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PODCAST

Smarty Pants Lance

Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, about politics, sports, and religion? Smarty Pants Lance is for people who"d like well-crafted, observational humor. People who know laughter is the best medicine! In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance, a long-time criminal and civil trial lawyer- hold your applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday, and not so everyday, topics. Topics include, but are not limited to- who else but an attorney would use

comedy stand-up

All Episodes

15:29

Happy New Year 2023- You Didn't Vote for Trump Did You!?

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/12/30

Lance talks about New Years. He tells us NYE means different things depending on your age. One thing that wasn't different for decades was Dick Clark on the tele and watching "The Ball" drop." What if the ball suddenly dropped way too fast and smashed at the bottom into tiny crystal pieces? Now that would be a harbinger worse than voting for Trump! Speaking of which he tells his take on meeting a woman at an L.A. NYE party. First thing out her mouth would likely be, "You didn't vote for Trump,

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14:34

Christmas v. Hanukkah

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/12/24

Lance discusses Christmas versus Hanukkah. At Sunday school he was told he must learn to think for himself. Except, when it came to religion, which is, as everyone knows, from "on high," and cannot be questioned. He tells us about the history of Hanukkah, the eight (8) day, "Festival of Lights," and how the Jews were, on the ushe, being killed, there religion cancelled, and temples destroyed. Talk about cancel culture.He then reveals why, even though he was raised Jewish, he connects much better

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15:01

Strippers: Not Just a Stocking For Your Stuffer

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/12/02

And a 5,6,7,8-- Strippers: Not just a stocking for your stuffer. No doubt, countless guys, and some gals, have fantasized about being with, or living with a stripper. Lance shares his experiences, living with, and dating strippers. That's right plural! And the high school trophy for studliness goes to SmartyPantsLance! Strippers, exotic dancers, or just plain "dancers"- no not the kind on Broadway- have a certain rep. But Lance tells us they're real people, too. Who knew! Lance asks who's smarter:

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15:55

Thanksgiving: The Road Not Traveled

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/11/21

Lance says no thanks to the family Thanksgiving get together. The travel, the expense, the lousy customer service, the no so "world-famous" dishes, the annoyingly secretive and braggadocious relatives are all not worth it He ponders why he should put up with all the preceding just to spend time with people he doesn't see or speak with all year long. Lance compares Turkey versus ham, versus Vegan, people. Vegans are automatically out. They'd be thankful to not have anyone enjoy animal products

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14:50

Who Do DMV Employees Look Down On?

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/03/18

Smarty Pants Lance holds a stethoscope up to Medical Assistants ("MA"). Since they've no brains, he didn't expect a pulse. There are three kinds of medical assistants: dumb, dumber, and dumbest. Becoming , Lance gets the dumbest. Becoming a medical assistant is easy. It's perfect for those who want to qualify for something just by taking an online course.Lance rants. He describes medical assistants are 20-30 year-old women in the Los Angeles area who are stupid, lazy, and just plain, don't care. He

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15:30

Smarty Pants Lance- Weekends

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/02/08

Smarty Pants Lance talks about the comings, goings, and doings of weekends. Is it true that everybody's working for the weekend, as the 80's band, Loverboy proclaimed. Are weekends made for Michelob? Didn't weekends come into existence, first? If so, Michelob was made for weekends; not the other way around. What about weekend dates? I'm looking for my Friday, or Saturday, steady, as they said in the 50's to early 60's Do you desperately, "swipe right" on tinder or Bumble all week long, hoping for

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14:46

Flakes!

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/01/27

Smarty Pants Lance talks about flakey people. They're not just on the Westcoast, anymore! Why are people so darn flakey? It's not a new phenomenon. In the past, Lance has befallen victim by flakes since his high school days. These days he has a no flake policy. If meeting or getting together, the person agreeing to meet, or get together, must confirm via text 24 hours in advance, or hell no, Lance won't go! If the person meeting Lance is 5 minutes late for any kind of meeting, even Zoom, and

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13:20

Actions Speak Louder

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/01/17

Smarty Pants Lance delves into the old saw; "Actions speak louder than words." It's about those things people say, but don't really mean. Manipulations, game playing, misrepresentation to out-and-out-fraud, and niceties, too, such as , "Oh, my, what a cute baby! he/she/they/it are just soooo cute! Politicians are notorious for saying things that sound good but when pressed- sometimes by The Press-, don't really mean what they say or promise. So, what's not to like? Watch what people actually do,

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25:30

Smarty Pants Lance- Lance Big Bangs His Way Into...

