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PODCAST

Relationships Made Easy

Dr. Abby Medcalf

The research says the key to a happy life is happy relationships. But how exactly do you make your relationships better? That’s what this show is all about. I’m Dr. Abby Medcalf, psychologist, best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and (according to my kids) the bossy Jewish mom you didn’t know you needed. With decades of experience and millions of listeners in over 180 countries, I give you the no-fluff, research-backed strategies to make all your relationships better: with your partner, your family,

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

43:59

401. Triggered or Just Upset? How to Tell (And What...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/10/05

It seems like triggers are everywhere these days. Last week at my local coffee shop, I heard someone say they were triggered because they were out of the kind of tea they liked to drink. Maybe someone in your life says “I’m triggered” in the middle of an argument, and you have to stop the conversation even though you think they’re using it as a weapon. Or maybe you feel what you consider to be a true trigger when someone confronts you and your mind goes blank, and you feel numb. When is trigger the

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40:19

400. Can One Person Really Change a Relationship?...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/09/28

You've been waiting for someone else to change first - your partner, your mother, your business partner, whoever it is - because you think the relationship can't change until they do something different. Today you're going to learn why that wait was never necessary. One person, on their own, is enough to change the whole relationship.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/one-person-change-relationship-reactive-loopGet the assessment: What’s

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35:47

399. Why You Self-Sabotage When Things Are Finally...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/09/21

You finally get the good thing: the relationship that's steady, the promotion, the friendship that's truly reciprocal, and right when it's working, you pick a fight, or pull back, or suddenly find something wrong that wasn't there last week. There are two very specific reasons you self-sabotage when things are finally going well, and today you'll learn both, plus effective tools so you can stop self-sabotaging and start enjoying your life.____________________________Full blog and

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38:38

398. Why Your Conversations Keep Going in Circles...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/09/14

You’re stuck in an argument. Maybe it’s the same fight you have every few weeks. Maybe it’s a standoff where nobody budges. Maybe someone goes quiet and passive-aggressive instead of saying what’s wrong. All three have the same root cause. You’re arguing the facts, and no one’s talking about what’s happening underneath the words. Whatever’s happening emotionally is what’s keeping the conversation stuck. You’re arguing the facts, hoping that’ll help, but it doesn’t because you’re focusing on the

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45:19

397. Whose Voice Is Your Inner Critic, Really?

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/09/07

Your inner critic isn't really your voice. Research says that voice almost always started out as someone else's, usually a parent or caregiver from way back. The problem is you've been repeating it in your own head for so long you forgot it was someone else's way of thinking and not your own. It's time to choose what you say to yourself, so today I'm going to help you figure out who you are underneath that voice and my two-step process for getting it to stop running the

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46:33

396. The Mental Load: Why Helping Doesn’t Help

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/08/31

You’re supposed to be sleeping, but what you’re doing is lying there in the dark thinking about all the things. Why did I say that stupid thing in the meeting today? Is that chicken still good or does it have to get cooked tomorrow? Did the permission slip get signed for the field trip? And crap, I forgot to call mom back!That’s the mental load, and it’s why you’re so tired. This isn’t about better sleep or having more downtime. It’s about the things you don’t realize you’re carrying. Today you’re

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48:36

395. Hero, Scapegoat, Lost Child or Mascot: Which One...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/08/24

Which family role were you given? Dr. Abby Medcalf on the hero, scapegoat, lost child and mascot, what the research shows, and how to stop playing yours.____________________________Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/family-roles-hero-scapegoat-lost-child-mascotWhich Role Are You Still Playing? Take the Quiz! https://abbymedcalf.com/which-role-are-you-still-playingJoin my online community, One Love Collective, on Substack: https://abbymedcalf.com/substack.You'll get...✨ Early drops

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28:03

394. Why You’re Nicer to Strangers Than to the People...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/08/17

You were perfectly nice to the guy at the coffee counter this morning, and you were patient with the coworker who asked you the same question for the third time, and then you walked through your own front door and said something to the person you love most that you would never in a million years have said to either of those strangers. So, if you’ve ever thought, why am I so mean to the people I love, today’s episode is for you.____________________________Full blog and show notes:

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43:53

393. You Can Become Securely Attached (Even If You...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/08/10

You've taken the quiz and you've read the books, so you know your attachment style. But last night your partner said, "We need to talk," and your whole body went off like a car alarm. That anxiety or panic is an insecure attachment style doing its thing. So, the real question is: can you actually change it? And the real answer is yes, you can. It's called earned secure attachment; it's real, and researchers have been studying it for decades.Today you'll learn what earned

