x

75% of people globally want unbiased news (Pew Research) but are concerned they're not getting that.

Get balanced coverage with Symby. See how stories are covered across diverse outlets and spot when one side covers a story the other skips.

PODCAST

After the Affair

The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you.

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

12:49

172. Are You Healing… or Just Protecting Yourself?

After the Affair ·

2026/01/07

After betrayal, many people notice a change in themselves.They’re calmer. More regulated. Less reactive. But they’re also more distant. Less open. Less connected. In this episode, Luke explores a question that quietly emerges during recovery: “Am I actually healing… or am I just protecting myself better?” This episode breaks down how emotional defences form after betrayal, why they’re not a problem, and how they can sometimes begin to limit connection if left unexamined. With clear, practical

en

3:42

170.5 You Didn’t Fail Because They Had Unmet Needs

After the Affair ·

2025/12/25

After betrayal, many people carry a quiet belief:“If I had been more, they wouldn’t have needed someone else.” This short Christmas Day bonus episode gently dismantles that idea. Luke explores why unmet needs are internal experiences, why adults are responsible for expressing and managing them, and how taking responsibility for someone else’s unmet needs leads to self-erasure. This is not an episode about fixing, analysing, or understanding the past. It’s an invitation to stop punishing yourself,

en

8:36

170. Why “Why Did They Cheat?” Is the Wrong Question

After the Affair ·

2025/12/24

After betrayal, one question tends to dominate the mind more than any other: “Why did they cheat?” It feels logical. Necessary. Like the answer might finally bring peace. But what if that question, however understandable, is quietly keeping you stuck? In this Christmas Eve episode, Luke explores why the search for “why” often leads to more rumination, more self-blame, and more pain, rather than healing. He offers a gentle but powerful reframe that helps you step out of analysis and into integration

en

14:32

168. Life After Betrayal: What Nobody Told You Is...

After the Affair ·

2025/12/10

When you’re in the thick of betrayal, it’s almost impossible to imagine a future where you’re not drowning in thoughts, panic, anger, and heartbreak. Most people believe that what they’re feeling now is what they’ll feel forever.But it isn’t. In this episode, Luke takes you behind the scenes of real client journeys, from sleepless nights, relentless rumination, and emotional chaos… to clarity, inner calm, stronger self-trust, better relationships, and genuine peace. Whether people stay, leave, or

en

12:41

166. Why You’re Still Suffering After Betrayal

After the Affair ·

2025/11/26

If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why am I still suffering after betrayal?”, this episode is for you.Most people think they’re drowning because the pain is too big. But the real reason you’re stuck isn’t the pain itself… It’s the suffering your mind is unintentionally creating on top of it. In today’s episode, Luke breaks down the crucial difference between discomfort (the natural emotional pain of betrayal) and suffering (the mental loops, fear-based stories, and catastrophic thoughts that keep you

en

11:31

165. I'm Doing Therapy… So Why Am I Still Stuck?

After the Affair ·

2025/11/19

If you’ve been going to therapy after betrayal and still don’t feel any better, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.Most people stabilise through therapy but then hit a wall. They can explain the affair, understand their childhood patterns, name their triggers… and still wake up every day feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or completely stuck. In this episode, Luke breaks down why this happens, and it has nothing to do with failure or inadequacy. You’ll learn how betrayal dysregulates the nervous

en

12:41

164. They Chose Someone Else: What Does That Say...

After the Affair ·

2025/11/11

One of the most painful parts of betrayal is believing someone else was chosen instead of you.It can feel like a verdict, proof that you weren’t enough, that your worth has been measured and found wanting. But what if being chosen was never the measure of your value in the first place? In this episode, Luke explores the deeply human craving to be chosen and how it becomes distorted after betrayal. He explains why comparing yourself to an affair partner keeps you trapped in a story that was never

en

17:45

163. The Lag: When You’re Out of Sync After Betrayal

After the Affair ·

2025/11/05

After betrayal, couples often feel like they’re living the same story, but in completely different timelines.One partner feels miles ahead, ready to rebuild, while the other is still reeling from the shock. This is The Lag - the time delay between awareness, understanding, and emotional readiness in the aftermath of infidelity. In this episode, Luke explains how The Lag shows up in two major phases, first, the delay in awareness between the unfaithful and betrayed partner, and later, the difference

en

28:17

161. Workplace Affairs: Why They Happen and How to...

After the Affair ·

2025/10/22

Work is supposed to be a place of focus, structure, and shared goals, not secrecy and heartbreak.Yet, for many couples, the workplace becomes the unexpected setting for infidelity. In this episode, Luke explores why workplace affairs are so common, how emotional connections can quietly blur into something deeper, and what both partners can do when the affair partner still works in the same environment. You’ll learn how proximity, power, and emotional displacement create conditions for connection,

en

12:50

160. The Problem with Using Ai to Heal Your Heart...

After the Affair ·

2025/10/15

AI can answer your questions, offer reassurance, even write the perfect breakup text. But can it really help you heal after betrayal?In this episode, Luke explores the growing use of AI tools in emotional recovery, from journaling and reflection to replacing genuine connection, and asks an important question: What happens when your search for healing turns into another form of avoidance? Luke unpacks: Why we turn to AI when we’re hurting The difference between reflection and relationship How AI