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/01/10

At the insistence of so-called, friends, "Smarty Pants Lance," "Big Bangs" his way into podcasting with his first episode containing a short, humorous descriptions of a few of his life experiences, including: cheap and broken furniture and general messiness at radio stations, unusable toilets, how to distinguish between movie actors, TV personalities, and radio peeps, hating every moment of religious school, my childhood dentist who smoked while working on me. how swimming pools are cesspools,

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13:47

Smarty Pants Lance- Cheap Bastards

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2022/01/03

Smarty Pants Lance talks about his experiences with penny-pinching, cheap bastards. Including: a tight-as-a-tick, cheapskate, landlady who was always trying to save a buck, including the time she baked rolls of toilet paper in the oven to dry them because they got wet due to a leak underneath the sink, and buying "swap meet" cottage cheese, and all those other, coupon clipping, penny-pinching, misers. Save the time to listen to Smarty Pants Lance as he supplies comedy commentary. As always, it's

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14:21

Smarty Pants Lance Airlines- Airports- and the Just...

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/23

Smarty Pants Lance takes turbulent flights of comedy fancy when he talks about the airlines. From a true story involving outrageously stupid airport security who try to prevent an FAA flight inspector from boarding, to another true story featuring those stupid, stupid, stupid- not enough stupids?- security folk, to gaining altitude with the lovely "pleasures of flight, and finally making a perfect landing on your funny bone. Where's Dean Martin, George Kennedy, Burt Lancaster and Jacqueline

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16:20

Smarty Pants Lance-BMW For Sale- Do Not Open Sunroof!

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/20

Smarty Lance has a BMW for Sale. It has a broken sunroof which must never, ever, ever, ever, be opened. A succession of flakey and highly annoying perspective buyers come and go, then, The Law of Attraction, abracadabra's the right buyer, at the right time. Despite Lance's clear warning, she searches out a mechanic brave enough to attempt to repair the never-to-be-opened-sunroof. Unexpected romance, ensues. Later, Lance thinks about selling, in general, including garage sales, tag sales, swap

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14:27

Smarty Pants Lance- Oh, Doctor!

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/18

Lance goes on a semi-rant about doctors, chiropractors, dentists, and veterinarians. Yes, chiropractors, are doctors, but like veterinarians, they usually go by their first names- Hi, I'm Dr. Bob"- whereas, stuck-up, pretentious, pedantic, full of themselves, ego manic, MD's go by their surnames- "I'm, Ima Midelfart." From, can-you-see-lightning-and-hear-thunder-physicals to government health care- Medi-Cal's popular slogan, "Medi-Cal. Poor people; poor medicine!" Lance rants about lack of health

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14:41

Smarty Pants Lance- Locked Out

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/16

Lance works a summer job at a radio station inside the dilapidated American Tin Can Factory on Cannery Row. The location included piles of old tin cans, a disgusting bathroom, and a very large daylight work room- which fell dark at night Becaus the owner of the station never trusted anyone with a key, one early morning Lance got locked out. Is Lance's story a key to humor?. If you can relate to - a, we'll-all-laugh-about-later story, about being locked out- and who couldn't- this is a lock!

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15:02

Smarty Pants Lance Dating Apps

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/15

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences with dating apps. Smartphone apps lure you in with profiles of lonely supermodels with PhD's, who speak 10 languages, and lived in thirty nine countries, who don't care about another's looks or money because they just want to do acts of service, and love, and be loved forever! They're Dr. Supermodel and they're available to you right now! While he awaits replies from his supermodel matches Lance asks himself is all fair in love and dating

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15:07

Smarty Pants Lance College Days

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/14

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences in college. Living with a dormmate obsessed with Diana Ross and brushing his long hair, to the Campus Crusade for Christ, to skipping class to play Dungeons and Dragons all day and all night, to college sports, gross bong water, to legendary drinking contests, to lovely co-eds, and practical jokes, college offered a fun, four year vacation from reality. Roll the multi-sided "Dungeon and Dragons," dice, and see if the burden of all that debt

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14:05

Smarty Pants Lance Dog People Versus Cat People

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/09

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes differences between dog and cat owners. Pardon, "guardians." But not of the Galaxy, just pets. A doofus interrupts asking about lizard people. Lance via celebrity impression, defers to senior investigative reporter for Dateline NBC, Josh Mankiewicz for a comment. Lance wryly observes not only do people look and act like their pets but their personalities and appearances vary depending if they favor a cat or a dog. For example: dog people are extraverts who

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14:13

Smarty Pants Lance Extra, Extra!

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/12/08

Smarty Pants Lance humorously describes his experiences as a background artist/extra in the movies, on television, and in music videos. From long, uncompensated hours, to pay which is far less than a pimply-faced teen working fast-food to a-hole production assistants and assistant directors, to no respect from any other members of the cast and crew, working as an extra or "background artist," sucks! References include, but are not limited to- Who write this? A lawyer?- Paramount Studios, Hollywood,

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1:56

Smarty Pants Lance Trailer

Smarty Pants Lance ·

2021/11/19

Need a break from all the blah, blah, blah, of politics, sports, and religion? Smarty Pants Lance is for people who know laughter is the best medicine! In each fast, funny, fifteen minute episode, Lance a long-time lawyer- hold the applause- shares his unique point of view inspired by all manner of everyday and not so everyday, topics. Topics include, but are not limited to- such a lawyer way of saying that!- Dog versus cat people, cheapskates, styles, the doctor, college days, dating apps, working

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19 results

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