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PODCAST

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they"ve overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it"s worth it to have relationships that don"t fit in the box.

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All Episodes

20:00

Needs vs Wants in Non-Monogamy: There’s No Prize for...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/02/12

Struggling to tell the difference between needs vs wants in non-monogamy?If you’ve learned to be “low maintenance” and tolerate a lot, you might be minimizing your emotional needs without realizing it.In this episode, we explore how trauma, people-pleasing, and polyamory culture can teach us to need less, and why you’re allowed to want more.There’s no prize for needing less.You’re not needy. You’re human. What You’ll Learn• Why “needs vs wants” is the wrong question to ask• How childhood

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40:48

The Real Glow-Up: Self-Love, Desire, and Ethical...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/02/05

Opening a relationship can feel empowering… and activating.A lot of people expect ethical non-monogamy or polyamory to feel freeing right away. Instead, it often brings up jealousy, comparison, attachment wounds, and questions about self-worth.If you’ve ever thought: “Why am I confident everywhere else but spiraling in my relationship?” “Why does non-monogamy trigger my insecurities?” “How do I feel secure and desirable while practicing ENM?”This episode is for you.Relationship coach Ellecia Paine

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47:56

Saying Yes to Non-Monogamy with Natalie Davis, EP. 143

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/01/29

What if non-monogamy wasn’t something you planned… but something you found your way into?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by Natalie Davis, editor of Polyamory Today and author of the memoir Saying Yes: My Adventures in Non-monogamy.Natalie shares her deeply human journey from a traditional, long-term monogamous marriage through infidelity, swinging, and polyamory, and how that path eventually led to building a chosen family that includes her partner and her metamour, all

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11:46

Jealousy Is Shame in Disguise (And That Changes...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/01/22

Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure.And it’s almost never about your partner.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist:the way we experience jealousy is strikingly similar to the way we experience money shame.Both are rooted in scarcity.Both are tied to safety, worth, and fear of loss.And both get way more painful when we shame ourselves for feeling them.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why jealousy is often rooted

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12:11

When Honesty Isn’t Enough: The Missing Piece of...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/01/15

We talk a lot about honesty in open relationships and non-monogamy.Tell the truth. Name the jealousy. Share your feelings.But what happens when you open up and your partner tries to fix it, explain it away, or tells you you shouldn’t feel that way?In this episode, Ellecia Paine breaks down why honesty alone doesn’t create emotional safety, how emotional invalidation quietly shuts people down in non-monogamous relationships, and what real validation actually looks like. We explore jealousy,

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14:31

Before You Open: The 5 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/01/08

Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I slow that moment way down.Dating separately can be incredibly powerful, but only when your relationship has the foundation to support it. When there’s unresolved hurt, shaky communication, nervous system overwhelm, or fear being

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17:41

How to Talk to a Partner Who Insists on OPP, Forced...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/12/25

What do you do when your partner says they are open to non monogamy, but only under very specific rules?Only dating women.Only forming a triad.Only dating together as a couple.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what’s really underneath rules like the One Penis Policy and forced triads, and how to talk about them without turning the conversation into a power struggle.This episode is a continuation of Episode 138, where we

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47:35

Dating Separately: The Secret to Actually Surviving...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/12/18

Dating separately is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in non-monogamy.For many couples, the idea of a partner dating someone without them involved brings up fear, jealousy, panic, and a deep sense of threat. So it makes sense that a lot of people try to avoid that discomfort by insisting on dating together, only pursuing triads, or creating rules that keep everything tightly controlled.In this episode, I break down why dating separately is about building autonomy,

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60:21

The Taboo Side of Non-Monogamy: Pleasure, Healing,...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/12/11

What if the desires you’re most afraid to admit are actually the key to your freedom? What if the parts of you you’ve labeled as “too much,” “too weird,” or “too taboo” are the exact places your healing has been waiting for you to look?In this intimate conversation, I sit down with Sharon Marie Scott, Erotic Mystic, author of Forbidden Alchemy, and longtime educator in kink, conscious relating, and ethical non-monogamy. Sharon’s work bridges mysticism, sensual embodiment, psychology, and the

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47:16

The Relationship Skills That Actually Matter in...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/11/27

If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive.Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety.We get into the skills that truly make the biggest difference, including:• How to communicate without spiraling• How to know

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21:27

You Can’t Logic Your Way Out of Jealousy (But You’ll...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/11/20

Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling?You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.”This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body doesn’t feel safe.In this solo episode, I share my own “self-help fails,” the moment I realized you can’t

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49:23

Rethinking “Success” in Polyamory with Jessica...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/11/13

Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever?Yeah… hard pass.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default.Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the way she talks about relationship design will blow your mind a little (and soothe your inner overthinker a

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38:42

Pelvic Floors, Orgasms, and Why We Don’t Discriminate...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/11/06

What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor?This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for every

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38:35

The Truth Hurts - But Hiding It Hurts Worse, Ep. 132

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/10/30

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory.If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion.You’ll learn how to:→ Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet→ Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-monogamy

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33:11

Why You Can’t Just Talk Your Way Out of Jealousy in...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/10/23

You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion.So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house?In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system.We’ll explore:Why jealousy is a felt experience, not a failureThe toxic pressure to be the “chill poly

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17:15

Rewriting Your Relationship Code: Ditching the...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/10/02

Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU.So many of us grew up believing myths like:“If you’re really in love, you won’t be attracted to anyone else.”“To be a good partner, you have to want everything your partner wants.”“Jealousy means love.”The problem

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25:58

Relationship Anxiety in Polyamory: It’s Not Just You,...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/09/25

Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach and recovering bathroom-floor-cryer Ellecia Paine (that’s me 👋) breaks down:Why relationship anxiety is so common in non-monogamyThe real roots of jealousy (hint: it’s not just about your

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15:55

The Polyamory Trap of Finding Different Partners to...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/09/18

Have you ever thought, “If my partner can’t meet all my needs, maybe another partner will”? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why that belief is one of the biggest traps in polyamory and open relationships.We hear it all the time in the ENM community: “No one person can meet all your needs.” That’s true, but when we take it as a free pass to collect partners to fill every emotional gap, it backfires. Instead of feeling fulfilled, we multiply our insecurities, create

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52:52

Polyamory’s Biggest Struggle Isn’t Jealousy — It’s...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/09/11

Most people think the toughest part of polyamory is jealousy. But according to Richie, it’s actually… logistics. Yep, the calendar.After a life-changing cancer journey with his partner, Richie realized that the hardest part of opening their relationship wasn’t emotions, it was managing schedules, consent, and privacy across multiple partners. With his background in software product management, he decided to do something about it, and created PYE, a scheduling and consent management app designed

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36:42

Midlife, Menopause & Non-Monogamy: Reclaiming...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/09/04

What if midlife wasn’t the decline everyone warns you about, but a second spring?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Carla Wainwright, Holistic Wellness Coach, Sexual Awakening Facilitator, and self-proclaimed Midlife Alchemist. We talk about what really happens to women’s desire, relationships, and identity in midlife, and how it all ties into exploring non-monogamy, polyamory, and rewriting the love scripts we didn’t ask for.Carla shares why:🔥 Desire evolves with us

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