Untamed Ember

00:30:16

Neurodivergence & Ethical Non-Monogamy: When Standard...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/09/24

What if the problem isn’t that you’re bad at ethical non-monogamy, but that the advice you’ve been given was built for a nervous system that doesn’t work like yours? In Season 2, Episode 8 of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty explores ethical non-monogamy through a neurodivergent lens, including how autism, ADHD, sensory processing differences, executive function, masking, and rejection sensitivity can change what communication and relationship support actually

en

00:31:52

Co-Regulation in Polyamory: Finding Your Own Ground...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/09/10

Co-regulation is one of the ways human nervous systems find safety with each other. But what happens when one partner becomes your only reliable way back to steady ground? In Season 2, Episode 7 of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty explores co-regulation, self-regulation, and nervous system capacity inside polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Non-monogamy doesn’t necessarily create dependence on a partner for regulation. Sometimes, it simply exposes a single-anchor

en

00:31:52

Co-Regulation in Polyamory: Finding Your Own Ground...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/09/10

Co-regulation is one of the ways human nervous systems find safety with each other. But what happens when one partner becomes your only reliable way back to steady ground? In Season 2, Episode 7 of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty explores co-regulation, self-regulation, and nervous system capacity inside polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Non-monogamy doesn’t necessarily create dependence on a partner for regulation. Sometimes, it simply exposes a single-anchor

en

00:31:02

Why You Can't Force Compersion (The Nervous System...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/08/20

Compersion has turned into a merit badge. Feel it, prove it, post about it, and if you don't feel it yet, apparently something's wrong with you. Here's what the group chats and panel talks won't tell you: compersion isn't a switch you flip by wanting to be enlightened enough. It's a nervous system state, and nervous systems don't take orders from your ideology, no matter how good that ideology is. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down what compersion

en

00:31:02

Why You Can't Force Compersion (The Nervous System...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/08/20

Compersion has turned into a merit badge. Feel it, prove it, post about it, and if you don't feel it yet, apparently something's wrong with you. Here's what the group chats and panel talks won't tell you: compersion isn't a switch you flip by wanting to be enlightened enough. It's a nervous system state, and nervous systems don't take orders from your ideology, no matter how good that ideology is. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down what compersion

en

00:18:02

Attachment Styles in Polyamory: Your Body Remembered

Untamed Ember ·

2026/07/23

Knowing your attachment style doesn't fix anything. You can take the quiz, read every book, and announce yourself as "anxiously attached" at dinner, and the knowing still won't stop you from checking your phone four times during your partner's date. That's because your nervous system isn't reading the book. It's running a much older program. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down what attachment theory actually says (and what pop psychology got wrong

en

00:18:02

Attachment Styles in Polyamory: Your Body Remembered

Untamed Ember ·

2026/07/23

Knowing your attachment style doesn't fix anything. You can take the quiz, read every book, and announce yourself as "anxiously attached" at dinner, and the knowing still won't stop you from checking your phone four times during your partner's date. That's because your nervous system isn't reading the book. It's running a much older program. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down what attachment theory actually says (and what pop psychology got wrong

en

00:34:39

Jealousy Is Information (Your Nervous System Has Been...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/07/09

You said you were fine with it. You thought you were fine with it. And then your partner went on a date and you spent the whole night on the couch unable to eat, with something sitting in your chest you couldn't name. Most of us have been taught to treat jealousy as a problem to logic our way out of, a sign we're not evolved enough, not healed enough, not ready for the relationship structure we've chosen. But that framing isn't just unhelpful. It's

en

00:43:04

Opening Up Without Blowing it Up

Untamed Ember ·

2026/06/25

You said yes to opening your relationship. And then something happened in your body that you didn't expect. That's not your nervous system telling you you made the wrong call. That's your nervous system doing exactly what it was trained to do. And it's been training for a very long time. Most conversations about opening an existing relationship start with logistics: the apps, the agreements, the conversations to have before you start. But logistics aren't

en

00:28:32

Stop Making Rules, Start Making Agreements

Untamed Ember ·

2026/05/28

Rules and agreements sound like the same thing in ENM. They are not. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down one of the most common and underexamined dynamics in ethical non-monogamy: what actually separates a rule from an agreement, why the difference lives in the body and the power dynamic rather than the wording, and what it costs when one person's nervous system architecture gets handed to their partner as a shared framework. Through the composite case

en

00:28:32

Stop Making Rules, Start Making Agreements

Untamed Ember ·

2026/05/28

Rules and agreements sound like the same thing in ENM. They are not. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down one of the most common and underexamined dynamics in ethical non-monogamy: what actually separates a rule from an agreement, why the difference lives in the body and the power dynamic rather than the wording, and what it costs when one person's nervous system architecture gets handed to their partner as a shared framework. Through the composite case

en

00:25:10

You Didn't Choose This: Compulsory Monogamy as...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/05/11

