PODCAST

Two Dicks in a Bar

Jesse Walcutt, Ed, Mike, & Nate

Two dicks in a bar talking with their friends and random people that join

comedy improv

All Episodes

01:18:36

AI John Candy & ICE Gulags

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2026/02/05

Grab a water (or something stronger) and pull up a stool. In this episode, the Dicks navigate a labyrinth of topics: Should John Candy be digitally resurrected for the Spaceballs sequel? How did two famous announcers not know they were brothers? And what’s the constitutional limit on federal ice agents? Stops are made for Aaron Lewis's rants, the perils of quitting vices, and the universal language of road signs. No agenda, just the flow of a great bar conversation.

01:19:21

Begats, Beards, and Bad Covers

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2026/01/29

The podcast where the intro is an outtake and the plot is whatever sticks to the wall. This episode’s journey includes: getting stuck in a hypothetical time loop, skipping the "begat" chapters of the Bible, designing the perfect Gremlins sock-puppet knockoff, and planning a side project for "old, scrotchety" rock covers ("Get Off My Lawn"). It's a beautifully unplanned mess—like a great night at the bar should be.

01:06:42

Hemorrhoids, Hoosiers, & G.I. Joes

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2026/01/22

The crew opens with the finer points of personal hygiene before Jesse recounts his freezing, high-as-a-kite trip to Georgia, complete with antique posters warning of "crime, suicide, and prostitution." The conversation takes a sharp turn into the ethics of immigration policy (with some googled stats), before a warm, nostalgic crash landing into the greatest toys of the 80s—from Ewok Villages to Thundercats. It's a rollercoaster from ass-scratching to action figures.

01:24:16

The 32-Year-Old Adolescent & The Secret Data Center

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2026/01/15

As Jesse preps for a freezing trip to Georgia (and a legendary D&D drink menu), the conversation spirals into the nature of reality itself. Is there a secret government data center under a certain Florida ballroom? Are we living in a simulation post-2012? And why does science now say your brain isn't an adult until you're 32? All this, plus a passionate rant on remote work, resource hoarding, and whether Wile E. Coyote cartoons were ever in black and white.

01:20:27

Pittsburgh Cheesesteaks & Beard-Growing Wisdom

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2026/01/08

The gang tackles the first "Short Attention Span Theater" episode of 2026 by trying to understand Three Kings Day, defending disc golf as "real golf," and offering unsolicited advice on growing a beard (and dealing with psoriasis). A visit from "Pittsburgh Bob" sparks a debate on regional sandwiches, while the conversation meanders through international politics, Olympic preferences, and the most aerodynamic head shapes for imaginary winter swimming events. It's a masterclass in conversational

00:53:53

A One-Way Ticket & The Ball Drop

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2026/01/01

As the clock ticks down on 2025, the conversation takes an unexpected turn when a guest reveals his estranged father—absent for over 30 years—has just shown up with a one-way ticket and no place to stay. While prepping picklebacks and debating the physics of teabagging, the crew steps back to offer raw, unfiltered advice on family, forgiveness, and the questions you may never get to ask. All this, plus a urgent meteorological theory on why Florida might be safe from hurricanes. Ring in 2026 with the

01:53:49

Stabby Stabby, Weed Shots, and Ghosting

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/12/18

What do a celebrity murder case, 100-day sobriety bets, ceramic car coatings, and the ethics of ghosting have in common? Absolutely nothing—and that’s exactly the point. Grab a seat (and maybe a weed soda) as the guys jump from true crime to dating apps, from disc golf fails to 90s music deep cuts, in a conversation that proves the best talks happen when there’s no plan at all. No topic is safe, and no segue is required.

00:52:32

Vibrators for Pussies: Two Dicks in a Bar

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/12/11

Our mission is simple: use ridiculous, NSFW charity events to raise money for cat rescues. Our podcast is everything else. Co-hosts and brewery reps Dan and Mike are the masterminds behind the "Vibrator Roadshow," a traveling spectacle of battery-powered madness. Each week, they drag the microphone to a different bar to recap the races, plan the next event, and get spectacularly sidetracked with the locals. It's a mix of grassroots activism, South Florida nightlife, and the kind of meandering,

02:00:20

Johnny Depp, Disc Golf, and Demonized Nipples

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/12/04

The conversation bounces like a pinball in a dive bar. One minute we're hearing a "totally true" story about partying with Johnny Depp until sunrise, the next we're analyzing the psychological torture of disc golf scoring apps. In between, the Dicks solve the 1970s porn distribution network, argue about the legality of nudity (free the nip!), and try to remember if there was ever a good reason to wear a drug rug in South Florida. It's a chaotic, cozy hang for the holidays.

01:03:50

Our Google-r Got Gaslit (A Thanksgiving Miracle)

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/11/27

Our fact-checker bailed, so we're just making things up now. We explore the real first Thanksgiving (it was Lincoln, dibs), why cake is a chemical lie and pie is a fruity fraud, and how to properly hit on your bartender using only a cherry and a hair flip. It's a holiday episode so chaotic, we're surprised the pilgrims didn't just turn the Mayflower around.

