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PODCAST

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas, with Frederik Ribersson

Frederik Ribersson

Narcissists manipulate others using toxic ideas. In this podcast, we decode narcissists and how they operate, we expose and deconstruct toxic ideas, and we learn how to negotiate effectively with narcissists. And, last but not least, we learn to break the toxic patterns during and after relationships, disinfect mental wounds and heal, so we can have a happy life afterwards and limit the damage narcissists inflict upon us. #fribersson #narcissism #narcissist #npd

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

00:38:02

132. Is It Me? When A Group Goes Weird

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/12/20

From one day to the next, a whole group of people goes weird. But no one says anything. Are we just imagining things? Maybe we did something wrong? So how can we decode this? In this case, a listener is experiencing this in a work environment.A few things stand out: how can we tell if we're the problem? Usually, being worried we might be is a rather safe indication we are not.Then, if we can't think of an event that triggered it, it reduces the likelihood there was such an event.If people

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00:42:22

131. Using Emotions To Navigate (Toxic) Relationships

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/11/22

Learn how to use emotions to detect toxic signals in a relationship, symptoms of unhealthy relationships, and noticing when something is off. As well as reducing the risk a relationship becomes toxic. Dr Paul Ekman recently passed away and his work on emotions was ground breaking. We can use emotions to decode things happening around us that our rational brains don't see. But with emotions, we can learn the signals. In this episode, I run through the 7 universal emotions, how to use them to

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00:16:04

130. Getting Our Energy (And Lives) Back

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/11/17

Toxic relationships are draining. And managing our energy is crucial in order to get our lives back. I share some thoughts and tips around this, while taking you for a walk - and hoping the noise is not detracting from the content. (If it is, please let me know and I won't record outside again).In short: get out and move! The body needs movement and toxic people feel like they're pulling on the hand break. And there are other things you can do to get your life back on track, I share some

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00:25:29

129. How To Trust Again After A Narcissist?

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/11/16

After we trusted too easily, too much the wrong person, what do we do? Shutting down and no longer trusting anyone is safe. But... It leads to a very lonely life, and might be a bit of an overreaction, at least in the long term. So what can we do? And how to do it?A client asked me this question, I gave her a long answer, and thought it might be helpful for some listeners.

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00:41:42

128. Picking Up On Toxic Signals In Real Time - Real...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/10/26

I noticed a series of strange signals before things get really weird - but I reacted calmly: I was prepared, this time. I'd started speaking with a woman at the hotel gym. I noticed some weird comments. Each, taken individually, didn't mean much, but together should have alerted me.I was going to have dinner and she tagged along. During the dinner, she attempted to switch on Drama Mode and play victim. But instead of apologise or reassure her, I debunked her claims, calmly. Here are the

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00:23:54

127. Reputation Destruction (Smear Campaign):...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/10/18

A friend was upset: he's fallen out with an ex colleague, whom I happen to know. He was worried because of a former "colleague" who was smearing him. I happen to know the guy, and found him weird.In this episode I share part of our conversation. This is relevant for anyone having to deal with a smear campaign.

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00:33:09

126. Why Narcissists HATE When People Talk To Each...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/10/04

Narcissists HATE people talking. Why? Because they can't control what is said. They don't know what is said. That creates uncertainty and reduces their power.And yes, they will happily talk behind others' backs. Create falsehoods, narratives. But when people speak, they will realise conflicting narratives and might get suspicious.Look for a few things:1. who wants to be the central node of communication in a group2. who gets upset when people speak3. who speaks behind other's backsIf

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00:33:52

125. How To Identify Conflicting Goals, or Why...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/09/26

One of the most helpful tools in systemic therapy is identifying primary and secondary goals. Otherwise we get hypnotised by words.I say I want to run a marathon but I smoke, eat pizza and don't even wear running shoes? Maybe I'm not a hypocrite, but maybe my primary goal is to do nothing whilst claiming I want to do sport, so I can feel better about myself.That's with an individual.But introduce another person in a relationship. They say they want a loving relationship but they start

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01:20:56

124. Reputation Destruction & Narcissists: How To...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/09/26

One of the first things narcissists do to make people take sides, such as after a break up, is Reputation Destruction. They will not only gossip, but also lie. Fabricate events. Mix truths and lies. And remove context. They play the "first mover advantage". Provided they can place an idea in someone's head, even with flimsy proof, the person becomes hypnotised.And we are ALL vulnerable to this. So what can we do?I take the example of Charlie Kirk's assassination and the coverage to

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00:43:28

123. Legitimate Criticism? How To Find Out (With A...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/08/30

How can we tell if criticism is legitimate? Let's take a comment left on this podcast to see how we can test criticism to take onboard anything worthwhile, and avoid low level thinking / toxicity masquerading as legitimate criticism.In short:- consider "if this is true, what else would have to be true"- are those things true, or not?- what is the person actually saying?- are they attacking a person, or ideas?- does it display the symptoms of cognitive dissonance?In a recent episode, I

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00:34:44

122. Grieving a "Narcissist" The Right Way

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/07/28

Grief helps us move on. But grieving a "narcissist" presents specific challenges. Get it wrong, and we're stuck for too long. But get it right, and we can recover faster.Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified 5 stages of grief:DenialAngerBargainingDepressionAcceptanceDavid Kessler suggests a 6th: Meaning.In this episode, I share some thoughts you may find helpful.

