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PODCAST

Royally Fucked

Hayden Bevis and Lachlan Millsom

The show where Hayden reads British royal tabloid stories to Lachlan, and then they turn them into sketches for your audio pleasure.

comedy improv

All Episodes

00:15:37

The King's Sad Letter

Royally Fucked ·

2025/10/16

King Charles writes a "very sad personal note" about his rumoured Aussie appearance, and the tabloids are LOVING it. What's so sad about it? Did he have a wardrobe malfunction? A downstairs accident in khaki pants? Or is it something even more devastating? Hayden and Lachlan unpack the mystery behind Charles's deeply emotional correspondence, then imagine what really went down.(00:00) Poop emoji (01:36) Headline warmup: Meghan skips funeral because... she's pregnant (02:36)

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00:14:07

The Truth Behind Why Prince Harry's Latest Act Has...

Royally Fucked ·

2025/07/20

In this episode of Royally F%cked, Prince Harry goes to Ukraine... and Prince William gets positively rankled. Hayden reads Lachlan a royal tabloid article about Harry’s surprise visit to a war zone, which somehow turns into a sibling squabble over who gets to play dress-up near tanks. (02:00) The headline: Harry rubbed William the wrong way(03:00) Lachlan’s wild guess: royal pantomime beef(04:00) The real story: Harry visits Ukraine, William gets jealous(05:30) The meaning of “rankled,” a British

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00:20:50

Donald Trump's Election Win Could Put Prince Harry's...

Royally Fucked ·

2025/07/11

Donald Trump becomes the US president, and somehow this means that Prince Harry might get deported, or something? Who knows??!!!Apparently, our boy Prince Haz took drugs back in the day and wrote about it in a book, and now Eric Trump wants justice.Too many characters, too many distractions for us to really understand what's going on.Oh, and Greta Thunberg is involved.(01:57) Headline: Trump's Election and Prince Harry's Future(02:15) Impersonations and Humour(03:01) Visa Controversy and

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00:13:06

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's excitement at...

Royally Fucked ·

2025/07/02

This week on Royally F%cked, we dive into the wedding drama no one asked for—but tabloids couldn’t resist. Meghan and Harry are snubbed from the ceremony, separated at the reception, and forced to endure trout, lamb, and weird seating arrangements.Hayden reads the article. Lachlan wonders what the hell Dom Ruinart is. And together, they ask the big questions: Was Meghan actually overshadowing a Middleton? What was in that flower girl’s basket? And is it ever okay to separate couples at a

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00:08:50

New Poll Reveals Most Popular British Royal Family...

Royally Fucked ·

2025/06/25

Awwwwww Sh#t!!! The new IPSOS poll is in, and it's time to find out who is the most popular royal!!!(00:00:00) Intro – Hayden forgets how intros work(00:01:30)This week’s headline: Royal Popularity Poll(00:02:10) Who’s your fave royal? Charles vs Harry showdown(00:03:00) Poll results in: Kate wins the crown of hearts(00:04:30) William’s in second place but feels robbed(00:05:20) King Charles gets a meh 56%—more meh than Meghan?(00:06:00) Wait... why is Harry’s 34% comeback support even a

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00:10:13

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s chief of staff quits...

Royally Fucked ·

2025/06/18

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s chief of staff quits after three months — and we’re asking the big questions. Like: Who is Josh Kettler? Why does he sound like a pirate? And what exactly is Harry & Meghan Industries?Hayden reads the royal gossip, Lachlan overthinks it, and together they turn it into a sketch. Was it a real story? Who cares. [00:01:00] Josh Kettler has left the building[00:02:30] “What does Josh look like?”[00:04:00] Employee exodus and American migration theories[00:06:00] The

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00:16:45

Brutal Message Hidden in Prince William’s New Makeover!

Royally Fucked ·

2025/06/10

Whhhaattt? Another episode??That’s right—and this time we’re looking into whatever the hell is going on between Harry and William. Bit of a royal sibling hot mess.(01:20) Tabloid Time: Prince William's Makeover(01:50) Prince William's Hidden Message(02:49) The Beard Debate: Royal Family Drama(04:33) Beard Talk: Personal Stories and Reflections(06:01) Analyzing the Article: Hidden Meanings(12:56) The Sketch: The Royal Beard SagaFollow Hayden and Lachlan on Insta, Tik Tok, and YouTube

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00:20:20

Prince William broke up with Kate Middleton over the...

Royally Fucked ·

2025/06/10

In the very first episode of Royally F%cked, we dig into the story of how Prince William broke up with his now-wife, Kate Middleton—way back in 2008... or 2009... or whenever. It was ages ago. Is it even a real story? Who knows. But that doesn’t stop us from making a sketch about it.(01:53) First Royal Article Analysis(02:54) Prince William and Kate Middleton's Breakup(07:05) Mahiki Nightclub and Royal Shenanigans(11:30) Reunion at the Costume Party(15:25) The SketchFollow Hayden and Lachlan on⁠

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00:00:39

Welcome to Royally Fu**ed

Royally Fucked ·

2025/06/08

This is the trailer for our show Royally Fu**ed Hayden reads British royal tabloid stories to Lachlan, and then they re-enact what they think went down. Probably not how it actually happened—but whatever.

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9 results

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