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PODCAST

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

52:55

E247: Our Recent Foreplay Discoveries (and how to...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/02/12

We’ve been experimenting more in our own bedroom lately, and in today’s episode, we’re pulling back the covers on what we’ve discovered.The things that surprised us. The moments that felt a little vulnerable. And the small shifts that brought a big boost of curiosity and connection. Exploration doesn’t have to mean doing anything extreme or intimidating. If you love the idea of trying something new but feel stuck on how to actually bring this into your real-life sex life, don’t worry. We’re

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62:56

E246: How To Stay Connected When The World Feels Like...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/02/05

Lately, we’ve been hearing from so many of you in our DMs. People are telling us they feel guilty wanting pleasure. Ashamed for craving closeness.Disconnected from their bodies and their partners because the world feels overwhelming, violent, and unstable. Others have told us they know their relationship matters, but caring about their sex life feels hard when so much is happening globally. Many of you feel less present, less motivated, and more anxious, and it’s showing up directly in your

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62:40

E245: What It’s Really Like to Start TRT: Xander’s...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/01/29

Testosterone is one of those topics that feels loaded.It’s tangled up in masculinity, aging, sex drive, energy, mood… and a whole lot of misinformation. Because of that, many men quietly wonder if something is off — but feel embarrassed, unsure, or afraid to even ask the question. So today, we’re having a very real conversation. In this episode, Xander is sharing his personal testosterone journey — what made him start asking questions, the concerns he had before doing anything, what the

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49:29

E244: How To Schedule Sex (our hot take)

Pillow Talks ·

2026/01/22

If the thought of scheduling sex makes you cringe a little… we get that a lot.You might be thinking.. “Ugh. That’s so unromantic.” or… “NOT hot.” or… “If we have to schedule it, something must be wrong with our relationship.” We’re here to today to give you our hot take on our favorite controversial relationship topic. And yes… we’re going to try to change your mind. In this episode, we’re breaking down the biggest myths about scheduling sex, what scheduled intimacy really means (and doesn’t

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59:41

E243: Your Biggest Marriage Regrets (And How To...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/01/15

Most marriage regrets don’t show up as explosive fights. They show up quietly.Feeling more like roommates than partners. Wondering when sex started feeling complicated… or nonexistent. Noticing resentment creeping in and asking yourself… “Is this just how marriage is supposed to feel?” In today’s episode, we’re getting into the marriage regrets and mistakes people hold close to their chests… but rarely say out loud. We’re sharing real stories pulled from Instagram, Reddit, and our own

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64:10

E242: Penis Performance Problems: What’s Really Going...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/01/08

Penis performance issues are way more common than most people realize… and way more misunderstood than they need to be.Today’s episode came straight from your questions — from trouble getting or keeping an erection, to finishing too quickly (or not at all), to the stress, shame, and “what does this mean about us?” thoughts that sneak in — we’re breaking it all down. This episode is about understanding what’s happening, supporting your partner with compassion, and learning how to navigate these

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34:33

E241: Sex Fails: Car Hookups, Clap Lights, and...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/01/01

It’s been a while since we last covered some of your funniest sex fails… and honestly, we forgot just how creative things can get when pants come off.We asked, and you absolutely delivered by sending in your funniest, wildest, and most unfiltered stories. We’re diving straight into the deep end today — from the “I cannot believe this happened” moments to the genuine mishaps — and breaking down some of the most unhinged submissions you’ve ever sent our way. So buckle up. This episode is proof that

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71:18

E240: The Body Confidence Episode - How To Feel Good...

Pillow Talks ·

2025/12/23

It’s officially that time of year when the New Year buzz is everywhere. Your feeds are full of fitness goals, habit resets, and “new year, new me” energy. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel healthier or build new routines, this season also tends to stir up a lot of feelings about our bodies… especially when it comes to intimacy.So today, we’re bringing back one of our most popular episodes ever — a conversation all about feeling confident in your own skin during sex. Whether

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69:29

E239: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt. 3)

Pillow Talks ·

2025/12/18

Text fights hit different.There’s something about seeing the exact words—line by line, timestamped, impossible to deny—that makes communication breakdowns painfully clear. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down a real text fight sent in by a community member. We walk through what went right, what went wrong, and where things quietly went off the rails long before anyone realized they were “arguing.” This episode is packed with practical communication tips, emotional insight, and a few spicy

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64:55

E238: Ask a Sex Therapist: Cycle Libido, Rough Sex &...

