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PODCAST

Carl Vs Reality

Welcome to Carl Vs Reality, a British comedy podcast that’s basically just some bloke in a room talking about stuff — life, the internet, and all the weird little things that make being human equal parts brilliant and baffling.I’m Carl — professional overthinker, caffeine enthusiast, and full-time resident of East Anglia. Each week I sit down with a cup of coffee (sometimes tea if I’m feeling fancy) and ramble my way through life’s strange corners. It’s not politics, it’s not self-help — it’s the

comedy improv

All Episodes

11:22

Spa Etiquette, Cold Plunges, and the Mystery of the...

Carl Vs Reality ·

2026/02/08

Hello and thank you for joining me for another episode of Carl vs Reality! I’m currently hunkered down in my podcasting tree—it’s freezing cold, the full range of winter weather is hitting me at once, but honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.This week, I’m reflecting on my recent holiday to Center Parcs. Now, I love a bit of "faux nature" as much as the next guy (woods with a Starbucks? Sign me up), but the highlight—or perhaps the lowlight—was our spa morning.Spas are strange, aren't they? We

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10:29

Pub Toilets, 90s Lad Culture, and Why I Might Need...

Carl Vs Reality ·

2026/02/01

So, I’ve started doing these "Morning Pages." You know the ones—where you write three pages of absolute drivel first thing in the morning to see what’s lurking in your subconscious. Turns out, what’s lurking in mine is a deep-seated discomfort with "blokey blokes" and some fairly specific trauma involving public urinals.In this episode, I’m unpacking why the 90s "lad culture" was a bit of a disaster for people like me, and why I’ve ended up with a bladder that’s apparently too shy to function in a

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9:41

Fart Loading: A Guide to Awkward Delivery Driver...

Carl Vs Reality ·

2026/01/25

Right, so, we’re talking McDonald’s breakfast. I know, I know—people judge, don’t they? But there’s something about a hash brown in bed on a Sunday that just feels right. Or it did, until I—a lifelong vegetarian—was handed a bag that was basically just a heavy, greasy pile of triple-sausage-meat-monstrosities. Who even orders three patties and no egg? I want to meet that person. I think we’d have words.In this episode of Carl vs Reality, I’m having a bit of a natter about the sheer, baffling chaos

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11:00

The Cat is Trying to Kill Me (and Other Domestic...

Carl Vs Reality ·

2026/01/18

Reality is a construct of perception. Carl is a construct of coffee and bad life choices. Here they meet in Carl versus Reality.Salutations! Today, you’ve caught me mid-chore. I’m doing the washing up, so if you’ve got a pile of crusty plates staring you down, grab the Fairy Liquid and we’ll do 'em together. A job shared is a job halved, or so they say. Probably someone who didn't have a cat trying to trip them up on the stairs.Speaking of which, we need to talk about Biscuit. He’s my cat, and I’m

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10:02

The Shacket Chronicles: Mental Health, 5-HTP, and...

Carl Vs Reality ·

2026/01/11

Reality is a construct, but this cold I’ve had? That was very, very real. I’ve finally emerged from the duvet fortress, armed with some herbal supplements and my trusty Tascam, to go for a bit of a ramble. And by ramble, I mean both the physical act of walking through the mud and the mental act of talking absolute nonsense into a microphone.I’m currently perched in a tree—don’t ask, it felt right at the time—somewhere about a mile and a half from civilisation. It’s freezing, I’m wearing a shacket

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7:48

Why I Got Banned From Lego Club (And Other Fever Dreams)

Carl Vs Reality ·

2026/01/04

It’s been snowing in England. You know the drill: the country grinds to a halt, and we all forget how to use our legs. In this episode, I’m nursing my second cold in a month (ridiculous, I know) and pondering the sheer terror of walking on a frozen pavement. Why do we all walk in the same spot until it’s a sheet of glass? I’m 41, I can’t be doing with a broken hip just because I wanted to hear that "crunch" under my boots.I also dive into the weird world of my subconscious. We’re talking full-on

