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PODCAST

Marriage iQ

Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings

Want practical, research-backed tools to strengthen your marriage? Tune into Marriage IQ—the free, fun, and evidence-based way to enrich your relationship, whether you"re taking a first step toward growth or seeking support between therapy sessions. Hosted by marriage and sex researcher Dr. Heidi Hastings and her husband, Dr. Scott Hastings, we serve up science, real stories, and actionable strategies. We help couples apply key concepts, deepen communication, and sustain a scintillating, high-IQ

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

00:26:18

Episode 111 - Running on Empty : Why Exhausted...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/12/19

Busy. Tired. Running on fumes.Sound familiar?In Part 2 of our conversation with Dr. Greg Smalley (VP of Marriage at Focus on the Family), we talk about what really happens to marriages when life gets overwhelming—and why “we’ll fix it later” rarely works.Greg shares a devastating personal story about his daughter’s marriage ending on her third anniversary, and how that moment reshaped the way he thinks about commitment, humility, and what actually sustains a marriage over time.In this episode, we

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00:33:36

Episode 110 - How to Communicate Without Triggering...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/12/16

You’re not bad at communication—you’re just missing a few critical skills.In this episode of Marriage IQ, we’re joined by Dr. Greg Smalley (Focus on the Family) for a powerful conversation about why couples keep miscommunicating—and how small shifts in how you speak and listen can radically change your marriage.From misunderstood questions and defensive responses to old conversations that keep resurfacing, we explore why saying “we’ve already talked about this” rarely works—and what to say

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00:33:09

Episode 109 - The Marriage Everyone Envied—Until It...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/12/09

Nicole Kidman had all four of our Marriage IQ Cornerstones… so why did the marriage still fall apart?In this surprising episode, Heidi and Scott unpack what really sustains a relationship—from identity and intentionality to integrity and authenticity—using Nicole & Keith’s story as a springboard (with zero judgment… only compassion).We talk “astroturfing” vs. real intimacy, why compromise isn’t the goal (collaboration is!), the dangers of parallel lives, and how even strong marriages can lose

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00:25:24

Episode 108 - Marriage in Midlife (Part 2): How to...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/12/05

In Part 2 with Rick and Clancy Denton—hosts of The Loud Quiet—we dive into the beautiful, hilarious, and sometimes overwhelming realities of empty-nest life. From learning to coach (not control) your adult kids, to resisting the Mama-Bear rescue mission, to navigating the emotional squeeze of the sandwich generation, this episode is packed with relatable moments and marriage-strengthening wisdom.You’ll hear stories about:✨ Letting your kids feel their own emotions (even when yours flare up)✨ Setting

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00:26:03

Episode 107 - When the Kids Move Out and the Fun...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/12/02

What happens when the kids leave and it’s just the two of you again? Rick and Clancy Denton decided not to survive the empty nest years—but to thrive in them. In this funny, real, and refreshingly honest episode, they share how rediscovering each other brought new laughter, adventure, and connection into their marriage. Whether you’re nearing empty-nest life or already in it, this episode will help you see this season as your most exciting yet.🌐You can find Rick And Clancy Denton and learn more

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00:32:17

Episode 106 - The Holiday Survival Guide for...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/28

In Part 2 of our “How Not to Kill Your Spouse During the Holidays” series, we dive into the messy, funny, and surprisingly hopeful truth about December chaos. From marital meltdowns to mismatched traditions (IHOP Christmas Eve, anyone?), we unpack why the holidays make communication so hard—and how couples can actually thrive instead of barely surviving.Inside this episode:✨ Why failure is the secret ingredient to marital growth✨ How to use a Couples Council to avoid holiday blowups✨ FANOS, DEAR

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00:32:17

Episode 105 - The "December Protocol": How to Survive...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/25

Does the most wonderful time of the year make you want to tie your spouse to a chair? You aren't alone. We love Christmas, but we don’t love the stress, the fatigue, and the arguments that come with it.In Part 1 of this holiday survival series, we’re opening up our personal "December Protocol"—the strategy we developed after one too many holiday meltdowns (and one infamous leaf blower incident).Join us as we discuss:💡 The "December Protocol": Why you need a game plan taped

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00:27:03

Episode 104 - Real Talk: Is Marriage Worth the Risk?...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/21

We are back with an unscripted episode fresh off a trip to Mexico City. After surviving a brush with a tree during a hot air balloon ride, we sat down with a young woman who had given up on the idea of marriage. It got us thinking about the modern trend of avoiding commitment and why, despite the "rough landings," we believe marriage is still worth fighting for.In this episode, we cover:✅The Balloon Metaphor: Why marriage requires risk to get the best perspective.✅The "Witness"

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00:49:40

Episode 103 - How the Golden Hour Transforms You—and...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/18

Welcome back to Marriage IQ! We’re making a borehole through boring and striking out stale marriages.In this episode, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings explore the incredible power of committed love, using the jaw-dropping $38 billion divorce of Jeff Bezos as a stunning case study. Scott argues that even amidst immense wealth, virtually every man eventually longs for one woman, one wedding ring, and one life. If a CEO is willing to risk everything to pursue love, how much more should you

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00:21:15

Episode 102 -Humor Me, Honey (Part 2): How to Laugh...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/14

