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Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer

RandyWritesProcedurally

🕗 New transmissions every weekday. A black–and-white micro–noir about the EchoCorp afterlife economy. Agent Kelm doesn’t kill people—he resets them. When grief gets productized and the dead “buffer,” customer service becomes sacred, petty, and very, very funny. Shot in strict monochrome with moody softbox lighting, this tale walks through corridors, cubicles, and living rooms where EchoBoxes hum like mini-fridges of memory—until it all ends with CTRL • ALT • DEL. This story is written and

fiction science fiction

All Episodes

00:07:09

Agent Kelm - S1E16: Welcome to Immortality

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/11/08

There’s a moment between the drips and the drop. You don’t land, you get lowered, like defective meat into a diagnostic centrifuge.My first trip into an EchoBox? No. That was 147 sequences ago. Transition began like always: a pressure hiss, then a cognitive slippage that felt like a policy violation. Ten seconds of neural drag—officially termed “Memory Slip.” Unofficially: the part where people scream. I don’t. Not because I’m brave. Because screaming violates protocol. The tunnel’s never the

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00:05:45

Agent Kelm - S1E15: Dead Drop

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/27

Redline Complex isn’t red. It’s concrete, beige, and always twenty percent too humid. The name refers to the psychological stress index of its average occupant, not the decor. My unit—B3—was marketed as 'post-service compact with embedded wellness ceiling.' Translation: small, dim, and shaped like a bureaucratic insult. But my therapist recommended it. I eat standing up now. Easier that way. My dinner table gone. Took to much room. Before every dive, I carb-load like an AI prepping for a funeral

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00:05:05

Agent Kelm - S1E14: Bread and Butter

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/22

Agent Kelm. Season one. Cake printer. – Episode 14: bread and butter There it was. Another job ticket blinking like a polite threat. EchoCall Dispatch had flagged it Category One: Looper. Low drift. Non-violent. Family-approved. So, a soft kill. A nap with paperwork. A grandpa marinating in nostalgia, stuck replaying the same picnic until entropy or I showed up. Bread and butter death. I should’ve stayed horizontal. But no—someone upstairs still thinks I’m mobile. The form came with the usual

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00:05:11

Agent Kelm - S1E13: Grief Appliance

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/21

Agent Kelm season one. Cake printer. – Episode 13: grief appliance . Aunt Karen. The original. Shows up in every box, like background radiation. She’s always helpful. Always maternal. Always in the way. Last week, I entered a dream shaped like a gas station bathroom. Karen was the sink. The deceased was hiding in the mirror. I killed them both. Nothing personal. My job is restoration through termination. I’m not paid to make friends. I’m paid to end lives that refuse to admit they’re over. If I

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00:04:36

Agent Kelm - S1E12: Protocol

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/21

Disconnect Specialist Agent Archibald Kelm enters dying minds when families want closure. The final kind.Nine drips. Nine lies. A helmet that clamps on like a reminder. He loads into the EchoBox—a death dream where the sky is always wrong and memories have head injuries. Some of the dying beg. Not for life. For silence.“Turn me off.”And he does. When Aunt Karen lets him.Aunt Karen—the top AI. The one that won. Now every AI in the facility is learning from her. Condescending. Passive-aggressive

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00:06:07

Agent Kelm - S1E11: Decay Edge

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/20

In a world where death is just another subscription service, Agent Kelm maintains the impossible boundary between memory and madness.Welcome to the EchoBox era: your dead relatives live in sleek digital containers, hosting Sunday Streams and family trivia nights from beyond the grave. But brains rot—even in nutrient gel. They call it Drift. Capital D. Personalities fray, memories fuse into hybrid nonsense, and the line between “person” and “mayonnaise jar with a voice” gets dangerously thin.Kelm’s

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00:04:11

Agent Kelm - S1E10: Normal

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/17

You’ve got a smart fridge, a smart couch, and four heads in the closet. Welcome to modern grief.EchoBoxes are standard now. Like toasters. Or diabetes 3. Shelf life: indefinite. Emotional return: questionable.Most homes keep a rack in the crypt closet—between vacuum charger and seasonal wrapping paper. Row after row of softly humming nutrient coffins, whispering half-memories into the void. Some families throw quilts over them. Others go proud display route: polished cases, custom LED underlighting,

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00:06:02

Agent Kelm - S1E09: The Call

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/17

EchoCall: talking to a floating head in a nutrient coffin, cheaper than therapy.Three engagement modes. Casual: quick check-ins while microZapping dinner. Nod at dead uncle’s football story, close app before feelings talk. Ten to fifteen times daily.Daily users: gold-star mourners. Block two hours nightly to make conversation with deceased loved one like it’s still 2040. Timers, reminders, matching EchoCall robes. One lady wrote sitcom pilot starring her EchoBoxed grandma as crime-solving nun. Got

