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PODCAST

You Are Not Crazy

You’re exhausted from over-functioning, always managing the chaos just to make it seem okay. You feel alone. Misunderstood. Like no one sees the full story—except you.Your friends don’t get it. You question yourself constantly. You wonder if you"re the problem. You"re not.I understand—because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, gaslit into silence, and walking on eggshells every day.This podcast is here to help you feel seen. To help you make

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

32:12

When You Become the Villain in Their Story

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/11/05

Not every discard looks like a dramatic blow-up. Sometimes it comes quietly — through silence, stonewalling, and indifference. That kind of ending can be even more destabilizing, because it leaves no scene to point to, only the hollow feeling that something is over. This episode unpacks what it means to be discarded in this way, how it twists reality and casts you as the villain, and why holding your boundaries in the face of emotional withdrawal is an act of self-preservation. If you’ve ever...

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25:15

How Do I Stop Craving Them? And Have They Really...

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/31

This week, I’m sharing a private Q&A episode usually reserved for my Patreon and Substack members. I wanted to make this one public because it speaks to something so many survivors struggle with: the pull of the trauma bond, the shame that lingers, and the confusion around whether someone has truly changed. In this episode, I answer two powerful listener questions: 1️⃣ How do I stop the shame and craving when I’m still trauma bonded? 2️⃣ How do I know if my ex is really changing — or if ...

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10:16

Abusers Don’t See Themselves as Abusers

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/29

I explain how abusers redefine what abuse is, minimize their actions, and use comparisons to “someone worse” as a shield from accountability. I break down how they weaponize therapeutic language, flip the script so boundaries look like cruelty, and create a public image that leaves survivors questioning their own reality. Support the show Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach an...

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17:51

You’re Not Crazy—You’re Trauma Bonded

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/24

Trauma bonds aren’t about shared hardship or difficult experiences. They’re cycles of abuse and relief that hook your brain and body like an addiction. That’s why it feels impossible to just “get over it.” In this episode, I break down what trauma bonding really is—and what it isn’t. I talk about how intermittent reinforcement keeps survivors stuck, why naming it matters, and why treating it like an addiction can open a path back to yourself. You’ll hear practical ways to start loosening the ...

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18:29

False Accountability and the Control Behind It

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/22

Control in an abusive relationship often hides behind the illusion of change. They might say the words you’ve been waiting to hear—"I know I hurt you," "I’m working on myself"—but without real accountability, it’s not growth. It’s performance. This episode unpacks how shame drives manipulative behavior, why false accountability keeps you trapped, and how tactics like gaslighting, projection, and DARVO are used to destabilize you. It also explores the difference between genuine conflict resolu...

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19:28

You Can’t Talk to Your Lawyer Like They’re Your Friend

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/17

Family court is a system that doesn’t run on empathy — and that can be one of the hardest realities for survivors to face. In this episode, I share the lessons I’ve learned about communicating with attorneys while navigating years of custody battles and post-separation abuse. You’ll hear why sending every message, email, or update in real time can backfire, how to frame patterns in a way that lawyers and judges can’t ignore, and what it means to “play chess instead of checkers” when you’re up...

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17:30

What I Learned from Loving a Narcissist (Even Though...

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/15

When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why reconciliation feels addictive, and the painful truth that craving relief isn’t the same as crav...

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32:07

High-Conflict Divorce and Co-Parenting

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/10

This episode takes a deep dive into the realities of co-parenting and divorcing a high-conflict person. I answer some of the most common questions I hear from survivors—like how to handle manipulation of your child, what to do when the other parent lies about you, what parallel parenting really looks like, and how to survive smear campaigns and legal abuse. You’ll hear the patterns I see over and over again in these cases—fake “redemption arcs,” crisis creation before court, love-bombing duri...

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40:56

Inside the Trauma Bond: Why I Couldn’t Leave (and How...

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/08

I’m sharing the truth about a trauma bond I was in—how it formed, why I stayed, and what it took to finally break free. This isn’t a highlight reel or a neatly packaged story. It’s the messy reality of living in a cycle of harm and hope, of being pulled in and pushed away, of mistaking control for care. If you’ve ever been asked, “Why didn’t you just leave?”—or asked yourself the same thing—I want you to know this episode isn’t about shame. It’s about understanding. It’s about the hooks that ...

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22:02

Craving Relief: Why Trauma Bonds Feel Impossible to...

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/10/01

When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why reconciliation feels addictive, and the painful truth that craving relief isn’t the same as crav...

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18:15

How to Work With Me: Coaching, Courses, and What’s Ahead

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/09/29

This episode is a little different. Instead of diving into a specific topic, I’m sharing updates, announcements, and all the ways you can work with me. If you’re new here—or wondering what I offer beyond the podcast—you’ll hear about: Upcoming divorce-focused episodes and why I’m expanding the podcast to include them.My Substack and daily writing for survivors.Self-paced courses on emotional abuse, boundaries, documentation for court, and breaking trauma bonds.Coaching options: intro calls, v...

