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PODCAST

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they"ve overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it"s worth it to have relationships that don"t fit in the box.

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

15:55

My Marriage Ended.... That Doesn’t Mean It Failed,...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/09/24

I’m back. And my life looks pretty different than it did a few months ago.I took most of the summer off from podcasting while I remodeled, moved, and navigated a pretty big life change: my husband and I split up.I’m sharing a little about where I’ve been, but this episode isn’t really about the details of my separation. It’s about a question I’ve been thinking about a lot:Does a relationship ending mean it failed?In this episode:Where I’ve been and why I took most of the summer offA little about my

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75:36

Rewind: Your Best Sex Isn't Behind You | Susan Bratton

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/09/10

Some conversations stay with you long after you hit stop recording.This is one of those conversations for me.I'm bringing back my interview with Susan Bratton, and I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done.Susan is a sex educator, author, and longtime consensually non-monogamous person who is incredibly passionate about helping people have more pleasure, better communication, and satisfying sex throughout their lives.And she has a LOT to say.We

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71:38

Rewind: Jealousy, Compersion & the Messy Truth About...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/08/27

Some of my favorite conversations on this podcast are the ones where we stop trying to make non-monogamy look perfect and just talk about what it's actually like.This is absolutely one of those episodes.For this Rewind, I'm bringing back my conversation with sex educator Dirty Lola, and ohhhh, there is so much good stuff in this one.Lola takes us through her journey from experimenting with non-monogamy before she even had language for it, to marriage and monogamy, swinging, polyamory,

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64:46

Rewind: How to Build Secure Polyamorous Relationships...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/08/13

Some conversations are just too good to stay buried in the archives.This week I'm bringing back one of my absolute favorite episodes with Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure, and David Cooley, co-author of Polywise. Even three years later, this conversation feels just as relevant, thoughtful, and practical as it did the first time we recorded it.If you've ever struggled with jealousy, conflict, emotional triggers, or wondered how to build relationships that actually grow stronger through

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58:38

Growing Up in a Polyamorous Family | A Conversation...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/07/30

What is it actually like to grow up in a polyamorous family?There are plenty of opinions about how non-monogamy affects children, but very few of those opinions come from people who actually lived it.In this re-released episode of Nope, We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with educator, author, and activist Koe Creation, who grew up in a polyamorous family and now helps people navigate conversations around relationships, gender, sexuality, and chosen family.Together we explore what childhood was

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67:28

Rewind: Wilder on Closed Triads, Poly Families &...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/07/16

Some conversations are simply too good to leave in the archives.This week I'm re-releasing one of my favorite early episodes with my dear friend, Wilder. Even years later, this conversation feels just as relevant. We dive into what it actually looks like to build a life outside of traditional relationship norms, from joining an already-married couple to creating a thriving polyamorous family together.Wilder shares her experience of living in a closed triad, navigating the assumptions people

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46:36

What Nobody Teaches You About Polycule Dynamics with...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/07/02

Most conversations about non-monogamy focus on opening a relationship, navigating jealousy, or finding new partners.But what happens after that?How do you navigate a polycule where relationships are constantly evolving? How do you manage different expectations, conflicting needs, shifting priorities, and the very human reality that not everyone connects in the same way?In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I'm joined by Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith?, co-authors of Nonmonogamy and

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33:27

The Courage to Show Up: Sex Positivity and Finding...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/06/18

What if the thing you're craving most isn't another dating app, another relationship book, or another set of rules?What if it's community?In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, Ellecia sits down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the power of finding spaces where you can show up authentically, explore with curiosity, and realize you're not as alone as you thought.They dive into what sex positivity actually means beyond the

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29:01

Compersion Isn’t Mandatory, EP. 158

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/06/04

Do you ever feel like everyone else in polyamory got the compersion memo except you?Like you're supposed to be thrilled when your partner is excited about someone else... and if you're not, maybe you're doing non-monogamy wrong?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we're talking about compersion, what it actually is, what it isn't, and why forcing yourself to feel it often creates more harm than healing.Because here's the truth: You don't have to be

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13:15

How to Talk About Jealousy Without Starting a Fight,...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/05/22

Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong?Maybe you shut down.Maybe you get defensive.Maybe you try so hard not to sound “too much” that you stop saying what you actually mean.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about communication, conflict, and how to navigate hard conversations around jealousy without losing yourself in the process. We get into:→ why jealousy conversations feel so

