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Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories

Dan Donohue

My little stories dandonohue.substack.com

fiction comedy fiction

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12:33

No Tickets to Paradise

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/10/28

“Hey Dan, we’re going to cancel the late show--not enough tickets sold. Sorry buddy.”I sit in a greenroom on a maroon couch that was most likely a completely different color when it was carried into this comedy club several decades ago. It might have been bright red when the first ass, belonging to some vaudeville performer, imprinted itself on its cushion. I’ll bet even back then performers would often be told something similar, like “Hey hep-cat, we had to 86 the late show. Not enough swingers and

14:31

I'm Going On Tour: The Highs and Lows of Pittsburg...

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/09/30

Starting in late October, I will embark on my 2025 tour. Tickets are available for Sacramento, San Francisco, New York, Cleveland, and Boston, with more to be added soon. Buy tickets here. My first time touring was winter of last year, and as a way to ready myself for my upcoming travel, as well as subtly incentivize you to buy tickets (if you don’t, it’s fine--just get ready for months of angsty substack posts about destitution and hopelessness,) I’d like to tell you a little bit about what I

12:59

The Problem With Militarized Self Help

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/09/16

The demographic of young, lonely men has been endlessly speculated on. Why are there so many young, lonely men? We need to save these young, lonely men! Honey, come quick, I think there's a young, lonely man under our bed!I was member of this demographic for the better part of my early to mid-twenties.If there is any consolation for those depressing, isolating years, it is that I now have firsthand experience in a matter of important public discourse. As a second consolation, I’m now really good at

17:05

The Scene that Never Was

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/09/03

I met Rick in Boston at an open mic. At the time, I lived in western Massachusetts, but ventured to Boston once or twice a week. Two hours there, two hours back. The drive to Boston always made me feel the kind of excitement only the naive have access to, their nerve endings yet to be ground down by years of disappointment. My mood on the drive back from Boston would vary depending on how my set went. If I did well, my head would be swimming with fantasies of becoming a professional comedian. The

6:49

Run, Run, Run Chapter 2

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/08/26

Hank was lumbering back from the shotput circle when he saw a news truck with a big number three on its side. He watched as the crew piled out, two heavy set long haired men with goatees, and a small woman in a pants suit that was still somehow suggestive. She had a waterfall of blond hair gleaming in the morning sun. Hank thought it was funny how easy it was to tell who was the crew and who was in front of the camera. Even if they were all wearing the same outfit it would be easy to pick out the

15:08

A Special Place (Free Post)

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/08/05

Dylan Saccone was looking down at his phone as he crossed Santa Monica Boulevard. He was trying to see if LaSorted’s had cheaper pizza than Triple Beam, so he never saw the westbound 3 bus coming. The bus driver, who turned her head momentarily to see who was blasting what sounded like pornography from a Bluetooth speaker, didn't see Dylan crossing the street with his head down. They were both made aware of one another at the same moment, when the bus made contact with Dylan, and Dylan's body, after

8:55

RUN, RUN, RUN

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/07/31

The groundskeeper for Old Rochester Regional High School rambled towards the track in what he called "the gator", a small four wheel vehicle with a three foot by four foot truck bed, like a working man's golf cart. He had been the grounds keeper at ORR for years, but the gator was new. The school had decided to make a number of updates to the school's athletic facility, due to the amount of attention the school was getting in recent years. In fact, the school decided their desired level of upkeep

10:38

Law Abiding Citizen

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/07/29

"And another thing," Hubert Price said, staring into the camera with a well-practiced expression of righteous indignation. "If you want to come into this country, you need to do it legally, that's what these snowflake liberals don't understand. We love immigrants in this country… legal immigrants. The law is the most sacred thing there is, and it must be upheld at all cost. That's what this administration understands."Herbert then clicked the space bar on his laptop, ending the livestream. His

15:14

Barbecue and the JFK Assassination

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/07/22

As I sat on the Orange line southbound from the Dallas International Airport to my hotel in Deep Ellum, my predominant emotion was dread. I was going to perform at a wonderful comedy club, and it was the first headlining gig I've had in a while (so god knows I needed the money,) but I couldn't shake the memory of the last time I visited the Dallas area six months ago.Six months earlier, I performed at a comedy club that has since closed down in Plano, Texas. It was a nightmare--big room, small

14:25

An Evening with Norm Macdonald pt.1 Lost in the...

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/07/08

"Do you want to meet Norm MacDonald?"This question was posed to me by a strange man named Eddy, who I had met the night before at an open mic in the Valley called Liquid Zoo. It was one of the worst setups imaginable, loud bar, finicky microphone, and every comedian got ten minutes of stage time, which was way, way too long. Eddy saw me go up and came right over to me after my set. He was wrinkled beyond his years, and wore a fedora that seemed to scream from atop his head, “I was in show business

11:43

There's No Keeping Grandma Quiet

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/06/24

Much has been said about family members monopolizing conversations at holidays like Thanksgiving and changing the mood of things from festive to combative. Many people will say that they hope their uncles don't get drunk this year at Christmas, because they’ll start talking about crime statistics and keeping Muslims out of NASCAR. Some people go to family gatherings like they’re preparing for battle when they know they will see their less-desirable family members, coming up with retorts and

16:31

Health and Happiness

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/06/10

Brian sat at a far table in Bar Bandini, and waited for his date. Brian felt Bar Bandini was a perfect spot to take a woman when you're meeting her for the first time. It was dark and sexy, but cheap enough where he could buy the first round and not have to run into the bathroom to check his bank balance after. Brian reached for his phone, then remembered he told himself a week ago that he was going to try and be more mindful. He resigned himself to looking around the bar. He felt that it was odd to

13:37

Divorce and Protest

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/05/27

A story about the sadness and humor of divorce. Please share if you like it! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dandonohue.substack.com/subscribe

10:15

Arthur Over the Rainbow

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/05/13

If you like this episode, please subscribe and follow for more! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dandonohue.substack.com/subscribe

5:12

No One Laughs at the Child Beauty Pageant

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/05/06

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit dandonohue.substack.comPlease let me know if you folks like the audio version!

18:38

Held By Metal Arms (Audio)

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/02/19

This is a short fictional story set in the future, a little different then what I usually write but I really liked it. If you liked it consider joining the paid tier to get access to more writing and to help me. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dandonohue.substack.com/subscribe

4:08

Meditating With Your Eyes Closed Audio (Paid...

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/02/13

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit dandonohue.substack.comHere is the audio version of my last story, Thank you so much for being a paid subscriber.

12:05

Fighting Champion (Free)

Not Bad Dan Not Bad Stories ·

2025/02/11

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dandonohue.substack.com/subscribe

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