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PODCAST

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Tired of hearing “just put yourself out there” when it comes to friendship or community? Same.Friendship IRL is the podcast that skips the fluff and gets real about what it takes to build meaningful adult friendships and lasting support systems. Whether you"re struggling to make new friends, maintain old ones, or just want people in your life who really show up, you"re in the right place.Each week, host Alex Alexander brings you honest conversations and tangible strategies to help you connect—for

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All Episodes

39:07

Group Chat Anxiety (Part 1): Why Your Notifications...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2026/02/12

Have you ever picked up your phone and discovered a hundred unread text messages? Likely you’re at the tail end of a group chat, and it kind of feels like walking into a party two hours late. You want to respond but wonder: will people be annoyed at you for backtracking? Maybe you even feel resentful for being added to this chat without consent. Group chats can sometimes feel like you’re operating with one arm behind your back – but if you suffer group chat anxiety, I think it’s importa...

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51:26

Grief and Friendship: Showing Up After Infant Loss...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2026/02/05

When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad. In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly. Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU, and I felt uncertain how to go about sharing this episode; I decided to release it because my f...

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24:38

An Act of Resistance: Why Getting to Know Your...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2026/01/29

One reason I do this work is I believe all humans deserve to feel safe – but for a lot of us, that’s not a reality right now. Across the country, from Minneapolis to Maine, people, including children, are being kidnapped from their homes under the guise of immigration crackdown. So today’s episode is about leveraging connection as a form of resistance to protect our neighbors. What can you offer, and how do you present yourself as a safe person? You might think the action ideas in...

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30:10

Too Many Friends? How to Stop Burning Out in Your...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2026/01/22

Ever feel like, all of a sudden, you have TOO many friendships to juggle? I know – this sounds like the most privileged problem ever! But truly, it’s a common experience, and I think the reason some of us get burnt out is because we feel we need to show up for each person in the same way. My thoughts? Some friends are lifelines; others add color to your life. Both types matter. But you don’t have to show up the same way for everyone. Whether you’re feeling stretched thin by your g...

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35:52

Should the Goal of Your Friendship be to “Never Rock...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2026/01/15

Have I made it sound like it’s easy to keep friendships strong and resilient? If so, let me set the record straight: making changes in friendships, even if they’re for the better, is HARD. A lot of the time, it involves uncomfortable conversations, confrontation, and hard feelings. It’s so tempting to push problems aside to keep relations “peaceful.” I think there’s an expectation to put in work for romantic and familial relationships, but how much work should we be doing for friendships? At ...

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58:54

It’s OK to Get Help With Making Friends (Especially...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2026/01/08

Imagine you’re fresh out of college and just moved back to your hometown. Suddenly, making plans with your friends feels hard. Instead of meeting them in the apartment next door or in the dining hall, you’re texting back and forth, trying to get together – but much of the time, it doesn’t pan out, or it’s just not the same. This story is a reality for so many people, including today’s guest. Jason Edmonds is a Seattle resident who decided to make his own solution: Six Degrees, an event-based ...

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34:28

[REPLAY] How to Talk to Friends About Celebrating...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/12/25

I sobbed in the car about the holidays this week – but not for reasons you might think. Here’s what made me emotional: I am so grateful and excited for the ways we are celebrating our holidays this year. It could not be further from the reasons I’ve car sobbed in years past. Some of you are already excited about the holidays, and I love that for you. But that is not everyone’s experience, and for years, it was not mine. There was a period in my 20s when my partner Michael literally called me ...

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31:46

[REPLAY] How to Stop Dreading Parties and Take Charge...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/12/18

If you’re somebody who dreads going to a party, then this episode is for you. Sometimes the couch feels more appealing than going out into the world and socializing, and I get it. Attending a gathering takes energy. Sometimes it feels awkward. But gatherings can also make us feel inspired and supported and invigorated. Today I offer an approach that will help you take charge of your guest experience with three simple questions. You can ask yourself these questions before you leave, while you’...

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38:24

Narrowing the Liking Gap and Feeling More Confident...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/12/11

Raise your hand if you’ve ever walked away from an interaction and thought, gosh, I was so awkward! They’ll never want to talk to me again. If this is you, you’re not alone, and honestly, it probably wasn’t as bad as you think; we’re often harder on ourselves than other people are on us. When it comes to connections, there’s a name for this underestimation of how much others actually enjoy interacting with us. The Liking Gap is a social phenomenon that I discuss in-depth in Episode 41, and to...

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28:02

How to Host on Any Budget (and Not Fall Into the...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/12/04

Let's talk about the Martha Stewart trap so many of us have fallen into. You decide you’re going to get everyone together to see your new place. But then you start thinking you need to deep clean everything; you need more seating, more cutlery, and you need to cook a nice meal. Eventually you start wondering: when did hosting get so expensive? I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be. Today’s episode will reframe a few things for you, but the biggest one is about the difference between ente...