en

20:03

153. Cheating Isn’t the End: But Lack of...

After the Affair ·

2025/08/27

In the aftermath of infidelity, accountability is often the missing piece. Too often, the betrayed partner is left carrying the heavy work of healing while the unfaithful partner minimises, avoids, or even gets a free pass from professionals who should know better. But without accountability, there can be no real repair.In this episode, Luke explores what accountability actually looks like, why it’s so often resisted, and why shame, vulnerability, and societal conditioning make it so difficult. He

en

17:48

151. The Questions You’re Afraid to Ask: But...

After the Affair ·

2025/08/13

What if the questions that keep looping in your mind, the ones you’re too ashamed or exhausted to voice, aren’t just valid, but shared by thousands of others going through betrayal?In this second part of our Q&A series (Listen to episode 146 for the first part), I answer the raw, unfiltered questions that most people keep buried: Why do I feel ashamed in public, even though I did nothing wrong? Why does forgiveness feel like betrayal? How do I stay emotionally present for my children when I’m

en

10:43

149. When the Woman Cheats: and the Man Is Left...

After the Affair ·

2025/07/30

When a woman cheats, the cultural narrative often skips over the man left behind. The one quietly carrying the weight. The one told to “move on,” “man up,” or “take it on the chin.”This episode is for him. If you’ve been betrayed by the woman you trusted, if you’re left wrestling with confusion, anger, self-doubt, or shame, this episode gives you language, perspective, and grounding. Join me Luke Shillings, as together I'll guide you to learn: Why her betrayal says more about her pain than your

en

19:27

148. He Chose You… in Secret: What It Really Means...

After the Affair ·

2025/07/23

When a man in a committed relationship starts giving you attention, it can feel like lightning in a bottle, powerful, validating, intoxicating. But what if that spark isn’t about love, but escape?In this episode, Luke Shillings speaks directly to the women caught in the shadow of secrecy and fantasy bonds, and to the men who pursue them. Is it real love, or emotional outsourcing? Together, we unpack the truth behind the pursuit, the pain of being the “exception,” and the cost of ignoring your gut

en

17:53

145. Hoping They’ll Change? Here’s the Truth About...

After the Affair ·

2025/07/02

You’re texting first. Waiting for replies. Making excuses. Holding on, hoping they’ll come around. But deep down, something feels off. This isn’t just patience… it’s one-sided love.In this episode, we unpack the emotional and psychological toll of loving someone who doesn’t meet you halfway. From fantasy bonds and false hope to reclaiming your power and choosing yourself again, this is your compassionate wake-up call, and your invitation to let go with grace. Key Takeaways One-sided love often

en

13:05

142. Disgust, Shame, and Survival: The Psychology...

After the Affair ·

2025/06/11

Disgust isn’t just a passing reaction. For many betrayed partners, it’s a visceral, body-based response that no amount of logic or reassurance can dissolve.In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood trauma responses after infidelity: disgust. Why it shows up. What it’s really saying. And how to respond to it without shame. This is for anyone who’s ever recoiled at the sight or touch of the person they used to love, and then judged themselves for it. 💡 Key Takeaways: Disgust is a

en

13:55

141. I Know Why They Cheated - It Still Hurts Though

After the Affair ·

2025/06/04

Understanding why someone betrayed you can be helpful. It can explain what happened. It can offer context. It can even soften the sting, temporarily.But it doesn’t erase the pain. In this episode, we unpack the emotional tug-of-war between empathy and accountability after infidelity. We explore how understanding your partner’s internal struggles, their fears, avoidance, or disconnection doesn’t mean you're condoning their choices. It simply means you're starting to see the full picture. You’ll

en

25:30

140. Am I Going Crazy? Real Words from the Betrayed

After the Affair ·

2025/05/28

Betrayal leaves behind more than heartbreak, it leaves questions that echo in your mind day and night.“Was it real?” “Did I miss the signs?” “Is this my fault?” “Will I ever trust again?” In this episode, I, Luke Shillings, walk you through the most common thoughts and questions that come up in the aftermath of infidelity, based on real conversations from hundreds of discovery calls and coaching sessions. Whether you're feeling stuck in self-doubt, unsure what to believe, or just desperate to feel

en

14:22

139. Too Emotional After the Affair? Or Just Too...

After the Affair ·

2025/05/21

Have you ever been told you're too emotional, or secretly believed it yourself?If conflict overwhelms you, if you shut down or spiral in arguments, if you find yourself apologising just for feeling… this episode is for you. Luke explores how what looks like emotional reactivity is often a learned survival strategy, rooted in fear, not dysfunction. From childhood patterns to nervous system responses, you'll gain insight into why certain emotions feel unbearable and how to build the capacity to stay

en

23:12

138. Seeking Reassurance after Betrayal: It’s Never...

After the Affair ·

2025/05/14

You know your partner’s betrayal wasn’t your fault.You understand the logic. But still, deep down, you’re stuck. Still needing reassurance. Still bracing for the next emotional shift. Still terrified of being too much, or not enough. Why? Because some of what you’re feeling didn’t start with them. In this episode, Luke explores how emotional survival strategies from childhood shape the way we respond to betrayal, uncertainty, and intimacy as adults. If you’ve been chasing reassurance, battling

en

53 results

Similar Podcasts

Voices of Life

APG Mannheim

Promo Estereo Podcast

Promo Estereo

Talking Timelines Podcast

Talkingtimelines

גיקונומי

ראם שרמן ודורון ניר

Drømmefanger

Drømmefanger