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THE ANNALS OF HAROLD

HAROLD

AUDIO OF THE ANNALS OF HAROLD SUBSTACK haroldrogers.substack.com

fiction comedy fiction

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11:46

7 DEADLY SINS : RANKED

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/04/06

7 DEADLY SINS : RANKED ! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

9:21

CHRIST IS BORING !

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/03/30

CHRIST IS BOOOOOORING ! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

10:49

COUNTERFEITERS OF KINGDOM

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/03/25

THE FOREST BY JACK HOUGHTELING This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

9:01

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. . .

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/03/23

DISNEY WHIRLD This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

50:11

MY 29 FAVORITE NOVELS .

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/03/14

29 FAV NOVELS This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

10:33

F*****G FAILURE !

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/03/09

HILDA HILST This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

15:55

I : THE SUPREME

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/03/02

— // IN UR SWEET POUTS // —IN THE SULFURIC INFERNO : Times Square subway station, stultified in the Friday night bustle, bout to hop on the downtown 6 ; a darting bundle of sweaty citizenry barrels thru Gaby : a toppleworthy thud.We’d been quibbling; she’d been annoying; a pin in my dreamballoon : — I wanted to get an office with Ethan so we could f**k around with our incipiently legendary collaborations more officially.(“R U stupid?! U can’t even pay for health-insurance, how are U gonna pay for

9:25

ALI, AS HUMPTY DUMPTY

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/02/16

1. SAT ON A WALL. . .HUMPTY DUMPTY IS A MYTH IN THE GUISE OF A NURSERY RHYME.The humptian hero rises, — generationally, glittering, — from the mass of the masculine lodazal; takes his seat on the WALL; we kowtow in admiration, horror, envy as our dumptian king flits in swift abligurition upon the summit. . .The reason Humpty is Him : NOBODY else could get up on the damn WALL!LAST WEEK, I WALKED AROUND FRIGID NYC. Scarfed, hatted, but ungloved, — the wind scraping my face like razor wire, stomping

16:10

A POEM OF HEROISM & BRUTALITY. . .

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/02/09

. . . — THE MAN — . . .“AN INTENSE DREAM, A VIVID RAY”ION THE MORNING OF AUGUST 15, 1909, Euclides da Cunha, — the most famous writer in Brasil, — was murdered by his wife’s lover.The TOLD story : Euclides uncovered the betrayal; pulled up furious, strapped, — snapped; shot poor, young, apollonian Dilermando de Assis three times : wimpy Euclides, the intellectual with the soldierless jib-cut, missed : Dilermando, the wife-f****r with mean aim, shot back, — hit; Euclides dead : two bullets in the

14:39

BRUH, WHAT'S THE POINT ?

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/02/02

(1) I’M NOBODY! — WHO ARE U ?MY FRIEND, SLIMY B, READ WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1847). Unimpressed, he told me : “she writes like a teenage girl with a thesaurus. . .”On a frigid, blistering walk, I tried to defend Emily’s honor : arguing lexically complex teenage ardors are rollicking delights, — but Slimy B put the final nail in the coffin of the Brontë Sister Industrial Complex :“MAN, THESE CLASSICS ARE F*****G ELITIST!” The “CANON” : a forbidding tower of smartypants smarminess, erected so a smug

8:05

THE LEGEND OF SWITCHEROO CHRIST

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/01/26

1: — THINGS NEVER ATTEMPTED . . .THE ONLY DECORATION in my room is a print of Pieter Brueghel’s Tower of Babel (1563) scotch-taped to the wall.Every morning, I stare at the melted collapsing decadent cake of Brueghel’s tower : worker-ants crawling over it in impeccable toil : — King Nimrod in the bottom left corner, cronies bowing down, imperially executing his goddefying VISION. . . The Babel myth : an almanac on which to base my own personal agriculture. . .Here’s Juan Benet’s description of

13:58

SO U WANNA WRITE A NOVEL ?

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/01/19

A LINE WILL TAKE US HOURS MAYBETHE FIRST THING people wanna know about your novel : “How long did it take?”I always wonder : is this real curiosity, or is the person calculating the requisite time block on their mental calendar for the novel they’ve always wanted to write. . . The answer, — which I give to every budding novelist, — : takes longer than U think it will.Writing a novel is like bobbing for apples harriedly, desperately for four years; — just when U think U got a nice, juicy apple, U

9:30

VOVÔ'S ASHES

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/01/12

(1) — U EVER DUMP A BODY. . .?APPARENTLY: YOU’RE NOT allowed to scatter human ashes wherever you want.I kept thinking, regarding our plan, as we pulled up to Engenhoca beach, in Riberia, on the Ilha do Governador (where my mom & my grandparents & their grandparents had all grown up) : imagine you’re floating on your back in the water, enjoying the Sunday carioca sunshine, and suddenly the water around you gets cloudy with what used to be my grandfather. . .Luckily, the beach was mostly empty; few

10:36

ARE U INSANE ?!

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2026/01/05

[A: TORRENT OF NUTJOBS]— 1WHY IS EVERYONE INSANE BUT ME?This question’s been whistling in my head like the irremediable shrill of a bem-te-vi: — . . . I’ve been with my family in Rio. . . Machado de Assis turns this question into his 1882 story, The Alienist ; — Dr. Simão Bacamarte, a psychiatrist, opens up an asylum in his small town of Itaguaí: Casa Verde,“to carry out an in-depth study of madness in its various degrees, classifying each type and finally discovering both the true cause of the

15:23

UNREADABLE, TURGID, OVERWRITTEN, OBSCENE. . . .

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2025/12/29

THERE IS A HAND TO TURN THE TIME. . . . I BOUGHT GRAVITY’S RAINBOW 10 YEARS AGO.Suffering from an Infinite Jest addiction, I was on the prowl for anything that could fill me up the way Wallace did. . . but the book was so terror-shrouded, I couldn’t crack it open. . . what did that phrase “gravity’s rainbow” even mean!?I bought the guide book. But seeing the book required a guide book almost equally as thick tossed another crocodile in Pynchon’s moat of impenetrability. . . . I was petrified as a

8:42

WHY DO U READ ?

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2025/12/22

(1) I ONLY READ 36 BOOKS THIS YEAR. . .I AM always jealous of supreme readers : Harold Bloom read 1000 pages an hour in his heyday, — and he wasn’t munching on A Court of Thorns and Roses (2015), dude was mowing thru Clarissa (1748), yearly.Or Pico della Mirandola (1463-1494) who read Latin, Greek, Arabic, Hebrew, — and could recite the Divine Comedy forwards and back, off the top of his head. . . And he was incredibly handsome! No wonder he was poisoned! Such an outpouring of cosmic gifts must NOT

7:21

IDLE HANDS. . . —

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2025/12/15

IDLE HANDS. . . This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

10:57

BRUSHED LIKE A BEE FROM A SUNFLOWER

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2025/12/08

THE WAVES This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

28:42

ULRICH IN LOVE

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2025/11/24

THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

17:53

MOMA TOP TEN

THE ANNALS OF HAROLD ·

2025/11/17

MOMA TOP TEN This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit haroldrogers.substack.com

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