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PODCAST

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories for Kids

Funny stories for kids, ridiculous facts and big adventures, all told by Mr Morton with warmth, wit and plenty of silliness. Mr Morton’s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is a children’s podcast packed with silly audio stories, strange characters, curious questions and facts that may or may not be true. From original adventures to the Aisle of Totally Ridiculous and Possibly Not True, there’s always something wonderfully bonkers around the corner. Made for curious kids and families who like their

kids & family stories for kids

All Episodes

00:10:17

Mad Hatter Day: The Completely True History of Hats

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/10/06

Humans have been putting things on their heads for thousands of years. But why? And who looked at a head and thought, “That needs a hat”?To celebrate Mad Hatter Day, Mr Morton opens the Barmy Book on the completely true history of hats, from ancient headwear and very questionable Vikings to some of the strangest things ever balanced above a pair of ears.It’s a ridiculous rummage through hats, history and facts that may have become slightly bent out of shape along the way.What’s the most ridiculous

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00:12:02

Snotburgers Holiday

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/09/29

When you’ve got a cold, you might feel miserable. But somewhere inside you, the Snotburgers could be having the holiday of a lifetime.Nine-year-old Jimmy Snotburger has been given some holiday homework, so he’s writing down everything his family got up to: drumming, water slides, dodgems, slime workshops and a suspicious number of wet towels.But as the week goes on, their lovely warm, damp resort starts changing… and some very efficient people in white uniforms have arrived.A funny children’s audio

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00:08:01

How Wombats Invented Minecraft

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/09/22

Wombats do cube-shaped poos. Minecraft is made of blocks. Coincidence? Professor Derek Wombat-Smythe thinks not.Mr Morton and Brian venture into the Aisle of Totally Ridiculous and Possibly Not True to discover the astonishing history of wombat cubes, from Australian explorers and extremely questionable dice to the mysterious origins of one of the world’s biggest computer games.It’s a ridiculous investigation involving wombats, Minecraft, poo, architecture and a deeply underappreciated wombat called

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00:17:51

Ice Cream Soup

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/09/15

Ollie has brought the best ice cream in the world to school. There’s just one problem. By break time, it has melted into a tub of brown goo.But when Raff decides to call it Ice Cream Soup, things take a turn. Soon the whole school is adding sprinkles, chocolate, marshmallows and something called “cone croutons” to the strangest dessert anyone has ever tasted.Ice Cream Soup is a funny story for kids about friendship, imagination and what happens when a terrible idea turns out to be delicious.Got a

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00:12:53

Giraffes: The Naval Years

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/09/08

What happens when you put a giraffe on a submarine? Probably best not to ask the Navy.Mr Morton has discovered a mysterious new section of the Bookshop, and inside it he meets Brian, a very hungry bookworm with a taste for punctuation and a nose for a good story. Together they open Giraffes: The Naval Years and discover the astonishing tale of giraffes, submarines, sailors and one rather serious problem with having an enormous neck at sea.This is the first trip down the Aisle of Totally Ridiculous

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00:16:59

The Battle of the Bug Rug

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/09/01

There are twenty-eight places on the Bug Rug. Leo has counted them. Twice.Unfortunately, there are twenty-nine children who want to sit on it.What begins as a perfectly ordinary fight for space soon becomes a full-scale struggle involving elbows, knees, increasingly complicated negotiations and a rug that suddenly seems much, much smaller than it did five minutes ago.The Battle of the Bug Rug is a funny story for kids about sharing, stubbornness and what happens when everybody decides they

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00:03:23

Mr Morton Returns

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/08/25

Mr Morton is back.After quite a lot of walking, several wrong turns, one extremely rude goose and a sandwich he would rather not discuss, Mr Morton has finally returned to the Bookshop. And he's brought stories.The doors open again on 1 September with brand new funny stories for kids, ridiculous characters, peculiar facts and considerably more nonsense than is probably sensible.This time, you can help fill the shelves too. Got a ridiculous title, a strange character, a useless superpower or an

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00:10:07

The Hunting of Bonkers Bits 🕵️📖

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/05/26

The Hunting of Bonkers Bits: a special kids storytelling podcast episode about where stories actually come fromPeople often ask Mr Morton where he gets his stories. Actually, that is not true. People mostly ask where the toilet is. But sometimes, after they have found the toilet, bought a book, and stopped their toddler eating the bookmarks, they ask about the stories.And the answer is not what you might expect.He does not write them. Not at first. He hunts them. He traps them. He tickles them out

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00:15:23

Maya and the Emergency Spoon 🥜🥄

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/05/19

Maya and the Emergency Spoon: a funny kids storytelling podcast about big feelings, emergency systems, and kitchen catastrophesMaya Peck has a system. When things get too big and too loud and too much, Mum opens the kitchen cupboard, takes out the peanut butter, and hands over one spoonful. Not on toast. Not in a sandwich. On a spoon. It does not fix things. It does not make maths less insulting or brothers less annoying. It just makes everything feel less enormous.The system is excellent. Until

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00:14:40

The Granny Wars 👵⚔️

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/05/12

Granny Wars: a hilarious kids storytelling podcast episode about family, rivalry, and the most dangerous question a baby can askWhen a new baby is on the way, everybody has questions. Is it a boy or a girl? What will you call it? Will anyone sleep ever again? These are the ordinary ones. The ones everybody thinks about.But there is another question. A much more dangerous one.What will the grandparents be called?Sophie's two grandmothers-to-be get on brilliantly. They go for coffee together. They

