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PODCAST

Simon Ager

I write songs and tunes, play a few instruments, and like singing. To earn a living I run a website about languages and alphabets (Omniglot). I also make a podcasts about words and language on Radio Omniglot.

music

All Episodes

00:01:08

When The Cat's Away

Simon Ager ·

2025/10/12

This is a song I wrote in October 2025 based on the saying 'when the cat's away, the mice will play', and similar sayings in other languages. Here are the words: When the cat's away the mice will play they'll play all day or so they say They'll play cards in the kitchen and poker in the pantry and dice on the deck and ludo in the loft When the cat's in France The mice will dance They'll dance a jig With a peacock and a pig They'll waltz in the wok and conga up the clock and tango round the

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00:02:58

It's All Greek To Me

Simon Ager ·

2025/08/17

This is a song I wrote in August 2025 based on the phrase 'it's all Greek to me' and other ways to say that something is incomprehensible in various languages. This recording was made by me, and features me singing and playing the tenor and baritone ukuleles, shaky egg and kazoo. The Greek phrases you hear at the beginning of the track are ways to say that something is not understood in Greek (generated by https://ttsconverter.io/): Εἶναι γιὰ μένα κινέζικα (It's Chinese to me), Εἶναι

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00:01:36

Discombobulation

Simon Ager ·

2025/07/29

This is a song I wrote in June/July 2025 for no particular reason. It plays with the word discombobulation, which means an embarrassing feeling that leaves a person confused, or a confused or disorderly state, and was coined in the USA some time in the early 19th century.This recording features me on vocals, guitar, cavaquinho, descant recorder, tenor recorder and (GarageBand) drums. Here are the words: Discombobulation is causing consternation and fueling frustration among the population Much

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00:01:24

Pie In The Sky

Simon Ager ·

2025/06/29

This is a song I wrote and recorded in June 2025 based on the phrase 'pie in the sky', which refers to something unobtainable, and comes from a 1911 song by the American labour leader Joe Hill (1879–1915), which includes the line: ‘Work and pray, live on hay, You'll get pie in the sky when you die’. https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/pie+in+the+sky Here are the words: If you fly up high and open your eyes you might just spy some pie in the sky At the end of the rainbow you might just find a

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00:01:55

Mind The Gap

Simon Ager ·

2025/06/29

This song is about minding gaps that I wrote in May 2025. You can hear announcements advising you to 'mind the gap' on trains and stations in the UK, especially on the London Underground.Here are the words: Mind the gap between the train and the platform Mind the gap between the plane and the ground Mind the gap between the boat and the dock Mind the gap between the cart and the horse Chorus Mind the gap, oh mind the gap oh mind the gap, oh mind the gap Mind the gap, oh mind the gap Oh please

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00:01:53

What Are You Waiting For?

Simon Ager ·

2025/03/23

This is a little song I started writing in November 2024, and finished and recorded in March 2025.Here are the words: Chorus What are you waiting for? Oh What are you waiting for? Just walk through the door and go and explore. Oh, what are you waiting for? If you're waiting for the right time If you're waiting for the right rhyme, you'll be waiting a while and it could be a trial so why not go for it? If you're waiting 'til you're ready and everything's good and steady you may never start to

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00:01:17

Llamas In Pyjamas

Simon Ager ·

2025/03/02

This is a song I started working on in November 2024 and finished in March 2025. It was inpsired by hearing a friend talking about llamas and pyjamas, as you do. In the recording, I accompany myself on the baritone ukulele using the chords A, D and E.There are llamas in pyjamas on a beach in the Bahamas eating blue bananas and sitting in the sun There are alpacas with maracas down in old Caracas eating cream crackers and having lots of fun There are crocs in frocks Sitting on the

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00:01:43

Terms & Conditions

Simon Ager ·

2024/11/01

This is a song I wrote in October 2024 about all the pesky terms & conditions that few of us ever read, and even fewer understand.Here are the words. The chords are Dm, A and Gm. Terms & conditions apply, and with them you must comply. You've ticked the box, you've signed your name, you've read them all, or so you claim, but we all know that's a lie, and terms & conditions apply. If the things that we supply, harm you or make you cry. You could complain, but it's such a pain, and would be in

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00:02:29

Cats and Dogs

Simon Ager ·

2024/09/15

I wrote this song in August and September 2024 inspired by some rather heavy rain that we enjoyed during that time.Here are the words: When cats and dogs fall from the sky And you don't know the reason why Don't you worry, don't you cry It won't last forever, and that's no lie Chorus It's just a bit of precipitation and not a cause for consternation It might be a reason for celebration And that's no exaggeration When the heavens open and the rain pours down Don't you fret, don't you frown Just

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00:01:53

Off To Sea

Simon Ager ·

2024/05/31

This is a song in the style of a sea shanty that I came up with in May 2024 for no particularly reason. Here are the words: On a wet and windy day in the month of May We set sail across the bay In fine sailing ship called the Bonnie Bonnie Bee Filled with cake and rum and cats and tea Chorus Horo we're off to sea To see what we can see and be Horo we're sailing free in the Bonnie Bonnie Bee We sailed across the seven seas and ate lots and lots of cheese We sailed on rivers and on lakes and ate

