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PODCAST

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children"s mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you"re parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

36:02

EP 248: Felt Safety when Nothing Feels Safe

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2026/01/13

Should we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe? I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or syst...

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76:06

REPLAY: Boundaries with Verbal Aggression with...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2026/01/09

In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive. In this episode, you’ll learn: What are psychological boundariesHow do psychological boundaries help usWhy good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbal...

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47:47

REPLAY: Boundaries that Create Success: Boundaries...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2026/01/07

In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation. In this episode, you’ll learn: How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast: Previous podcast episode ht...

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46:40

REPLAY: Boundaries with Connection Part 1 of 3:...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2026/01/05

Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What boundaries really areHow they are different than punishment and rulesExamples of boundariesWhat to do when y...

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50:17

REPLAY: Titrating Connection- Oppositional Series Part 4

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2026/01/02

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a...

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40:44

REPLAY: When Connection isn't Safe- Oppositional...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/30

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child? In this episode you’ll learn: How connection and protection can get tied togetherHow to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your childThe science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your lifeResources me...

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48:44

REPLAY: Strategies for Oppositional Behavior- Part 2

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/26

Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease. In this episode you’ll learn: An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationshipHow to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperationStrategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner wor...

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46:49

REPLAY: Oppositional And Defiant Behavior- Part 1

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/23

What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways. In this episode you’ll learn: That even oppositional behaviors make total senseSpending a lot of time in protection m...

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52:32

REPLAY: Felt Safety (Between) Part 3

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/19

Cues of safety, danger, or life threat come from three places- inside, outside, and between. In part 3 of this series on felt safety, we are exploring felt safety from between- from relationship! In this episode, you’ll learn How availability of connection is a cue of safety or dangerHow neuroception can tell the state of the other person’s nervous system (connection or protection?)Why nervous systems are contagiousHow ‘between’ cues of safety eventually become ‘inside’ cues of safetyHow you ...

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42:49

REPLAY: Felt Safety (Outside) Part 2

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/17

In this second episode of a three-part series on felt safety, we are going to explore all the ways our kids (and ourselves) are neuroceiving safety or danger from what’s happening in the environment. In this episode, you’ll learn Misconceptions about felt safetyExternal (outside) cues of felt safety, such as the environment, sensory experiences, structure, and environmental demandsWhat we do with this informationFree Multi-Page Infographic all about Felt Safety! CLICK HERE Resources mention...

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50:25

REPLAY: Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/15

Let’s go back to basics! Last week we talked about seeing behavior through the lens of the nervous system and then took a deep-dive into co-regulation. FREE Downloadable Infographic all about Felt Safety! RobynGobbel.com/feltsafetyinfographic This week begins a three-part deep-dive into the foundational concept of felt safety. What is felt safety, what isn’t felt safety, and why it matters! Next we will explore the many different ways we are all neuroceiving safety (or not) from our inner wor...

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59:43

EP 247: 5 Tips from our Top 5 Episodes for our 5th...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/08

To celebrate our 5th birthday, I gathered 5 tips from our top 5 episodes. I’m revisiting important take-aways from episodes about boundaries, oppositional behavior, and how parenting kids with a vulnerable nervous system is traumatic. Each of these episodes have a free downloadable infographic! You can find them all at RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub In this episode, you’ll learn What ‘boundary’ really mean (hint: it’s not about controlling anyone else’s behavior)What kind of boundary...

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38:17

EP 246: Helping Kids Tolerate Shame and Talk about...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/12/02

Ever notice how some kids just cannot talk about hard things- especially if it’s about their own mistakes or ‘bad’ behavior? Maybe they melt down the second you bring it up… or shut down completely. Let’s unpack what’s really going on when kids refuse to talk about mistakes or anything that feels “bad.” You’ll learn why their brain might be protecting them from feelings that are just too much - and how you can gently help them build the capacity to feel bad and still be okay. In this episode...

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34:29

EP 245: Can't Wait!!! Frustration Tolerance and...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/11/25

Does your child get stuck in “buy me, buy me, buy me!” mode? Or maybe they melt down when they can’t have what they want right now? I know it seems selfish, manipulative, or even bratty- but we want to put on our x-ray vision goggles and get curious about WHY. In this episode, we’ll unpack why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance are Owl Brain skills. You’ll learn how to grow your child’s capacity to wait, tolerate disappointment, and handle “no” without losing connecti...

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35:49

EP 244: When Watchdogs are Volcanoes: Activation...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/11/18

Is your child suddenly quiet… but you can feel something bubbling under the surface? They aren’t yelling, running, or arguing like usual- but you can tell their system is still fired up and on high alert. Today, we’re talking about that “quiet volcano” version of watchdog energy. It looks calm. Still. Almost possum-like. But inside? Their nervous system is holding a TON of activation right under the surface. In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between true shutdown and co...

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49:31

{REPLAY} All Behavior Makes Sense- Decoding the...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/11/11

This episode originally aired in October 2024. All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety. In this episode, you’ll learn How all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobTh...

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41:45

{REPLAY} Grief in Parenting a Child with a VNS

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/11/04

If you're parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, grief is an ever-present companion, whether we acknowledge grief or not. The holiday season often stirs that grief up a bit more. Our kids need more accomodations, they don't find the same things fun that other kids do, and sometimes it feels like special events aren't even worth it. As November begins, I'm replaying this previously episode all about grief in parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system. In this e...

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37:07

EP 243: Cool, Calculated- But Still in Protection Mode

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/10/28

Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug — while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection. But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control. Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t int...

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36:55

EP 242: Why It's Hard for Your Kid to Take...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/10/21

You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!” Sound familiar? I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinkingHow Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and ...

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36:26

EP 241: Why Some People Resist Relational Neuroscience

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/10/14

Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instabilityHow relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices ...

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343 results

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