, & the perpetual search for the filthiest taqueria bathroom.

science natural sciences

All Episodes

93:31

KYL Tour Rants 25

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/09/28

Rants about KILL YOUR LAWN tour in the Midwest, River Geography, Hemp Farms in Wisconsin, Prairies, Bison, upset affluent suburban ladies in St Paul, horticultural atrocities, Lincoln vs Omaha Nebraska, Feral Paht and more.Thanks to the all the venues that put us up and thanks to everyone who came out for the shows/presentations in Milwaukee, St Paul, Omaha, Lincoln, Kansas City, Omaha, Lincoln and the Quad Cities.As Always, Ad-Free Episodes of the podcast are available on the Patrol for 5 bucks a

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86:27

Chicago Coyotes, Prairie Psychedelia, Landscape...

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/09/21

Ad-Free episodes of the podcast are available on the Patreon at www.patreon/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

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42:37

Trouble in the Food Forest

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/09/05

Why is there such a strong correlation between invasion biology denial, anthropocentrism, ecological illiteracy and permaculture? How can permaculture move forward while at the same time acknowledging the functionality of native plant ecosystems and why the designation of "native" is not some frivolous, arbitrary, or puritanical designation? In this 40 minute conversation between myself and Lilly Anderson-Messec we talk about what permaculture is, its focus on functionality (to humans) and why there

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134:59

"Spiritual Remedies of Nuevo León"

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/09/03

In this episode (after a 30 minute societal rant) we talk about Dioon edule and cycads of the foothills of the Sierra Madre, why hemiparasitic members of the paintbrush family frequently have red leaves, Mexican Oak Diversity, Tillandsia usneoides in Oak woodlands, Calochortus marcellae, Malacomeles denticulata ecotypes, why Crotalus morulus (Tamaulipan Rock Rattlesnake) possibly one of the coolest members of the genusAd-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays podcast are available on the Patreon at

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120:21

Adam Haritan from Learn Your Land

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/08/26

This episode is a conversation with Adam Haritan from the youtube channel Learn Your Land, which covres a diverse variety of topics related to the ecology of Eastern North American Forests - Fungi, Plants, Insects, & more. In this episode we talk about how fire suppression has caused an explosion in tick populations, along with a multitude of other factors. We also discuss medicinal mushrooms of Eastern North America, surviving stands of American Chestnuts, the importance of geology, and how Paw

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129:34

Rants about Compost Sh*tting, Plant Metabolism,...

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/08/20

Ad-Free episodes of the CPBBD podcast are available on the patreon at https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesntToday's episode consists of rants about compensation point, idiotic spelling mistakes, C3 and C4 photosynthesis, why nighttime temperatures prevent growing some plants in some areas, public land grab in Florida by sleazebag developers embedded in state government, Kill Your Lawn Tour 2025, calcareous shale exposures of Pueblo County, Colorado.

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96:39

Colorado Springs Southwards

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/08/12

Rants about Green Tea, Lactose Intolerance, mycoheterotrophic plants in New Mexico, Colorado Springs Shale Exposures, Native Plant Takeovers of municipal landscaping greenhouses, Rock Sage, 300 million year old limestone, and more.Ad-Free Episodes of the podcast are available for 5 bucks a month on the patreon at https://www.patreon.com/c/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesntTo pre-order the book Concrete Botany, visit https://geni.us/ConcreteBotany

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98:45

I 10 Ramblings to New Mexico

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/08/02

Disjointed Rants about New Mexico's Sacramento Mountains, Mormons, the origins of Ivermectin, Rat-Trap Pitcher plants and Nepenthes hybrids, and more.All episodes of the Crime Pays podcast are available ad-free on the crime pays patreon at : https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesntFor merch, bonfire store is at : https://www.bonfire.com/store/crime-pays-but-botany-doesnt/

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107:01

Neotropical Oak Forests & Bush-Checking Becky

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/07/25

In this episode we rant about Neotropical High-elevation Oak forests of Central America, what the hell introgression is (swapping genes between two species through hybridization and back-crossing to potentially create a new species, though sometimes it just introduces adaptive traits into existing species), the checking of a racist Becky into a bush by a fed-up member of the populace, the neotropical parasitic plant Corynaea crass and how its monoecious and what that means, cloud forests

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88:02

Sashaying Around West Texas Sky Islands

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/07/05

Rants about Davis Mountains fungi, Ponderosa Pine Death from drought, torrential Texas rains, West Texas alcoholics, Mandevilla hypoleuca, Echeveria strictiflora, Growing Madrones, American Smoke Trees in Austin, Madrones in San Antonio, Dystopia and more....

