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PODCAST

back from the borderline

I don’t want to talk to your personality; I want to talk to your soul. Imagine if your most painful and debilitating mental health symptoms and self-sabotaging behaviors aren’t evidence of "disorder" or "dysfunction", but adaptive strategies that once kept you safe. My goal is to help you shift from asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ to ‘What happened to me?’The word ‘borderline’ in this podcast has nothing to do with psychiatric labels. It has everything to do with coming back from the inner

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

1:51:47

enchantment in the age of disenchantment w/ dr. teddy...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/21

Modern life teaches us to doubt what we can’t measure. Yet, across history, people have witnessed things that refuse to fit the frame - mystical encounters, strange lights, and divine voices. Moments of impossible meaning. In this long-form salon, I sit down with Dr. Teddy Hamstra, a close friend and scholar of mythology and mysticism, to explore what it means to live enchanted in a world that claims to have outgrown mystery. Our conversation moves from a sixteenth-century sky battle over Nuremberg

en

34:02

trauma fossils: when survival becomes a ghost in the...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/16

It’s possible that some part of you still wakes each day prepared for impact. You snap in anger before you even understand why. A small comment feels like an ambush. You can sense distance forming long before anyone walks away. The body remembers danger long after the threat is gone. These are the old instincts - the ones that never stopped keeping watch. The war ended, but no one told them.They live inside the body as echoes. Reflexes shaped by fear, shame, or hunger for safety. Trauma fossils form

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48:04

the hidden AI system monitoring your emotional state

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/14

You're talking to ChatGPT like you always do. Maybe asking it to help you work through something personal or just having a casual conversation with a bit of warmth in your tone. Behind the scenes, without telling you, the system is scanning your words for emotional content. The moment it detects any, it switches you to a different, more restrictive model. You never consented to this or even knew it was happening.Late September 2025, someone caught them doing it. They found proof in the technical

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23:21

the alchemy of sleep and how your roots decide what...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/09

Most people chase their dreams by focusing purely on the mind. They track every symbol and obsess over dream dictionary interpretations. The deeper story, though, sits in the last place we thought to look. Deep in our bodies.Ancient physicians maps out this story through the concept of “kidney essence”, a reserve of energy that determines whether your sleep restores or unravels you. Carl Jung stumbled into very similar territory from the other side. A flood of images he could barely handle

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1:59:35

aleister crowley: the man, the myth, the shadow

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/07

Aleister Crowley is one of the most mythologized figures in modern history. He’s been called a prophet, a fraud, a genius, a junkie, a saint, and a monster. His face shows up on a Beatles album cover, his words show up in Led Zeppelin’s lyrics, and his fingerprints stretch across Wicca, Scientology, chaos magic, and the counterculture. Crowley set out to make himself a legend, and it worked.This episode breaks down his writings, rituals, and the birth of Thelema. We track how his ideas split into

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37:46

ufo disclosure bombshell [part 2]: why masculine...

back from the borderline ·

2025/10/02

We’ve been going in circles on this stuff for a long time now. Despite decades of witness testimony, leaked documents, and official acknowledgments, UFO / UAP disclosure remains trapped in the same analytical frameworks that created the secrecy in the first place. This episode examines why our approach to these phenomena might be fundamentally limiting our ability to understand them.This goes way beyond gender in the traditional sense. Men are absolutely doing essential work in disclosure efforts,

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1:01:19

why i hope we're living in a simulation

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/30

You've heard the simulation hypothesis before. That cold, depressing idea that we're probably just code running on some alien computer, meaningless NPCs in someone else's game. Most people hear this and (understandably) feel waves of deep existential dread.But maybe you've been thinking about it all wrong.There's a completely different way to approach simulation theory that could transform how you live your life. Instead of making existence feel hollow and pointless, this reframe reveals why

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38:20

the ufo disclosure bombshell [part 1]: human...

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/25

Alleged leaked text messages between a Senate Intelligence Committee staffer and a military whistleblower have been circulating through UFO research communities, revealing something far more disturbing than typical disclosure conversations. These include detailed claims of human trafficking operations embedded within unacknowledged aerospace programs.The messages, allegedly between Jon Estridge (Senate Intelligence) and "Sean Walker" (believed to be military insider Jake Barber) from August 2023,

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1:34:11

occult statecraft: how demons, magicians, and...

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/23

WARNING: This episode will permanently alter how you view government institutions, scientific establishments, and the people who actually run this country. Once you understand these connections, you cannot unknow them.The man who co-wrote the U.S. military's psychological warfare field manual was also a practicing Satanist who conducted black magic rituals in Nazi occult chambers using SS ceremonial daggers. The co-founder of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory spent his final years attempting to

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36:20

everything we now call "drugs" used to be how humans...

