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PODCAST

Master Your Marriage

Sharla and Robert Snow

The average couple waits 6 years to get help in their marriage. That"s 6 years of pain, hurt, frustration and lost opportunity. This podcast is designed to help you NOT become a part of that statistic. Hosted by Dr. Robert and Sharla Snow — themselves married for 31 years — The Master Your Marriage show is here with straight-talking guidance on how to fill your marriage with fun, friendship and love, without it ever feeling like "hard work." No matter how long you"ve been struggling with your

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

37:12

How Lifelong Lovers Cherish Each Other Differently

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/10/01

How Lifelong Lovers Cherish Each Other Differently - It is easy to look at someone else’s business, family, house, or marriage and decide ours is not enough. The longer we stay in that comparison, the blinder we get to the good that is already ours. In this episode we talk about cherishing as the practice that brings us back.We look at what cherishing actually means, why it is harder to name seven things we value than seven things we want changed, and the habits that work against us: entitlement,

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28:50

Why the Spark Fades in Marriage, and How to Wake It...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/09/24

How Lifelong Lovers Keep Wanting Each OtherLast week we kept talking about the work of stopping damage. That work matters. If contempt, unbridled expression, or defensiveness are running the house, you do not need a new date-night idea first. You need to stop the bleeding.This episode is about what comes after that.Couples can get better at conflict. They can learn to repair. They can stop doing so much damage. And they can still look at each other and feel quiet. Not hateful. Just flat. “We finally

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25:46

Why Your Marriage Collapses Under Pressure

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/09/16

Get the workbook that accompanies this seriesLast week we talked about borrowing a self. How many of us build a pseudo-self out of attention and approval — reassurance from a partner, praise from a boss, a degree, a title. Those boosters attach our worth to things we do not control. When the attention is stripped away, we don’t really know who we are. That is a recipe for more anxiety and more reactivity.A solid self is built on beliefs, values, and principles you have defined for yourself. Not the

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25:51

Why You Manage Their Mood Instead of Your Own

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/09/10

Last week we talked about anxiety as a response to a real or imagined threat. How we make our partner the threat. How reactivity is the anxiety.This week is the question underneath that: why does their disagreement knock the floor out from under you?A lot of us don’t actually know who we are unless someone is reflecting it back. Praise. A title. Being busy. A spouse who validates us. A room that doesn’t push back. Those things feel like a self. They’re boosters. They work for a minute. Then they

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29:12

When Your Partner Feels Like a Threat - Relationship...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/09/03

If you don’t think you have anxiety, this episode is probably for you.A lot of us hear “anxiety” and picture someone who worries all day and imagines every disaster. That is not how it usually shows up in marriage. In close relationships, anxiety often looks like defensiveness, shutting down, fixing, blaming, or making your partner the problem.In this episode, we reframe anxiety as a response to a real or imagined threat. That threat system is useful. It is supposed to help you stay alive. The

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22:46

Why “AND” Changes Hard Conversations

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/08/26

One of the smallest words in English can quietly change the emotional climate of a marriage.In this episode, we talk about the difference between “but” and “and.” “But” often cancels whatever came before it. “And” lets two truths stand side by side.This is not a dramatic new technique. It is a simple linguistic shift that helps couples stay on the same side of the problem — in hard conversations, in parenting, and in the first conversation that happens inside your own head.We also look at how a

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33:48

Empathy: The Antidote to Contempt

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/08/19

We just spent two episodes looking at contempt—the number one predictor of divorce. One of the clearest takeaways is this: empathy and contempt cannot live in the same room.When contempt is operating, we elevate ourselves. Disgust and superiority crowd out our capacity to stay present with the person we claim to love the most. And when we lose that presence, we start wounding each other without fully seeing it.In this episode, Sharla unpacks empathy as the skill that stands opposite to contempt

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29:03

How to Build a Contempt-Free Marriage (it's the #1...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/08/12

Last week we named the problem: contempt is addictive, corrosive, and the #1 predictor of divorce. This week we take up the harder question—how do we actually walk away from it?We open with an honest look at whether it’s possible to keep a largely contempt-free marriage while still participating in a culture that runs on contempt. The short answer: not in any deep or sustainable way. Contempt is a habit of mind, and habits don’t stay neatly contained. What we practice outside the home eventually

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32:02

The Addiction of Contempt

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/07/29

In this episode, we unpack one of the most destructive forces in modern relationships: contempt.Drawing from Arthur Brooks’ book Love Your Enemies, we explore why contempt is not just a communication problem—but an addictive pattern that is quietly eroding marriages, families, and our sense of belonging. We look at the difference between anger and contempt, the brain chemistry that makes contempt feel rewarding in the short term, and the research showing how costly it becomes over time.We also

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24:47

Breaking the Silent Treatment: How to End the Silence...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/07/22

We’ve all heard (or said) those loaded words: “We need to talk.” For most of us, they immediately trigger defensiveness and dread. But what happens when conversations stop altogether? In this replay episode, we explore the difference between healthy silence and the damaging silent treatment, why it’s so harmful to your marriage, and practical ways to break the silence and start reconnecting.Whether you’re currently experiencing emotional distance, stonewalling, or a full-blown demand-withdrawal