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9:15

The Cycle of Sexual Coercion

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/09/24

Sexual coercion is one of the most misunderstood and silenced forms of abuse. It’s not seduction. It’s not miscommunication. It’s pressure, guilt, manipulation, and punishment used to get sex when you’ve already said no, shown hesitation, or felt unsafe. It’s not about intimacy—it’s about power and control. This is a bonus episode from Unhooked—my private podcast series for survivors breaking free from emotional abuse. In this episode, I break down how sexual coercion works, the subtle (and n...

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15:09

The “Nice” Version Isn’t Proof They’ve Changed

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/09/17

They’re kind again… so does that mean they’ve changed? In this episode, we unpack why the “nice” version is part of the abuse cycle — and how to tell the difference between real change and a calculated reset. One of the most confusing parts of an emotionally abusive relationship is when the cruelty suddenly stops — and the “nice” version of the person shows up. Maybe they’re warmer, calmer, even kind for a while. You start to wonder… are they finally changing? Was I wrong about the abuse? In ...

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57:11

From Love Bombing to Losing Myself — and Finding My...

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/09/10

n this raw and validating conversation, fitness expert and former pro athlete Holly Rilinger shares her first public telling of the emotional abuse she endured inside a long-term relationship that looked perfect on the outside. Holly opens up about how the relationship began with admiration and love bombing, then slowly eroded her confidence, identity, and sense of self. From subtle criticisms about her appearance to the complete absence of repair after conflict, she found herself living in c...

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12:44

Am I Overreacting?

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/09/03

Most survivors don’t start by asking “Is this abuse?” They ask “Why do I feel crazy?” This episode dives deep into the emotional confusion that defines so many abusive dynamics—especially when gaslighting, blame-shifting, and chronic invalidation are at play. If you’ve ever found yourself apologizing after being hurt, doubting your memory, or shrinking yourself to avoid their reactions, you’re not alone—and you’re not overreacting. We’ll explore: How emotional abuse trains you to question you...

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57:53

When It Was Never About Change: Understanding the...

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/08/27

Dr. Kerry McAvoy joins me to discuss the most confusing and painful parts of surviving a relationship with someone who has Cluster B traits, including narcissistic, antisocial, borderline, and histrionic personality disorders. We explore: The neurological and psychological reasons why people with Cluster B disorders don’t changeWhy survivors feel crazy, confused, and exhausted—and why that’s by designHow splitting, emotional dysregulation, and weaponized remorse show up in real relationshipsT...

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13:45

Breaking the Trauma Bond

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/08/20

I’m sharing one of the most requested and emotionally charged topics: the trauma bond. This episode is part of my private podcast series Unhooked: Mapping the Cycle of Abuse, and I felt it was important to bring it here too—for anyone who’s stuck in the pain, confusion, or shame of staying in a relationship they know is harming them. We explore why trauma bonds form, how they keep you hooked, and what it takes to begin breaking free. This isn’t just about naming abuse—it’s about understanding...

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17:51

Healing a Trauma Bond: The Power You Still Have

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/08/13

Trauma Bonding—a term that’s often misunderstood and sometimes avoided because naming it means facing the abuse beneath it. In this episode, I break down what a trauma bond is (and isn’t), why it’s more than “shared trauma,” and how it functions as an emotional and physical addiction. Then, we talk about something that might feel uncomfortable: the places where you do have control once you’ve recognized you’re trauma bonded. I cover: The truth about intermittent reinforcement and why it keeps...

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26:38

Whose Shame Are You Carrying? How Abusers Offload...

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/08/06

This episode explores one of the most insidious aspects of emotional abuse: shame offloading. When someone can’t face their own emotional wounds—whether it’s failure, inadequacy, or internal contradictions—they often project that pain onto the person closest to them. You become the emotional scapegoat, the one who’s blamed, punished, or humiliated—not because you did something wrong, but because they can’t sit with their own discomfort. I walk through how this dynamic shows up in ...

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71:54

Why Abusers Believe Their Own Lies with Paul Colaianni

You Are Not Crazy ·

2025/07/30

Why do emotionally abusive people double down on false narratives, deny reality, and convince themselves they’re the victim—even when they’re causing visible harm? I'm joined by Paul Colaianni, host of The Overwhelmed Brain and Love and Abuse podcasts and creator of The Healed Being program, one of the few resources for people who have been emotionally abusive and genuinely want to change. We unpack one of the most confusing dynamics in abusive relationships: the distorted thinking that abuse...

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221 results

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