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00:13:30

Three Billy Goats Buff 🐐💪

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/05/05

Three Billy Goats Buff: a hilarious kids storytelling podcast episode about trolls, vanity, and catastrophic protein shakesEveryone knows the story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff. Three goats. One bridge. One troll. A lot of trip-trapping. The goats won. The troll lost. Everyone went home.But that was then.Because once you have defeated a troll under a bridge in a dramatic and very public way, people remember. Word spreads. And the Three Billy Goats Gruff decide that Gruff, while solid, while

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00:13:42

The Pencil That Drew Tomorrow ✏️🌟

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/04/28

The Pencil That Drew Tomorrow: a funny kids storytelling podcast about a magic pencil and catastrophically bad decisionsOliver Pike has forgotten his pencil again. This is not unusual. Oliver forgets quite a lot of things. PE socks. Reading books. His coat on a day when it is snowing sideways. But pencils are the main one. So when Mr Spindle hands him the last spare from his drawer, a battered, tooth-marked, slightly bent thing that has clearly survived several arguments, Oliver does what any

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00:14:52

The Boy Who Sneezed Through Time ⏰🤧

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/04/21

The Boy Who Sneezed Through Time: a funny kids storytelling podcast about hayfever, headteachers, and accidental time travelMilo Crumb hates spring. While everyone else goes misty-eyed about fresh air and new beginnings, Milo goes misty-eyed for a completely different reason. Spring puts yellow dust on everything. Spring makes his nose feel as if someone has tickled it from the inside with a feather dipped in pepper. And this spring is the worst yet.The problem is Mr Grindle. The headteacher has one

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00:11:16

The Wafer Bones 🍫💀

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/04/14

The Wafer Bones: a funny kids storytelling podcast about biscuit skeletons and snack crimesBea Hart has a system. She eats the chocolate off KitKats and discards the wafer inside. Not in the bin. Not on a plate. She drops the naked wafer fingers wherever she happens to be. Behind the sofa. Under the coffee table. Once, disastrously, into a shoe.Her brother Max, who takes biscuits very seriously, is horrified. The wafer is the whole point, he says. But Bea disagrees. The wafer tastes like chewing a

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00:14:32

Operation Sprout 🥬🕵️

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/04/07

Operation Sprout: a hilarious kids storytelling podcast episode about one epic kitchen showdownEight-year-old Maisie Muddleby has never eaten a Brussels sprout—and she has absolutely no intention of starting. Not even if it tap-dances, sings, or wears a tiny crown.But one evening, a very green, slightly smug sprout appears on her plate. And Dad, armed with a notepad and mysterious “official” forms, begins behaving in ways that are… suspiciously serious. Strange whispers, invisible teams, and

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00:09:44

The Accidental Axolotl 🦎💧

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/03/31

The Accidental Axolotl – a kids storytelling podcast adventureMeet Axel, a well-meaning axolotl with a knack for chaos. When Tilly Mudge steps away, Axel decides to tidy his tank. What could possibly go wrong? Everything.Thermometers topple. Castles collapse. Gravel streams across the tank like a tiny underwater avalanche. Pip and Pop, the ever-suspicious shrimp, react with panic. Colin the snail offers his slow, measured advice. And Axel? Well, Axel tries his very best, which somehow makes

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00:12:51

The Koala Who Couldn't Cling 🐨🌳

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/03/24

Kevin has a problem that nobody quite understands. He cannot cling to trees. Not because he is lazy. Not because he is not trying. Simply because his paws will not hold him there. Every other koala in the bush can do this effortlessly. Kevin slides down every trunk like a furry grey blob of butter.This is humiliating. This is lonely. This is not how life is supposed to work when you are born a koala.The other koalas sit high in the branches, half asleep, perfectly secure. Kevin sits at the bottom in

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00:12:04

The Worry in the Change Jar 🪙✨

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/03/17

Luna notices the change jar on the kitchen shelf is getting lower. Not quickly. Not all at once. Just slowly, like a puddle shrinking in the sun. Coins come out for bus fare, school things, plasters, shampoo, shoelaces. And one evening, while Dad is making cheese on toast, Luna asks the question that makes the whole kitchen go quiet. What if you keep having to use the jar because of me?What follows is one of the gentlest, warmest stories in the collection. Dad lifts down the jar, holds it to his ear

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00:09:40

Mum's Marathon 🏃‍♀️🐔

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/03/10

A Mother's Day special about the mum who can't stop helping.The problem with Mum is that she cannot run past anything that needs fixing. Not won't. Cannot. Her legs simply refuse to keep going if someone, somewhere, might need help. She signed up for the marathon in January, bought fluorescent pink trainers in February, and by March has managed to run forty three consecutive steps.Marathon day arrives. The starting pistol fires. Five hundred runners surge forward. Mum makes it nine seconds before

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00:21:04

The Wishes That Never Happened 🪔💭

Mr Morton"s Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Stories... ·

2026/03/03

The lamp is not impressive. It is dented, dull, and smells faintly of old socks and disappointment. When Alfie finds it behind the skate ramp and accidentally rubs it, out pops a blue genie who speaks only in rhyme and offers three wishes. This should be brilliant. This should be the best day ever.Then Ben starts asking questions.Alfie wishes for loads of money. Ben asks what currency. Pounds the money or pounds the weight? Old pounds or new pounds? Scottish or English? Paper or coin? Cash or bank

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