Most of us never actually chose monogamy. We inherited it. And the guilt, shame, and hypervigilance that show up when we question it aren't signs that something is wrong with us. They're signs that the conditioning worked. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down compulsory monogamy as a nervous system pattern, not just a cultural belief. Drawing on Adrienne Rich's framework of compulsory heterosexuality and philosopher Elizabeth Brake's concept of

en

00:25:10

You Didn't Choose This: Compulsory Monogamy as...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/05/11

Most of us never actually chose monogamy. We inherited it. And the guilt, shame, and hypervigilance that show up when we question it aren't signs that something is wrong with us. They're signs that the conditioning worked. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down compulsory monogamy as a nervous system pattern, not just a cultural belief. Drawing on Adrienne Rich's framework of compulsory heterosexuality and philosopher Elizabeth Brake's concept of

en

00:23:01

Why Untamed Ember is Evolving: Co-Hosting, Shared...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/03/06

What does it look like when a podcast about shared power actually practices what it teaches? In this Season 2 premiere, Dr. Misty announces a major evolution: Untamed Ember is now co-hosted with fellow clinician and sex therapist Michell. Together they unpack why the shift happened, what it required of both of them to get here, and why this change is itself a demonstration of the relational ethics they've been teaching all along. This episode covers the

en

00:24:20

Privacy vs Withholding in Non-Monogamy, The...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/01/29

In non-monogamous relationships, many conflicts are not about jealousy or trust, they are about information. What needs to be shared, what should remain private, and how people get stuck oscillating between oversharing and withholding. Dr. Misty breaks this episode down into the critical difference between privacy and withholding, and why confusing the two creates unnecessary harm. Privacy protects autonomy. Withholding removes information required for

en

00:24:20

Privacy vs Withholding in Non-Monogamy, The...

Untamed Ember ·

2026/01/29

In non-monogamous relationships, many conflicts are not about jealousy or trust, they are about information. What needs to be shared, what should remain private, and how people get stuck oscillating between oversharing and withholding. Dr. Misty breaks this episode down into the critical difference between privacy and withholding, and why confusing the two creates unnecessary harm. Privacy protects autonomy. Withholding removes information required for

en

00:24:38

Polyamory Does NOT Excuse Poor Behavior

Untamed Ember ·

2026/01/07

Here's a radical idea: being polyamorous doesn't make you a better person. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty calls out the weaponized poly discourse that's been laundering bad behavior under enlightenment language. "That's just jealousy." "I don't believe in obligation." "You're asking for hierarchy." These phrases shut down accountability instead of opening conversations. Through the story of Jenna and Ari, you'll hear exactly how autonomy gets

en

00:24:38

Polyamory Does NOT Excuse Poor Behavior

Untamed Ember ·

2026/01/07

Here's a radical idea: being polyamorous doesn't make you a better person. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty calls out the weaponized poly discourse that's been laundering bad behavior under enlightenment language. "That's just jealousy." "I don't believe in obligation." "You're asking for hierarchy." These phrases shut down accountability instead of opening conversations. Through the story of Jenna and Ari, you'll hear exactly how autonomy gets

en

00:22:16

Power Exchange vs. Power Over: Ethical Dominance...

Untamed Ember ·

2025/12/24

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for more deep dives. Power exchange is sexy when it’s chosen. Power over is toxic when it’s stolen. In this episode, we talk about the difference between ethical dominance and coercion, why consent makes power dynamics hotter, and how trauma and ND nervous systems experience surrender. You’ll learn how to spot red flags, practice ethical dominance, and build dynamics that are both safe and deeply

en

00:22:16

Power Exchange vs. Power Over: Ethical Dominance...

Untamed Ember ·

2025/12/24

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for more deep dives. Power exchange is sexy when it’s chosen. Power over is toxic when it’s stolen. In this episode, we talk about the difference between ethical dominance and coercion, why consent makes power dynamics hotter, and how trauma and ND nervous systems experience surrender. You’ll learn how to spot red flags, practice ethical dominance, and build dynamics that are both safe and deeply

en

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