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23:07

The Benefits of Normalizing Not Drinking at Friend...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/11/27

I’ve never been a big drinker. In my early twenties, I remember having to stand up for myself to be included during drinking games, even though I was drinking water. But at a recent gathering we hosted, I realized there were actually MORE non-drinkers than drinkers present. Making non-alcoholic options (and non-alcoholic activities) a normal part of our get-togethers has certainly been an evolution, and I’m grateful for it. There are lots of reasons people don’t drink. Maybe it’s due to healt...

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68:46

Almost Everyone Has Experienced Friendship Break-Up...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/11/20

Ninety-four percent of people have experienced more than one friendship break-up. Let that sink in. Nearly EVERYONE listening has been through this heartbreak multiple times – and yet, we barely even talk about it as a society! This statistic comes from a survey conducted by today’s guest, Meenadchi, a somatic healing practitioner, communications expert, author of Decolonization Non-Violent Communication, and TEDx Talk presenter about her own friendship break-up. This is a conversation ...

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46:07

It’s Never Too Late to Make Friends

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/11/13

There is a message I keep getting in my DMs, and it breaks my heart every single time. It’s too late for me to make friends. I’m too old. I’ve messed up. I missed the boat. I get why people feel this way. Societel messages lead us to believe there is a point in our lives when, if we don’t have the community connections we want, then we will never have them. But if you’re on the shore, watching your boat cruise away, I want to share with you a little secret: there is always another boat....

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53:13

The Dynamics of Couple Friendships

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/11/06

Lots of people tell me they want couple friendships – you know, those picture-perfect foursomes you see in movies, where everybody gets along effortlessly. Here’s the truth: couple friendships are complex! Why? Because you’re not just making friends couple-to-couple. You’re actually building FOUR SEPARATE FRIENDSHIPS at the same time. My husband and I have lots of couple friendships – probably more than 20 – and they range from old friends to new friends, close friends to casual friends...

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62:16

Re-Thinking Conventional Friendship Wisdom with Jacob...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/10/30

Calling someone you haven’t spoken to in two years isn’t weird; it’s just being human. Today’s guest is Jacob Marquez, also known as J. Henry, a Seattle-based tech entrepreneur and musical artist whose approach to relationships challenges a lot of conventional friendship wisdom. Jacob is the founder of Seattle’s Best Brunch, bringing creatives together to collaborate and spotlight each other’s work, and he’s developing an app that helps people nurture their relationships. What drew me t...

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51:10

Why We Should All Want Our Friends to Have Robust...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/10/23

Cheer your friends on for hanging out with each other … even if it’s without you! It might sound like counterintuitive friendship advice. But the truth is, when my friends have rich, full social lives, I actually benefit more than anyone. In this episode, I’m going to share some stories where I have either encouraged my friends to make other friends or actually cheered them on for hanging out without me. My friend who’s moved away and whose baby was in the NICU? I want her to have...

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72:13

The Extraordinary Ripple Effects of Small Moments of...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/10/16

Imagine you’re an expat in Berlin in the early 2000s, with no smartphones, no social media, and barely any internet. You walk down the street and spot someone wearing a T-shirt made by a friend from your past life in Baltimore. Do you approach them? Well, that’s what today’s guest Amy Stafford did – and this moment led her to being part of the Lucky Trimmer, one of the most beloved dance festivals in Europe. Amy isn’t even a dancer; she found her way into the community that builds this ...

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29:32

There’s a Spectrum to “Belonging” to a Group … and...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/10/09

One of the best things about being part of a group – whether a book club, neighborhood, friend group, or formal community – is feeling like you belong to something. But that feeling isn’t always instant; sometimes, if you’re new, you might wonder, at what point do I actually fit in? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode: what belonging to a group actually feels like vs. what we think it should feel like. I want to reframe how we think about belonging. A lot of us might thin...

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32:30

Moving Past Inconvenience and Leaning into the JOY of...

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/10/02

Lately I’ve been hearing about how the price of community is inconvenience. You know what I’m talking about: those posts about how, if you want a village, you have to be a villager. You have to give the rides, buy the gifts, and drop off the meals. But I think these messages focusing on inconvenience are missing the point. Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for a friend who has wanted to be a mom for so long that I could cry thinking about how excited I am for her. Sure, buying presents and wr...

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42:13

Reframing Rejection with Tanesha Moody

Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship,... ·

2025/09/25

When putting yourself out there, rejection is inevitable. But here’s a reframe you might need to hear: YOU are not being rejected. It’s only your OFFER that is being rejected. Tanesha Moody was, at one point, drowning in rejection from every direction, from job applications to dating apps to her own friendships. Instead of retreating, she got curious and discovered the transformative power of separating rejection from yourself. Today, Tanesha is a speaker, writer, and founder of Full Ou...

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165 results

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