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/18

Your ancestors knew something about consciousness that we've systematically forgotten, and there are powerful reasons why this knowledge was buried.I'm going to share research that will fundamentally change how you understand the relationship between spirituality, consciousness, and the substances our culture has demonized. Serious academic scholarship that reveals how plant medicines were woven into the very foundation of human civilization, including Christianity itself.We’ll discuss why John

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1:31:56

anomalies, intuition, and the edge of what we know...

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/16

He’s the only person to ever receive a doctoral degree in parapsychology from an accredited university (UC Berkeley, 1980). He hosted the original Thinking Allowed series on PBS from 1986 to 2002 and now continues that legacy through New Thinking Allowed on YouTube, one of the most extensive public archives of psychic, spiritual, and scientific dialogue on the planet.In this conversation, we explore how Jeffrey’s early training in criminal psychology unexpectedly led him toward mysticism, intuition,

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45:49

the forgotten codes of love i'll teach my daughter...

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/11

While Part 1 revealed the exoteric truths of relationship patterns, Part 2 unlocks the esoteric mysteries that have been hidden in plain sight for centuries. This is premium content exclusively for my Patreon community, representing the advanced course in sacred love that most people will never encounter.My spiritual journey through synchronicity after synchronicity led me to discover the Cathars, a medieval mystical sect that understood love as the most direct path to divine consciousness. What I

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1:39:07

the forgotten codes of love i'll teach my daughter...

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/09

You've been dating the same person in different bodies your entire life. It's time to stop settling for scraps of affection and start demanding the devotion you were born to receive. The charming player who makes you feel special...until they don't. The eternal child who promises forever but runs when things get real. The wounded soul who could love you deeply if only you could heal what's broken inside them. These archetypal patterns show up in every gender, every orientation, every type of person

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19:57

your pain is real but your suffering is a story

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/04

Your shoulders and jaw have been tight for months. Shit, maybe for your entire life. You wake up already thinking about the thing that might go wrong in your relationship, the conversation that could turn ugly and get you fired at work. Your mind runs worst-case scenarios in the background at all times.This happens to you even when the day is totally fine with no real evidence that everything will fall apart. You're living in next week's problems while this week - and the present moment - slips away

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1:10:46

why medieval witches and modern alien experiencers...

back from the borderline ·

2025/09/02

Everything you believe about witch trials, UFO encounters, and alien abduction experiences might be fundamentally wrong. These seemingly unrelated phenomena describe the same mysterious intelligence that has been interacting with humanity for centuries. This episode examines the explosive research of Oxford historian Emma Wilby and Stanford computer scientist Jacques Vallée - two serious academics whose discoveries will challenge your understanding of reality.Lost 17th-century Scottish witch trial

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13:24

when magick went underground

back from the borderline ·

2025/08/28

You possessed knowledge as a child that you were systematically taught to abandon. You perceived realities that adults insisted did not exist. Every civilization except ours developed sophisticated frameworks for identifying and cultivating children who demonstrated expanded perceptual abilities. Our current “modern” culture pathologizes these same capacities.This transmission operates through symbolic narrative rather than direct instruction, using story and sound to bypass analytical defenses and

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1:32:14

religious trauma and the silent toll on female...

back from the borderline ·

2025/08/26

This episode brings together two former members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Stephanie Ann and Alyssa Grenfell) for a direct conversation about the psychological, emotional, and ritual structures of Mormonism and its lasting impact on women.Both guests were deeply embedded in the church for most of their lives and made the decision to leave, but their paths diverge in many meaningful ways. This conversation invites those who listen to consider how systems of control shape

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30:42

the 1000-year-old tibetan secret that makes western...

back from the borderline ·

2025/08/21

Discover the ancient Tibetan practice of Chöd that's revolutionizing how we approach inner work, trauma healing, and shadow integration. While Western psychology teaches you to fight your demons, this 1000-year-old wisdom tradition reveals why feeding them creates profound transformation that traditional therapy often cannot achieve.In this deep-dive episode, we explore how Machig Labdrön, an 11th-century Tibetan yogini, developed a radical approach to psychological healing that exposes the

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1:50:55

selective spiritual technophobia: why mystics and...

back from the borderline ·

2025/08/19

Why are so many spiritual teachers and thinkers panicking about AI? Some are calling it demonic, while others say it’s the Antichrist, but almost no one is asking the deeper questions about how AI actually reflects the human psyche and what that reflection can do to us.This episode breaks down the real risks of using AI for inner work. We look at how it can speed up psychological and spiritual insight, but also how that speed can cause confusion, obsession, and mental disorganization when used

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19:32

why shadow work is making you worse

back from the borderline ·

2025/08/14

You've been doing everything right. Journaling about your triggers. Embracing your darkness. Loving your inner demons. Yet somehow your anxiety is worse, your patterns are stronger, and you're more fragmented than when you started. The entire shadow work industry has been teaching you to feed the very parasites it claims to heal.Medieval Jewish mystics identified a phenomenon they called the Sitra Achra (the Other Side). Parasitic distortions that emerge when we try to eliminate parts of ourselves

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