Pillow Talks ·

2025/12/11

Every week on Instagram we host “Ask Us Anything” question boxes… and every week we’re hit with hundreds of incredible questions we can’t possibly get to in Stories.So today we’re pulling back the curtain and taking some of those unanswered Qs and going deep — giving you the nuance, context, tips, reassurance, and real-talk sex ed you wish you got in health class. This episode is a true mixed bag: libido, orgasm, aging, menstrual phases, mismatched styles, swelling, simultaneous orgasms… the

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61:09

E237: The Real Reason You’re Not Having More Sex

Pillow Talks ·

2025/12/04

Having more sex isn’t actually about libido.(We know — that’s what everyone thinks the issue is.) In today’s episode, we’re breaking down what really gets in the way of wanting sex more often — and what you can do about it that doesn’t feel forced, pressured, or performative. We share the exact strategies we teach inside Deeper, all built around making connection feel easier, pleasure feel better, and intimacy feel more accessible in your day-to-day life. Whether you’re feeling

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47:03

E236: Sex with Other People…Around: Our Holiday Do’s...

Pillow Talks ·

2025/11/27

It’s the season of gratitude, family time… and figuring out how to have sex quietly. 😅This Thanksgiving, we’re throwing it back to one of our most iconic early episodes — all about having sex when other people are around. Whether you’re hosting the in-laws, crashing at your parents’ place, or sharing a wall with your roommates, this one’s for you. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Whether it’s actually okay to have sex when you have guests (or you’re the guest). Our best stealth-mode

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56:29

E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your...

Pillow Talks ·

2025/11/20

What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone?In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex. Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex, cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And let’s just say… it revealed a lot about how much tech gets in the way

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61:43

E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and...

Pillow Talks ·

2025/11/13

This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers!You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call. From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re tackling the everyday debates that drive couples just a little bit nuts. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:

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57:45

E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed...

Pillow Talks ·

2025/11/06

Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life.We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why the “F***

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63:41

E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition

Pillow Talks ·

2025/10/30

This week’s episode is a little spooky, a little silly, and a whole lot of sexy.Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a “Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or… maybe not). From holding water in your mouth during a BJ to wrapping your partner up like a mummy to switching positions every 60 seconds like it’s a HIIT

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77:45

E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update)

Pillow Talks ·

2025/10/23

We’ve always promised to keep things real with you — the good, the messy, and everything in between.And lately… life has been life-ing. In this episode, we’re opening up about what’s been going on behind the scenes — especially with Vanessa’s dad’s health — and how we’ve been navigating this season both personally and as a couple. We’ll talk about what’s next for our family, the emotional rollercoaster of managing grief while still finding moments of joy, and what it looks like to

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61:40

E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without...

Pillow Talks ·

2025/10/16

Let’s talk about oral.We’ve all had those moments where oral feels way more awkward than arousing. You’re lying there, overthinking everything: Do I smell weird? What do I do with my hands? Is my partner secretly counting down the seconds until it’s over? Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone. In this episode, we’re getting into the real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous reasons people struggle to fully relax and enjoy oral. We asked our community to spill their biggest

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65:42

E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes

Pillow Talks ·

2025/10/09

Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories.So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for. Get ready, because we’re tackling some of your biggest, wildest curiosities about sex, intimacy, and relationships. 💛 Here’s what we’re getting into: Why some guys are so

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66:00

E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.)

Pillow Talks ·

2025/10/02

You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight.One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking. In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-forth and get our thoughts on what worked, what didn’t, and how to move these conversations toward connection instead of conflict. 💛 In this

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