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18:23

How to Stop Spiraling When Jealousy Takes Over, Ep. 156

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/05/14

Have you ever noticed how jealousy can completely hijack your body?Your thoughts race. Your chest tightens, You start looking for signs something is wrong.And suddenly you’re spiraling before your logical brain can even catch up.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what to actually do when jealousy takes over.We get into:→ why jealousy feels so physically intense→ the difference between valid feelings and accurate

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17:59

Jealousy, Boundaries, and the Things You’re Afraid to...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/04/23

Have you ever felt jealous… but underneath it was resentment?Maybe you said you were fine. Tried to be chill. Tried to be supportive. Tried not to be “too much.”But deep down, something didn’t feel good, and instead of naming it, asking for what you needed, or honoring your discomfort… you pushed it down.Then jealousy showed up carrying all of it.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the connection between jealousy and boundaries, and why jealousy often gets louder when

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13:07

Why Jealousy Hits So Hard (And What It’s Really...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/04/23

Jealousy can feel overwhelming, shame-filled, and honestly… kind of brutal.A delayed text, a shift in energy, hearing your partner mention someone else, and suddenly your body is spiraling before your brain can catch up.If you’ve ever felt jealous and then judged yourself for it, this episode is for you.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down why jealousy feels so intense, especially in non-monogamy, and what’s often really happening underneath it.We talk about:→ why

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11:52

If It Feels Hard… You’re Not Doing It Wrong, EP. 153

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/04/16

Jealousy in non-monogamy doesn’t always look dramatic.Sometimes it’s not a big blow-up or obvious conflict. Sometimes it’s the slow build.A little comparison. A little overthinking. That subtle drop in your stomach when your partner mentions someone else.And before you know it, it’s affecting your mood, your communication, and the way you show up in your relationship.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the hidden cost of ignoring jealousy, especially in polyamory and

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16:56

Dating Someone Who’s Already Partnered… and Still...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/04/09

There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that can happen when you’re dating someone who’s already partnered.The connection can be real. The feelings can be real. And still… something feels off.If you’re navigating non-monogamy as a solo person, especially when you’re dating someone who already has an established partner, this episode is for you.Because this dynamic can be beautiful… and also confusing, activating, and quietly painful if you don’t have language for what’s happening.In this episode,

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14:43

Communication Triangles in Polyamory: The Subtle...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/04/02

Have you ever found yourself holding feelings about a relationship… that technically isn’t even yours?Like your partner shares something about their other partner…and suddenly you f eel protective… or tense… or a little off around someone you didn’t have an issue with before?Yeah… that’s usually a communication triangle.In this episode, I’m breaking down how triangulation actually shows up in non-monogamy, why it’s so easy to fall into, and how it can quietly create tension and distortion in your

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36:22

Showing Up Alone to a Swingers Event Changed...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/03/26

What if the thing you thought made you “too much”… was actually the doorway to deeper connection, more honest relationships, and a whole lot more pleasure?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by writer and poet Kate Heskett, whose story appears in the new anthology Pillow Talk, a collection of real, raw, awkward, and hilarious experiences of sex, intimacy, and desire.Kate shares what it was like to show up alone to their very first swingers hotel takeover, the anxiety, the

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14:21

Metamours, Friendship, and the Myth of Instant...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/03/19

What are metamour relationships supposed to look like in non-monogamy? Do you have to be instant best friends… or even chosen family… with your partner’s partner?In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine explores the real emotional pacing of metamour connections. From the pressure to create “kitchen table polyamory” right away, to the importance of chemistry, play, and nervous system safety, this conversation offers grounded insight for anyone navigating polyamory, open relationships, or

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20:47

NRE: Why New Relationship Energy Feels So Good (and...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/03/12

New Relationship Energy, or NRE, is one of the most talked-about dynamics in non-monogamy, and one of the most misunderstood.In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what NRE actually is, what’s happening in your brain and body during those early stages of attraction, and why the dopamine-fueled excitement of a new connection can make people feel euphoric, obsessive, and sometimes a little reckless.You’ll learn:• The brain chemistry behind NRE• Why the intensity can last up to

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25:58

Resentment Is a Boundary Problem (And It’s Not What...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2026/02/26

If you’ve been feeling resentful in your open relationship, this episode is for you.In Episode 147 of Nope, We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why resentment in non-monogamy is rarely about jealousy or bad communication.It’s usually about boundaries.Specifically:The boundary you didn’t setThe boundary you didn’t enforceOr the agreement your body never truly consented toSo many people in ethical non-monogamy confuse boundaries with rules, agreements, or ultimatums. When that happens, resentment

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