In this laugh-out-loud —and think-a-little — conversation, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings sit down again with Dr. Gina Barreca, a world-class intellect who studies humor the way most of us need to use it: to survive life, love, and other people.From bathroom bonding to marriage banter gone wrong, Gina unpacks why laughter is essential in relationships—and how to know when a joke stops being funny and starts being harmful. Discover why women tell stories (not jokes), what makes men and women laugh

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00:36:53

Episode 101 - The Power of Precise Love (Part 1):...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/11

Why do words—and laughter—matter so much in marriage?In this lively and heartfelt episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings welcome Dr. Gina Barreca—professor, bestselling author, humorist, and truth-teller on women, culture, and relationships. Known for blending sharp wit with deep insight, Dr. Barreca opens up about her Brooklyn roots, how comedy became her survival skill, and why humor is one of the most honest languages of love.Together, they dive into:💬 The power of precise

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00:30:49

Episode 100 - The Social Media Effect on Marriage...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/07

We pick up where last week left off—moving from technoference to the bigger beast: social media. From doomscrolling and old-flame DMs to jealousy, comparison, and online “tribes,” Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings unpack how our digital lives spill into our marriages—for better and for worse.You’ll hear what divorce attorneys are seeing in real life, why phubbing (phone-snubbing your partner) cuts deeper than it seems, and what the research says about how scrolling shapes satisfaction, anxiety, and

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00:43:12

Episode 99 - The Shocking Truth About Couples and...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/11/04

A true confession kicks this episode off: we accidentally lost half our date night to our phones. That slip becomes today’s lesson on technoference (little device interruptions) and phubbing (phone-snubbing your partner)—and why even “just a second” can quietly lower connection, satisfaction, and trust.We break down the brain science (hello, dopamine loop), the common bias that makes your scrolling feel harmless but theirs feel hurtful, and simple fixes that work: no-phone zones, joint (not

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00:32:55

Episode 98: Real Talk: Miscommunication and Failed...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/10/31

What happens when your best intentions collide with your partner’s expectations? In this real, unscripted Marriage IQ episode, Drs. Scott and Heidi Hastings unpack how miscommunication and emotional reactivity can derail even the best marriage moments—from heartfelt conversations to romantic retreats.They share a recent story of how cloudy weather, unspoken needs, and one vulnerable moment turned into conflict—and how they repaired it with empathy, humor, and new “rainy-day rules” for their

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00:42:44

Episode 97: How Spy Skills Can Save Your Marriage...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/10/28

What do spies and spouses have in common?In this episode of Marriage IQ, we sit down with Jeremy Hurewitz — former foreign correspondent turned corporate intelligence specialist and author of Sell Like a Spy — to talk about what high-level spy skills can teach us about marriage.You’ll learn:✅How to get honest answers from your partner without starting a fight✅The FBI-inspired way to calm an emotional argument before it explodes✅Verbal mirroring and the “FM radio voice” trick that helps your partner

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00:31:34

Episode 96 - The Ultimate Marriage iQ Date Night...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/10/24

Drs. Scott & Heidi Hastings unveil the Ultimate Marriage IQ Date Idea Collection—organized by season, budget, and connection level so you can pick the right date for right now. From everyday, low-cost adventures to cozy winter rituals, spring renewals, summer spontaneity, and fall reflections, you’ll get plug-and-play ideas across the Four Cornerstones: Identity, Intentionality, Insight, and Intimacy.🎁 GIVEAWAY: We’re gifting five $100 date-night gift cards (dinner, concert—your call).Enter by

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00:32:03

Episode 95 - Our Best Date Night Ideas and Giveaway!

Marriage iQ ·

2025/10/21

Date night isn’t a luxury—it’s maintenance for a scintillating marriage. In this playful episode, Drs. Scott & Heidi Hastings pull back the curtain on 30 years of Friday nights: what’s worked, what hasn’t, and why consistent dates keep you out of “roommate mode.”You’ll hear their first-kiss story (fireworks were involved), the budget hacks they used in med school, and a stack of Marriage IQ ideas across the Four Cornerstones—Identity, Intentionality, Insight, and Intimacy.✨EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT:

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00:41:49

Episode 94 - Teaching Boys to Feel: Healing the...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/10/17

Why do so many men struggle to express emotion—and what happens to marriages when they do? In this compelling episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings sit down with psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, whose groundbreaking work on the emotional development of men and boys reveals surprising truths.From toddler tears to marital tension, Dr. Vanderhorst explains how boys are taught early on to suppress tenderness, sadness, and fear—and how that emotional restriction shows up later in

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00:37:23

Episode 93 - When Childhood Trauma Follows You Into...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/10/14

What happens when your childhood story starts running your marriage? Therapist and podcast host Malisa Hepner knows that answer firsthand. With a 10/10 ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score and a lifetime of chaos, Malisa learned how unresolved trauma quietly scripts adult relationships—until we rewrite the story.In this powerful episode, Malisa joins Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings to unpack how early wounds shape identity, love, and self-worth—and how healing begins when we stop performing

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00:33:42

Episode 92 - Myth Busters (Part 2) : Faith, Sex,...

Marriage iQ ·

2025/10/10

In Part 2 of our Myth Busting series, Heidi and Scott take a research-driven (and very real) look at the narratives that quietly sabotage marriages—especially in faith-based homes. We unpack why “righteous = immune to hardship,” “waiting for marriage = great sex,” “sacrifice is always good,” “money will fix us (or we must wait till we’re ‘stable’),” “church attendance = trust,” and “betrayal means the marriage is over” don’t always hold up. You’ll hear what the science says, what Heidi’s

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