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00:36:15

121. How Narcissists Use TONE To Control Use

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/06/29

Ever notice how narcissists (and others) use tone to mock someone they want us to disagree with? Sometimes it's baby voice: "And they said "You're unweasonable." Hahaha!".Why? It subtly signals to us that we shouldn't pay attention to what they are about to say. We can safely dismiss whatever the words are, because the person is being unreasonable, AS DEMONSTRATED by the tone used to convey what we claim was said. BUT... that baby tone is certainly an exaggeration

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00:51:04

120. Clear Thinking Beats Narcissists: Happy Birthday...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/06/08

Life during and after toxic relationships can feel like hell. And sometimes we find helpful ideas that help us get our life back together. I try to share those, and a major source of those ideas has been Scott Adams, the Dilbert creator, who also wrote some exceptional books to help people avoid bad ideas and have (as a consequence) better and happier lives. His birthday is June 8 (today) and he is very sick, it might be his last birthday. So I have a HUGE favour to ask you, listeners:When relevant,

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00:48:59

119. Is Shame How Narcissists Hijack Us? Some Thoughts

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/06/07

Shame makes us look away, and that makes us MUCH more vulnerable to narcissists. But it's possible to recognise when we're feeling shame and STOP our coping mechanisms to REDUCE our vulnerability.I recently looked into shame and recognised some patterns I was not aware of, as well as coping mechanisms, and even dissociation. This explained some things I had experienced over the years. As this was awful, perhaps sharing my thoughts will make it less awful for you?In this podcast, I run though

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00:32:17

118. Bad Advice on Dealing With Toxic People? 8...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/05/17

I saw a post on social media about 8 mistakes to avoid when dealing with toxic people and... I disagree with nearly all of it. In this episode, I run you through the "advice", explain what I disagree with, and why - and provide my alternative suggestions.I hope you find this helpful and it helps you figure out what to do and, more important, what NOT to do.

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00:43:38

117. Disarm A Narcissist: "Oh, you're being dogmatic?"

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/03/21

Dogmatic people refuse to change their minds about topics. However, until we realise this, we can assume people are open to new facts or blind spots. But it's exhausting and dishonest. After all, if people are certain they are 100% right about everything all of the time (1 chance in a million), the probability we can change their mind is... 0%.So just say "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you're dogmatic about this." And if they say they are not, well, then things get fun.As

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00:36:26

116. How A Narcissist Hijacked A Group - And Lessons...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/03/13

I went to an event and it was weird. One person was being hyper negative, hijacked the event, made people uncomfortable - and some "flying monkeys" encouraged it.Regardless of the details, we can learn from dynamics and hopefully help you avoid the same type of uncomfortable situation in the future by helping you be prepared.

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00:14:31

115. Narcissists See You As FUNGIBLE

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/03/08

Fungibility is a term used in economics to describe "items that can be mixed without differentiating the source". For example, if you and I pour a bottle of water into a pan, the water is mixed. We can't separate your water from mine.Most of us view attention differently. A partner's attention is worth MORE than a random strangers. But narcissists see things differently. They don't care where the attention comes from, provided they get it, and enough of it. That is why it's

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00:33:17

114. Offense In Absentia? Narcissists Pretend To Be...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2025/01/07

Narcissists love pretending to be offended. It puts them at the centre of attention, they can pretend cry, get sympathy, bully others. But this is not enough for them. This is why they get offended "in absentia", they pretend to be offended "on behalf of people who are not present" - and who often do not actually exist. This is an effective strategy to bully others, but there is one key tell that lets us know whether we are being provided good faith feedback, or are being told rubbish by a toxic

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00:42:15

113. Complain or Describe? How Narcissists Project...

Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas,... ·

2024/11/05

Narcissists will accuse people of doing EXACTLY what they are doing. If you see a problem and want to make an accurate diagnostic, they will accuse you of complaining. This happened to me, recently.In this episode, I share how I handled the situation, the logic and techniques I used, so you might be able to use them too, if it is safe for you to use them. And, in all cases, this will make it harder for you to be gaslit into believing that you're complaining when you're actually trying to solve

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116 results

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