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PODCAST

Black and White and Gold

Carly and Rob Allred

Deep conversations are a whole love language, and we"re going there! Talking about many different topics, from the mundane to the taboo--we"ll make it complicated, we"ll hopefully create a little empathy and decrease judgment of others along the way. blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

75:08

Episode 67 - BONUS Episode with Sara Johnson

Black and White and Gold ·

2026/04/09

Have you met my friend Sara? She’s a gem, and has a lot of wisdom and experience to share. Find her at Sara Johnson and on Instagram.This bonus episode was just what I needed, even though it had me sobbing for a good portion of it—both whilst recording and whilst editing. Love you all. Thanks for being here.Find us on Instagram:@blackandwhiteandgold @greatsexforgoodguys @wildravenbreathwork Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

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55:35

Episode 66 - Shadows to Habits to Identity -...

Black and White and Gold ·

2026/04/02

There are parts of our identity that we like, and some that we don’t like, and some of both are habits we’ve created that are sneakily keeping us from growth.Let’s talk about it.The shadow work journal Rob uses: click hereShadow Questions asked at the end of the episode:What are some of the unconscious contracts that you’ve been living by? And who wrote them? What were the terms? Did you ever actually agree to them, or did you just assume them? Find some unconscious contracts in your life, whether

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54:28

Episode 65 - When Two Wounded Inner-Children Get Married

Black and White and Gold ·

2026/03/26

Join us as we talk through how to help you work on your relationship as a separate entity. Because partnership looks a lot like two people choosing to do life together, but then our inner child runs the show when the stakes are high. How to we move through that? Let’s figure it out together.Questions we ask toward the end of the episode. We recommend at a minimum journaling on these questions and talking with your partner about them. Consider doing this with takeout, on a date in a place you

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46:27

Episode 64 - Who's Kid Is This? Reparenting Your...

Black and White and Gold ·

2026/03/19

We all have a wounded inner-child somewhere, and we find them by noticing our triggers—the things that make us so fired up—specifically when our emotional response feels a little bit over-the-top. Today, we chat about what that means for us—and how we can use it to grow the eff up instead of just stewing and re-creating toxic habits. Because you’re better that that. Inner-Child Hypnotherapy/Meditation - Use code “BWG” for 75% offwildRAVEN Somatic Breathwork - Use code “BWG” for 75% offFind us on

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51:01

Episode 63 - Attachment Styles and Partnering

Black and White and Gold ·

2026/03/12

When your connection to your partner feels threatened, what does it feel like in your body? What kind of messages do you tell yourself when that connection feels threatened? Is that story actually true?What are you willing to do in order to work through any of those struggles to maintain a healthy connection with your partner?When we (Carly and Rob) started to recognize the way that our patterns were messaging to each other, versus what we were actually trying to communicate to each other, were very

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44:21

Episode 62 - When we just *react,* and how to work...

Black and White and Gold ·

2026/03/05

Setting the stage a bit to help us understand some basic needs we have and how our minds can process info and experiences. When we understand what is happening with a more expanded view, we can see things that help ground us and get us through complex issues. In this conversation, we overlay Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs with Carl Jung’s Ego/Shadow/Self to untangle some of the ways we just respond based on an unmet need, because that’s what humans normally do. When we have a different vantage point

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23:48

Season 4 - Episode 61 - Personal Growth First, Please.

Black and White and Gold ·

2026/02/28

Season 4 is here to build something better. Personal relationship with yourself first, THEN intimate relationship with others. Let’s do this together!Instagram: Black and White and Gold @wildravenbreathwork @greatsexforgoodguys This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Thanks for reading! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at

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12:35

Episode 60 - Season 3 Wrap-Up

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/12/04

A bit of a wrap-up to tie the loose ends as much as we can in this insanely robust topic. Stick around for Season 4 after the new year, and have the best holiday season you’re able! We’ll be around on the interwebs here on Substack, as well as on Instagram. Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

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55:56

Episode 59 - What Mean Girls Teaches Us About...

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/11/21

We hear about the “toxic masculine” all the time, and directly attribute the Alpha Bro poison to patriarchal society, but we don’t often talk about the toxic feminine unless we’re just flat out making fun of women…which continues to engrain the problem.In the world of cinema, few films resonate as profoundly as Mean Girls, a comedic exploration of the complexities of high school life and the sneaky dynamics of underdeveloped female relationships. In this blog post, we dissect the feminist themes

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48:43

Episode 58 - De-Centering Men is the Only Way to...

