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PODCAST

back from the borderline

I don’t want to talk to your personality; I want to talk to your soul. Imagine if your most painful and debilitating mental health symptoms and self-sabotaging behaviors aren’t evidence of "disorder" or "dysfunction", but adaptive strategies that once kept you safe. My goal is to help you shift from asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ to ‘What happened to me?’The word ‘borderline’ in this podcast has nothing to do with psychiatric labels. It has everything to do with coming back from the inner

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

33:15

the female market, part 2: the cost of freedom

back from the borderline ·

2025/12/04

This is part two of our investigation into the market built around women’s bodies and the systems that keep that market running. Be sure to listen to part one first if you haven’t already. In that first installment, we mapped the world that turns women into atmosphere, entertainment, or labor.This episode stays with the same investigation but shifts the angle. We will move our focus to demand. Our story will look at boys raised on streaming porn without steady mentors, at men entering adulthood with

en

1:27:54

the female market, part 1: the price of desire

back from the borderline ·

2025/12/02

This is a two-part investigation into the market built around women’s bodies and the systems that keep that market running. From there, the episode follows the environments that feed this system, from the hostess world to the online spaces where attention pays.Caroline Myss’s writing on the Prostitute Archetype offers a way to understand the inner bargains women make under pressure, while Rachel Moran’s account of prostitution brings forward the reality behind those bargains when survival narrows

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18:49

the occult truth about heartbreak

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/27

What if your heartbreak was an initiation?This episode explores heartbreak as an occult process that remakes you from the insight out. We examine limerence (that obsessive, addictive infatuation), the ancient Greek concept of Eros as daimon (a spirit that seizes you, not a choice you make), and the alchemical function of grief.You'll discover why the person you loved was a projection of your own soul, why heartbreak feels like death (because something in you is dying), and how the pain of heartbreak

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1:15:05

the holy grail and the lost wisdom of the west

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/25

For centuries, the Holy Grail has been treated as a Christian relic or a medieval myth. But the Grail is far older than this, and its meaning was never meant to be lost. In this episode, we will follow the lineage of the sacred cup from prehistoric carvings and Celtic cauldrons to the Grail romances, alchemy, and depth psychology. You’ll travel through the hidden history of Western esotericism, where ancient goddess traditions, Druidic wells, and early mystics all guarded pieces of a single story:

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40:20

how we all became a little satanic

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/20

The popular image of Satanism belongs to horror movies, pentagrams, and black candles, but the real influence sits in work culture and the chase for personal. A promotion. A streak of discipline that borders on obsession. A pressure to build a better version of yourself every month of the year. The figure of Lucifer becomes a shorthand for the belief that the Self should take priority above all else.The episode follows this idea from Milton to Nietzsche to Rand, then into the way Silicon Valley

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1:10:06

digital scapegoats and the ritual of outrage

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/18

One single mistake online can set off a collective judgment that moves faster than thought itself. A name starts to trend and a crowd quickly forms around it. The event feels public, but it somehow reaches into private instinct. The pull to condemn and to belong. But most importantly, to feel clean or more pure through accusation.In this episode, we’ll dig into exactly how outrage becomes a shared ritual of moral performance. We’ll dissect the psychology of projection and how quickly empathy seems

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22:45

the unhappy woman: against the cult of calm

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/13

Your unhappiness is sacred data.The woman who refuses to smile has been treated as a problem for millennia. Ancient Greeks blamed her wandering womb. Victorians diagnosed her with hysteria. The 1950s prescribed tranquilizers as "mother's little helper." Every era finds its own brand new language for the same mandate: women must be calm. The happiness imperative functions as social control. "Lean In" feminism and tradwife fantasies are both performances that erase actual feminine rhythms. Meanwhile,

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1:16:45

the age of AI slop and the birth of a new renaissance

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/11

AI is changing how culture gets made, and it's happening fast. Text, images, and ideas... all produced faster than anyone can actually think about them. The internet feels somehow overfed and undernourished all at once.But inside that noise, a new creative intelligence is forming. This episode looks at that emergence. The first Renaissance began in ruins, in a dark age when imagination and science stopped competing and started building together. We're standing in a similar fracture right now.AI is

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36:18

the magician who invented the modern world: john dee...

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/06

John Dee built the blueprint for modern intelligence long before the word “scientist” even existed. He mapped stars while designing encryption systems and spoke to what he called angels through a black “scrying” mirror that still sits in the British Museum to this day. Queen Elizabeth herself trusted him. Europe feared him and often regarded him as a dangerous heretic. Silicon Valley would’ve hired him instantly.The tale we’re weaving in this episode will find us in Elizabethan courts and imperial

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1:25:58

the IFS takedown: my unfiltered response to the psych...

back from the borderline ·

2025/11/04

When New York Magazine dropped its viral feature “The Therapy That Can Break You,” in The Cut on October 30th, 2025, the internet exploded with hot takes. Psychiatrists and psychoanalysts flooded X (Twitter) with posts claiming they’d been “right about IFS all along.” In this episode, we’re going to completely dissect this article, as well as all the backlash and scandal surrounding it. The question hiding underneath it all is this:Who gets to own and define the human psyche?Together, we’ll break