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00:06:06

Agent Kelm - S1E08: Echo Dreams

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/17

Kelm’s been to places nightmares wouldn’t go. In the Echo field, they’re called Sequences—dream realms, thought-space death spas. Every half-dead head in a gel-box spins out its own universe, coded in guilt, nostalgia, and parental resentment.The dreams vary. The decay is universal. No clean, coherent mind-states exist. Even “stable” ones have seams showing.Kelm breaks down the categories:Loopers: Same ten minutes forever. Birthday, sandwich, breakup. Loop degrades—six versions of same dog, sun

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00:05:52

Agent Kelm - S1E07: TNB for Life. Short Life

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/17

The Nuke Battery is credit-card sized, powers everything. Pop it in the wall slot, lights come on, fridge hums, Aunt Karen sighs through ceiling speakers. Beautiful. Efficient. Mildly threatening.They call it a fissure-core. We call it what it is: a nuke battery. Miniature nuclear reactor you can swallow if desperate enough. Everything runs on these—house, car, toothbrush. There’s a smaller AA version. Looks like a hotdog that wants to die. Three per year, issued during Renewal Week in a velvet

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00:03:42

Agent Kelm - S1E06: Middle Life

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/17

Everyone dies around forty. Too fat for the stairs, too bored to care. Aunt Karen schedules preservation pickup between 2 and 4 p.m. Couch to containment in three hours.Unless your brain is really damaged—then you’re dead-dead. No dreams, no box. Just gone.But most people get caught in time. Once you’re in the gel, you’re in “Middle Life State”—not living, not gone, just echoing. Your consciousness pulses into EchoCloud storage where AI interns make sure you’re not plotting revenge.Signal

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00:02:59

Agent Kelm - S1E05: The Box

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/16

Let’s talk about the box. The EchoBox. Brain-only. Gel-filled. Cloud-connected. Smells like warm copper and bad decisions. No body, no skull, no hair, no sentimental attachments. Just the brain—trimmed, rinsed, and suspended in what marketing calls “bio-stabilization medium.” It’s electric pudding, basically. You get one automatically when you die. Congratulations. The whole idea came from what they now call the “Post-Death Window.” Science figured out that after clinical death—like, no heartbeat,

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00:04:18

Agent Kelm - S1E04: He’s Lying. He Is 460 Pounds.

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/16

Kelm got promoted. Now he doesn’t clean racks—he goes inside the dreams.Nine-drip cocktail. Sleep-lock chamber. Neural sync. Full digital immersion. He hunts fragments—corrupted sequences, personalities that can’t let go. Middle Lifers who crossed the Decouple Threshold and kept going. Rogue AIs made of memory foam.They don’t die easy.One guy thought he was Caesar on weekdays, Vegas showgirl on weekends. Kelm shot him twice—once in a toga, once in feathers.The interface weapon looks like a Star Trek

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00:04:29

Agent Kelm - S1E03: It All Goes Cold

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/16

Kelm’s job title: Disconnect Specialist, Level 4. Corporate euphemism for “we don’t like to say murder.”He started in racks—physical maintenance. Steel shelves of humming EchoBoxes in closets and civic chambers cooled by recycled guilt. Wore gloves. Bio-gel under fingernails smells like old mouths and childhood trauma.Reality leaks into the boxes. External environment corrupts the dreams.A cockroach in the cooling duct became recurring romantic suitor. Flagged as romance violation.A box taped to a

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00:04:40

Agent Kelm - S1E02: Family Archive in the Basement

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/16

You want the system rundown? Fine. One more time, for the new hires.The EchoBox preserves the brain only—no bodies, too messy. Slosh them in GrayMatter™ nutrient gel, connect to the cloud, spin up a dreamstate. Powered by fissure-core chip. Battery life: forever. The same tech used in orbital microwave satellites and long-range hate-beacons.Where do we keep them? Home closets. Pantries. Converted wine cellars labeled “Family Archive.” Open the door for cinnamon and accidentally kick your late cousin

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00:03:55

Agent Kelm - S1E01: Meet Archibald Kelm

Agent Kelm - Season One: Cake Printer ·

2025/10/16

Agent Kelm doesn’t kill people. He ends subscriptions.That’s his actual title on the EchoCorp pay grid: Disconnect Specialist, Level 4. Technically should be Level 6, but promotions require “positive peer feedback.” Unfortunately, he doesn’t have peers who’d give positive feedback.He’s not an assassin. He’s tech support. For dead people.In the future, nobody dies clean. You get serialized, parsed, uploaded into an EchoBox—a mini-fridge filled with glowing blue gel, a brain in the middle, powered by

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