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PODCAST

Sex, Here & Now

Sex, Here & Now is a podcast rooted in sex positivity, inclusivity, and honest conversations about the realities of sex and modern relationships. The goal is simple: to inform, to educate, and to clear up the misconceptions that continue to dominate our culture about intimacy and relationships. We live in a world that is still wildly sex negative, shaped by shame, purity culture, misinformation, and outdated scripts about what intimacy “should” look like. This podcast exists to challenge

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

9:35

Matt's Musings: Is Using AI Boyfriend or Girlfriend...

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/10/06

Can you cheat on your partner with someone who isn’t actually a person?AI companionship is becoming increasingly sophisticated. People are flirting with AI, sexting with it, sharing intimate details about their lives, creating customized personalities, and even developing emotional attachments to AI partners. So naturally, we now have a new relationship question to figure out: Does any of this count as cheating? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt explores why “it’s not a real person”

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14:20

The 6 Principles of Sexual Health: Here's What They...

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/10/01

What actually makes a sex life healthy? Is it how often you have sex? How many orgasms you have? Whether your fantasies are considered “normal?” I would argue none of the above.In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into the Six Principles of Sexual Health, a framework developed by Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito. We explore consent beyond simply saying yes or no, why honesty has to start with yourself, and the difference between sharing sexual preferences and sharing

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9:27

I Hate Receiving Oral Sex!

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/09/24

Do you hate receiving oral sex? Maybe you feel self-conscious, struggle to stay present, feel pressure to orgasm, or simply cannot understand why everyone else seems to think it is so amazing. You are definitely not alone.In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt explores some of the reasons people struggle to enjoy receiving oral sex, including anxiety, body image, performance pressure, sexual shame, past experiences, and simply not receiving the type of stimulation their body enjoys. More

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13:59

The Power of Responsive Desire

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/09/17

Responsive desire might completely change the way you understand your sexuality. If you rarely feel “in the mood,” do not initiate sex often, or have wondered whether your lower desire means something is wrong, this episode is for you.In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt breaks down the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire and challenges the idea that we should already be horny before intimacy begins. He explores why desire often develops through touch, connection, pleasure,

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5:50

The 20-Minute No Genitals Challenge

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/09/10

What if one of the best ways to improve your sex life was to stop focusing so much on genitals?In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, introduces one of his favorite exercises for couples: The 20-Minute No Genitals Challenge. The rules are simple. Set a timer for twenty minutes. No touching genitals. No touching breasts. No intercourse. Instead, you and your partner explore everything else. Matt breaks down why so many of

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10:21

Matt’s Musings: Stop Fearing Being Single

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/09/03

Being single is not a character flaw, a failure, or some sad waiting room you sit in until your “real life” finally begins.In this Matt’s Musing, I am diving into the enormous amount of pressure we put on people to find a relationship, settle down, and follow a timeline that was largely handed to us by family, religion, movies, social media, and now an endless supply of influencers promising that “your person is coming.” Listen, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. Wanting

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6:52

Gonorrhea and Syphilis Hit Record Levels in Europe....

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/08/25

Gonorrhea and Syphilis Hit Record Levels in Europe. Here's Why!The headlines make it sound like people are having too much sex. The research tells a very different story. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, breaks down the recent BBC article on record-high rates of gonorrhea and syphilis across Europe and explains why these rising numbers have far more to do with public health than they do with morality. Matt explores

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6:55

Matt's Musings: Masturbation Is Healthy. Period.

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/08/18

What if one of the healthiest things you could do for your sexual well-being is also one of the things you've been taught to fear?In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, takes on one of the biggest myths surrounding sexuality: that masturbation is somehow shameful, dirty, or unhealthy. Matt breaks down the research behind masturbation, including its effects on stress, sleep, pleasure, and sexual satisfaction, while

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8:19

I Know You Are a Kinky S.O.B.

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/08/11

Are you kinkier than you think? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman dives into one of the biggest misconceptions about human sexuality: that kink is rare, extreme, or only for "certain kinds of people."The truth is, many of us engage in or fantasize about forms of kink without ever calling them that. From dirty talk and blindfolds to power dynamics, role-play, sensation play, and BDSM, Matt explores why kink is far more common than most people realize. He also breaks down what the

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5:05

Matt's Musings: Your Sexuality is a Garden

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/08/04

What if your sexuality was a garden? In this week's Matt's Musing, I revisit one of my favorite metaphors from Emily Nagoski to explore how our beliefs about sex are planted long before we ever have a say. Family, religion, culture, media, and past relationships all leave their mark. Some of those messages help us grow, while others become weeds that create shame, pressure, and disconnection. In this short episode, I talk about why we don't have to keep every belief we inherited, how to identify the

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9:31

Let's Talk Lube

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/07/28

Whether you're brand new to lubricant or you've been using it for years, there's a good chance you've been taught some myths about what it means. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I break down why lubricant isn't a sign that something is "wrong." In fact, it's one of the simplest ways to make sex more comfortable, pleasurable, and enjoyable.We'll explore the differences between water based, silicone based, oil based, and hybrid lubricants, discuss the pros and cons of each, and talk about how to

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7:12

I Am Married!