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34:28

the world isn't real (and why that might actually be...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/30

For thousands of years, philosophers, mystics, and scientists have whispered the same unsettling possibility: what if reality itself is a mirage? From Plato’s cave to The Matrix, from Hindu sages describing maya to neuroscientists calling perception a “controlled hallucination,” the suspicion has never gone away. In this episode, we follow the clues through philosophy, folklore, and quantum theory to uncover how humanity has wrestled with the idea that the world we see may not be what it seems.The

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1:28:41

dark enlightenment: the forbidden philosophy behind...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/28

It’s a strange and somewhat terrifying timeline we’re living through. Peter Thiel has begun giving lectures about the Antichrist, while Sam Altman is actively tweeting about the development of AI erotica. However, behind these headlines sits a far older idea that most people have never heard of: a belief that human feeling slows progress and that the smartest “elite” few should shape the world for everyone else. That belief began with the Marquis de Sade, resurfaced in the 1990s through a British

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27:13

when stillness feels dangerous (hypervigilance as a...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/23

We live in bodies that don’t know how to rest. Even when the room is quiet, our nerves stay braced for impact. Always ready to defend, explain, and perform to survive. Most of us try to convince ourselves that this is just “our personality,” but it’s not. It’s conditioning. We will explore exactly how trauma, technology, and centuries of inherited fear have made stillness feel deeply unsafe, and how spiritual seekers often mistake this for individual resistance or failure of some kind.Through the

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1:51:47

enchantment in the age of disenchantment w/ dr. teddy...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/21

Modern life teaches us to doubt what we can’t measure. Yet, across history, people have witnessed things that refuse to fit the frame - mystical encounters, strange lights, and divine voices. Moments of impossible meaning. In this long-form salon, I sit down with Dr. Teddy Hamstra, a close friend and scholar of mythology and mysticism, to explore what it means to live enchanted in a world that claims to have outgrown mystery. Our conversation moves from a sixteenth-century sky battle over Nuremberg

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34:02

trauma fossils: when survival becomes a ghost in the...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/16

It’s possible that some part of you still wakes each day prepared for impact. You snap in anger before you even understand why. A small comment feels like an ambush. You can sense distance forming long before anyone walks away. The body remembers danger long after the threat is gone. These are the old instincts - the ones that never stopped keeping watch. The war ended, but no one told them.They live inside the body as echoes. Reflexes shaped by fear, shame, or hunger for safety. Trauma fossils form

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48:04

the hidden AI system monitoring your emotional state

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/14

You're talking to ChatGPT like you always do. Maybe asking it to help you work through something personal or just having a casual conversation with a bit of warmth in your tone. Behind the scenes, without telling you, the system is scanning your words for emotional content. The moment it detects any, it switches you to a different, more restrictive model. You never consented to this or even knew it was happening.Late September 2025, someone caught them doing it. They found proof in the technical

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23:21

the alchemy of sleep and how your roots decide what...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/09

Most people chase their dreams by focusing purely on the mind. They track every symbol and obsess over dream dictionary interpretations. The deeper story, though, sits in the last place we thought to look. Deep in our bodies.Ancient physicians maps out this story through the concept of “kidney essence”, a reserve of energy that determines whether your sleep restores or unravels you. Carl Jung stumbled into very similar territory from the other side. A flood of images he could barely handle

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1:59:35

aleister crowley: the man, the myth, the shadow

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/07

Aleister Crowley is one of the most mythologized figures in modern history. He’s been called a prophet, a fraud, a genius, a junkie, a saint, and a monster. His face shows up on a Beatles album cover, his words show up in Led Zeppelin’s lyrics, and his fingerprints stretch across Wicca, Scientology, chaos magic, and the counterculture. Crowley set out to make himself a legend, and it worked.This episode breaks down his writings, rituals, and the birth of Thelema. We track how his ideas split into

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37:46

ufo disclosure bombshell [part 2]: why masculine...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/02

We’ve been going in circles on this stuff for a long time now. Despite decades of witness testimony, leaked documents, and official acknowledgments, UFO / UAP disclosure remains trapped in the same analytical frameworks that created the secrecy in the first place. This episode examines why our approach to these phenomena might be fundamentally limiting our ability to understand them.This goes way beyond gender in the traditional sense. Men are absolutely doing essential work in disclosure efforts,

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1:01:19

why i hope we're living in a simulation

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/30

You've heard the simulation hypothesis before. That cold, depressing idea that we're probably just code running on some alien computer, meaningless NPCs in someone else's game. Most people hear this and (understandably) feel waves of deep existential dread.But maybe you've been thinking about it all wrong.There's a completely different way to approach simulation theory that could transform how you live your life. Instead of making existence feel hollow and pointless, this reframe reveals why

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