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/11/13

SummaryIn this episode, we explore the themes of patriarchy and feminism, discussing the need for egalitarianism in society. We discuss practical ways to decenter male perspectives in relationships in order to create space for equality. Come join us on Instagram: @blackandwhiteandgold Get full access to Black and White and Gold at blackandwhiteandgold.substack.com/subscribe

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28:10

Episode 57 - Intersectional Feminism For Dummies

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/11/06

Feminism is so broad, sometimes we caricature the whole movement and then steer clear. This episode is intended to continue our conversation the last two weeks about what feminism is and how it presents and impacts the world.Today, we dive into understanding how different types of feminism, as well as different manifestations of oppression affect people in ways that can’t easily be addressed from one angle. Did you learn something? Let’s chat about it!Join us on Instagram: Black and White and Gold

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51:11

Episode 56 - Feminists Are All the Same (Not)

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/10/30

This conversation delves into the multifaceted nature of feminism, exploring its various waves and types, including liberal, radical, socialist, and cultural feminism. The hosts discuss the historical context, key figures, and the importance of intersectionality in understanding women's rights and gender equality. They emphasize that feminism is not a singular movement but a complex interplay of ideas and experiences that seek to address the oppression of women in different societal contexts.Join us

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38:47

Episode 55 - The Worst "F" Word

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/10/23

I grew up knowing that there was little to nothing I could do that would be worse than being a “Feminist.”But once I learned more about what that word meant, and how much I was benefitting in my life from all my feminist foremothers, it was obviously a place I needed to be.The more I learn about history, the more I understand the way that opposing forces are what shapes society, and an individual's environment in that society plays a major role in how they understand the forces outside their

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46:37

But What About Matriarchies?

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/10/16

Some people will look at all of this (gestures to the whole world) and say, “Gee…looks like patriarchy is everywhere, that must mean God meant it to be that way.”But friends, we’re a little smarter than that by now, yes? Let’s look closer at some other options, today, particularly talking about matriarchies. What are they? Where are they? When are they? Get the point? Let’s discuss and see how and when the “opposite” of patriarchy exists and existed in the world and see what we can find. Find us on

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66:10

Episode 53 - Patriarchy and Purity Culture - with The...

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/10/09

Though what we call “Purity Culture” has tentacles in many generations, it seems to have a significantly deep effect on younger the Gen-X and Millennial generations. Purity Rings and pledges, Daddy-Daughter balls, girls being taught by church leaders that they were “walking pornography,” and thousands of other examples of teachings ingrained into the minds of children and youth have an effect…and if you’re taking mental health into consideration, the fruits are not great. In this episode we talk

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29:40

Episode 52 - Healing the Split, Part 2 of 2

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/10/02

We don’t want to talk about such a painful topic without offering help to heal. This episode is all about that. We also mention stickers. You can shop stickers (and all sorts of other things!) on Carly’s website. Shadow questions for healing:What parts of yourself have you been told are too much?What parts of yourself have you been told are not enough? Where have you silenced your voice because you were afraid of being shamed or judged? What parts of yourself have you kept hidden to stay safe or be

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47:53

Episode 51 - Patriarchy Splits Us From Ourselves,...

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/09/25

This conversation is split in two parts. The first discusses how one of the greatest harms of patriarchy is that it forces us to split from our own selves. The second, how we can work to repair that split to heal. Join us next week for the second piece!Be warned, we don’t mince words: this is a harmful system that benefits many of us on some level, but does more harm in the process. We discuss the silencing of voices, the internalization of patriarchal norms, and the importance of reclaiming one’s

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63:03

Episode 50 - Nice Guys Finish Last - with Steve Thatcher

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/09/18

This conversation was so fun to have two self-proclaimed “nice guys” talking about how living up to the standard set in a patriarchal society has both helped them and hurt them. Steve has even transitioned into the life coaching space, primarily helping men from a similar background and mindset to navigate their relationships. Steve's Website: stevethatchercoaching.comThis Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full

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56:15

Episode 49 - Double Standards

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/09/11

Ah, the double-standard. The way the double-standards play out in a patriarchy are part of the reason we still uphold it. Because…let’s be honest…everyone benefits somehow. I know, I know…that’s not what we want to hear, and maybe there are things I’m missing (spoiler alert: there definitely are), but there are ways people of all genders benefit from a patriarchal system. It just prioritizes men. and further than that, a very particular type of man—what is that type of man, you ask? It depends on

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43:45

Episode 48 - What impact does patriarchy have on the...

Black and White and Gold ·

2025/09/04

EDIT: Rebecca’s new book, Raising Trans Kids: What to Expect When You Weren’t Expecting This is available to purchase. You can also purchase/donate through her website (linked below), with the option of purchasing to donate to a family or community in need. We also recommend you ask your local library to purchase a copy for community use (I did this morning, and it took be about 3 minutes to request, and about an hour for them to confirm the purchase is in the works…Mid-Columbia Libraries in

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