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PODCAST

The Marriage Essentials Podcast

🎙️ The Marriage Essentials Podcast Marriage is the place you most want to feel loved and understood—yet so many couples feel stuck, disconnected, and unsure how to fix it. Hosted by licensed marriage and family therapist Brett Nikula, this podcast is for couples who care deeply about their relationship but keep falling into the same painful patterns. You’ll learn practical tools, powerful frameworks, and real-life insights to help you break your conflict cycle, regulate your emotions, and

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

20:01

#14 - Why We Get Emotionally Triggered In Our Closest...

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/12/20

In this episode, Brett Nikula shares why we get emotionally triggered in our closest relationships—and how to begin understanding and addressing those triggers in a healthy, connected way. Recorded just days before Christmas and the anticipated birth of his 8th child, Brett unpacks how our attachment longings shape the way we interpret and react to everyday moments in marriage.From personal stories to real-life examples, Brett helps you connect the dots between frustration, defensiveness,

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22:29

#13 - Attachment Longings

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/12/13

What if every time you got angry, defensive, or resentful—there was actually a deeper longing underneath trying to tell you something? In this episode, Brett unpacks attachment longings: the core desires we all have to be seen, valued, and cared for in our relationships. He explains how these longings are tied to our insecurities, and how unmet longings drive the conflict cycle that keeps couples stuck in the same frustrating patterns. You'll learn: * What attachment longings are and why

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30:35

#12 - A Better Marriage Builds a Better Business

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/12/06

What if your marriage wasn’t just affected by your business—but actually the secret advantage behind its growth?In this episode, Brett shares personal stories from 10+ years of marriage and entrepreneurship, and how he's learned (sometimes the hard way) that your marriage is either supporting your business… or being sacrificed by it. You’ll learn: Why burnout at home shows up in your business (and vice versa) How to structure your business to support your marriage The real reason

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21:01

#11 The Gift of Connection

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/11/29

As we head into the holiday season, this episode is all about reflection, gratitude, and the power of showing up well in our most important relationships.Brett shares the behind-the-scenes story of buying Solace Counseling Associates, how that decision was rooted in a desire to serve his community, and what it’s taught him about leadership, marriage, and connection. He opens up about the growth of both Solace and Marriage Essentials—and how the same relationship framework that transformed

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27:08

#10 - Your Marriage Impacts Your Business

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/11/21

What happens when your business is thriving… but your marriage feels stuck?In this episode, Brett shares what he learned while sitting in a room full of high-performing entrepreneurs—many of whom were quietly struggling in their closest relationships. You’ll hear how success at work doesn’t always translate to connection at home, why marriage often takes the hit, and what to do about it. This episode covers: Why business owners often feel stuck at home—even when everything else looks

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26:31

#9 - The Business of Relationships

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/11/14

I recently sat in a room full of high-level entrepreneurs—people who had mastered systems, scaled businesses, and built strong teams. When it was my turn to speak, I didn’t teach a business strategy. I taught something else: the conflict cycle.And what happened next reminded me why this work matters so much. In this episode, I’m sharing the story of what unfolded in that room—and the conversations that followed. You’ll hear how even the most successful people often feel stuck when it comes

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23:15

#8 To The One Solving the Problems

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/11/07

In every marriage, there’s often one person who pulls away—and one who leans in. Last episode, we talked about what’s going on for the withdrawer. Today, we’re talking to the other side: the one who keeps bringing it up, trying to talk it through, trying to reconnect—but nothing seems to work.If that’s you, this episode is for you. Brett breaks down: Why pursuers often feel like the “healthy one” in the relationship How pursuing becomes a protective move—just like withdrawing What’s

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29:10

#7 When You Shut Down in Conflict

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/10/31

When things get tense in your marriage, do you go quiet? Shut down? Pull away—hoping not to make it worse?In this episode, Brett unpacks why so many people shut down during conflict—not because they don’t care, but because they feel stuck and unsure how to re-enter without doing more damage. He shares how this showed up in his own marriage, explains the “Mouse vs. Mouse” dynamic, and offers a clear, compassionate path forward using the 4 R’s. You’ll learn: Why withdrawal is often a

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27:48

#6 The Power of Emotion

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/10/24

You can use all the right words. Stay calm. Be reasonable. But if you’re speaking from frustration, resentment, or defensiveness—that’s what your spouse will feel most.In this episode, Brett explores why your emotional state shapes everything in a conversation, and why the most important shift in communication isn’t your words—it’s your emotion. You’ll learn: Why protective emotions distort connection The difference between protective and vulnerable emotions How emotional energy

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20:15

#5 - Clean Your Side of the Glass

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/10/16

Episode 5: Clean Your Side of the GlassIn every relationship, there’s a kind of invisible window between you and your spouse. And over time, life fogs it up—misunderstandings, conflict, stress, assumptions. That glass gets harder to see through. Most people try to get their spouse to clean their side of the glass. But real change begins when you take ownership of your own. In this episode, Brett shares: Why clarity is more important than control A visual metaphor that will stick with

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28:55

#4 Why You Shut Down, Get Defensive, or Blow Up—and...

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/10/10

Episode 4: Why Your Protective Move Creates Distance in Marriage—and How to Shift ItEvery couple has conflict—but it’s how we respond that shapes connection or disconnection. In this episode, Brett shares how protective moves (like withdrawing, defending, or pushing) are often instinctual—but rarely helpful. You’ll hear: A real story from the Arizona hiking trail that reveals how our brain reacts to perceived threats The 4 “animal” protective types: Turtle, Porcupine, Mouse, and Moose A

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23:51

# 3 Relationship Foundation and Footings

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/10/03

Many couples work hard on their relationship—communication, parenting, routines, intimacy. But when conflict hits, things still fall apart. Why? Because what’s underneath the relationship matters just as much as what’s visible. In this episode, Brett introduces a powerful metaphor: the house (your relationship), the foundation (emotional safety), and the footings (your deep-rooted beliefs). He shares how fragile foundations and missing footings cause small issues to spiral—and what you can

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28:00

#2 The Key to Relationship Change

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/09/26

In this episode of The Marriage Essentials Podcast, Brett Nicola, a licensed marriage and family therapist, discusses why love alone isn't enough to sustain a healthy relationship. He introduces a framework, tools, and strategies for navigating moments of hurt, confusion, and miscommunication within a marriage. Brett emphasizes the importance of changing one's own emotional input to create intentional change and repair within the relationship. He also shares personal insights and stories,

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24:17

#1 Why Love Isn’t Enough — And What Actually Makes...

The Marriage Essentials Podcast ·

2025/09/16

Most couples think their marriage is struggling because they don't know how to communicate. But what if the real issue isn’t communication at all? In this first episode of The Marriage Essentials Podcast, Brett Nikula (licensed marriage and family therapist) shares the hard truth about why love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship—and what couples actually need to build connection, safety, and resilience. You’ll learn: Why the same arguments and patterns keep showing up What a

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