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46:13

392. How Do You Actually Build Emotional Intimacy?

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/07/20

You can be married for thirty years and still feel lonely with the person sleeping next to you. If this is (or has been you), what you’ve actually been missing isn’t more time together, more sex, or more communication. You’re missing emotional intimacy. Today I’m walking you through what emotional intimacy actually is, the four things people confuse it with, why it’s so hard to build, the four building blocks that make it real, and exactly how to start practicing each one… starting

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47:29

391. How Do You Know If You’re Really in Love?

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/07/13

Today I’m going to walk you through what “in love” really means at the brain level (spoiler: it’s not just chemistry), why fear sounds so much like love your nervous system can’t tell them apart, the four fear thoughts that masquerade as love and how to spot each one, what real love feels like in your body, and how this should look at different stages of a relationship so you can tell whether you’re in love at the beginning, the middle, or the long-haul phase you might be in right

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47:40

390. “But It Felt So Real”: Why Red Flags Don’t Look...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/07/06

Today I’m not doing the standard “look for red flags” thing. Ugh, I hate that phrase. It puts the whole burden on you to spot something that, by its nature, doesn’t look like a flag at all. (And then when you don’t see it, somehow that’s your fault? Nope. Stop. We’re not doing that here.)The reason red flags feel like green flags is that high-intensity behaviors mimic the outputs of real love, things like attention, certainty, and devotion, without including any of the inputs, things like time,

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43:07

389. Why You Always Feel Like an Afterthought

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/06/29

You wanted them to choose you without being asked because you believe that if you have to ask, it doesn’t really count. You want a partner who puts their work down first. The parent who calls to see how you're doing. The friend who reaches out for no reason. When they don't, something in you decides it means there’s something wrong with you, and you add it to a growing list of evidence that you're the afterthought. But wanting to be chosen is a real psychological need, not neediness. The

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45:29

388. Why Fairness Is Destroying Your Relationship

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/06/23

That's not fair.You said it as a kid. You've thought it as an adult. Maybe you thought it this morning when you were loading the dishwasher while your partner sat on the couch. Maybe you thought it when you were the one who made the dinner and then also had to clean up because somehow that's just how it goes. Maybe you're thinking it right now, because you're the one reading this, trying to figure out how to make things better, and why are you always the one who has to make

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39:37

387. Why You Keep Choosing the Wrong Partner

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/06/15

If you've ever said, "My picker is broken," I want you to stop right there. Your picker isn't broken. It's working exactly the way it was trained to work. The problem is what it was trained on, and that's something you can actually change. In this episode, I'm going to walk you through the three psychological mechanisms that explain why you keep ending up in the same painful patterns, why that person who seemed so amazing kept disappointing you, and what you can

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43:54

386. Why You Do What You Do: An Introduction to...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/06/08

You've tried to change. You've done the work. And you still find yourself asking: why do I keep doing this? Today, I want to give you a framework that might finally answer that question. It's called Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and it explains why you react so differently depending on who you're with, why self-compassion feels impossible no matter how many times someone tells you to practice it, and why you keep choosing the same kind of person even when you know better. Nothing

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41:15

385. Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? What the...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/06/01

If you've spent most of your life being told you're too sensitive, too emotional, too intense, that you need to toughen up, let things go, stop taking everything so personally, this episode is for you. Today, I'm going to walk you through what the research actually says about being a highly sensitive person, or HSP. We'll look at what's happening in your brain, why the world feels so intense for you, how to recognize this trait in yourself, and most importantly, what you can

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27:27

384. You're Not Feeling Guilty. Here's What's Really...

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/05/25

There's a word people use all the time that’s causing you a lot of unneeded suffering, mostly because you’re using it incorrectly. That word is guilty. You say you feel guilty for canceling plans. Guilty for not calling your mom back sooner. Guilty for wanting more space in your relationship. Guilty for saying no. But the vast majority of the time, what you're calling guilt isn't guilt at all! You've got the wrong label on a very real feeling, and that mislabel is keeping you stuck,

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49:56

383. Are You Enmeshed or Just Close? Here's How to Tell

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/05/18

Have you ever felt guilty for wanting space? Like needing a little distance from someone you love means something is wrong with you, or with the relationship? Or maybe you've watched someone you're dating and thought, "Why does their family seem to know everything about everything and have an opinion on all of it?" What you might be looking at, in both cases, is enmeshment. Today we're talking about what enmeshment actually is, how to recognize it in yourself and in the people

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35:49

382. Why You Can’t Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Relationships Made Easy ·

2026/05/11

You’ve tried unfollowing people, making gratitude lists, staying in your own lane. And you still compare yourself to others. So what gives? You can’t stop comparing because you were never supposed to, and comparison isn’t a bad habit you can decide to quit. It’s a cognitive function, and you can’t opt out of cognitive functions. Every piece of advice that tells you to just stop is working against your own brain, which is exactly why it never sticks.Today you’ll learn why comparison is hardwired into

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