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/07/21

After taking a week off, I'm back with some personal news that I've been excited to share... I'm married!In this special episode of Sex, Here & Now, I reflect on one of the biggest milestones of my life while challenging a common belief about relationships. Does marriage fundamentally change a relationship, or does it simply celebrate the one you've already built? Drawing from both my own relationship and my work as a sex therapist, I explore why commitment is something we practice rather than

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6:59

What is Your Sexual Style?

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/07/07

Who are you when you have sex? Most people spend a lot of time thinking about what they do sexually, but very few stop to consider how they show up. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, explores the idea of your sexual style: the roles, patterns, and energies you naturally bring into intimacy. Are you a giver or a receiver? Do you tend to lead or follow? Are you a caretaker, performer, people pleaser, explorer, or

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9:22

The Power of Flirting

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/06/30

When was the last time you flirted with your partner? Not asked about groceries. Not discussed schedules. Not coordinated who is picking up the kids. Actually flirted. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore why flirting is one of the first things to disappear in long-term relationships and one of the most important things to bring back. Flirting is not just about seduction. It is about playfulness, curiosity, desire, and reminding each other that you are more than roommates managing a

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6:31

Matt's Musings: Stop Caring About What Others Do In...

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/06/23

Why do people spend so much time worrying about everyone else's sex life? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I explore something that has been on my mind lately: the tendency people have to judge other people's consensual sexual choices while avoiding deeper questions about their own relationship with sex. Whether the topic is kink, polyamory, queer relationships, casual sex, body confidence, or simply people expressing themselves authentically, judgment often shows up faster than

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6:24

Your Parents Love Story (or lack there of) is Not...

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/06/16

Have you ever stopped to wonder how much of your relationship was shaped by the relationships you witnessed growing up?In this episode of Sex Here and Now, we are talking about parents, caregivers, family dynamics, and the relationship scripts many of us unknowingly carry into adulthood. Whether your parents had a seemingly perfect love story, a marriage filled with conflict, or something in between, chances are they influenced how you think about intimacy, communication, affection, conflict,

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6:55

Nothing in Sex is Natural or Organic

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/06/09

We hear it all of the time: "I just want sex to feel natural." It sounds nice in theory, but what if that expectation is actually making sex harder? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I unpack one of my least favorite phrases in sex and relationship conversations: the idea that sex should be natural or organic. While our sexual orientation and gender identity may be innate, most of what we believe about sex is learned. The way we flirt, communicate, initiate, think about desire, define romance,

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4:56

Matt's Musings: Stop Competing Against Your Partner's...

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/06/05

Hello friends, welcome back to another episode of Sex Here and Now. As always, I am your host, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist, and today we are getting into something that shows up way more than people like to admit, comparing yourself to your partner’s ex.You know the feeling. You hear a story, you see an old photo, or your brain just decides to spiral out of nowhere. Suddenly you are asking yourself questions you never needed to ask. Were they hotter,

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7:55

Why You Aren't Getting What You Want In The Bedroom

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/06/02

Today we are talking about something that sounds simple but can feel incredibly vulnerable in real life, asking for what you want in the bedroom If you have ever struggled to say what you want sexually, you are not alone. Most people were never taught how to communicate about sex in a clear, direct, and shame free way. Instead, we are taught to avoid it, joke about it, or hope our partner just figures it out. When that does not happen, frustration builds, disconnection grows, and people start

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7:40

Put Away Your Penis & Strap-On!

Sex, Here & Now ·

2026/05/26

Today’s episode is for my vulva owners, and honestly, for anyone who wants to rethink how we approach pleasure. We are stepping away from penetration and shifting the focus to something that often gets overlooked, fingers and tongues. Not because penetration is bad or off limits, but because so much of our cultural understanding of sex has been built around it being the “main event.” In this episode, we break that idea down. We talk about why penetration is not the primary pathway to orgasm for many

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