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PODCAST

On Attachment

Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

00:11:47

#248: How to Cope With My Ex Being Happy in a New...

On Attachment ·

2026/04/09

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new relationship that appears to be working.This can be an incredibly painful experience, especially if you’re still grieving the relationship. It often brings up comparison, self-doubt, and questions like “Was I the problem?”In this episode, I unpack why this situation feels so triggering, what’s actually going on beneath the surface, and how to shift out of

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00:14:59

#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong...

On Attachment ·

2026/04/07

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of

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00:08:36

#246: When Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends with an...

On Attachment ·

2026/04/02

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex?While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward.In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patterns, attachment, or hope.We discuss:Why the desire to stay friends after a breakup is so commonWhen

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00:10:17

#245: Should Anxiously Attached People Just Avoid...

On Attachment ·

2026/03/31

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners.While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from.We explore the nuance that often gets lost in attachment conversations, including why not all avoidant individuals are the same, and how reducing

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00:08:34

#238: Can a Relationship Survive If Only One Person...

On Attachment ·

2026/03/05

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question I hear often: If I work on my anxious attachment, but my partner doesn’t work on their avoidant patterns, can the relationship still work?I unpack why focusing on your side of the street is never a waste of time — even when your partner isn’t meeting you there yet. We talk about how healing anxious attachment isn’t about fixing the relationship or managing your partner’s behaviour, but about building self-regulation, self-trust, and

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00:18:49

#237: How Anxious & Avoidant People Differ Around...

On Attachment ·

2026/03/03

In this episode, we explore one of the most painful dynamics after a breakup: watching your ex seem “fine” while you feel completely unravelled — and the stories that comparison creates. We unpack why anxious and avoidant attachment patterns tend to process breakups so differently, and why those differences don’t mean what you think they mean.We look at how anxious attachment often shows up as hyperactivation — intense grief, rumination, urgency, and the need to understand what happened — and how

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00:08:17

#236: Coping With Separation Anxiety When Your...

On Attachment ·

2026/02/26

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener who says they generally feel secure in their relationship — except when their partner travels and is physically away. During those periods, they experience intense separation anxiety, spiralling thoughts, and a sudden sense of insecurity that feels confusing and disproportionate.I talk about why distance and absence can be uniquely activating for anxiously attached nervous systems, even when a relationship is otherwise healthy and secure. We explore

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00:15:37

#235: What Attachment Theory Does (& Does Not) Explain

On Attachment ·

2026/02/24

Attachment theory has become a widely used framework for understanding relationship patterns — but it’s often misunderstood, overextended, or treated as a complete explanation for human behaviour.In this episode, I revisit the foundations of attachment theory to clarify what attachment is actually designed to explain, what attachment styles describe, and where the limits of the framework are. This is a back-to-basics conversation intended to bring nuance and accuracy to how we use attachment

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00:06:53

#234: What Makes an Avoidant Partner Feel Safe to...

On Attachment ·

2026/02/19

In this Ask Steph episode, we explore one of the most common (and understandable) questions in anxious–avoidant dynamics: what actually helps an avoidant partner feel safe enough to open up emotionally?If you tend toward anxious attachment, it can feel deeply unsettling to sense that parts of your partner’s inner world are closed off to you. That can create a strong pull to try harder, ask more questions, or push for emotional access — often with the hope that if they open up, it will mean you’re

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00:14:17

#233: How to Put an End to Situationships (Once & For...

On Attachment ·

2026/02/17

Situationships can feel exciting and full of potential, but over time they often become a source of anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt. In this episode, I explore why situationships are so hard to walk away from — particularly for people with anxious attachment — and why clarity can feel more threatening than staying in something uncertain.We look at how hope, ambiguity, and emotional breadcrumbs keep people invested in connections that aren’t actually meeting their needs, and why “waiting to see

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00:06:37

#232: Why Do I Miss My Ex Now That I’m Dating Someone...