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9:44

I’m 41 and This Was My First Lollipop Lady Experience

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/12/07

This week I talk about a tiny moment that dragged me out of a bit of a funk — I got lollipop-ladied for the very first time in my life. At 41. And honestly, it made my entire week.From there I somehow end up diving into the world of micro-artists, including a guy in Bournemouth who makes sculptures so small he once inhaled one. I reflect on why anyone would choose a job where a single heartbeat can ruin everything, and briefly consider whether the grit in your eye might actually be a

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11:29

A Pub Dog, Some Farts, and Absolute AI Chaos

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/11/23

This week on Carl vs Reality, I end up in a perfectly nice pub… except for the small matter of a dog repeatedly treating the place like its own personal gas chamber. Very British evening out, really — everyone pretending nothing’s happening while quietly dying inside.After that, I fall down yet another AI rabbit hole. Not by choice, honestly — the world keeps chucking this stuff at me. This time it’s an “AI-enabled teddy bear” that managed to get itself pulled off the shelves for… well… reasons. The

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13:26

The Tale of Sam the Silent Man (Sort Of)

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/11/16

Right, so this week I somehow end up drunk on halves-that-became-pints at a 90th birthday party, give myself the hiccups in the car, fall asleep under the duvet like a confused mole, and wake up next to the coldest, most perfect McPlant known to man. And then, because life likes a twist, we go down a rabbit hole about a viral Facebook post claiming a Missouri museum spent fifty years accidentally displaying a dead bloke as a wax figure. Spoiler: it’s bollocks. But the real story it’s based on? That

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12:05

My Cat Stole My Chair (and a Bloke Stole a Skull)

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/11/09

This week on Carl vs Reality, it’s me, the cat, and a bloke who kept a human skull for sixty years.I’ve just moved in with my girlfriend, so I’m adjusting to life as a co-habiting man with a furry little shadow who insists on nicking my chair. There’s domestic bliss, feline diplomacy, and the art of having an argument with a cat who clearly thinks he owns the place.Then we head to Vienna, where a tourist finally posts back a skull he stole from St Stephen’s Cathedral in the 1960s — because

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9:12

The Vegan Streaker Mix-Up

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/11/01

So, this week I’m talking about a Dutch bloke who got arrested for being someone he isn’t. A poor politician called Kevin Nuijten got dragged off before a live debate because security thought he was the Vegan Streaker — a fella known for charging into events half naked with “save the animals” painted across his chest.Turns out, wrong guy. But it’s a brilliant mix of politics, mistaken identity, and pants.From there I go down a rabbit hole about British streaking — Mark Roberts, the world’s most

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10:08

Reality Has Been Reformulated

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/10/25

This week I somehow ended up questioning everything — including my own height. What started as a normal conversation turned into a full existential crisis involving Penguin bars, chocolate-flavour coating, and the price of cocoa beans.Turns out, a few of our favourite British snacks aren’t what they used to be. Some have been reformulated, relabelled, or quietly downgraded when nobody was looking. Even cheese slices have got in on the act.From rising cocoa prices to fake ingredients, I try to make

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11:15

I don't think you're ready, for this jelly

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/10/18

This week, Carl’s been watching AI John Lennon wear hats and wondering what’s real anymore — until reality hit back in the form of a bloke who ate three kilograms of Haribo and ended up in hospital.From deepfakes to deep regret, Carl unpacks the week’s weirdness: fake celebrities, genuine stomach pain, and why moderation might just be the only real thing left.Plus: listener messages, coffee-based currency conversions, and Carl’s ongoing campaign to make Starbucks the new metric system. Hosted on

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11:03

How Much?! For a Coffee?!

Carl Vs Reality ·

2025/10/12

Hello! It’s the very first episode of Carl Vs Reality — where it’s just me, some coffee, and the absurdity of everyday life. In this one I chat about looking after my poorly girlfriend, accidentally spending a small fortune on takeaway coffee, and a world record that’ll make your bank account flinch. It’s a mix of daft stories, mild disbelief, and the kind of British humour you can only get from someone talking to themselves in a room. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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