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PODCAST

Living The Book of Disquiet

Fernando Pessoa

Every so often, I sit down and write a letter to Fernando Pessoa, the Portuguese poet and writer. I not only write but also send each letter to the postal address where Pessoa spent the last fifteen years of his life before dying at the age of 47 with cirrhosis of the liver - most likely due to alcoholism. He hasn"t written back to me yet, even though I put my own name and address on every missive I send. One day he, or someone very much like him, will perhaps write back. I live in hope.

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All Episodes

00:54:53

Dream Action

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2025/11/01

"I have to choose what I detest – either dreaming, which my intelligence hates, or action, which my sensibility loathes; either action, for which I wasn’t born, or dreaming, for which no one was born. Detesting both, I choose neither; but since I must on occasion either dream or act, I mix the two things together." Pessoa, Fragment 2, TBOD--Hey FP!A few days ago, on a walk from Chalfont and Latimer to Chesham, a walk I’ve done a hundred times before, a song came up on my 'Liked

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00:37:08

The Dignity of Tedium

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2025/10/28

"He had furnished his two rooms with a semblance of luxury, no doubt at the expense of certain basic items. He had taken particular pains with the armchairs, which were soft and well-padded, and with the drapes and rugs. He explained that with this kind of an interior he could ‘maintain the dignity of tedium’. In rooms decorated in the modern style, tedium becomes a discomfort, a physical distress. Nothing had ever obliged him to do anything. He had spent his childhood alone. He never joined

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00:27:00

Schubert's Ghost: Essence and Nihility (Fragment 363)

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2024/06/15

This episode is about Schubert's awful and awesome bohemian life/music/death; a Victor Hugo sonnet from "Les Contemplations" ("La mort et la beauté sont deux choses profondes"); K.G. Nishitani on Nihility, sin and redemption; Fernando Pessoa's Fragment 363 (love, possession and illusion, the interplay of beauty and horror), with visuals courtesy of a walk around Rickmansworth Lake with Max listening to Sviatoslav Richter play Schubert's Piano Sonata No. 18 in G Major:

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00:32:38

Fragment 88: The Father of My Soul

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2024/05/28

A "Father Archetype" soul collage for Pessoa’s Fragment 88: “Who am I, finally, when I’m not playing? A poor orphan left out in the cold among sensations, shivering on the street corners of Reality, forced to sleep on the steps of Sadness and to eat the bread offered by Fantasy. I was told that my father, whom I never knew, is called God, but the name means nothing to me. Sometimes at night, when I’m feeling lonely, I call out to him with tears and form an idea of him I can love. But

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00:32:33

Fragment 307: Basic Trust (The Song Thrush)

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2024/05/17

An audio-visual Soul Collage created in response to Fernando Pessoa’s Fragment 307 (from The Book of Disquiet): “AESTHETICS OF DISCOURAGEMENT Since we can’t extract beauty from life, let’s at least try to extract beauty from not being able to extract beauty from life. Let’s make our failure into a victory, into something positive and lofty, endowed with columns, majesty and our mind’s consent. If life has given us no more than a prison cell, let’s at least decorate it as best we can – with the

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00:34:08

Fragment 32: Lucid Dreaming

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2024/05/07

“An episode chiefly inspired by 10 seconds of animation by Alyssa on her YouTube channel. Check out THE FULL TWELVE SECOND video ⁠here⁠. Also inspired by the following quote from fragment 32 of Fernando Pessoa's Book of Disquiet: "Underlying everything, the hushed night was the tomb of God (and my soul felt sorry for God).” OTHER TOPICS THAT CROP UP IN THIS EPISODE: -Lucid Dreaming: Rob’s experiences with lucid dreaming and the techniques he used to achieve it (counting backwards,

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00:33:57

Fragment 31: Beyond The Pleasure Principle

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2024/05/05

“The clock in the back of the deserted house (everyone’s sleeping) slowly lets the clear quadruple sound of four o’clock in the morning fall. I still haven’t fallen asleep, and I don’t expect to. There’s nothing on my mind to keep me from sleeping and no physical pain to prevent me from relaxing, but the dull silence of my strange body just lies there in the darkness, made even more desolate by the feeble moonlight of the street lamps. I’m so sleepy I can’t even think, so sleepless I can’t

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00:30:22

Fragment 30: An Arid Heart

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2024/04/28

"Sadly, or perhaps not, I recognize that I have an arid heart. An adjective matters more to me than the real weeping of a human soul. But sometimes I’m different."--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/livingthebookofdisquiet/message

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00:45:23

Fragment 144: Sunday Mornin' Coming Down

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2023/09/11

In today's fragment of Disquiet, Fernando describes waking to a rain-cleansed Sunday, unveiling blue skies—a lovely morning that evokes melancholy as well as joy. He wanders aimlessly, the various Sunday rituals accentuating his isolation and longing.In my response to Rob and Pessoa, I relate how an unexpected encounter with a doppelgänger of a past love, Nadia, during a walk near Amersham evokes deep nostalgia. The shifting weather mirrors these emotions, and this Rilke poem further

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00:35:42

Fragment 29: Don't Dream It's Over

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2023/09/08

In today's missive of disquietude (Fragment 29), Fernando talks about waking to a rain-washed dawn that gives way to “triumphant” blue skies—a beautiful morning in which he feels melancholic rather than happy. As he aimlessly paces his room, the various rituals of his day expose his isolation. He feels a longing that weighs on him like a damp rag left staining a window sill. I respond by sharing my own attempts to wrangle morning chaos—the various routines I follow meant to optimize

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00:21:23

Living (The Book of) Disquiet: Desassossego, Saudade,...

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2023/09/06

In this episode I re-interrogate my reasons for creating a Book of Disquet cover-version by exploring some of the nuances between the word "desassossego" (restlessness, uneasiness, anxiety) in Portuguese and the English translation which usually renders the word as "disquiet." I also reflect a bit more, with the help of Richard Zenith's recent biography of Pessoa, on Pessoa's melancholy brand of existential unrest which acts in so many ways as a stand-in for the absurdity

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00:26:26

Fragments 12-28

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2023/07/17

Fragment 12: Pessoa sees his random writings as an unimportant autobiography and a way to unwind like solitaire. Fragment 13: Pessoa feels his writings are as insignificant as his life next to the vast universe. Fragment 14: Pessoa says creating imperfect art is better than creating nothing, as it may help others. Fragment 15: Pessoa gradually conquered his innate inner nature through effort. Fragment 16: Pessoa daydreams during a trip, neither seeing the landscapes nor remembering

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00:30:10

Fragments 1-11

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2023/07/16

Fragment 1: Pessoa feels like an outsider, finding comfort in examining his feelings. * In what way do you experience yourself as “being on the fringe” of things? Is that a torment for you, or a pleasure, or both? * Do you consider yourself to be “a scholar of feelings”? In what way do you undertake this scholarship? Fragment 2: Pessoa lacks faith in both God and humanity. * What do you believe in? Fragment 3: Contemplating aesthetics consoles Pessoa against life's monotony. * In what way

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00:08:08

Intro: Resonating With The Book of Disquiet

Living The Book of Disquiet ·

2023/07/16

My aspirations for how we might “live” Fernando Pessoa's The Book of Disquiet together.

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