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PODCAST

Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychology with Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD and Nathan Gershfeld, D.C. Most psychology advice treats your brain like a broken machine. Beat Your Genes starts somewhere different: your instincts aren"t broken. They"re just optimized for a Stone Age environment that no longer exists. Dr. Lisle - Evolutionary psychologist, former Stanford lecturer, and co-author of The Pleasure Trap - has spent decades developing frameworks that explain human behavior from the ground up. Nathan Gershfeld, D.C

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

01:00:49

379: Why Your Partner Stopped Trying (It's Not What...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/04/02

Most people assume that whoever cares less in a relationship holds the power. In this episode, Dr. Doug Lisle explains why that framing gets it completely backwards. What people call the "care gap" isn't a power move at all. It's a signal about what's actually happening in the competitive marketplace both partners are operating in. Whether you're feeling the gap or causing it, the real question isn't who cares more. It's why. As Dr. Lisle explains, what's actually driving that dynamic, and what to

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56:41

378: All's Fair in Love, War, AI, and the Marketplace

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/03/24

Q1: I am an artist and I will occasionally use AI for reference material. But I still sketch the image out onto canvas and then paint it all by hand. My issue is when other artists create AI artwork, print it on canvas and then maybe embellish the work with some paint and try and present the work as an original painting. There is one woman in particular in my neighborhood who does this and people actually fall for it. She charges very low prices for these quote unquote paintings. The people

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01:17:20

377: Dr. Lisle ESCAPES Dubai … to talk about...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/03/11

Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I am curious what your thoughts are on Acceptance and Commitment therapy? I am a psychologist, and I have to use this method at my job, and I have noticed that some of the points of the treatment is a bit similar to your method. For example the focus on committing to value-driven behavior to give purpose in life is similar to the behavior that brings us closer to our survival and reproductive goals. However it seems like the method see negative thoughts and feelings as

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56:58

376: He wants the physical, She wants the emotional

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/03/05

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 2:10 A little bit about Bitcoin 2:40 Q1: He wants sex, she wants connection 10:45 Females are defensive until they see love cues 22:25 Suspected key issue 29:15 Could it be a phone addiction? 32:50 Q2: Are people doing romance backwards? 42:15 Can I be happy without a partner? 52:16 Final thoughts Q1: My husband and I have been fighting about the same issues our entire marriage (18 years). He complains that I don't have sex with him enough or that when

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48:33

Am I Still Hot? The OCD-Like Anxiety of Aging

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/02/05

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. Dear Dr. Lisle, This question is about coming to terms with aging. I know that being "young" is somewhat a relative term, but I'm a woman turning 35 this year and I can't stop worrying about my aging face and the beauty I'm losing and will continue to lose. I've always been a little ocd about my looks, but I feel that this relatively new problem is an insurmountable one. For me, a huge part of

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01:00:01

374: Gloat Therapy: What to Do with a Defiant Child

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/01/28

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:20 Q1: Single mom asks for advice on dealing with her out of control son 13:30 Cognitive dissonance in a mom 20:55 Personality does not deteriorate 35:35 Gloat Therapy 46:00 Limitations of Positive/Negative Reinforcement 57:45 Final thoughts Q1: What is your advice to a single mom of a 15 year old teen male that is out of control and no consequences

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01:06:09

373: I was in a Traumatic Relationship – How to Recover?

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/01/20

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:07 The Year of Dr. Lisle's Book 3:13 New Personality Trait? Tendency for Victimhood https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110134 30:30 Disagreeable with a few moving parts 41:28 Q1: Past traumatic relationship – how to start dating again? 1:05:20 Final thoughts Q1: How do I regain my self confidence after narcissistic abuse? I had an extremely emotionally

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50:01

372: Love, Lust, Lies & Lost Motivation

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2026/01/20

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:45 Q1: Dating broke, unmotivated men in my 70's 13:40 Q2: Reparations: Trade, Force, or Fraud? 28:10 Q3: Daughter likes Bad Boys, but Mom and Dad want her to date the Dull Nice Guys 38:23 Q4: Searching for Spark After Lifelong Apathy 49:00 Final thoughts Q1: How does a woman in her early 70s, who is neither broke nor retired and also engaged in several

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01:07:24

371: Evo Psych Didn't Ruin Anything, You're Just...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/12/11

0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:42 Q1: Listener struggles with finding meaning and motivation after embracing an evolutionary-psychology worldview that feels deterministic and uncomfortable. 7:03 The start of psychotherapy 17:00 Life problems are competitive 33:10 You're not better off not knowing about human nature 49:07 Everybody knows the truth, deep down 1:05:04 Final thoughts Q1: This podcast has ruined my life. Well, not exactly, but it certainly hasn't helped. Yet, like passing