01:32:42

Putt League, Propaganda, and Moist Panties

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/11/20

Strap in for a wild ride as the conversation bounces from the competitive world of DIY disc golf putting to the dark corners of political hypocrisy. The crew dissects Charlie Kirk quotes, South Park's latest takedowns, and the never-ending Epstein saga. But the real meat of the episode is a passionate, absurd argument about the words "moist" vs. "damp" and their application to... well, everything, especially cake and underwear. It's insightful, idiotic, and everything you didn't know you

01:27:18

The Nephew, The Nazi, and The Nicotine Pouches

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/11/13

The conversation is as all over the place as a drunkard's stroll. This week, the Dicks dive into a family controversy: was a nephew's school suspension for an edgy doodle justified or total bullshit? The debate quickly spirals into a chaos-fueled session featuring experimental nicotine pouches found outside the bar, a plan for a disc golf trip to the Keys, and a heated rundown of everything from Kevin Smith's filmography to the latest Epstein brother revelations. Strap in for a lesson in low-stakes

01:53:29

Let's Get High and Build a Robot Comedian

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/11/06

Our quest to outsource our personalities to machines continues. We unleash an AI-written stand-up routine so brilliant and stupid it might get us cancelled (or at least mildly frowned upon). Then, we debate the only logical next step: volunteering for a sketchy, IV-pumped DMT study to see God, or at least a convincing alien. Strap in for a episode that jumps from shitting on nepo-babies and war criminals to figuring out if you can, in fact, cheat death with a good game of Battleship. The bar is

01:14:45

Science vs. The Semen Demons

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/10/30

The dicks are back in your ears and they're tackling the hard-hitting science behind No Nut November. Is there any truth to the "superpowers" promised by online influencers, or is it all just a sticky situation of misinformation? We dive deep into the myths of masturbation, testosterone, and sperm motility. Plus: Jesse's medical saga continues, a bizarre tequila review gets the Al treatment, and we somehow end up discussing the proper way to start a fire and the geopolitical implications of road

02:06:23

Six, Seven, Six, Seven

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/10/16

From the assault on democratic norms to the assault on your childhood, no topic is safe. This episode meanders from the future of self-driving cars and the ethics of AI to the vital, pressing issue of ruining the "67" meme for any kids who might be listening. Plus, a heartfelt tribute to Diane Keaton, a debate on the best road trip games, and the age-old question: are Lucky Charms magically delicious because of the pus in the milk? Just another normal week at the bar.

01:38:20

38 More Months

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/10/09

Navigating life's uncomfortable truths with a sense of humor is their specialty. In this episode, the guys debate the "tragedy plus time" formula for comedy, grapple with personal health scares and canceled colonoscopies, and try to find the logic in a world of unregulated capitalism and demonic politicians. It's a podcast about finding the laughs, even when the joke might be on us.

01:27:35

Jalapeños and Government Shutdowns

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/10/02

The government is shut down and the boys are unsupervised! This week, the Dicks dive into a legendary (and painful) story involving a stripper and a jalapeeno, ponder the logistics of interstellar travel for Kryptonians, and debate the finer points of homelessness, recession fears, and the 13th floor. All this, plus a check-in from a very special guest, Gabby. It's a wild one.

01:31:15

$300 Thresholds and Flamboyant Pistols

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/09/25

A tenant's text about a wobbly light fixture sparks a chaos-filled session covering the essential rules of being a landlord (always charge for laughs), the grim future of 55+ communities, and the proper use of AI (writing tool or intellectual surrender?). The guys debate whether Joe Rogan has more presidential composure than a man who can't pronounce "acetaminophen," and if arming everyone with flamboyant pistols actually makes anyone safer. It's a hilarious, unfiltered take on the tiny absurdities

01:40:58

Censorship, Sex Toys, and Shots

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/09/18

The conversation takes a sharp turn from sex toys to censorship when we react to the news of Jimmy Kimmel's show being "paused." We dive headfirst into a heated debate about free speech, corporate cowardice, the weaponization of the FCC, and the terrifying parallels to the Joe McCarthy era. It's a raw, unfiltered, and pissed-off look at the state of American media.

01:44:45

Government Secrets, Political Violence, and Ancient...

Two Dicks in a Bar ·

2025/09/12

On this episode of Two Dicks in a Bar, we're tackling the big questions. What are UAPs (UFOs) and why is the government really keeping them secret? We analyze the political landscape following a major news event and discuss the violent rhetoric plaguing the nation. Then, we shift gears to explore fascinating theories about advanced ancient civilizations that challenge everything we know about history. All this, plus tangents on disc golf failures, concert experiences, and the wild stories of Edgar

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Two Dicks in a Bar

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