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00:01:10

Noodling

Simon Ager ·

2024/03/22

This is a silly little ditty I came up with in March 2024 while noodling around with the word noodle.I'm just noodling away quite happily and nothing can get in my way I could noodle all day down by the bay and noodle all through the night Will you noodle with me down by the sea? Will you noodle along the shore? Will you noodle and moodle and all that caboodle? We'll have a lot of fun you'll see We can noodle and doodle and eat some strudel with oodles of custard and cream And then noodle some

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00:01:45

Colourless Green Ideas

Simon Ager ·

2024/02/26

This is a song based on the sentence 'Colorless green ideas sleep furiously', which was coined by the linguist Noam Chomsky in his 1957 book, "Syntactic Structures", to demonstrate that a sentence can be grammatically correct, but semantically nonsensical. I started writing it in May 2023, then forgot about. I came back to it in January 2024, and finished writing and recording it in February 2024.Colourless green ideas sleep furiously Down in the valley of the magic money tree Odourless

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00:01:37

The Other Side

Simon Ager ·

2023/10/22

This is a little ditty I came up with in October 2023 based on the saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence'. Here are the words: The Other Side The grass is greener or so it seems and the sun never sets at least in your dreams Chorus On the other side On the other side Things seem better on the other side The trees look taller from where you stand and problems seem smaller and everything's grand Chorus Over on your side of the tracks the things you have might be

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00:01:40

Ruith Air Falbh / Run Away!

Simon Ager ·

2023/10/01

This is a song I wrote in September 2023 inspired by some of the silly phrases that come up in the Scottish Gaelic lessons on Duolingo. It's in the style of a waulking song, a type of song that was traditionally sung in Scotland while women were waulking tweed cloth. This involved pounding it on a table to shrink it and make it more watertight. Songs helped pass the time and gave a rhythm to the work. Here are the words: Tha spùinneadairean-mara ann am Port Rìgh Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh

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00:01:21

Stuff and Nonsense

Simon Ager ·

2023/08/27

This song came to me in August 2023 when I was playing with words related to stuff and nonsense. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele. The chords are Bm, Fm and Em. Here are the lyrics: There's so many people With so much to say No matter what you do They'll say it anyway It's all stuff and nonsense With not a fact in sight They spout it all day And all through the night Truth doesn't matter Research is a waste Lies are more juicy And more to their taste Don't

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00:01:32

Farewell

Simon Ager ·

2023/08/12

This is a little song I wrote in August 2023. Here are the lyrics: Farewell, Farewell It's time to go Goodbye, Goodbye It's time to fly So long so long It's time to run So find your goat And get your coat Cheerio, cheerio It's the end of the show The bell has rung And the large lady has sung The curtains are down And seats are up So find your toad And hit the road Toodle-oo, toodle-oo No time to stew Just slip away You cannot stay Go well, stay well It's time to yell Take care, take

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00:01:49

Time / Amser

Simon Ager ·

2023/07/10

This is a little about time song I wrote in July 2023. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele (the chords are D, G and A), and you can one of my clocks at the beginning (with a few effects added). Here are the words: Time is a flowing It just keeps on going And nothing or no one Can make it stop There's never enough To do all the stuff That we need And want to do We save it, we spend it We waste it, we lend it And it just keeps Flying by Time is a river An ocean, a

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00:01:31

Patience / Amynedd

Simon Ager ·

2023/06/25

Here's a little song I wrote in June 2023 for no particular reason. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone and tenor ukueles. The chords are D G A and A7. Here are the words: A little patience, a little patience Can help you through your day Just count to ten, and take a breath If things aren't going your way. Life can be tough and the road can be rough But patience can smooth the way So look at the sky and give it a try And your worries might fly away There's no need to

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00:00:50

Ho Ha Hey

Simon Ager ·

2023/06/04

This is a little ditty I came up with in May 2023. The original plan was to make a song based on interjections like er, um, oh and so on, Then I decided to add other words to make it more interesting. The tune came to me as I was playing around with some chords. on the uke. In this recording all the instrumental parts are played on the baritone ukulele. Here are the words: ho ha hey Let's dance and play hey ha ho Let's put on a show ah eh ee Let's swim in the sea ee eh ah Let's dance on the

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00:01:21

Thoir An Aire (Watch Out)

Simon Ager ·

2023/04/28

Here's a little song I wrote in Scottish Gaelic in April 2023. I was inspired by some of the silly phrases that come up in the Gaelic course on Duolingo, which often feature Iain and Màiri. Here are the words and a translation: Seist Thoir an aire, thoir an aire Thoir an aire, tha Iain a' tighinn Thoir an aire, thoir an aire Tha Iain rùisgte is tha e a' tighinn Ghoid Màiri a drathais Ghoid Màiri a briogais Ghoid Màiri a geansaidh gorm is geal Ghoid Màiri a lèine Ghoid Màiri a brògan Ghoid Màiri

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