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57:38

370: Chasing vs. Coasting: Why the Dynamics Change...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/11/19

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:51 Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships due to women being the higher investment party? 09:23 What are relationships? 18:08 Are women the only ones who need affirmation & esteem signals? 34:30 What do we need in a relationship? 46:32 The only hope for a dying relationship Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships,

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47:22

369: Love - The Glue Between Anxious Women and...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/11/06

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:25 Q1: When Neuroticism Sees the Breakup Coming Before He Does 11:25 Small Adjustments vs Sudden shifts 20:30 Analyzing key parameters 36:20 Q2: Pair Bonding: Nature's Anti-Chippy Software Update 45:15 Final thoughts Q1: I am a female scoring high on the vulnerability dimension of neuroticism on the Big 5 assessment. I have always left partners first

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01:04:00

368: Great Romance vs. Great Regret… PLUS: Can the...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/10/01

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:03 Q1: Married for 20 years but never loved him 21:10 Using the written word to express yourself 40:55 Q2: Can the "least attractive" still find sexual satisfaction and happiness? 1:03:25 Final thoughts Q1: I have been married to my husband for 20 years, we are both 45 now. He is a wonderful person, gentle, caring, sweet, intelligent, and an amazing

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01:04:09

367: Emotional Affairs: A Modern Problem in an...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/09/19

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:08 Q1: Emotional Affairs – Is there such a thing? Is this a modern phenomenon? 16:20 Human Love instincts 24:10 A modern day problem 46:46 Can you prevent an emotional affair? 1:02:45 Final thoughts Q1: Does Dr. Lisle believe in such a thing as an emotional affair? For instance, if someone in a committed relationship has a friend, coworker, or other

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51:46

366: Closing an Open Loop – Friend Disappeared 17...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/09/11

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:40 Q1: My friend went missing 17 years. How can I get closure? 14:14 Getting familiar with different causes of death 33:23 Trying to find out what you’re worried about 51:30 Final thoughts Q1: My question is about closing an open loop when it is impossible to get closure and all the information. A good friend of mine went missing 17 years ago. Police did

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01:12:26

365: Hustle Culture, Burnout, and the Evolution of...

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/08/22

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:56 Q1: Do we call people lazy to excuse ourselves or to change them? 12:42 Q2:If goals bring esteem, why so much burnout? 28:20 Who gets burned out most often? 44:44 Evolution of Self esteem 1:10:20 Final thoughts Q1: Is the attribution of 'laziness' to others a form of self-deception by people high in conscientiousness to justify lowering our empathy

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58:35

364: Marriage: Nature’s Most Optimistic Mistake?

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/08/07

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:50 Q1: What factors can predict divorce? 18:20 The Love Instinct 50:14 Q2: If marriage reduces effort to earn esteem, how can a woman feel secure having kids—and is it her job to vet the man well enough not to leave? 56:44 Final thoughts Q1: Can you speculate/attempt to predict who is most likely to get married and then divorced? My wife and I have been

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56:25

363: Too Anxious to Relax, Too Average to Admire?

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/07/23

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:00 Q1: Too neurotic to ever feel truly calm? 18:26 Recommending an expert in anxiety & OCD 31:55 Q2: If I think I'm a 7 but men treat me like a 3, who’s right—me or evolution? 54:30 Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I'm a big fan of yours and have come to understand that a person's personality is defined by their genes. However, I feel like I cannot

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48:12

362: Esteem, Friendship, and Finding Your People

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/07/11

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:48 Q1: Regarding Episode 27 “How to make great friends”, Could DDL address more specifically how to make great friends? Similarly he has said we should earn esteem in the right way from the people who matter. How do we know what the right way is, and how do we identify the people who matter? 14:57 Conflicts of interest between friends 23:20. Never make a big

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44:31

361: Lingering Loyalties, Distant Intimacies

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/06/25

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:25. Q1: Divorced dad entangled with ex 12:28 Genetic commitment calculations 27:14 Q2: Stuck with a closed-off boyfriend 33:53 Hugging an un-huggable friend 42:09 Final thoughts Q1: Any advice for a divorced dad who is still entangled with his ex wife? We have been divorced over five years now, but are still friends and live near one another. I

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01:16:23

360: Affairs, Flares, and Fantasy Matches

Beat Your Genes Podcast ·

2025/06/12

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:41 Q1: How common are affairs? Is this typical human behavior? 34:12 Q2: Am I broken or just in the wrong pair bond? 57:40 Tenacious Delusions in Psychology 1:15:35 Final thoughts Q1: Can Dr. Lisle talk about the frequency of affairs, particularly in modern western civilization? I was a little surprised to read about the prevalence of affairs,

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