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PODCAST

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

47:25

E280: The Initiation Mistakes You Don’t Even Realize...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/10/01

Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating. But for most couples, it’s anything but smooth.Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help! We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship. That means a lot of us are struggling with: 🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the

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61:59

E279: Ask a Sex Therapist: Kink Icks, Spicy Pics, and...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/09/24

Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most of the time?Oh, we've got some GOOD questions for you today. We're back with another round of Ask a Sex Therapist, answering the questions you've been sending us about sex, pleasure, and all those things you might be a little too embarrassed to ask out loud. From requesting spicy pics to navigating intimacy when your marriage is

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52:21

E278: How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/09/17

Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too.So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up. In this episode, you'll hear: The difference between a rut and a red flag The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to

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52:06

E277: How to Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level with...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/09/10

Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again.What if that wasn't luck? In this episode, you'll hear: Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets The four things about your orgasm you can actually change What your body does

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49:46

E276: How Do You Turn Your Partner On? (When You've...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/09/03

At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort.So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore? In this episode, you'll hear: Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and

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50:13

E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/08/27

It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee.In this episode, you'll hear: Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down? A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag? Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal? The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay

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66:07

E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/08/20

We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten years of doing this, including one accusation we still can't believe we had to respond to.In this episode, you'll hear: The one line in that reel that set the whole thing off The accusation that hurt more than anything we've ever been called online The ball of clay explanation that changes how you understand your

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60:00

E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/08/13

This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up can kill the mood, to the pillow trick that changes everything, plus how many positions you actually need for great sex.💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 🛏️ How to introduce new positions when you've been together forever ⭐ The most underrated position, and no, it's not missionary 🎬 Why switching out of

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58:23

E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5)...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/08/06

It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the death grip, and how to give better feedback in bed.Plus, we’re giving you questions to share with your partner to help you get on the same page and build your goals for your sex life! 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 🔥 Do men actually prefer rough sex? 💬 The most misunderstood thing about men and sex 🕯️ How to use

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50:43

E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed

Pillow Talks ·

2026/07/30

You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list.We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lose yourself. But 80% of you tell us that you struggle to actually do that. So we're saying something a little controversial this week: "just let go" might be the worst sex advice out there. Listen in to learn what actually helps you feel present and connected to your partner during sex. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear:

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56:48

E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/07/23

We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners.This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship killers that chip away at intimacy, plus the small shifts that bring you back to each other. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The full D.R.I.F.T. Framework and why that 67% roommate stat lands so hard for so many couples 📱 How the average person's 144 daily phone checks can turn date night into two people scrolling

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61:27

E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/07/16

Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀 We asked our community to send us the disagreements they just can’t seem to settle with their partner, and today we’re weighing in as your official referees. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 💋 Is oral foreplay or the main event? 🐾 If the pet falls asleep on your lap, are you officially off chore duty? 👀 Can men and

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66:47

E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/07/09

It’s Xander’s birthday! And this week for our Ask Us Anything episode, we decided to answer some of your personal questions! This one really pulls back the curtain on us as a couple. Ready for honest reactions, beyond real talk, and more than a little oversharing? 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether we've ever set foot in a swingers or sex club If we’re starting an Only Fans Is it weird that our parents know intimate details about our sex lives because of what we do Our

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55:21

E267: The Hygiene Episode

Pillow Talks ·

2026/07/02

Should I shower first? Is this normal? Why does it smell like that? This week we're going there with zero judgment, answering your real hygiene and sex questions one by one. Nobody taught us how to actually take care of our bodies for sex. Not our parents, not health class, not anyone. And so we've been left to piece it together ourselves, often while carrying a whole lot of shame that doesn't belong to us. That's exactly what this episode is about. We got flooded with questions from our

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60:53

E266: Ask a Sex Therapist (Part 3) Sex Pillows,...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/06/25

You send us your most "I can't believe I'm actually asking this" questions, and we live for it. So we're back with the third edition of Ask a Sex Therapist, going rapid-fire through as many of them as we can, with real answers, tips, and stories. No question is too awkward, too niche, or too "is it too late to ask this at my age?" 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: What "tossed salad" actually means, because it's never too late to ask How to tell if you're about to squirt or pee,

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56:37

E265: Is This Cheating? (Part 3) Emotional Affairs,...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/06/18

Have you and your partner ever actually sat down and defined what counts as cheating?Most of us never do, which is exactly why the gray areas get so complicated. We're back with Part 3 of Is This Cheating?, weighing in on your trickiest, most "wait, is that okay?" scenarios. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why every couple has to define cheating for themselves, and the talks most people skip Real listener dilemmas: late-night drives, a secret sex-shop trip, and disappearing text

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65:19

E264: What Women Really Think About... Part 3

Pillow Talks ·

2026/06/11

So we're back with Part 3 of What Do Women Really Think About…?, giving you the honest answers women don't always say out loud.From the mental load to mirror selfies, nothing’s off limits. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether women actually want a "book boyfriend," or if that fantasy is better left on the page? The real deal on mental load: is it running in the background every single day? Cum on the face: hot, not, or total depends? We give you the honest answer.

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56:40

E263: How to Have More Fun in Your Relationship

Pillow Talks ·

2026/06/04

When was the last time you and your partner did something purely for fun? Not productive, not logistical, not about the kids, just fun.If you had to think about it for a beat, you're not alone. Most long-term couples slowly drift from enjoying each other to managing life together, and fun is usually the first thing to quietly disappear. In this episode, we're talking about why couples lose the fun, why it matters way more than most people realize, and 5 surprisingly simple ways to bring it

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67:51

E262: The Sex Personality Quiz Every Couple Needs...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/05/28

Ever feel like you and your partner are speaking totally different languages when it comes to sex? One of you wants spontaneity, the other needs to feel emotionally close first. One of you craves novelty, the other finds comfort in what already works.Here's the thing: it's probably not about compatibility. It's about your sex personality types. In this episode, we walk you through all five types, what drives each one, the superpowers they bring to a relationship, the shadows that can quietly

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58:30

E261: ED, PE & Everything In Between: Your...

Pillow Talks ·

2026/05/21

The response to our first episode on penis performance problems was so big that we knew we had to come back for round two.In this episode, we're getting into the practical stuff: what to do in the moment when things aren't going as planned, how to keep your sex life feeling connected and fun even when performance issues are in the mix, and how both partners can show up for each other without making everything weird. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether you need to tell your wife

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