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31:14

Defensiveness Is a Self-Esteem Problem (And How to...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/07/16

Most of us get defensive without even realizing it — and it’s one of the fastest ways connection breaks down in marriage. In this episode, we explore why defensiveness is actually a self-esteem issue at its core.We break down how defensiveness shows up differently depending on whether you’re coming from shame (one-down) or grandiosity (one-up), and why neither position allows for real repair or intimacy. Sharla shares a personal story from her own life and explains how healthy self-esteem gives us

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05:29

Mini Episode: Real Self Esteem, Shame & Grandiosity...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/07/10

In this quick mid-week bonus episode, Sharla answers two listener questions from our current series on Real Self Esteem and the distortions of shame and grandiosity.We explore:Why you can feel confident and know your worth, yet still hear harsh critical voices from your parentsHow to pursue excellence and high performance without falling into grandiosity or one-up-nessThe different “parts” of us (healthy adult vs. adaptive child) and why this mattersThese short bonus episodes are our new way of

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30:27

How Adapting to Trauma Wires Us for Shame

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/07/08

This is part two of our shame series. Be sure to listen to last week's episode for an introduction into shame and how it relates to self-esteem.In this episode, we go deeper into the real reason shame and grandiosity show up in our relationships. We explore how early childhood experiences shape a part of our psyche called the Adaptive Child — the part that learned to survive through fight, flight, or fix strategies.You’ll learn why these once-brilliant survival patterns often become the very thing

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26:37

The Shame Cycle That’s Hurting Your Marriage

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/07/02

Most of us are walking around with a relationship to ourselves that is pretty dysfunctional — and we don’t even realize it. We bounce back and forth between shame and grandiosity, sometimes minute by minute, and this constant internal cycle quietly damages our marriages.In this first episode of our new series, we unpack what real self-esteem actually is, how shame and grandiosity act as two sides of the same coin, and why so much of the disconnection in our relationships actually starts with the

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23:41

Why Therapy Often Falls Short (Even When It’s Good...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/06/24

Many people do deep, sincere work in therapy and gain real insight into their patterns — yet they still find themselves repeating the same painful cycles in their relationships. In this episode, we explore why insight alone often fails to create lasting change and what actually helps us respond differently when we’re triggered. Drawing from the work of Terry Real and Relational Life Therapy, we unpack the three parts of ourselves that show up in moments of conflict and why building the capacity to

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31:04

Don’t Run From Tension – Stephen Curry’s Marriage Wisdom

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/06/18

What if the secret to a thriving marriage isn’t avoiding conflict… but learning to lean into it?In this episode, Sharla and Robert explore NBA superstar Stephen Curry’s powerful marriage advice from his recent interview with Michelle Obama: “We don’t run away from the tension on the daily.” They unpack why this simple idea is backed by decades of research from John and Julie Gottman, Terry Real, and divorce lawyers — and why so many couples still resist it.You’ll learn:Why 69% of relationship

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17:21

BONUS EPISODE: Ho’oponopono Forgiveness Meditation -...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/06/12

BONUS EPISODE - FORGIVENESS MEDITATION TOOL! This guided Ho’oponopono meditation is a powerful companion to Episode 162: “When Is It Okay Not to Forgive? (And When It’s Not)” — and is especially helpful for married couples and partners working to strengthen their relationship.We strongly recommend listening to Episode 162 first. It provides essential context on what forgiveness really means in marriage, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and why this practice can be so

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22:04

When Is It Okay Not to Forgive? (And When It’s Not)

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/06/10

In this powerful episode of Master Your Marriage, Sharla and Robert Snow explore one of the most misunderstood topics in relationships: forgiveness. They revisit the subject with fresh insights, addressing common misconceptions, the crucial difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and when it might actually be wise to move slowly on reconciliation — while still choosing internal peace.Through personal stories (including Sharla’s transformational experience with ho’oponopono), real client

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28:43

Quick Repairs: Fix Little Ruptures Before They Become...

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/06/03

In the final episode of our 3-part series on relationship repair, we’re focusing on one of the most practical and powerful tools for any relationship: quick, in-the-moment repairs.Even the happiest couples argue and experience moments of disconnection. What makes the difference isn’t avoiding conflict — it’s how quickly and effectively you repair those inevitable ruptures. In this episode, we explore the science behind why repairing early and often is one of the strongest predictors of long-term

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24:01

How Couples Apologize So It Actually Heals

Master Your Marriage ·

2026/05/27

Every conflict in your marriage gives you a choice: will you use it to deepen your connection and grow closer, or will you let it drive you further into resentment and disconnection? In this episode, we explore why genuine apologies are one of the most important repair tools in marriage. You’ll learn the science behind why apologies work, what happens when we refuse them or give fake ones, the negative feedback loop that can trap couples in disconnection, and a practical four-step apology process

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