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PODCAST

Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunction

Childhood best friends, PataFria: a professional Dominatrix, mommy/grandma and overall jack of all trades, and Crystal: a die hard animal lover, mommy/wife, peacemaker and caregiver of MANY share hilariously dysfunctional stories from their personal lives. Navigating mental illness, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, views on current events, a little gossip, the dumpster fire of politics and so much more. “Nothing is off limits and everything is funny”

comedy improv

All Episodes

104:12

S2 Ep338: Not Mething Around

Hello Dysfunction ·

2026/02/11

Welcome Jose! Super Bowl weekend , fold your clothes, we don’t understand numbers and college is hard. Neighbors being ridiculous, driving ticket tips, Kraft singles and surprise chili dogs. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com

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106:50

S2 Ep337: Not My Stud

Hello Dysfunction ·

2026/02/05

Meet niece Jaymee, another earthquake, testing Pat’s memory and 2026 is not being nice. Eat the rich, Elon is humiliating, Blueface is back and stop hiding the aliens!For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com

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68:39

S2 Ep336: “It’s Me….Hello”

Hello Dysfunction ·

2026/01/29

It’s been a rough week, neurodivergent headquarters, rethinking barber school and congratulations to raffle winners LUVY and TESSA JENKINS!! TikTok is cooked, give back plastic bags, sneaky workplace fun and inappropriate grandmas. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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120:13

335: Boston Beckham

Hello Dysfunction ·

2026/01/22

Crystal is doing better, guest episodes are coming, Happy Birthday Stinkers and Xmas is gone. Congratulations Rubi Ro and Carmen, it costs more to be left handed, boy moms strike again and a viral snack worth trying. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your

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95:04

334: Jacosta

Hello Dysfunction ·

2026/01/10

Peez is a feisty old woman, Pat’s been cooking, Crystal made a mistake and hands off Venezuela. Abolish ICE, new holsters, a surprise protein source and stay away from mad scientists. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories:

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81:15

333: Happy New Year 2026

Hello Dysfunction ·

2026/01/01

Nice coats, big cleaning plans, NYE traditions and prime thrifting. School for fun, Mochi is innocent, give us our plastic bags and the United States is an ATM.For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories:

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122:36

332: A Christmas Miracle

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/12/28

Disclaimer: we’ve experienced some technical difficulties this week so our apologies for the sound quality!! They have since been corrected so next week will be great! Christmas is over, the best neighbor is gone, Crystal scored on marketplace and warn your kids before their toys pee. Mochi might be up for adoption, buy your sons baby dolls, magas had a rough week and Crystal invented new nachos. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction

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93:20

331: Crazy As A Betsy Bug

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/12/18

Pat is sick, telepathy is real, it’s ok to be a gremlin and the holiday party was LOVE. Christmas can be every day, let’s play QVC, POTUS finds a new low and perimenopause changes your senses! For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your

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102:51

330: Do A Bump

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/12/12

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127:50

329: Dirty White Gremlin

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/12/05

Celebs will always let you down, don’t claim to be native unless you have proof, the holiday party is almost here and increase pay for all teachers! Cats speak English, Pat the barber, above average social skills and let’s be ants. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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87:04

328: The San Francisco Treat

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/11/28

The holidays are here, eat some weevils, we love a mullet and Zach had a nice breakfast. Crystal had an oops, there’s something strange in the neighborhood, don’t flush honeydew and no more Campbell’s soup!For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your

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113:14

327: AC Transit Belt

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/11/20

Get your Holiday Hangout tickets, old episodes are crazy, Crystal loves dirty bears and grief is weird. Growing up without parents is hard, don’t gamble with Pat, some kids need hit and shoplifting class. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your

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132:24

326: Christmas Committee

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/11/15

Earthquake! Happy Birthday Carolyn, we had a garage sale and no more pennies. Teeth are a luxury, Christmas is cancelled, churches aren’t walking the walk and art theft is so lazy. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories:

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85:05

325: Wiener War

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/11/07

Happy Birthday Will! Crystal is in disguise, daylight savings is whooping us and poor people can scam. We’re only good at war, push kids to learn phonics, Aileen didn’t get a fair trial and Crystal snuck off to the movies. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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139:24

324: Grandpa Stew

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/11/01

Marysville is different, we’ve been mispronouncing words, turn off automatic braking and we want women drivers. Pat made a calm down corner, ghosts are attention seeking, don’t shop this holiday season and what did YOU take for show and tell? For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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124:45

323: I Don't Got The Spirit

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/10/24

The universe said Pat’s been too happy, people have been mean to Crystal, Blueface is possibly Pat’s soulmate and Peez dances to her own drum. Don’t knock b*tches at the gym, get your merch while you can, protect your neighbors and you can’t pray away mental illness. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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104:28

322: Those Are Garfield's Words

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/10/15

Happy 7 years, Columbus Day my *ss, sunglasses at the gym and no more jean jackets? White dog poop, nostalgic snacks, some new bills and separate beds. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com

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128:15

321: He Had Pony Tails

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/10/10

Teach your kids to keep their hands to themselves, Crystal had an awkward encounter, Peez taught herself piano and Happy Birthday Kandi! We miss churro cheesecake, don’t scam people with photoshop, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and we’re making ourselves impatient. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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120:56

320: In Women's Business

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/10/02

Don’t copy Peez’ mom, Crystal misses Jnco’s, the daytime isn’t so bad and today is Orange Shirt Day. Spumoni is a top tier dessert, let people wear what they want, sometimes you have to tattoo your face and some celebrities don’t deserve anyone’s attention. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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126:59

319: More Nightmares

Hello Dysfunction ·

2025/09/27

Earthquakes and indecisive weather, dreaming of scams, Bay Area crime cases and some good Facebook drama. An interesting theory on soulmates, Peez is a baker, did Crystal have an animal returned, and the rapture was rescheduled. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction

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