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117:43

Four Corners Botany

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/06/18

Rants about Northern New Mexico, Gypsum endemics, Dwarf Milkweed, the Horseshoe Bend Motel Photo, Botany of Horseshoe Bend, Pediocactus in the high desert of Northern Arizona, Why telling people that eating Saguaro fruits isn't as bad as Caucasian liberals might want you to think is, How anthropocentric uses of plants might hook some people into the larger perspective of botany and ecology and reverence for the living world, and more. Episodes of the podcast are available for listening, ad-free, on

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116:13

Carlsbad Butt Clinic & Sandhills Plant Life

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/06/01

Rants about colonoscopies, plant life on the sandhills East of Carlsbad New Mexico, Eurytaenia hinckleyi (Apiaceae ), Pomaria jamesii (Fabaceae), the Sierra Madre and moreAd-Free episodes of the podcast are available on the Patreon for $5 a month at https://www.patreon.com/c/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt

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103:41

Hollistic Healing Colon Cleanse in Gypsum Habitats

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/05/29

Rants about permaculture, holistic livestock snake oil, Southern New Mexico gypsum flats, the Guadalupe Mountains, the Schizandra population in Atlanta that's being overtaken by english ivy, the Alex Jones with boobs meme, naked old men at Nevada hot springs, and more.All episodes of this podcast are available for $5 a month ad-free on the crime pays patreon stop whining about the ads you jadrool bastard.

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105:25

A Clusterf*ck of Mustards - The Order Brassicales

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/05/21

Ad-Free versions of this podcast are available for $5 a month on the Crime Pays Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/c/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesntIn this episode we talk with Makenzie Mabry, PhD, about the order Brassicales and all the cool and bizarre plants and plant families within it. We talk about the trend of polyploidy, whole genome duplication, the affinity for deserts and arid habitats, the evolution of succulents and the particular phytochemistry known as glucosinolates. We start off talking

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138:19

Atlanta, Granitic Knobs, Limestone Glades, Native...

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/05/09

In this episode we talk about the granite/gneiss knobs that surround the Atlanta, Georgia area and the cool plants that grow there, getting unintentionally shot at by morons at Arabia mountain, exploring limestone glades of Alabama with Kyle Lybarger, how much puke would it take to reach the confederate statue on the side of Stone Mountain if one were puking down from above, how important fire is to East Coast and Southeast ecosystems (especially for suppressing tick populations) and a ton more. If

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121:56

Easter Brunch With Father Santore Livestream

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/04/20

A 2 hour, unhinged livestream rant about ecological succession in lawn slaughter, book reviews, the deranged texas anti-plant bill (SB 1868), and more, all done while wearing a priest outfit.

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152:10

Costa Rica Habitat Synopsis Rants

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/04/11

Episodes of the Crime Pays podcast are available Ad-Free on the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't Patreon at: www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesntIn this episode of the podcast we rant about a myriad of topics and also discuss 4 main habitat types of Costa Rica : Lowland dry forest, where you can get pissed on by spider monkeys and capuchins while photographing columnar cacti growing on karstic limestone dominated by Bursera simaruba. We also talk about the dry forest oak Quercus oleoides which

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91:57

Mosquito Traps & Burrowing "Toads"

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/03/30

Rants about Mosquito Traps, Burrowing "toads" (Rhinophrynus dorsalis), Texas botanists' resistance to using scientific names, replacing windas, a new species of succulent bamboo from Laos, and more I recommend the hell outta the Biogents Mosquito Trap, which is a pleasant way to reduce mosquito populations in your area using a compound that mimics the smell of human sweat, attracting mosquitos, then sucking the little bastards into the netting. The netting can then be frozen for 20 minutes which

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110:55

Trans-Pecos Botany with Dr Powell

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/03/26

Dr. Michael Powell is the curator of the Sul Ross Herbarium in Alpine, Texas and a proverbial wizard of West Texas Botany and Plants of the Trans-Pecos. In this episode we discuss how the endangered species act influenced the wariness of Texas ranchers and land owners, the current drought that Texas is in, describing new species of plants, the rock-daisies and cliff-dwellers of the Perityle clade (Asteraceae), limestone endemism among Texas plants, how to propagate Texas Madrones, how

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94:56

The New Plant Species Discovered in a National Park

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn"t ·

2025/03/20

Deb Manley is a naturalist and long-distance hiker who in March 2024 discovered a plant species that was entirely new to science: Ovicula biradiata (Sunflower Family - Asteraceae).In this episode of Crime Pays we talk about the discovery, the unique flora of the Big Bend region, limestone deserts, the phenomenon of Sky Islands and more.Episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon, where your membership helps support free botany education, filming,

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