On Attachment ·

2026/02/12

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about why old feelings can resurface when you re-enter the dating world, and what to do when that catches you off guard.In this episode, we explore:Why missing your ex after a breakup can show up later, not earlierHow dating again brings up fresh comparisons — and why that’s so normalThe difference between missing your ex and missing familiarity, comfort, or routineWhy comparing a new connection to a long-term relationship is often

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00:16:01

#231: Why You Can't Love Someone Into Changing

On Attachment ·

2026/02/10

In this episode, we explore the belief that if someone truly loved you, they would have changed — and why this story so often keeps people stuck in self-blame, rescuing, and self-abandonment. We look at the saviour complex, how it develops, and why real change has far more to do with timing and capacity than with how lovable or devoted you are.In this episode, we cover:Why “if they loved me, they would’ve changed” is such a convincing storyHow the saviour complex shows up in relationshipsThe line

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00:06:01

#230: How Do I Know My New Partner Will Be Better...

On Attachment ·

2026/02/05

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question that will feel very familiar to anyone with anxious attachment: How can I be certain that my new partner will be better for me than my last one?On the surface, this question makes sense. After being hurt, blindsided, or disappointed in past relationships, of course we want reassurance that it won’t happen again. But underneath it, there’s often a deeper issue at play — a lack of self-trust, and an anxious belief that it’s our job to prevent

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00:19:58

#229: The Hallmarks of a Secure Relationship

On Attachment ·

2026/02/03

A secure relationship isn’t one where nothing ever goes wrong — it’s one where the foundation is strong enough to hold the hard stuff. For many people (especially those with anxious attachment), insecurity doesn’t come from being “too sensitive,” but from being in dynamics that lack safety, consistency, or clarity.In this episode, I break down five key qualities that tend to be present in secure relationships, and how they actually feel on a nervous system level.I cover:What emotional safety really

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00:07:33

#228: When You Want More Words of Affirmation — But...

On Attachment ·

2026/01/29

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about wanting more words of affirmation from a partner — but not wanting to feel like you're constantly asking for it. This is a really common tension, especially for people with anxious attachment. On one hand, words of affirmation genuinely matter. On the other, asking for them can feel exposing, needy, or like you’re trying to force something that should come naturally.In this episode, I unpack why this dynamic is rarely about

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00:19:30

#227: The Most Common Forms of Self-Sabotage After a...

On Attachment ·

2026/01/27

Break-ups are painful — but often, the way we try to cope with that pain can quietly keep us stuck in it for much longer than necessary.In this episode of On Attachment, I walk through five of the most common ways people unknowingly self-sabotage after a break-up, particularly those with anxious attachment patterns. These behaviours aren’t a sign that you’re doing healing “wrong.” They’re understandable coping strategies that make sense in the context of loss, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm — but

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00:06:21

#226: “If They Wanted To, They Would” (Ask Steph)

On Attachment ·

2026/01/22

In this Ask Steph episode, I share my perspective on the phrase “if they wanted to, they would” — and why it’s sometimes helpful, but often oversimplified.I talk about the difference between basic effort and genuine capacity, and why assuming someone’s behaviour always reflects a lack of care or love can miss what’s really going on. We explore how attachment patterns, protective strategies, and stress responses shape how people show up in relationships — often in ways that can’t be changed through

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00:19:52

#225: How to Know Whether to Keep Trying or Walk Away...

On Attachment ·

2026/01/20

Few decisions feel as emotionally loaded as deciding whether to keep trying in a relationship or to walk away. There is no universal right answer — and for many people, especially those with anxious attachment, this question can feel endlessly destabilising.In this episode, I share 10 reflective questions designed to support clearer, more grounded decision-making. These questions aren’t a checklist or a formula to tell you what to do. They’re an invitation to slow down, step out of fear-based

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00:05:10

#224: I Drunk Texted My Ex and Feel So Much Shame —...

On Attachment ·

2026/01/15

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question that many people can relate to: drunk texting an ex, waking up full of shame, and not knowing what to do next.I talk about why this happens, especially in the aftermath of a breakup when loneliness, lowered inhibitions, and longing collide — and why beating yourself up afterwards only makes things worse.I explore how to respond in a grounded way, including whether you need to follow up with your ex at all, how to keep it simple if you do,

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00:14:59

#223: What It Really Takes to Make an...

On Attachment ·

2026/01/13

Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly be challenging, they’re not automatically destined to fail.In this episode, I explore what it actually takes to make an anxious–avoidant relationship work — not through chemistry, hope, or sheer effort, but through three essential, non-negotiable ingredients.I share why these dynamics can become either deeply healing or deeply reinforcing of old wounds, and

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242 results

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